weekend, and a closet full of emotions.

We had a wonderful, relaxing weekend visiting my parents. Millie enjoyed being fussed over even more than usual, and I enjoyed being the proud mama of the one being fussed over. We kicked off Saturday morning with a dip in the hot tub. I really think I need to get one of these for our house. But it’s probably not as much fun if you’re the one paying for the water and electricity, so then again, maybe not.

I'M SWIMMING WITH MY MOMMY AND DADDY!!!

We spent the day lounging, watching football, eating, and shopping. While Millie napped, my mom and I hit up my favorite kids’ consignment store and completed (hopefully!) Millie’s fall/winter wardrobe shopping! It was the MOST fun…I’m really not sad at all that we have no more hand-me-downs. Shopping for my girl is way too much fun. Plus I get to keep them. And not feel guilty if she ruins something. All bonuses. In addition to her regular clothes, we also found this year’s (drumroll, please!) Halloween costume!!!!! Which will remain a carefully guarded secret until the time is nigh, so…sorry. Just know that Matt and I are super excited, it is part of a family ‘theme,’ and it is very us.

We spent the rest of our time enjoying the back porch, otherwise known as Millie’s personal amusement park.

Oh hey girl. Just swinging in the almost-buff...toldja my fall wardrobe was slim.

Cindermillie, Cindermillie, night and day it's Cindermillie

Her cousin Carley came over and the girls had fun playing with (or near, as the case may be) each other. And I enjoyed hanging out with my sister-in-law and mom and watching the girls play. I still get all warm and tingly every time I watch one of my long-awaited dreams come true, even when it’s for the tenth time…she’s played with her cousins many times by now, but it’s special every time. Naturally, I have no pictures to illustrate this fuzzy moment.

I'ma pretend I'm at the beach, okay Mommy?

HEY MAN, GET OUTTA MY WAY!!

We came home last night and I immediately embarked on the task of sorting through Millie’s closet and dresser and pulling out all of the out-of-season/too small clothes. It was unexpectedly emotionally challenging. The more recently-outgrown stuff wasn’t so bad, but I still had all of her coats and jackets from last winter hanging up (so they were like 0-3 and 3-6 month stuff)…and they were all just SO tiny and it kind of took my breath away. Most of her stuff was hand-me-downs and I have bins full to return to the kind friends that lent them to us, but the stuff that is mine…I don’t know what to do with it. I save it all (or most of it- I’m donating the stuff I never really liked in the first place, ha), but I don’t know why. Will I need it again? Will I just lend it to the next friend who has a girl? Should I sell it? The odds of ever having another baby (let alone a girl born with the same size/season matching as Millie) seem so slim that I feel silly packing it all up and carefully labeling the boxes…but I just can’t bear to get rid of it. It’s weird. I didn’t expect that to be so hard.

But once I had all the tiny, adorable things put away, I got to focus on the new stuff: the huge (okay, 18-month), still-adorable fall wardrobe! And it’s pretty awesome. Millie was a super cute and fun baby, but I’ve gotta admit- she’s infinitely more fun now. It’s true. And her eyelashes are even longer and more dramatic. And she has a PONYTAIL. And like…personality. And so packing up the old stuff is sad, but pulling out the new stuff…I mean, it means that my daughter is growing. She’s healthy and growing and a year older, and isn’t that what every parent hopes for? And isn’t that what I spent so many years hoping for? It is. I am so incredibly fortunate.

So I packed away her baby-est clothes and tried to squash down the sadness and uncertainty about what the fate of those clothes will be, and now I’ll focus back on what’s here before me: my perfect, beautiful daughter. Whatever else the future may hold, we will hold her. It’s all that really matters.