Wednesday, October 16, 2013

let's give 'em something to talk about

Lest you think we've forgotten our soon-to-be-dethroned first child in all the excitement of an impending HUMAN BABY, I'm here to report that she is still currently receiving plenty of attention. For now. I understand that that will probably change once the aforementioned human is on the premises. But these days Lola is still blissfully unaware of the doom that awaits her, and she soaks up our attention and love the same as she always has. 

Well, maybe not exactly the same.

You see, Matt and I have decided that some of Lola's more endearing (haha) qualities may not actually be so quirky and adorable once there's a baby around. So we've decided to take a proactive approach to our dog-parenting and are going ahead and doing our best to prep her for the life that's in store for her next month. While we feel that the science behind our prepping and our execution of it is spot-on, I'm going to have to admit: we look like total lunatics. But at least we can laugh at ourselves.

So the first Get Lola Ready for Baby thing we did was introduce her to the idea of a small, noisy, strange-smelling thing that gets all of our attention and causes us to talk in the high-pitched voice that was previously reserved for Lola-talk. 

May I introduce you to BooBoo:

BooBoo's been an important part of my life since my own infancy, or so my parents tell me. Although we haven't been as close in recent years as we used to be, BooBoo's the kind of friend you can just stuff in a box in your guest room closet for a few years and then pull him out and catch up like nothing ever happened. He's such a great guy bear that even after all that, he's willing to help me train my fur-child. I highly recommend finding a friend like BooBoo.

So anyway. In order to get Lola used to a baby, we created something baby-like and then pretty much just used our imaginations and acting skills to close the deal. We should get an Oscar. I have some baby blankets on loan from my friend Mollyanne, and they even smell like baby-- all the better to prep with. So we wrapped BooBoo up (note: learn to swaddle for real). Unfortunately, BooBoo is a bear of few words. Fortunately, YouTube is full of crying baby videos. So we cued up a crying baby video on my phone, hit play, and tucked the phone into the blanket with BooBoo. 

Bam. INSTANT BABY.


 Lola was immediately interested in this tiny, strangely-scented bundle of screams I was giving all of my attention to. Naturally, her inclination was to jump up and claw/lick the strange thing in an attempt to figure out what it was. This is why it was great that it was just ol' BooBoo and not, say, an actual baby. Babies vs. 50 lb labs...I just don't wanna see how that one ends. So Matt and I take turns carrying our crying bear around, talking and cooing to it in high pitched voices, and ignoring Lola unless and until she politely sits down.   

 
 She's not getting an A+ just yet, but I'd say she's moved from her beginning score of F up to a solid C, so we'll call it progress. We also just randomly turn on the crying baby videos on the computer really loud and let them play for 10 minutes. She runs around the house frantically at first, but then I guess she figures out that tuning it out is her best bet, and she goes back to hide in our closet (her favorite spot). Smart girl.

So cuddling the crying bear was pretty hilarious, but at least no one except us had to witness it. Well, and now all of you. But we're all friends here. And you probably already suspected I was a little bit...off.

But people who don't really know us probably think we're normal. Like, let's say...our neighbors. For the most part, we're pretty great neighbors. We keep our grass cut. We have pretty gardens. We pick up our dog's poo. So if you only know us by sight, you probably think we're average to normal.

Not anymore. Last night we cut loose and let our crazy flag fly.

High.


Why yes, that would be Matt, Lola, and I (not pictured) taking a lovely evening walk. With our stroller. Our baby-less stroller.

You see, Lola happens to be a teeeeensy bit (and by teensy bit, I mean WHOLE HECKUVA LOT) scared of things with wheels. Skateboards. Bikes. Roller blades. Strollers. If we are out walking and ANY of those things dare cross our path (or within 100 yards of us), she loses her mind. She rips our arms out of joint as we attempt to keep her on-leash and not-murdering-people. It's awful and embarrassing. Of course, maybe she just wants to sniff them. Or lick. But we'll never know, because with the way she acts/sounds...it's just plain scary. So anyways. Obviously that's not gonna cut it when we have a baby we want to walk in our stroller. And this stroller is freaking amazing, so that's gonna be often. And so Lola either needs to learn to walk next to a stroller, or she'll be doing some sad singin' as she watches us walk away without her. So that led us to last night: no time like the present to start walking next to strollers, right?? RIGHT!

We did debate for a few minutes: is it weirder to walk an empty stroller, or a stroller with a bear wrapped up in a blanket? Tough call, but we opted to let BooBoo sit this one out. 

You know that scene in Gone With the Wind where Scarlett goes in to Ashley's birthday party and everyone's staring at her and judging her (she was just caught in an embrace with Ashley, for goodness sakes!) and she so bravely holds her head up high and walks through all of them? It kind of felt like that. Only people weren't judging my marital fidelity, they were judging my sanity. And I looked like I was losing. But we held our heads up high and bravely marched on, completing our no-baby-in-the-stroller, wacky-dog lap around the neighborhood. I could feel the stares through the windows. 

But you know what? Who cares. About halfway through, Lola worked out a truce with the stroller and managed to walk like a normal dog, so we're calling it a win.

I'm pretty sure this dog-training stuff is going to require a lot of diligence and commitment because she seems to forget her lessons about 10 seconds after we finish them, but it's a pretty fun way to pass the time. And even if she never learns to act right...well, at least we had fun trying.  

 

23 comments:

  1. Hey, props to you for doing this stuff, because our big dog is still TERRIBLE on walks so even though I take Davis out in the stroller several times a week, he never gets to go! Hope Lola doesn't have the same fate. I also hope Lola doesn't react like our other dog after baby arrives by doing things like peeing on the couch, eating the carpet, and feasting on pacifiers! Gotta love those "first babies"...

    ReplyDelete
  2. The stroller pic made me snarf my coffee... so Thanks for that. Anyway, we spend a TON of time with parents dog who is Shepard/ Malinois mix and she is AMAZING with my girls.
    My dad took receiving blankets from the hospital that the baby had been swaddled in and put them in Uma's (the dog) crate and bed so she would get used to the smell.
    Uma does whine and pace when the girls are really crying because we are pretty sure she thinks they are puppies and she wants to take care of them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is hilarious! I do think the nighttime walk probably meant that hardly anyone noticed you and your empty stroller, so that's a plus. And you should totally practice swaddling the bear with the good swaddle blankets (with the Velcro). I would be happy to provide a tutorial if you'd like - with BooBoo or with Emery. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think this is amazing and hilarious, but also needed. Props to you for not caring what anyone else thinks with a baby-less stroller ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. How funny! Wonder where Lola gets her crazy from?! Ellison is going to be as crazy as the three of you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. At least you aren't pushing your dog in a stroller. I think those people are completely cray-cray. Dogs need to walk, why would you walk and then push your dog? Makes no sense to me.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love it!! I think it shows so much faith that you are getting ready for your sweet baby <3

    ReplyDelete
  8. You are the funnest person I know! This is hilarious. Poor Lola, doesn't know what's coming. I love that she hides in the closet. That is Roxy's favorite spot too!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh my gosh, my lab Ace is terrified of things with wheels, too. It's so weird because he is overly confident in every other area and he's never had a reason to be scared of things with wheels. But Ace just crouches down and refuses to move until the wheeled thing is gone. Dogs are weird.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Major props to you for even thinking of all of these things to do to prepare her!! It sounds like in the end it will all be ok because she has super parents preparing her :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is awesome! Since I, too, have a super large black lab who'll need future pre-baby training, I have got to "pin" this post!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haha you gotta do what you gotta do! I hope Lola lessons keep getting better and when the human baby comes she'll be getting A's!! Peter's sister pets and touches her dog's food when she feeds her in hopes that she'll be okay when a baby does it. Last night zoey growled at her soo hopefully she'll learn quickly haha.

    ReplyDelete
  13. HA! You totally crack me up. Although, I think it's a brilliant plan and will be very effective. Guess the joke's on me! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is hilarious! Did you guys come up with these ideas on your own? If so you might need to write a hilarious self help book about getting dogs ready for babies!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Okay, so you should put Lola IN the stroller. That's what they do in Austria. Sometimes it felt like were the only people pushing around a baby stroller with a baby in it. Everyone else had a baby stroller with a dog in it. Super weird.

    And way to go on all the Lola-prep. It's probably also good for you guys to get used to a baby crying for 10 minutes for no good reason. For some reason they sometimes do that...

    ReplyDelete
  16. ps. If ever there was a blog post which would be well enhanced with a vlog, this one would be it! :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. What a brilliant idea! I think this is a great way to prepare Lola for her new role as big sis! Our dog could not have been less interested about the baby when we brought him home, and the cat was also equally indifferent, but I think this really is a good idea for anyone whose pets aren't quite so useless. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Seriously, this is hilarious/brilliant. If the time ever comes that we need our 80lb Weim to learn some baby manners, I may have to borrow BooBoo. Though I will have to change his name... Sterling might get confused with our BooBoo, the cat. Sterling is TERRIFIED of bicycles, but I never thought of strollers before. I bet it would be intense. But who am I kidding? Sterling will get left behind all the time!

    ReplyDelete
  19. So funny and cute - Lola will be a great big sis! We read a good book called "childproofing your dog". It was a bit common sense, but did have some good thoughts and ideas! I recommend!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ha ha ha!!! This is hilarious, but such good ideas!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I think Boo Boo would have wanted the fresh air :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. This is amazing. We actually didn't do anything to prepare Noah and Buster, so props to you!

    Also, you should have a friend's baby come over and spit up on your floor to see if Lola will lick it up like ours do...

    ReplyDelete
  23. This is hilarious. And smart. I love it!! :)

    ReplyDelete

I love comments almost as much as I love Mexican food. Seriously.