ugh. but also- woo!

Ugh- (UH-g) interjection: The sound that describes a feeling of moderate displeasure or irritation. Often accompanied by a facial expression like this:

Things that could cause someone to experience the feeling of ugh:

 Ugh-  When your husband has to work late every single night of the week and still might have to go in on the weekend, too. And he's a banker, so like...banker's hours are what you're used to. AKA you're a pansy and have never experienced a husband working past 5:03 before.

Ugh- When you hear 57 pregnancy announcements in four days. And many of them are from fellow infertiles and that is AWESOME, seriously-- but still, ugh. Still not me. Still gonna be the last childless person on earth. Ugh.

Ugh- When previously quality and enjoyable (or at least tolerable) Facebook friends suddenly get involved with some MLM company and blow up your news feed shilling their wares and services and like just stop already. Ugh is having to decide whether to block them from your newsfeed, because you still want to see their pictures of kids and funny comments about current events and HuffPost recommendations, but you really cannot handle seeing another picture of their product.

Ugh- When you realize your amazing Mexican beach vacation is STILL ANOTHER MONTH AWAY. But you really wish it was like...now.

Ugh- When you somehow manage to brush off the symptoms of patellar tendonitis during stages 1 and 2 and then find yourself in stage 3 and your knee hurts all the time. But since knee doctors can't get you babies, you will refuse to seek and pay for treatment and instead just complain about it until it goes away.

Ugh- When it rains 24/7 for like 2100 days and then it finally stops long enough for you to go outside and peek at your flowers and vegetables but oh my GOSH the mosquitoes are so bad you can't stay out for more than 28 seconds without being eaten alive. And also there are mushrooms (most evil substance on earth ever) growing all over your lawn and flowers. Sick.

Ugh- When you somehow manage to not check Twitter for 2 hours last night and then once you're in bed and take one last glance, discover that you somehow missed the Cultural Event of the Decade-- the premiere of Sharknado on Syfy.

Ugh is annoying, but it's not the end of the world. Luckily it can be balanced out by the feeling of woo!

Woo! (WOO) interjection: A sound that describes a feeling of excitement and approval. Often accompanied by a facial expression like this:

This is kind of a scary woo!, but a woo! all the same.

Things that could cause one to experience the feeling of woo!:

Woo!- When you think about how glad you are that your husband has a job and that his boss needs his help a lot during a difficult transition. And also- overtime pay.

Woo!- When you (a very newbie, novice, clueless user of Adobe design products) design a graphic for an event at work and hear multiple people compliment the graphic and attribute it to the office's graphic designer-- and then you have to interject and inform them that YOU ACTUALLY DID IT and then they are mad impressed and you are ridiculously proud of your silly little graphic. 

Woo!- When several infertile friends find themselves with child- some with medical assistance, some via straight-up miracles, and you are reminded that God has not forgotten us. And you're so thankful for the amazing community of women you've found yourself in.

Woo!- When you wake up with beach-wavey hair two days in a row.

Woo!- When the 2100 days of rain give you such an abundance of tomatoes that you can take some to work to share with friends.

Woo!- When you get an email from Starbucks thanking you for being a member of 'My Starbucks Rewards' and offering you a reward of a FREE ANYTHING IN THE STORE THAT YOU WANT (food or drink)!!!! Any size! Any number of add-ins! FREE FREE FREE! And then you spend three days figuring out what would be the most expensive combination of things on earth and plan to go get it for your Friday afternoon coffee break. FOR FREE!

Woo!- When it's Friday at long sweet last and even though the weekend may be interrupted by the husband working and rain, it's still gonna be weekend. There will be yummy food, tasty veggies from the garden, time with friends, and hopefully a couple solid hours of tennis.

Woo!- When you can convince your husband to join you for your lame selfie photo session in the car on the way to work. At a red light, of course. 

the Erika Method for choosing sports

Thanks for your excitement and support yesterday, yall. That means so much to me and each of your words of encouragement and hope made me feel all warm and fuzzy, so thank you!!

And now back to your regularly scheduled nonsense.

As I was mentally preparing my outfit for tennis lessons on Tuesday night, it suddenly occurred to me that since I have demonstrated such commitment to and excitement about my new sport (played twice), I should reward myself with a cute tennis skirt...because if you're going to play a sport, it's important to dress the part, right?

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 I mean, surely there's a reason women wear skirts to play tennis in other than the fact that they're cute, right? So I didn't want to miss out on whatever that reason is, so clearly I needed to go shopping.

So I did, and although I technically bought a running skirt (who knew?! Now running can be cute, too!), I definitely felt like a more legit tennis player during lessons that night. Some people say that like 80% of the game is mental (okay, I made up the statistic AND have no idea whether that saying applies to tennis, actually, but I'm pretty sure I heard something like that applied to SOME sport, so whatever)...I would like to say that 80% of the game is dressing the right way.

And then I realized that apparently I feel this way about every sport or athletic endeavor I attempt. I think I have an issue with workout clothes.

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

My workout wardrobe is seriously way better than my 'real' wardrobe. I need to get a job in a gym so that I can have more opportunities to be cute (without feeling obligated to sweat or get stinky). But I've noticed that over the past year or two, almost every new sport or fitness thing I attempt tends to 'require' cute new clothes. Let's review:

1) Zumba. Oh yes. Zumba classes found me rushing out to buy workout leggings (in multiple lengths) and loads of neon tops and sports bras. Oh and two different pairs of neon shoes. Trust me, your ability to dance and burn calories increases proportionate to the number of neon things you are wearing.

source

2) Running. Thankfully, for running I can use most of my Zumba clothes (leggings and tanks being my preferred outfit), but you do need cute running shoes (different from Zumba shoes) and about 10 pairs of Nike Tempo shorts (or knock-offs) to maintain cred on the treadmill. If all of your cute/preferred tops are dirty, it is moderately acceptable to wear an old nasty t-shirt while running. But only if you're outdoors in the country. Not acceptable at the gym.

3) Tennis. I've already discussed this, but it seems that cute and sporty skirts are the way to go here. So far I'm pairing them with my favorite neon tops and shoes, but if I decide I need something preppier, I'm not opposed to going shopping again. Surprisingly. 

I've also taken up some sports with decidedly less cute wardrobe requirements.

1) Biking. I had to buy some of those padded-butt bike shorts. Wow. Trust me, this booty doesn't need padding (except for when riding...it feels like it does), so I apologize to anyone who has to see me in those. I normally just wear them under some Nike Tempos so that the padding part isn't so ugly. Also, bike shorts are banded at the bottom (so that they don't slide up while you ride) and therefore squeeze in on the middle of your thigh, giving you this amazing little Thigh Fat Roll. Trust me. It's awesome. To be honest, as much as I'm enjoying bike riding, I don't know if it's the best way to make yourself look cute. My thighs have GOTTEN BIGGER (I guess it's muscle, but who cares? The net result is that jeans and shorts look LESS CUTE) as I've progressed, and I'm just not a fan of that. So I'm struggling to figure out the redeeming characteristics of biking as exercise. Not the wardrobe. Not the way it makes your thighs look. ......??? anyone?? Oh, also DOGS CHASE YOU, which is not particularly fun. That never happens during Zumba.

2) Swimming.

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I have almost this exact suit. Trust me, it does not look like this on me. Nor does swimming make me look like this. Possibly because I only do it for about 10 minutes every other week? Who knows. I can't stay committed to a sport that requires me to look so extremely un-cute while participating.

Alright, so those are the current sports I participate in (to some extent). Clearly, the cuter the clothes, the more I like the sport. Therefore I would like to take a minute to examine some sports I don't participate in and evaluate the likelihood that I might take them up in the future (when the Clothing Budget gets filled again, perhaps).

1. Golf.

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Skirts! Looks basically like tennis, only a little preppier? Sign me up. Plus you'd get a killer tan. I could definitely do golf.

2. Basketball

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Baggy, shapeless, long shorts and wide-strapped tank tops? NO THANK YOU. I will not be taking up basketball anytime in the near future, thanks.

3. Horseback Riding

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Oh Lord, yes. Adorable skinny pants, tall boots, structure jackets? Why did I not take up this sport years ago? And let us be specific: that kind of equestrian wear is appropriate. NOT this...

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Alright. That was loads of fun, but now I need to get to work. In my boring, non-exciting work clothes. Such is life!

in the background

It surprised me a few weeks ago, after I posted my little infertility re-cap for the infertility blog hop thingie, how many of you were surprised to know (or find out) that we are currently pursuing adoption. I guess I thought it was common blog-knowledge, but then I thought about it and realized that if you haven't been around for quite awhile (and/or you haven't gone back and obsessively read my entire archives...ummm...and what kind of blog stalker does that make you??! Embarrassing...)...then I guess it makes sense. Despite having my little 'adoption' category (with a measly 12 posts lumped in it, most of them really having nothing to do with us personally), it's not something I've really discussed here much since January of 2012, when I published my three-part treatise (seriously, not an exaggeration) about the topic (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3). 

So I figured a little 'what's up with the adoption thing?' recap might be in order.

We are pursuing and hoping for a private/independent adoption. That means we're not using an agency, which is why everything about our situation is low-key. There aren't loads of paperwork, meetings with social workers, or hoops to jump through. We haven't paid anyone anything (except a few lawyers for a few consultations). We are hoping to use our personal connections (and/or a miracle) in order to find the situation that will eventually lead to the baby that will become our own. If that sounds overly simplistic...well, I did simplify a lot. But it is pretty low-key at this point. Once we have met the birthmother that wants to place her baby with us, then things will follow the more typical lawyers-paperwork-hoop-jumping-money-spending trajectory you probably associate with adoption. But until that day comes, we're doing the legwork on our own.

So how's that going for ya? you may be wondering. Because surely there's a reason people tend to use agencies and systems and big complicated legal machines for the process, right? If it were really this easy, wouldn't everyone be going this route? (Sorry, can't really answer the second two questions there. I just wanted to throw them out there and leave you hanging.)

It's going very well.

Obviously we don't have a baby in our house (YET!), so we can't say it's a huge sparkly ball of success. But all in all, the last 18 months or so that we've been actively pursuing adoption have led us feeling very encouraged. (Please contrast that with the last 18 months (or 4.5 years) of pursuing pregnancy, which have left us feeling NOT ENCOURAGED...luckily these two just about balance out to leave us feeling excitedly neutral.)

We have had five legitimate opportunities arise since March of 2012. Five times we've been contacted about a situation (ranging from women still pregnant to babies up to about 3 months old looking for placement) that could result in adoption. Only one of those situations has come through Dr. X...the rest from a variety of friends/family members/blog readers/strangers who heard about us. You might call it weird. I call it thank God that He hasn't forgotten us. I don't care who thinks of us, dreams about us, or heard from their grandma's friend's hairdresser's cousin that we are interested in adoption. As long as they hear and can get in touch with me...I'm happy. 

Happy, even though none of these promising situations have resulted in us becoming parents? Yes. Happy still. Happy because for us, so far, the system is working. We've gotten more calls about more babies than a lot of people I know who have lingered on adoption agency waiting lists for years and years. Even though none of our situations have panned out yet (although two of them are still possibilities, I suppose...or at least we do not know for sure that they are NO yet), we just feel excited and encouraged that one of these days, one of these random phone calls just may pan out with us becoming parents at the end.

So why haven't any of them worked so far? In most cases, we never really know. Because there are usually so many degrees of separation between us and whoever has the baby, we honestly just normally stop hearing things and...that's that. Our typical situation has been something along the lines of I will get a call from an acquaintance, who heard from her mom (who knows about us) that her mom's friend's niece is pregnant or has a baby that she is no longer able to care for and might we be interested in adopting him (I say him because ALL OF THEM have been boys thus far)? We say YES! Please give her our info (we have an adoption webpage--NOT this blog)! And so then my friend has to call her mom who has to call her friend who has to call her niece...and sometimes that's as far as it goes. We get excited for a few days, and then when we don't hear anything...well, it's really hard to get more information. It's not like I can just call up the birthmom. And I hate bugging people. So oftentimes the trail just goes cold. I can only imagine that there are multiple "us"es (prospective adoptive families) that have also gotten this call, and maybe one of them was chosen? Or maybe the birthmother chose to parent the baby after all. Or maybe a grandmother decided to parent. I have no idea. BUT-- I think it's because many of the situations are so far removed like that...it's not all that emotionally sad. We don't get our hopes up too high unless we start hearing back feedback or questions from the potential birthfamily (which has happened). These are by no stretch of the imagination 'failed adoptions' or anything that horrible...these were just leads that the trail went cold on, and that's okay. Only once did we actually travel to another city to potentially meet the mother and baby in the hospital and then find out upon arrival that a family member had decided to parent. That made me cry, but still. We'd only KNOWN about the situation for like 18 hours...it wasn't like a 'match' I'd been preparing and getting excited for for 7 months or something. We never saw or held the baby. And so...it was okay.

So we've had five of these things (and another 3 prior to December of 2012, when we weren't even sure we actually wanted to pursue adoption!!...but these situations still found their ways to us)...and with 3 of them all occurring within the last 4 months, it is safe to say that I feel more excited and expectant than ever. God knows we want a baby. And now, somehow, through word of mouth, the hardcore networking of my mom, and this very blog...other people know, too. And they call, or email, and they think of us when they hear about a baby that needs a family. And one of these days, it's going to work. One of those calls will result in another call...the one that says "we want to meet you." And then one of these days, one of those meetings will result in me having to call my wonderful lawyer and tell her that it's time. We need to start the paperwork.   

I know...you thought I shared everything on the blog. Who knew I had this whole secret life going on in the background?!! It's not really that it's a secret, it's just that I actually am rather private, and I think that part of the reason these five no-dice situations have been so easy emotionally is because so few people know when they're happening. The less people that know, the less people that inquire (no doubt with the best of intentions, don't get me wrong) about 'how's that situation going?' and the less times I have to recount that it didn't work out, or we haven't heard anything. And that means that I can keep my emotions under control. Which is nice. And even more, I have to remember that these 'situations' are not mine. Not yet. These are real women and men with real babies, and their stories are not mine to spread willy-nilly. And so I desperately hope that one day, one of these babies will become mine and join my story and then I can overshare to my heart's content...but until then, I will respect other people's right to privacy, I suppose. 

So there you have it. Another super long treatise. :) I guess there's just no short answer for 'how is your adoption process going?'...if we were using an agency, I might be able to give some sort of answer about where we were in the process ('waiting on our background checks!' or 'waiting for a dossier!' or 'waiting to be matched!'), but there's no clear-cut process or procedure for what we're doing, so All The Words is what you get instead. If you're still reading, thanks for being a trooper. If you're into praying, you can feel free to request from God that our most recent situation would pan out. ;) If you happen to know someone looking for the best family ever to adopt their baby, you should definitely contact me. And if you wish I would stop blabbing and get back to talking about important things like workout fashion, then just hold tight til tomorrow.

the time i got mistaken for a really hot celebrity

Yesterday morning I got the most delightful email from Matt.

Oh I'm sorry, did you catch that??

We will forgive the egregious butchering of the spelling of Zooey's name and focus on the positive here, people.

SOME RANDOM PERSON THOUGHT I WAS ZOOEY DESCHANEL! Was that not basically my life goal the point of this haircut?

Because you care, here's the picture that the wonderfully discerning gentleman saw on Matt's phone screen.

I think I'm going to send a pie for him or something. People of such obvious intelligence and insight should be rewarded for their wisdom, right?

A side-by-side of me and my doppleganger:

source of Zooey picture

If you happened to see me with a stupid smile on my face yesterday, now you know why. A heap of blessings upon the head of Matt's brilliant coworker...and Matt for having the good sense to notify me immediately. Obviously he knows what puts me in a happy mood. ;)

I tried to think of something witty or self-deprecating to finish off and tone down this otherwise horribly vain post, but other than the topic at hand, the only thing I can think about is how I have two huge ant bites on my left big toe and they itch really bad. So since no one wants to hear about that, I'm gonna bid you adieu and hope that something this happy happens to YOU today. 

Anyone have any good 'I got mistaken for this really hot celebrity' (ohhhh OR a really NOT hot or notorious or something?) stories? Feel free to make one up if you don't! No shame in that game.