filing a complaint

Remember awhile back (okay, YIKES, it was over a year ago) when I wrote some rather complain-y blogs about Comcast and the terrible customer service I was receiving? And then remember how that random guy Mark Casem, whose job is apparently to troll the interwebz looking for people whining about Comcast, left a comment offering to help me with my problem? Well, trust me, I never took him up on it. I just left Comcast for DirecTV and haven't regretted it a minute since. But I've been whining about some stuff in my brain lately and I figured...why not write about it here, just in case someone who can do something about it happens by? So this is me taking official action and Filing a Few Complaints.

First of all...
Dear Any Giant Official Corporation in Any Way Affiliated with Dealing with Anything Related to my Recent Car Accident:
Please stop contacting me. Please stop sending me long confusing letters in the mail and please stop requesting me to send you stuff that I have no idea what you're talking about. I can't even write a legible SENTENCE here (and I am slightly grammar-snobby) because I am SO confused. Seriously. Just stop. I realize that everyone wants money from someone and while 3 companies have claimed they'll cover my medical bills, for some reason some company is still convinced they have not been paid and someone wants me to mail someone else some medical coding information so that it can be filed properly and PLEASE JUST STOP THE MADNESS. The only correspondence I would like to receive in the future is a check. A big fat one, made out to me. Because you know what? I got ran over by a truck. And don't you think for one minute I've let anyone forget about that. Mattie...I can't walk the dog...I got RAN OVER BY A TRUCK!!...and I need a milkshake....cause I got RAN OVER BY A TRUCK!!! OK, sorry, I digressed. But seriously. Just stop.
Love,
Erika

Secondly...
Dear Clomid:
First of all, thanks for all you do. I mean, not that you've personally paid off for me, but in general, I think you've been very helpful for couples struggling to conceive. And really, I don't want to be petty here, because I'll admit-- I've been pretty impressed with the lack of side effects. Lots of fertility meds are pretty brutal, so I appreciate that you aren't so much. But seriously-- is it COMPLETELY necessary that I break out like a 16 year old?? I mean, really?!?! Because trust me-- I remember the Acne Battle really well. I mean, I've been fighting it for like...the last 15 years...and only in like the past year have I even come close to winning. But you are really setting me back. It's disgusting and I don't appreciate it. I already feel like I'm a failure as a woman, not being able to bear children and all. Do I have to look like a failure too?
Thanks and I look forward to eating you again in the morning,
Erika

And lastly...
Dear Treadmill at the Gym:
You know, I'm all about keeping things real. But do we have to keep it that real? It's just that it's depressing when I work my butt off for half an hour and you have the nerve to tell me I only burned 250 calories. Um...there's no possible way. I mean, I consume more calories than that before I even eat breakfast each day. So do you really think I'm going to believe that all my hard work only results in burning a measly 250 calories?? I think not. I know you're lying. Just the way I know I'm lying about my weight on it, too. (Hey, you never know who's peeking over your shoulder to see you type in those numbers!) So that's how I've convinced myself that since I'm slightly underestimating my weight...perhaps you are slightly underestimating my calorie-burning. It's just a thought. So I see your 250 and I translate that to about 900. Just so you know.

Thanks,
Erika