a rant, and some good news

I really need to get this off my chest. Or my lumpy, bumpy, cellulite-ridden abdomen, as the case may be.

Dear Old Navy,
  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE MIRRORS IN YOUR DRESSING ROOMS??!?!?! It's just wrong. It's sick. And I don't know why you would do that to the innocent citizens who merely want the privilege of buying your cheaply-made, mass-produced, overwhelmingly cute wares. It's not right. Where on earth do you find the lights for your dressing rooms? Specially tinted to create the appearance of lines, bumps, and creases on skin? Instantly bestowing humans with a grayish, death-like pallor? Why would you do that? And those mirrors? Now I'll be the first to admit, the full-length mirror at my house is tilted against the wall at the Optimum Skinniness Slant...and I fully recognize that it doesn't reflect reality, but I leave it that way anyway because IT MAKES ME HAPPY. Don't you want people to be HAPPY when they're trying on your clothes? Why would you put your mirrors at the Optimum HORRIBLENESS Slant? The one that magnifies fat rolls by a factor of 7.9? The one that superimposes cellulite onto areas so incredibly cellulite-free (such as wrists. And earlobes.) that it's not even remotely realistic? Do your dressing room attendants really like listening to women sob behind their closed doors? Isn't that sad for them, too, to be handed a huge pile of crumpled-up clothes, damp with the tears of defeat, as people miserably leave their oddly-lit lairs of self-loathing and sprint towards the safety of their cars? Just...help me to understand. I'm struggling here. And I bought your stupid bikini anyway, because despite how nauseating it looked on me in your dressing room, I have the years of experience to know that when I get home, where the lighting is normal and the mirrors are just...mirrors...it won't be nearly as bad. So despite my anger, your bottom line is still gonna be okay. And maybe mine will too...because as soon as I got home, I made my bottom run 3 miles. And as I ran, I screamed at the top of my lungs, for all the cows to hear, "I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE THIS, OLD NAVY MIRROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" So thanks for the incentive to run, but seriously. You gotta do something about your dressing rooms.

With much love and a mean side-eye,
Erika

Thanks for enduring that. It's just been weighing heavy on my heart since yesterday's unfortunate experience. 

In more positive news, I have two things for you. Of course, neither of them can I really claim as my own, but that won't stop me from sharing.

Great News The First: You know my friend Colleen? The one who wrote Elly in Bloom? And [one of] my blogging soulmate[s]? If you don't, you should, so get on that. But anyways. Like many of us, Colleen has been awaiting her first baby for years and years. And years. And then some more years. And they've been sitting on an adoption agency's 'approved and waiting' list (process complete, waiting to be picked) for TWO YEARS. So you do the math-- first there's infertility (long period of time), then there's deciding to adopt and choosing and agency and fundraising and home studies and paperwork and classes and paperwork (long period of time), and THEN you're approved and waiting and then they wait TWO YEARS, during which time their paperwork expires, they have to do stuff OVER again, and just try to think about how miserable and anxious you might be feeling in the midst of all this...and how much you might want to punch in the face any clueless person who suggests that someone might 'JUST ADOPT!'...grrr...but anyway. I am thrilled beyond belief to tell you that on Saturday morning, Colleen & Ryan's son was born and that THEY ARE PARENTS now!! Obviously there are a lot of things that still have to happen before it is official, but there's a baby in their house and they are over the moon. I just wanted to tell you so that you could a) go offer them some congratulations and b) pray for them, that everything would go smoothly and well during the next month or so, until parental rights are terminated and everything is complete. But also I've just had this ridiculous perma-smile on my face since Saturday, and in case you wanted to know why I'm looking so goofy, this is why. I am so thrilled for them. SO go read Part 1 of her story and get your very own perma-smile! We can be twinsies!

Great News The Second: I read a really great blog post that someone shared on FB yesterday. As I was reading it, at first I was kinda mad because I was like dude, this totally sounds like what I think...and he even writes like me...THIS SHOULD BE MY BLOG!!!! But, it's not, and I got over it pretty quickly so now I'm good with just sharing it and hoping it brings some inspiration or peace to someone else. Confronting the Lie: God Won't Give You More than You Can Handle...go check it out.

That's all, folks. Have a good one!