the mexican awards ceremony

Sad but true- Vacation 2013 is over. Waaaahhhhhh!!!!! On a happier note, we made it home safely to a clean house and happy dog, so that definitely eased the pain. Oh, but you know what didn't ease the pain of returning? All this FALSE ADVERTISING ABOUT FALL that was rampant on social media the last few days. I mean, I was in Mexico, people, not outer space. Obviously I spent some (brief!) periods of time keeping myself up-to-date on all the important things happening on Twitter, FB, blogs, and the like. And what appeared to be happening was FALL. 'Oh, it's FALLL!!!!!' everyone said, as they talked about scarves and pumpkin flavored everything and Harvest candles. Yay for fall!! And I noticed that the month changed and it became September, and so I put two and two together, and so I dunno...I was rather expecting to step off the plane in Atlanta to some brisk mid-60s weather...some color-changing, falling leaves...our neighbors jumping in leaf piles and making bonfires. I dunno. Anything other than what actually happened, which was stepping out into air that is hotter and more humid than it was in Mexico, minus the breeze off the ocean, plus air pollution, minus fruity drinks, plus traffic. So thanks a lot for NOTHING, liars of social media + Georgia weather!

Anyway. Sorry for the anger. You know how it is, coming off a vacation high. You get a little emotionally unbalanced. Or maybe that's just me all the time. Who knows.

Instead of a full-out vacation recap, I decided to host my own little Vacation Awards Ceremony instead. This is kind of like a cross between the Oscars and high school yearbook superlatives. Or something. So get ready to meet the winners (and losers) of Matt y Erika's Mexican Extravaganza 2013!

Best Supporting Technology:

THE KINDLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that my next full-length limerick is going to be in honor of the Kindle. I can barely remember what international beach vacations used to be like in the pre-Kindle era, but I can only imagine they involved really heavy suitcases and very little freedom of reading choice. A sad world. Matt borrowed my mom's Kindle, I have my own, and there were very few minutes when we weren't both glued to our respective screens.

First Runner Up: the iPhone, taker of all 210 vacation photos.

Loser: the Canon dSLR, taker of 0 vacation photos. I don't know why I thought things would be different this year. This just in: it's still humid at the beach! Your lens is still going to get completely fogged! Someone please tell me next year not to bother hauling that thing all over the world. Stick with what works.


The 'Job' Award: Most Patient in the Midst of Inhumane (First World) Suffering- 

Matt during the Lost Luggage Saga!! 

 Here's how we got ourselves from Atlanta to Cancun: We got on an airplane in Atlanta. We got off the airplane in Cancun. It took approximately 2.5 hours. Ta-DAH! Done. Here's how one of our suitcases got from Atlanta to Cancun: it got on the airplane in Atlanta. It got off the airplane in Cancun. It took approximately 2.5 hours. GOLD STAR! Here's how the other suitcase got to Cancun: It got on a plane in Atlanta. It got off a plane in Atlanta. It got on another plane in Atlanta. It got off a plane in San Juan, Puerto Rico. It got on a plane in San Juan and then got off a plane in New York. It rested in New York for awhile and changed airlines. It tried to get on a plane to Cancun. It couldn't. It changed airlines again and went back to Atlanta. It got on a plane to Cancun. It got off the plane to Cancun. It changed airlines and got on a plane to Mexico City. It got to Mexico City. It got on a plane to Cancun. It got off a plane in Cancun. IT TOOK 3 DAYS. No gold stars. Black Xes and eternal hate and anger towards Delta from yours truly. In the meantime, Matt wore the same 2 shirts and 2 pair of shorts (luckily we'd thrown a change of clothes into our other suitcase), we both had only one pair of shoes (all our shoes were in the missing bag), we had to bum sunscreen off our friends (and mostly failed, therefore getting sunburns)...and one of us was super angry, stressed out, and bitter about this for three days. The other person was pretty chill and didn't complain much about having to spend all his time sitting in the room, waiting on incompetent Delta agents to return our calls. I'll let you figure out who's who in that scenario.

First Runner-Up: Me. At least I didn't kill anyone.

Related LIFETIME UNACHIEVEMENT AWARD goes to Delta Airlines for being stupid and pathetic.

Best Assisted Reproduction Award:

THIS GUY and his eager assistant, me! 

 
Did you know that sea turtles need loads of help reproducing? I think I kind of knew that. I think that in America we 'help' them by like...not turning on hotel lights on the beach or something. And leaving them alone. Well, just like in human reproduction...apparently some turtles need a little more HELP to get the job done...and I'm very sympathetic to that need. Obviously. So in Mexico, they help the process by burying all the eggs, keeping track of when they need to be dug up, and then helping dump the babies all into the water. And it's a group activity!! Look- I saved a bunch of sea turtles (and did not let birds eat them as they tried to run to the sea)!!! It was so freakin awesome and so completely illegal in America...that made it even more fun! Ha.

Best Color-Coordinating Wardrobe Award:

Matt y Erika!

 I mean, like there was any competition, really. Once we got the other suitcase, that is.

Best at Sleeping In Award:

Everyone except me. 

 Yall. I really suck at sleeping in at the beach. I'm up with the sunrise, ready and rarin' to go! Or...taking selfies with my sleeping husband, as the case may be. I can't help it. I get too excited. And hungry. And anxious to get a tan.

Best at Winning Every Competition:

The ladies!!!! 

 The moral of this story is: don't challenge us to anything and expect us not to win. Simple.

Best at Bringing Joy to People's Hearts:

This Bellhop, upon delivering our long-lost suitcase!
 

 Not that he really had anything to do with it besides lugging it up a few floors, but he was the recipient of about five billion 'THANK YOU!!!!!!s' (and pesos) when he knocked on our door that night!

Most Committed to the Dawgs Award:

Matt, Erika, Adam, y Jessie!!!!
 

We celebrated Game Day and cheered on the Dawgs from the comfort of room 2350. We were SUPER excited that one of the approximately 4 English-speaking channels just so happened to be ABC- and it was broadcasting our game!! So we didn't have to watch from an iPad!!! We celebrated with room service, Mexican junk food, and halftime trips to the bar downstairs. Even though we didn't win, it was a great way to kick off the season!


Most Memorable Quote of the Trip:

This award goes to JESSIE! 

...and truer words have never been spoken. Can I get an amen?

The Lifetime Achievement in Dessert Award:

Like there was even any competition. COTTON CANDY NIGHT!!!

It was really tough that the fresh cotton candy night was also the same night as the fresh churros (I mean, frying them RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU), but I managed to buckle down and eat a respectable amount of both desserts. That's dedication, yall.

Runner Up: Churros, obviously.

Loser: this weird stuff I thought was going to be cheesecake one night. And it wasn't. And I don't know what it was but it WAS NOT CHEESECAKE and it was weird.

The 'Bringing Sexy Back': Sombrero Edition Award-

Mattie B!!!!! 

 Ow ow ow!!!!! If sombreros and v-necks don't make your heart pitter-patter, I don't know what will. Stand back, ladies. This one's all mine!

There are plenty more awards and pictures and stories to share, but no more time today! I look forward to catching up with everyone...and catching up with blogs...and catching up with work...and catching up with bills...and well, coming back to 'real life' is never easy, but I'm sure I'll catch up eventually! Happy whatever the heck non-fall day it is!

guilty

Today I've been inspired by my blog bestie Colleen. 

Guilty pleasures.

Apparently Colleen has a lot of them. I was thinking about judging her for that fact, but then I kept reading and realized that a) there is a lot of overlap with things I myself count as a guilty pleasure, and b) she invented and used the phrase 'cowgirl with a shaky moral compass' to describe the fit of certain jeans, and I think we can all agree that that is the most amazing descriptive phrase ever and obviously I am going to try to use it myself as much as possible in the near future. So rather than judging her for having so many guilty pleasures, I'm going to take her up on her suggestion to share about a few of my own.

Guilty pleasures, according to Colleen, are those things that you are willing to be snobby about. To pay more for, or adhere to higher standards than would be expected. I guess that guilty pleasures are all relative, really-- what shoe brands I would consider to be 'above my status' and guilty pleasures would probably be 'low-brow' by someone else's standard. That's okay. 

So. Given my budget...here are a few things where I take liberty to be snobby. And let's be honest: I don't really feel guilty about it. There are just as many areas where I am hopelessly cheap, so it all probably washes out in the end.

1. Makeup.

This probably isn't a surprise to anyone, but over the last few years I've slowly snobbed up my makeup collection. It started off with foundation/powder snobbing, accelerated when I discovered how much better high-end eyeshadows truly are, and has now trickled down into practically every category in my makeup bag box(es). Gone are the days of L'Oreal and Maybelline...here to stay (for the time being, of course. All guilty pleasures will probably be tossed out the window if we have a money-sucking baby come along, of course!) are the highly superior Smashbox, Urban Decay, and bareMinerals. Relatedly, I got my 'Ulta Rewards' certificate in the mail the other day. You should have seen the look of shock and horror on Matt's face when he saw what level I'd achieved this quarter ('levels' are broken into $50 increments...). Bless him.

BUT- so far I haven't been sucked into buying high-end mascara. Target all the way for that, buddy, and I'm trying really hard to keep it that way. 

2. Coffee.

Again-- guilty pleasures are relative. I know some true coffee snobs...they like...research it. And roast their own beans. And buy $1000 coffee makers. That's not me. What I mean is...I won't drink store brand. Or Folgers. Or Maxwell House. Or the kind that they hand out for free in office lobbies or what-have-you. And if you saw my tiny grocery budget, you would probably question why I'd choose to spend the extra $4 on better (still not fancy) coffee. But I'm serious. The cheap-cheap stuff? That's just nasty. I also require good condiments to go with my coffee. No nasty powdered 'creamer' for me. Ick. I would much prefer to pass on coffee altogether than to drink nasty coffee with powder in it. I'm convinced that most of the people in the world who say that they don't like coffee only think that because they've only been exposed to the bad kind. Which leads right into my next guilty pleasure...

3. Beer.

I'm not a big drinker, and I didn't really bother trying to drink ANY beer until I was in my mid-20s. But Matt's a fan of good beer, and after enough sips of his, I eventually came to like it myself. But only GOOD beer. Nothing in a can. Nothing that has half-naked ladies advertising it on TV. No Bud, Miller, PBR, Coors, or whatever other crap they hand out at frat parties or ballgames. That stuff is disgusting, what few sips of it I've sampled in my life. If I'm going to bother drinking a beer, it's gonna taste good: a pale ale, brown ale, or stout would be my preference. Like with coffee-- I bet that many people who think they 'don't like beer' have only sampled the bad ones. 

BUT- my snobbery has not yet extended to wine. Ha. I have absolutely no discernment whatsoever when it comes to wine, so that's a great money saver, right? Totally happy with Two Buck Chuck...that'll get me far in life.

4. Toilet Paper.

I know. A weird thing to be snobby about, but then again...I just don't understand why people cheap out there. Such a delicate situation...let's give it the care it deserves! If I'm at your house and you have nice hand soap but cheap TP in your guest bathroom, I JUDGE THAT. For the love of all things holy-- feel free to cheap out ANYWHERE but on the TP! Washing my hands with store brand soap will not kill me. Using sandpaper might. Of all the things I choose to spend a little extra on, TP will be the last one to die. There are few things I wouldn't do in order to make an extra buck to get some decent Charmin, if it came down to it. 

5. Vacations.

Kind of like beer, vacations are go-big-or-go-home for me. They're a frill. A perk. Not something I expect, not something necessary, not something I deserve or need. But if I'm gonna do one, I'm gonna do it right. If I'm gonna spend the money, I'm gonna save for long enough that I can get exactly what I want. I don't do cheap motels. I would much much much rather stay home and never go on vacation if it means sleeping in an icky hotel. I really don't like even NICE hotels, they totally creep me out anyway, but they're a necessary evil if I want to go more than 100 miles from my house, so...the more stars, the better. (That makes me think they wash the comforters more often. May not actually be true, but I tell myself that.) If I'm on vacation, I do not want to work. I do not want to 'road trip' because I hate being stuck in the car. I do not want to cook, do dishes, be around any sort of drama, or drive myself around. I do not want to share a room or tight living quarters with another couple or family members or children (unless they're my own, which none of them are). I do not want to do things I don't want to do, like look at museums or battleships. So this basically means that Matt and I have gone on very few vacations- but the ones we've done have been AWESOME. And to me, that's worth it. I'd much rather go on a freakin' awesome trip every 3 years then a semi-meh one every summer. If I had unlimited vacation days, I would probably make exceptions for trips on someone else's dime, like family vacations. But since those still cost me my precious few vacation days, I can no longer even make exceptions. I will (and have) pass(ed) up a free vacation that doesn't meet my standards in order to fund my own that does. That's my guilty pleasure, and I don't feel guilty at all about it. Vacation is VACATION! By nature, it's indulgent!! Obviously, when money is tight (or non-existent), we don't vacation at all. So when we are able to...I'm gonna do it right. By my standards.

So! Five of my not-exactly-guilty pleasures. Since I feel like I'm painting myself to be some kind of indulgent lush, let's quickly review a few of the things I am NOT snobby about:

Clothing brands, cars, shoes, electronics, yard sales, thrift stores, and dessert. 

What're your guilty pleasures? Anyone wanna fess up to buying cheap toilet paper? Bonus points if you can JUSTIFY that heinous crime... 



     

a rant, and some good news

I really need to get this off my chest. Or my lumpy, bumpy, cellulite-ridden abdomen, as the case may be.

Dear Old Navy,
  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE MIRRORS IN YOUR DRESSING ROOMS??!?!?! It's just wrong. It's sick. And I don't know why you would do that to the innocent citizens who merely want the privilege of buying your cheaply-made, mass-produced, overwhelmingly cute wares. It's not right. Where on earth do you find the lights for your dressing rooms? Specially tinted to create the appearance of lines, bumps, and creases on skin? Instantly bestowing humans with a grayish, death-like pallor? Why would you do that? And those mirrors? Now I'll be the first to admit, the full-length mirror at my house is tilted against the wall at the Optimum Skinniness Slant...and I fully recognize that it doesn't reflect reality, but I leave it that way anyway because IT MAKES ME HAPPY. Don't you want people to be HAPPY when they're trying on your clothes? Why would you put your mirrors at the Optimum HORRIBLENESS Slant? The one that magnifies fat rolls by a factor of 7.9? The one that superimposes cellulite onto areas so incredibly cellulite-free (such as wrists. And earlobes.) that it's not even remotely realistic? Do your dressing room attendants really like listening to women sob behind their closed doors? Isn't that sad for them, too, to be handed a huge pile of crumpled-up clothes, damp with the tears of defeat, as people miserably leave their oddly-lit lairs of self-loathing and sprint towards the safety of their cars? Just...help me to understand. I'm struggling here. And I bought your stupid bikini anyway, because despite how nauseating it looked on me in your dressing room, I have the years of experience to know that when I get home, where the lighting is normal and the mirrors are just...mirrors...it won't be nearly as bad. So despite my anger, your bottom line is still gonna be okay. And maybe mine will too...because as soon as I got home, I made my bottom run 3 miles. And as I ran, I screamed at the top of my lungs, for all the cows to hear, "I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE THIS, OLD NAVY MIRROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" So thanks for the incentive to run, but seriously. You gotta do something about your dressing rooms.

With much love and a mean side-eye,
Erika

Thanks for enduring that. It's just been weighing heavy on my heart since yesterday's unfortunate experience. 

In more positive news, I have two things for you. Of course, neither of them can I really claim as my own, but that won't stop me from sharing.

Great News The First: You know my friend Colleen? The one who wrote Elly in Bloom? And [one of] my blogging soulmate[s]? If you don't, you should, so get on that. But anyways. Like many of us, Colleen has been awaiting her first baby for years and years. And years. And then some more years. And they've been sitting on an adoption agency's 'approved and waiting' list (process complete, waiting to be picked) for TWO YEARS. So you do the math-- first there's infertility (long period of time), then there's deciding to adopt and choosing and agency and fundraising and home studies and paperwork and classes and paperwork (long period of time), and THEN you're approved and waiting and then they wait TWO YEARS, during which time their paperwork expires, they have to do stuff OVER again, and just try to think about how miserable and anxious you might be feeling in the midst of all this...and how much you might want to punch in the face any clueless person who suggests that someone might 'JUST ADOPT!'...grrr...but anyway. I am thrilled beyond belief to tell you that on Saturday morning, Colleen & Ryan's son was born and that THEY ARE PARENTS now!! Obviously there are a lot of things that still have to happen before it is official, but there's a baby in their house and they are over the moon. I just wanted to tell you so that you could a) go offer them some congratulations and b) pray for them, that everything would go smoothly and well during the next month or so, until parental rights are terminated and everything is complete. But also I've just had this ridiculous perma-smile on my face since Saturday, and in case you wanted to know why I'm looking so goofy, this is why. I am so thrilled for them. SO go read Part 1 of her story and get your very own perma-smile! We can be twinsies!

Great News The Second: I read a really great blog post that someone shared on FB yesterday. As I was reading it, at first I was kinda mad because I was like dude, this totally sounds like what I think...and he even writes like me...THIS SHOULD BE MY BLOG!!!! But, it's not, and I got over it pretty quickly so now I'm good with just sharing it and hoping it brings some inspiration or peace to someone else. Confronting the Lie: God Won't Give You More than You Can Handle...go check it out.

That's all, folks. Have a good one!

a warning about Kirby...

So yesterday I had my post-op visit with Dr. S. And an hour later, Matt had an appointment with Dr. W, the MFI specialist at our RE practice (gold star if you can decode all the abbreviations in this sentence). And so what I PLANNED to do last night was give a nice, detailed update/debrief about surgery, the status of my womb, the next steps, etc. Additionally, I was going to make some lame excuses about my general absence in the blogosphere, and mention that I hope to come back to life sometime soon since Dr. S prescribed me something to make me sane again help me sleep.

BUT THEN, at 7:30 last night-- right when I was about to settle in for a nice evening of doing all of the above blogging...the doorbell rang. Actually, it didn't, because we don't have a functioning doorbell. So actually someone knocked, but that just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

And at the door was a very friendly girl about my age, who presented me with a bottle of Gain laundry detergent and asked if she could briefly tell me about her company. Since I had no idea what company she was with, and she talked approximately 200 times faster than my brain can process, I let her come in.

THREE HOURS LATER SHE WAS STILL THERE. Showing us the Kirby and all of its many uses and functions. Demonstrating how our previously-working-for-me Eureka vacuum was...basically worthless. And then putting us in a reaaaaallllly awkward position when it was 10:30pm and we were exhausted and ready for bed and she was wanting us to write a check for $2800...and she couldn't take our passive, non-confrontational "well, we'll think about it" answers...and then she started asking "I thought you liked me??? Where did I go wrong??" and Matt and I were trying to explain that we just paid for surgery and a new HVAC and our money tree is flat out picked-over and we are so, so sorry...and she was all teary and repeatedly had to call her "supervisor" (on OUR PHONE) and then things got really awkward when Matt laid down the law and said she had to leave...and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. So there went the night. Then I put on my FB a brief sentence about how we were stuck with a Kirby salesgirl and like a hundred people were like "DON'T LET HER IN!!!" and doling out all sorts of advice that would have been useful 3 hours ago...AHH! I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Sheesh. That'll be the last time THAT happens.

So. Instead of a medical update, I leave you with this valuable advice: Don't let a Kirby salesperson into your house. It will drain your emotions, or your finances, or your time, or possibly all of the above.

rainy (SB day 2)

Well, Spring Break Day 2 was not nearly as exciting as Day 1...if you consider painting to be exciting, that is. As anticipated, most of the day was spent embracing my inner financial-planner and doing my couponing and shopping. Not exactly blog-worthy materials, but such is life.

Oh, but wait. I will have to say that there have been major innovations on the dog-food front. Now, I'm not particularly brand-loyal when it comes to Lola's food...we tend to stick with one brand because a) she likes it and b) she's much less gassy than with other brands we've tried. But you know, I'm always one who can be swayed by some clever marketing, a good coupon, or...truth be told...the packaging. Yup, I switched dog food brands yesterday because of the PACKAGING (and a coupon). I have surely reached new lows. 

source

See that? It's a ZIP TOP on the bag. Hello, Pedigree? Yeah, you're brilliant. Thanks, you just made a new customer. Why it took the dog food industry this long to come up with that, I don't know, but I'm just thankful they did. It is one of my biggest pet peeves, trying to properly close a gigantic 20 pound bag of dog food with a chip-clip or something. And I would love to just keep the food in a big tupperware container, but alas, we don't have a pantry, so I have to keep it in a bottom cabinet, and the tupperware containers (big enough to hold the whole bag of food) are way too big to fit. So I have to use the big bag every day, and this zip top is gonna be a game-changer. And now I beg of you-- if you are some Dog Food Industry Insider...please don't tell me that this food is made of horses' brains and chicken feathers. I don't want to know. I have a limit as to how many food-industry-related things I can worry about and I am already at my limit. Thanks.

Um...so anyway...where was I before I started ranting about DOG FOOD BAGS? (Hello, I'm Erika, and I blog about stuff so boring you didn't know it even existed.) Right, my day was uneventful. I did, however, manage to be productive and.... (drumroll).... write a counter-demand to the insurance adjuster handling my personal injury claim in regard to the car accident!

I've been putting it off since early December, if that gives you any clue about how long they've been waiting to hear from me. The truth is, I have no plans on settling until it's been at least a year from the accident (August). About 5,000 people have advised me to do that due to the fact that it can sometimes take awhile for long-term neck and back injuries to be made known. Secondly, the lowball offer they've made me is disgusting and insulting and it's taken me 4 months to figure out the mature way to word the letter without just saying "Are you effing kidding me?? I have PHOTOGRAPHS, do you really want a jury to see those? Please do not think that because God chose to miraculously intervene and let me walk away from that accident that it was any less traumatic for me and my family. Do you seriously think I was able to replace my perfectly good and reliable car with anything comparable using only the money YOU gave me? Um, no, we had to dig into our savings and use money we COULD BE USING TOWARDS GETTING OUR CHILD, but instead, had to buy a car with? Do you think that makes me feel good inside? Do you think I can even DRIVE in the area where your lunatic client chose to run a stop sign anymore? No, I cannot, and to be honest, I can barely drive ANYWHERE anymore because I am so anxious in the car. Please do not mistake my kindness thus far in this process for weakness, because I am anything but. And I can guarantee you don't want to see me on the witness stand, WITH MY PHOTOGRAPHS, because you will cry and so will the jury and then so will your wallet. Thank you very much and have a nice day."

It took me a few minutes to come up with the mature way to relate all that. And if you're a new reader/stalker and haven't seen the pictures from that accident, click on the link above. And tell me how these people are going to offer me some scumbag lowball pennies and think that's somehow okay? I think not. Now, I am absolutely not planning on raking them over the coals or anything, and I really have no intention of doing anything dramatic. I'm not litigious like that. But I certainly could, and let's be honest: insurance didn't get to be the gigantic, rich-ass industry it is because they deal fairly with people. They take advantage, clear and simple, and they won't be taking further advantage of me. End rant.

Um, so then I baked some beer bread and it was awesome. We watched BL and I could barely pay attention because I discovered (well, was told about) Young House Love and couldn't stop clicking around and thinking of how lame my house is and how awesome I should make it if only I were craftier/handier/richer. 

And now I have to go get ready so I can have a MASSAGE!!!! Happy Wednesday!

random mish-mash

I have lots of random thoughts running through my head. Obviously the whole world needs to know about them. Right??

Or maybe I'm just going through blog-withdrawal. Being internet-less for an extended period of time (over a month now, minus one weekend it worked) will do that to you. And yes I know I should buy my own internet. And if you have any money to give me, I will do exactly that. Until then...we will probably be internetless, save for whatever free wireless we can mooch. It's a sad state of affairs, but it's my life.

Anyway, the first bunch of thoughts running through my head on the way to work this morning (when I like to think about what I would blog about if I had a chance to blog) were all about things I was feeling thankful for.

It started when I pulled up next to some other car at a stoplight and noticed that he was going through the always-ridiculous process of trying to de-fog his windows. I hate that process. I can never remember-- run the defrost on cold? Hot?? Make the inside the same temperature as the outside-- oh wait, I'll freeze to death. Do it the opposite? Just wipe it off with my hand...until it fogs up again? It usually takes me like 20 minutes to get it right. But today, that wasn't my problem-- just that guy next to me. Me? I park in a garage now. And I don't want to take that for granted. It's awesome. My windows never fog up or get icy!! I don't waste 10 minutes de-icing my windshield or pre-heating the inside! So this morning I felt really thankful for my garage.

And clementines. You know, the fruit. I've been on a clementine kick this week and I marvel at how delicious and easy to peel they are and how they don't have seeds. Truly a rarity amongst citrus fruit. All hail the mighty clementine.

And Christmas music. Christmas music, how do I make it without you 11 months a year?? Christmas music makes me feel happy and nostalgic and it really makes me feel like I'm a great singer. I really like belting out some diva-fied version of an old hymn-y Christmas song. Even though it feels really ironic. I mean, can you imagine Mariah Carey getting all into any other hymn?? It kind of makes me laugh. I hope she'd put on a few more clothes for the occasion.

I'm also a big fan of money-making couponing. I love me some couponing, but I really love the ones that make you a straight profit that you don't even have to work hard for. Like this week, Coffemate creamer was on sale for $1.25 at Publix. I had two coupons that were for $1.50 off one creamer (each). Um, hello 25 cent profit on each creamer!! I mean, Publix paid me 50 cents to take those 2 creamers off their hands! That stuff just makes me happy. Not to mention, holiday-themed creamers make me happy. Fat, but happy.

Those are some of the things I'm feeling thankful for this week. Now, back to our regularly scheduled whine-fest.

Haha. It'll be quick this time.

It seems we've sprung a leak in our roof. Probably a small one (Matt poked around the attic and thinks he can find it and it's small), but we had some water on our living room and garage ceiling on Tuesday night. So we needed someone to come look at it and give us an estimate to fix it, right? Matt made an appointment with Bone Dry Roofing for 8:00 this morning. He (obviously) had to stay home from work, but (also obviously) the roof needs to be fixed, so you do what you gotta do, right? Well, we do. Apparently Bone Dry Roofing doesn't. Matt sat and sat, waited and waited, and they never showed up! He got mad around 9 and just left to go to work. He got a voicemail about 9:30 from them, saying-- get this-- We forgot to look at the calendar, so we didn't know we had to be somewhere that early this morning. Um...what?! Is that the lamest excuse ever, or WHAT?! Well, at least they're honest. They forgot?? Well thanks...too bad Matt still had to miss over an hour of work for nothing. Can we get that money back? And his time? No thanks, Bone Dry, I don't think we'll be needing to reschedule that appointment. Last I heard, it's not really the best economy for housing-related contractors like yourself...yall must have enough business that you don't really need ours. We'll support someone who does.

So add them to my infamous and ever-growing Black-Listed Companies list. Anyone in the Athens area have a recommendation for a competent roofing and/or handyman company??

Well it's getting dark here at the library...I better drive on home to see my puppy and my beautiful Christmas tree! Happy almost-Friday!!

filing a complaint

Remember awhile back (okay, YIKES, it was over a year ago) when I wrote some rather complain-y blogs about Comcast and the terrible customer service I was receiving? And then remember how that random guy Mark Casem, whose job is apparently to troll the interwebz looking for people whining about Comcast, left a comment offering to help me with my problem? Well, trust me, I never took him up on it. I just left Comcast for DirecTV and haven't regretted it a minute since. But I've been whining about some stuff in my brain lately and I figured...why not write about it here, just in case someone who can do something about it happens by? So this is me taking official action and Filing a Few Complaints.

First of all...
Dear Any Giant Official Corporation in Any Way Affiliated with Dealing with Anything Related to my Recent Car Accident:
Please stop contacting me. Please stop sending me long confusing letters in the mail and please stop requesting me to send you stuff that I have no idea what you're talking about. I can't even write a legible SENTENCE here (and I am slightly grammar-snobby) because I am SO confused. Seriously. Just stop. I realize that everyone wants money from someone and while 3 companies have claimed they'll cover my medical bills, for some reason some company is still convinced they have not been paid and someone wants me to mail someone else some medical coding information so that it can be filed properly and PLEASE JUST STOP THE MADNESS. The only correspondence I would like to receive in the future is a check. A big fat one, made out to me. Because you know what? I got ran over by a truck. And don't you think for one minute I've let anyone forget about that. Mattie...I can't walk the dog...I got RAN OVER BY A TRUCK!!...and I need a milkshake....cause I got RAN OVER BY A TRUCK!!! OK, sorry, I digressed. But seriously. Just stop.
Love,
Erika

Secondly...
Dear Clomid:
First of all, thanks for all you do. I mean, not that you've personally paid off for me, but in general, I think you've been very helpful for couples struggling to conceive. And really, I don't want to be petty here, because I'll admit-- I've been pretty impressed with the lack of side effects. Lots of fertility meds are pretty brutal, so I appreciate that you aren't so much. But seriously-- is it COMPLETELY necessary that I break out like a 16 year old?? I mean, really?!?! Because trust me-- I remember the Acne Battle really well. I mean, I've been fighting it for like...the last 15 years...and only in like the past year have I even come close to winning. But you are really setting me back. It's disgusting and I don't appreciate it. I already feel like I'm a failure as a woman, not being able to bear children and all. Do I have to look like a failure too?
Thanks and I look forward to eating you again in the morning,
Erika

And lastly...
Dear Treadmill at the Gym:
You know, I'm all about keeping things real. But do we have to keep it that real? It's just that it's depressing when I work my butt off for half an hour and you have the nerve to tell me I only burned 250 calories. Um...there's no possible way. I mean, I consume more calories than that before I even eat breakfast each day. So do you really think I'm going to believe that all my hard work only results in burning a measly 250 calories?? I think not. I know you're lying. Just the way I know I'm lying about my weight on it, too. (Hey, you never know who's peeking over your shoulder to see you type in those numbers!) So that's how I've convinced myself that since I'm slightly underestimating my weight...perhaps you are slightly underestimating my calorie-burning. It's just a thought. So I see your 250 and I translate that to about 900. Just so you know.

Thanks,
Erika

i love analytics: vol1

Blogging got a whole lot more fun the day (back in March) that I discovered the joys of Google Analytics. If you're unfamiliar with this program, then....Google it. :) I'm too dumb to explain it well, but suffice it to say that Analytics will take your love (or hatred) of blogging to newly expanded levels. Through Analytics, you can find out tons of interesting things about who is reading your blog, where they're from, how long they stay, and (most interestingly, usually) how they got there.

I just spent a few minutes perusing some recent Analytics data for this, my lovely little place to call home in the blogosphere. I started getting tons of crazy data once I won that giveaway on Kelly's Korner last month, and a lot of new traffic generated via her blog, but most of that has slowed down. What hasn't, however, is the strange ways people find me from Google.

Analytics will tell you exactly what search terms lead a person to click on my blog. This has the potential to be highly amusing. Let's review a few of my favorites from the past month.

Millionaire in the Making: In one month, seven people have found their way to my blog via searching for "Millionaire in the Making." I hope they found everything they needed about how to become a millionaire while they were here. Obviously I know everything about that and have tons of personal experience. :) I would have to guess that these people were sorely disappointed, and for that I would like to apologize. And since the particular post that I'd titled that was actually referring to the crafty gift I gave my sis for her birthday...well, she loved it, but I'm not a millionaire yet. YET.

Second most popular Google to find my site in the last month? By searching Comcast. HAHAHAHA. If you happen to be here looking for info about Comcast, may I suggest you find yourself a different cable provider? I certainly plan to.

Relatedly, someone came here via searching Nausea and Cable Boxes. I concur, those things are often related. I recommend turning off the TV and doing some good old-fashioned blog stalking instead.

And this months Most Amusing Search Term? Something beautiful to look at or watch before bed for good dreams. Mighty specific, isn't it? I hope that finding my blog was exactly what you needed for a night of blissful sleep, my friend.

And this wasn't from this month, but highly amusing nonetheless. On June 12, someone made their way here by searching used laminate orlando craigslist. Seriously? Used laminate? In Orlando? As an educator in the public school system, I can guarantee you that if you visit your local elementary school there will be miles of used laminate there for the taking. But they might give you a funny look when you ask.

So tell me, do you use Analytics? Do you sometimes find it way more amusing than you should? And do you too sometimes consider throwing in bizarre words and phrases here and there into your blog just to see what kind of searches it might attract? Stories are welcomed/encouraged.

best thing ever

A quick blog in honor of a few of the best things ever.



1) Winning!!!! Unless you count the $5 or so I won gambling on the cruise 2 weeks ago...I don't usually win things. However, my luck seems to be changing...I won a David Crowder CD giveaway on Kelly's Korner yesterday! Not only did I win, but Kelly gave me a shout out/compliment on my choice of fave David Crowder song and how I used it (visit her blog to see it for yourself!). To say that this made my day would be a massive understatement. I take it as a sign of many many more great and surprising things to come. Plus, I get some new music! The last new music Matt & I acquired was...wait for it...the Once soundtrack we bought to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. That would be...oh, a year and a few months ago. Yeah, we're not really musically advanced. We listen to the same stuff over and over. :)



2) This:





A recent purchase at Sams...this cider variety pack has great promise. I'll admit I've only sampled two of the four varieties so far (Caramel Apple and Apple Pie), but nothing makes you feel quite as fall-ish as a big cup o' cider. I think it was only like $6 for 30something cups of cider...well worth it.



OK, you know what? I just looked more closely at the picture (I had just taken it from Google images) and it's not the exact same variety pack as I got. The one I got has the 2 I mentioned above and then McIntosh and Red Delicious. But it's the same idea.



3) NOT RAINING. In case you're not in the know...Georgia has been completely flooded the past week. Luckily our area escaped the worst of it, but we certainly didn't escape 8 straight days of pouring rain and storms. Yesterday, when the sun finally came out, it was like I could literally feel the life seeping back into me. I felt my personality come back. I kid you not. I may not be the sun worshipper I once was, but I do require SOME daylight to function well!!

Well it's time for me to head to bed. In case you were wondering, I retract anything remotely postive I might have said about Comcast in my previous post. After another phone call on Monday night, I've decided my initial feelings of they suck were more accurate and am currently looking for an alternate. All suggestions/experiences with other TV providers are welcome. As far as I know, my options here would be AT&T, DirectTV, Dish, and of course... Comcast. *shiver*

customer "service"

It is really unbelievable to me how bad some companies' customer "service" is. Well, let me rephrase that. Really, the service itself isn't so bad-- the people are polite and do their best to help. It's just that the company sucks so much...it doesn't give the poor customer service representatives much to work with. Current case in point: Comcast.

I've only been a Comcast customer for about 2 months now. In that 2 months, their technicians have had to make four trips to our house to help with digital cable box issues. Despite their lack of convenient timeframes to come out ("oh, we can come out between 8 and 2 any weekday..."..great...since all I do is sit at home and watch my non-existent cable all day?...NOT) they're polite and helpful and eventually get to the root of whatever the current problem is. Personally, I feel that Comcast could save themselves some money by just not giving us crappy cable boxes that break all the time, but if you want to just pay people to drive out to the middle of nowhere twice a month, go right on ahead. [oh wait, I'm the one paying for that, now aren't I...]

Anyway, after our cable box got replaced on Thursday, we have TV again...yay! However, several of our favorite channels (read: Discovery Health, my reason for living) were no longer "available." This is not okay with me. I MUST watch I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant every time it comes on, and it is imperative I know about every single rare and freaky disease that exists. So tonight I log on to the oh-so-helpful "Live Chat with a Comcast Representative" to inquire as to why none of our low-100s channels were coming in. After a long and excruciating diagnosis that involved Matt and I checking EVERY SINGLE ONE of our 200+ channels against their master list to compare what we should be getting against what were WERE getting...and half their list didn't match up with what our TV showed... ol' "Lester" informs me that the problem is, they changed our channel line-up and so we were no longer getting those channels anymore. Huh? Let's take a look-see here:

Lester I have checked on these channels
Lester 113 Planet Green,121 DIY,103 Discovery Health
Lester And I found out that these channels are now part of a different package.
Erika oh, well isn't that interesting.
Lester Your current cable service is Digital Starter and I found the channels to be part of the Digital Prferred Package.
Erika so i continue paying the same amount, but don't receive the channels that were offered when i signed up for the package?
Lester I believe that's the case right now. I hope you were informed before the channels were actually transferred to a different package. I apologize for this confusion Ericka.
Erika no, i was not informed of that, otherwise I would not be sitting here in this chat room going through my channels with you!

Okay, number one-- MY NAME IS PRINTED PLAINLY EVERY SINGLE TIME I TYPE, LESTER. PLEASE SPELL IT CORRECTLY.
Number two...WTF??? Sorry, Lester, and I know you probably hate your job and I hate it for you, but this is ridiculous. Sorry to be "that girl," but...

Lester I understand your concern, Ericka. I truly apologize for this. I will make a memo of this concern to have this communicated.
Erika thank you, i'm sure that will be very effective.
Lester I apologize Ericka. I know this is really bad for you to know about this just now. What I can do now is to make a memo of this issue and do all the possible steps for this not happen anymore. You always have the option to change your current package for you to have the channels that you want.
Erika well i'm sure that the package that has "all the channels that I want" would be more expensive than the current package I have.
Lester I understand and I truly apologize for this, Ericka. The system is the one who is actually responsible for transferring channels to a different package. If only I have control with this matter, I would really change your channel line up for you. I am really sorry.
Erika I appreciate that. Is there any way I can speak with "the system" about this matter? I just find it to be in poor taste for a company to behave in a manner like this without having an actual person that accepts responsibility for the situation.

I mean...I apologize, Lester, for the excessive sarcasm here, but really. "The system"?? Is that supposed to satisfy me?? Oh, well if the SYSTEM did it, that's fine. And really, people, it's just the principle. We're not big TV watchers. We've only had cable for 2 months...it's not like it's the end of the world when a few channels fall off. But it's the dang PRINCIPLE of it!! You just can't run a business like this...although I'm aware that pretty much every cable provider does and seem to get away with it just fine. But I'm not letting them off without a fight!!

Lester I truly apologize Ericka. May I please if you have been receiving that channel ever since you started your cable service?
Erika yes, I have been.
Lester I see. Ericka, I apologize for this sudden changes in your current line up. The confusion was because you were not informed about this change that's why you thought you are missing these channels. It is with regret that I say that the only way we can have the channels back to you is for you to change your package. I am sorry.
Erika Well, I certainly do not plan on changing to another package with Comcast. I will find another provider who can meet my needs. Thank you very much.
Lester Erika, we do not want to lose you as one of our valued customers. I really wanted to help you have the channels what you wanted with out changing your rate. Will it be okay if I ask you to make a call to this number to make some arrangements about your current plan to have your channels back <1-866-xxx-xxxx>?

VICTORY!! Let us note a few other things, shall we? He spelled my name right after I suggested I could find another provider. As Matt pointed out, at this point I was not speaking to Lester, I was speaking with Lester's supervisor. :) Lesson learned: always threaten to leave. Other lesson learned? Stay polite, but keep bitchin'. It gets you what you need: the phone number of someone who can do something about your problem.

In the end, I called the number and spoke with yet another gratuitously polite gentleman. He told me an altogether different story than what Lester had...he seemed utterly shocked that we would not be receiving Discovery Health et al. since we clearly were supposed to be getting them and they most certainly had not changed our channel lineup. After trying a few magic tricks with our box, he determined it must be an outside line problem that [wait for it] a technician would need to come over to look at. Another technician? Shocking. And let me guess, they can come over between 8 and 2. Perfect.

Moral(s) of this story: Be polite, but don't be a doormat. Sometimes sarcasm and (mild)bitchiness can pay off. Remember that your conversation/chat room interactions can and are being recorded, so be sure you don't say anything you can't defend later. And always, always be willing to leave. There are fifty other crappy cable companies (with their respective thousands of semi-competent customer service representatives) just dying for your business.

first day

The first day of school has come and gone and I seem to have survived. A new crop of barely-four year olds (some still 3, actually) crawled off the busses and cars and out of mama's arms (some were forcibly removed) and sent to us, and I'm once again faced with the daunting task of turning them into geniuses. Or at least slightly more knowledgeable. But I like to set the bar high, personally. Anyway, this year, due to district rezoning, I have mostly non-English speakers. In one class I have 14/20 speaking Spanish, and I think it's 12/20 or so in the other class. So although I can only claim to hablo espanol un poquito, my oral language today was probably 50/50 English-Spanish. Intense. But I guess I'm excited about the year, about new chances and opportunities, about working in a new school with new people, about moving from being the "new girl" in my department to being one of the most experienced "vets".

But I sure am tired.

After work I drove out to the DMV (far far away in Athens) to get the address changed on my driver's license. Since I'd already used up my one free address change I just had to do a renewal. Whatev. So they took a picture and my hair is sticking up. I mean, seriously. Could the girl who seemed to be really busy eating candy and reading a magazine not have let me re-take the picture? Really? Okay, whatev. I'll be happy with this one. Then I had a 10 minute argument with this other girl about what county I live in. "So what county do you live in?" "Barrow." {she types some things in the computer} "....hmmm....not seeing you listed in Barrow. [double checks that I told her the right address. I did.] Well, yeah, Statham isn't listed in Barrow County." "Umm...well, sorry, but that's where I live. I promise it's Barrow County." "Well...it's not listed. What counties are you near?" I mean, really? I can pick? Let's see...Orange County....and whatever county Chicago is in. "Umm...Oconee, Jackson, and Gwinnett?" {types some more} "Oh! Here you are. Oconee County." "Well, I don't live in Oconee County, sorry. I promise. I just bought the house and the land and I saw the words Barrow County printed five thousand times on every piece of paper. My tags say Barrow County. I pay property taxes to Barrow County. A Barrow County School District bus stops in front of my driveway every morning. I live in Barrow County." {she looks at me like I'm an idiot or possibly lying...as though there's millions of people out there trying to illegally sneak into Barrow} "Well...I guess I can override it in the system, if you really want me to." "I do, thanks."

Where do they find people like this to hire? Isn't there a recession? Don't qualified people need jobs? I'm just sayin'...

I followed up that great experience with a final trip to my landlord's office to drop off our keys. It was then that she told me we were going to have to pay for a bunch of crap we didn't do. Awesome, love ya, see ya. I am so over anything housing related. After this house, we are probably going to live in a tent.

In Oconee County.