well, boo.

Yesterday we had another follow-up appointment with our MFI specialist. Matt's having analyses done every 9 weeks or so (approximately the length of each sperm 'generation') to monitor his progress since surgery. Our first post-surgical follow-up was in March and it was pretty encouraging. At that point, Dr. W put him on two new medications that should have helped support things even more, so this was our next check in to see what was up. 

I had high hopes, I'm not going to lie. I don't know where all this hope suddenly busted up from, but sure enough it was blossoming deep in my heart over the last few weeks, whispering optimistic thoughts into my head...you know, crazy stuff, like maybe you'll get pregnant this month!!!...stuff I haven't really contemplated in a solid year, really. Stuff I didn't know if I'd ever actually think again. 

Although at every. single. one. of our appointments with the REs over the last year their #1 recommendation is IVF (shocking), they've also been pretty consistent with telling us that if we weren't willing/ready to do that, then timed intercourse was our only other option. Because of the severity of our MFI, IUIs were a worse option than timed intercourse because none of our sperm could survive the wash process (please see Exhibits 1, 2, and 3: My first 3 IUIs). So as far as they've been concerned, we're either low/no-tech (old fashioned baby-making-attempting) or IVF. No middle ground.

Butttttt...somewhere along the way I got my hopes up that if our sperm survivability rates could go up, then maybe we could try IUIs again. And in the last two weeks or so I've pretty much convinced myself that that's what was going to happen. A nice IUI cycle, right? A teensy fraction of the cost, physical trauma, and emotional drama of IVF-- and sure, a fraction of the odds it'll work, too-- but jusssst a little something to make me feel like we're doing something, right? Right. I was really excited. All we had to do was get that survivability rate up and I'd be signing us up for IUI on my next cycle. We were totally pumped.

And then...yeah. No. Not so much. Not at all.

For your pleasure (and my record-keeping) I made a lovely chart:

 Right, so...that's a big boo hiss.

Let's take a moment and be thankful that LOOK!!! Our penetration count is actually in the GOOD RANGE!!! YAAAAAYYYYY!!! At least one thing on the chart isn't getting a failing grade. So I am definitely thankful for that, because it doesn't matter if you have a zillion sperm and they all survive-- if they can't penetrate an egg, they're all useless. So at least now 84% of ours are not useless!!!! I am super happy about that, don't get me wrong.

I am not happy about: Total count DROPPING??!?!?! (and the dr wasn't concerned at all and I KNOW it's normal for count to vary wildly, but still...not cool); survivability still unchanged and terrible.

Just because I'm a glutton for punishment, I decided to ask about IUI anyway. Predictably, Dr. W said NO. Same story- not enough would survive the wash to make it worth their time (which is saying something, since they get paid whether or not it works, and it only takes about 10 minutes...). He said our success rates will be higher at home or (you guessed it!) with IVF (really? you don't say.).

He's letting Matt stay on the 2 current drugs for another 9 weeks to see if another life-cycle of sperm will show any improved survivability. He added in a 3rd drug (serophine, which some of you would recognize by a different name...;) ) that will hopefully help to boost the total count. His thinking is that if we can't improve the survivability rate, if we could at least boost the overall number, then we'll still end up with more surviving (even if the rate stays unchanged) and could maybe consider IUI then. Makes sense to me, so we shall see.

When I type it all out it doesn't seem as bad. That's good. I must admit, I was pretty crushed during/after the appointment, though. I just thought it was going to be all good news. I wasn't prepared for mediocre...or bad. I was ready to move on, to do something. But there's nothing to do, now...except watch Matt take pills and pray that his pills work faster than my endometriomas grow. Isn't that a fun game?

God, I could really use some miracles right about now.

Infertility sucks. Having both male-factor AND female-factor infertility double sucks. And with that, Suzie Sunshine is signing out. Have a lovely day. And if you have cute kids, keep a close eye on 'em. I'm in a kidnappy mood.