Tuesday, June 25, 2013

a rant, and some good news

I really need to get this off my chest. Or my lumpy, bumpy, cellulite-ridden abdomen, as the case may be.

Dear Old Navy,
  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE MIRRORS IN YOUR DRESSING ROOMS??!?!?! It's just wrong. It's sick. And I don't know why you would do that to the innocent citizens who merely want the privilege of buying your cheaply-made, mass-produced, overwhelmingly cute wares. It's not right. Where on earth do you find the lights for your dressing rooms? Specially tinted to create the appearance of lines, bumps, and creases on skin? Instantly bestowing humans with a grayish, death-like pallor? Why would you do that? And those mirrors? Now I'll be the first to admit, the full-length mirror at my house is tilted against the wall at the Optimum Skinniness Slant...and I fully recognize that it doesn't reflect reality, but I leave it that way anyway because IT MAKES ME HAPPY. Don't you want people to be HAPPY when they're trying on your clothes? Why would you put your mirrors at the Optimum HORRIBLENESS Slant? The one that magnifies fat rolls by a factor of 7.9? The one that superimposes cellulite onto areas so incredibly cellulite-free (such as wrists. And earlobes.) that it's not even remotely realistic? Do your dressing room attendants really like listening to women sob behind their closed doors? Isn't that sad for them, too, to be handed a huge pile of crumpled-up clothes, damp with the tears of defeat, as people miserably leave their oddly-lit lairs of self-loathing and sprint towards the safety of their cars? Just...help me to understand. I'm struggling here. And I bought your stupid bikini anyway, because despite how nauseating it looked on me in your dressing room, I have the years of experience to know that when I get home, where the lighting is normal and the mirrors are just...mirrors...it won't be nearly as bad. So despite my anger, your bottom line is still gonna be okay. And maybe mine will too...because as soon as I got home, I made my bottom run 3 miles. And as I ran, I screamed at the top of my lungs, for all the cows to hear, "I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE THIS, OLD NAVY MIRROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" So thanks for the incentive to run, but seriously. You gotta do something about your dressing rooms.

With much love and a mean side-eye,
Erika

Thanks for enduring that. It's just been weighing heavy on my heart since yesterday's unfortunate experience. 

In more positive news, I have two things for you. Of course, neither of them can I really claim as my own, but that won't stop me from sharing.

Great News The First: You know my friend Colleen? The one who wrote Elly in Bloom? And [one of] my blogging soulmate[s]? If you don't, you should, so get on that. But anyways. Like many of us, Colleen has been awaiting her first baby for years and years. And years. And then some more years. And they've been sitting on an adoption agency's 'approved and waiting' list (process complete, waiting to be picked) for TWO YEARS. So you do the math-- first there's infertility (long period of time), then there's deciding to adopt and choosing and agency and fundraising and home studies and paperwork and classes and paperwork (long period of time), and THEN you're approved and waiting and then they wait TWO YEARS, during which time their paperwork expires, they have to do stuff OVER again, and just try to think about how miserable and anxious you might be feeling in the midst of all this...and how much you might want to punch in the face any clueless person who suggests that someone might 'JUST ADOPT!'...grrr...but anyway. I am thrilled beyond belief to tell you that on Saturday morning, Colleen & Ryan's son was born and that THEY ARE PARENTS now!! Obviously there are a lot of things that still have to happen before it is official, but there's a baby in their house and they are over the moon. I just wanted to tell you so that you could a) go offer them some congratulations and b) pray for them, that everything would go smoothly and well during the next month or so, until parental rights are terminated and everything is complete. But also I've just had this ridiculous perma-smile on my face since Saturday, and in case you wanted to know why I'm looking so goofy, this is why. I am so thrilled for them. SO go read Part 1 of her story and get your very own perma-smile! We can be twinsies!

Great News The Second: I read a really great blog post that someone shared on FB yesterday. As I was reading it, at first I was kinda mad because I was like dude, this totally sounds like what I think...and he even writes like me...THIS SHOULD BE MY BLOG!!!! But, it's not, and I got over it pretty quickly so now I'm good with just sharing it and hoping it brings some inspiration or peace to someone else. Confronting the Lie: God Won't Give You More than You Can Handle...go check it out.

That's all, folks. Have a good one!

19 comments:

  1. I totally love your Old Navy rant. Yes, yes, yes.

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  2. My old job was in an office tower attached to a mall, and one of the kiosks in the mall was a weight loss something or other with a before/normal mirror and an after/skinny mirror. When I was having a bad day or needed a pick me up, I just marched my behind right on down to that skinny mirror and stood there for a minute! Old Navy needs to get on board with that!!

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  3. Eek! Yay for Colleen! That's SO awesome! What WONDERFUL news! I'm off to go read part 1!

    And you're right, that dude/preacher man is awesome! Love that post!

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  4. I have to agree. Old Navy mirrors and lighting are awful. But I take issuuuueeee with the Skinny Mirror Slant. When someone posts a pic on instgram or social media with an obviously tilted mirror, and everyone comments "ohhhmygosh You lost so much weight!" "skinny minnie!", etc. I mean, don't they feel a tiny bit like a fraud?! :) I don't know. Maybe it's good for self esteem at home, but to lie to the internet? hahaha, well--is this a moral issue? I kid. I kid.

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  5. Agreed about Old Navy. Also, I have found that I always have to wear a size bigger than I normally wear in most of their shorts/pants... not cool.

    Hooray for your friend- that is great news!!

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  6. This is why I rarely buy anything from Old Navy. And I thought it was just because all their clothes (read:dresses) look horrible on me. Now I know it's just the mirrors.

    And Yay! Yay! Yay! for Colleen and her husband. That is such AWESOME news!!!

    And I read the other link too. I like this guy's style.

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  7. Laughing out loud, as usual. But it's not just Old Navy! As a general rule I refuse to look at my reflection in any mirrors except for the strategically slanted one in my bedroom.

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  8. Totally agree about the old navy mirrors! And when you mentioned Colleen, I thought you were going to say she was releasing another book! I loooved Elly in Bloom! But her baby news is way way better!! :)

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  9. I'm totally with you on the mirror thing! It makes no sense because if they had mirrors that flattered you'd buy the item every time...duh! That's awesome news for Colleen :) The other link was great also, thanks for passing it along.

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  10. seriously Old Navy. why cant you be more like Loft, with their skinny mirrors in every dressing room, runway and even in the racks. every one needs a goal, and that should be Ol Navy's!

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  11. I'm glad you brought up such an important issue. Old Navy is not the only store I'm upset with about their dressing room situation. Target has those three way mirrors that haunt you from every angle. They need to offer complimentary Zoloft and Kleenex with those unflattering mirrors!

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  12. You are SO right about Old Navy and I laughed out LOUD while reading this post! Congrats to your friends, so glad they are parents finally!

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  13. This is my kind of fashion blogging now.

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  14. I feel you on the Old Navy horrible lighting/fitting room mirrors. Poor store design!

    Yay for your friend's baby!!! That's so exciting to see LONG awaited prayers be answered! :)

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  15. Congratulations to your friends! WOOO!!!!

    And, yes, Old Navy's mirrors are pure evil. UGH!

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  16. Yay for your friend. I never go to Old Navy, but based on your sweet letter, I'll assume that is a good thing!

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  17. You know I squealed and did my adoption boogie dance, right?

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  18. I'm really late to the game on this one... but... AMEN to your Old Navy horrible-mirror-rant! OMG - they are THE.WORST! I actually don't really try on at Old Nacy anymore. I bring clothes home (or order on-line) and then just go there to return. THAT'S how much I despise their mirrors!

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  19. I feel like i haven't been to Old Navy in forever but i do remember the awful mirrors!!! Speaking of, the mirrors in the bathroom where i go to weigh for Ideal Protein - SO SKINNY! Which is kind of strange, b/c i go pee right before i weigh (tmi?) & as I'm leaving the bathroom i check the mirror & I think, Wow, i AM losing weight! Hahaha.

    ANYWAY. Going now to check out both of those links! So excited for your friends!!! :)

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