Monday, September 21, 2015

weekend, and a closet full of emotions.

We had a wonderful, relaxing weekend visiting my parents. Millie enjoyed being fussed over even more than usual, and I enjoyed being the proud mama of the one being fussed over. We kicked off Saturday morning with a dip in the hot tub. I really think I need to get one of these for our house. But it’s probably not as much fun if you’re the one paying for the water and electricity, so then again, maybe not.

We spent the day lounging, watching football, eating, and shopping. While Millie napped, my mom and I hit up my favorite kids’ consignment store and completed (hopefully!) Millie’s fall/winter wardrobe shopping! It was the MOST fun…I’m really not sad at all that we have no more hand-me-downs. Shopping for my girl is way too much fun. Plus I get to keep them. And not feel guilty if she ruins something. All bonuses. In addition to her regular clothes, we also found this year’s (drumroll, please!) Halloween costume!!!!! Which will remain a carefully guarded secret until the time is nigh, so…sorry. Just know that Matt and I are super excited, it is part of a family ‘theme,’ and it is very us.

We spent the rest of our time enjoying the back porch, otherwise known as Millie’s personal amusement park.

Oh hey girl. Just swinging in the almost-buff...toldja my fall wardrobe was slim.

Cindermillie, Cindermillie, night and day it's Cindermillie
Her cousin Carley came over and the girls had fun playing with (or near, as the case may be) each other. And I enjoyed hanging out with my sister-in-law and mom and watching the girls play. I still get all warm and tingly every time I watch one of my long-awaited dreams come true, even when it’s for the tenth time…she’s played with her cousins many times by now, but it’s special every time. Naturally, I have no pictures to illustrate this fuzzy moment.

I'ma pretend I'm at the beach, okay Mommy?
We came home last night and I immediately embarked on the task of sorting through Millie’s closet and dresser and pulling out all of the out-of-season/too small clothes. It was unexpectedly emotionally challenging. The more recently-outgrown stuff wasn’t so bad, but I still had all of her coats and jackets from last winter hanging up (so they were like 0-3 and 3-6 month stuff)…and they were all just SO tiny and it kind of took my breath away. Most of her stuff was hand-me-downs and I have bins full to return to the kind friends that lent them to us, but the stuff that is mine…I don’t know what to do with it. I save it all (or most of it- I’m donating the stuff I never really liked in the first place, ha), but I don’t know why. Will I need it again? Will I just lend it to the next friend who has a girl? Should I sell it? The odds of ever having another baby (let alone a girl born with the same size/season matching as Millie) seem so slim that I feel silly packing it all up and carefully labeling the boxes…but I just can’t bear to get rid of it. It’s weird. I didn’t expect that to be so hard.

But once I had all the tiny, adorable things put away, I got to focus on the new stuff: the huge (okay, 18-month), still-adorable fall wardrobe! And it’s pretty awesome. Millie was a super cute and fun baby, but I’ve gotta admit- she’s infinitely more fun now. It’s true. And her eyelashes are even longer and more dramatic. And she has a PONYTAIL. And like…personality. And so packing up the old stuff is sad, but pulling out the new stuff…I mean, it means that my daughter is growing. She’s healthy and growing and a year older, and isn’t that what every parent hopes for? And isn’t that what spent so many years hoping for? It is. I am so incredibly fortunate.

So I packed away her baby-est clothes and tried to squash down the sadness and uncertainty about what the fate of those clothes will be, and now I’ll focus back on what’s here before me: my perfect, beautiful daughter. Whatever else the future may hold, we will hold her. It’s all that really matters.


  1. I'm such a planner & dreamer, sometimes I struggle with the uncertainty. Having a daughter makes it a million times easier though. Will you write about your plans for the future?

    I bought Paloma some moccasins today. I was inspired by how cute Millie looks in them...

  2. Ugh, hot tubs, hanging out with family, and shopping? All of that sounds terrible and like I would hate it.

    (Does this adequately match your comment on my post?)

  3. I can relate to this already! Putting away newborn clothes is sad but you're right that having them in the first place plus having the need to get bigger sizes are both signs of a huge blessing! :) Oh and the hot tub picture is too cute.

  4. Oh boy... Clothes. I have (three) boxes of memory clothes that I am saving from the kids. But I saved all of Sam's baby clothes for two years before I got rid of it. I would say give yourself some time. Carefully label it and pack it away. It's okay to keep it still. In another year it might be easier to get rid of more of it, or you may have more direction about what the future holds.

    And yes, as heart wrenching as it is to pack things away (or give them away), it's so amazing to celebrate that our kids are growing!

    1. I saved some memory clothes, too: what they wore when they came home with us, outfits they were baptized in, and a few other things.
      My two sons and nephew wore a lot of the same clothes, and my niece and my daughter are doing the same thing. Then I have no qualms about selling and donating the clothes because they've gotten some great use out of them.

  5. Each stage just gets sweeter and sweeter (and harder in other ways - ha) which for me takes away (some of) the sting of watching them grow up so quickly!

  6. Such a bittersweet (though mostly sweet) post. It's amazing how much emotion is packed into watching our wee ones grow. We consigned a good portion of our baby clothes after each passing season (or size), but I made it a point to keep the stuff I deemed "gender neutral" in the event that there's ever another one. I also made a deal with the hubs that we could each save one thing that held a special memory for us...which quickly turned into about five or ten things. But he didn't judge me for it; I think he secretly felt just as sad as I did packing up our baby's baby clothes. So if your heart needs to save those clothes from last year, don't let your head stop you! I fully support your decision to stash them away! #hoardersunite ;-)

  7. (tears) Pulling out the "doesnt fit clothes" anymore is emotional. I just stare at it a bit before I put it away in a box. BUT i am looking forward to dressing him up in cuter clothing as he gets bigger. So I guess thats the plus side.

  8. Oh my it seems like your sweet girl is changing all of the sudden. In these pics she just looks older, still as cute as ever of course!! You have a precious family :)

  9. I don't think it's that uncommon to not know what to do with clothes. We have boy and girl clothes in so many tubs! We aren't certain what our future is either (I really want another baby, my husband is unsure but thinks if we do decide for another he wants to talk about adoption...) so the tubs stay in the garage! And when your son is 6, that is A LOT of clothes. I probably do need to go through them more to weed out what I didn't like, ha! That'll certainly help. And I agree on the emotions - all we want as parents is for our kids to grow up happy and healthy so it's such a blessing/joy when they do but to know time is passing by and we'll never see them in that adorable outfit again means they are growing closer to adulthood - I get emotional every time it's time to pack away clothes!

  10. My niece turns 1 this weekend and I can't wait to go to Target and get her allll the clothes! It's just way too much fun to pick them out and imagine her in them! I might even get her some sneakers because obviously her first pair of running shoes has to come from me! Plus they're not going to babies forever so we have to get in all this fun shopping stuff while we can right?!!!

  11. If you can find someone that quilts, save the extra special articles of clothing and make it into a quilt. My mom did that for my brother and I. I did the same with my kids, I just need to convince my mom to quilt it.

  12. Not sure you remember me, you gave some great advice after my sister's first failed IVF. She now has a beautiful baby girl. IVF is no longer an option but she still hopes for a miricle baby. She also struggles with getting rid of the baby clothes. I said keep them if it lessens the pain a little of the small chance of another baby.

  13. Umm, that last picture...most favorite EVER. Which is weird. You're all half dressed, but you all look like you might be the happiest people on the planet. LOVE!

  14. Our tubs are tucked away into the corner of our attic, along with the crib that I sobbed over as I disassembled it last year. They stay tucked up there because I can't quite figure out what to do with them. My heart says we're not done, and Josh's says we are. It's funny, because I don't hold nearly the attachment to the clothes the girls have grown out of in the past year or so. But those itty bitty things I can't believe were ever too big for them....sigh. (Except baby socks, which were the bane of my existence...)

    I think the transition from baby to toddler to little girl are the hardest (speaking from my broad experience--haha). Elaina's almost six, and last night she ran around the house sooo excited because her loose tooth is really wiggly now. I kept waiting for that hint of sadness to creep in that she's getting older, and it never came. Then again, I cried the night before she started kindergarten, so I could be completely full of it, too ;)

  15. Oh, I have not been able to get rid of B's baby clothes. I would have so many more babies if I thought we actually could... I figure if we have the space, there is no harm in holding onto a few things for sentimental reasons. Right?

  16. She is always well dressed! I cried when I was having a boy, after two girls, and had to pack away all the infant outfits I'd loved. Something makes me think--one way or another--you'll be enjoying these again someday ;-)

    Heather @ Last Day Ago


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