Monday, March 27, 2017

millie-isms: part V

WHOA. Huge realization. I believe Millie is approaching the age/stage/conversational ability that she will be able to answer one of those "parent questionnaire" things that everyone loves to do around Mother's Day or know, "how old is your mom? What is her favorite thing to do?," etc. Also known as something I've been waiting for for seven billion years. I'll hold out hope that her teachers and/or father make this dream come true for me in the next few months. In the meantime, she says plenty of other funny stuff to keep me rolling.

(Pictures that accompany these stories are entirely unrelated, but cute, right?)


We are sitting at the table, calmly eating breakfast. Millie looks up and her eyes light up.

"Mama! Let's go play upstairs, otay?"

Me, extremely confused: "Ummm...Millie, we don't have an upstairs."

Millie, extremely confused: "Why?"

Me: "Because we've never had an upstairs? Because we live in a one-story house?"

Millie: "Why?"

Good question. Let me time travel back and ask 2009 Erika what she was thinking.


Matt is holding Millie and we (Matt & I) are laughing about something. All of a sudden, Millie exclaims "DAT NO FUNNY!"

We stop laughing, only we kinda can't, because her outburst is so random and so funny in itself.

"What's not funny, Millie?"

"No laugh. No 'ha ha ha ha ha!!'" (She says her 'ha ha ha's in the most sarcastic voice a two-year-old can muster.)

You try not laughing after a scolding like that.


On multiple occasions (like, maybe 5), when we pull our car into the Target parking lot, Millie immediately screams "HOOOOME!!! We home!!!"

Please note that she does not say this when we actually arrive to our actual (disappointingly one-storied) home. She has done it twice when we pull into our church parking lot. So, home=Target and sometimes church. There's something just beautiful and strange about that.


I have an Apple Watch, and one of the fun features is that you can activate Siri by just turning your wrist and saying "Hey Siri," followed by whatever you want her to do. One thing I find myself doing semi-regularly is requesting that Siri set a timer for two minutes, because a certain member of our household sometimes needs to spend two minutes thinking about her life and choices occasionally. 

So when Millie is playing with her dolls and animals, you may find her sternly reprimanding the doll for some terrible transgression, and the conversation goes something like this:

"NO! You NO BITE. Dat NOT NICE. You go time out."

(she puts her wrist up to her mouth and yells at her wrist) " TWO MINUTES! Hey do two minutes!"

(talking to her doll again) "You sit two minutes! You wait for my watch make sound, otay! NO BITE! Two minutes!"

Then she stares at her doll, intermittently glancing at her wrist. If her doll gets wiggly (in her imagination, I suppose, since our dolls are all inanimate as far as I know...), she doesn't give in.

"Hey!! No two minutes yet! My watch NO MAKE SOUND. You sit. TWO MINUTES!"

I promise I am not as mean as she makes it sound. Because now I'm so paranoid about the whole thing, I can barely even bring myself to sit her in time out. Ha!


Millie has gotten where she loves for us to scratch her back. She likes us to pull up her shirt and scratch away. So the other evening, I was scratching as requested. Apparently my hand went a little further than she cared for, and she exclaims "No! No scratch my booty! Poop-poop in my booty!!"

You can't argue with logic like that.


At breakfast, Matt and I were discussing who would pick Millie up from school that afternoon. She is listening carefully and pipes in with some clarifying questions:

"Mommy pick me up today?"

"Yes, Mommy is going to pick you up."

"Pick me up and go to doc-tuh?"

"No, baby...pick you up to go home. Do you need to go to the doctor?"

[wide eyes] "Go to doc-tuh to cut open my nose and get food?"

So apparently last week's lesson did sink in and is weighing heavy on her mind, just as I'd hoped. Ha!


  1. Ha ha I love the timeout mimicking! She has mastered timeout and believes Target is home, so basically she is already a mom now, ha!

  2. Millie, by mimicking your time out strategy, and adding in a little drama, is a smart little girl. She has you rethinking your approach! I call that brilliant.
    All your documenting of Millie's life has me so jealous. I have to use recall when thinking about Matt and Jason as two year olds. Trust me when I say a 45 year old brain develops many gaps in time and memories! Ten years from now this will be such a blessing!

  3. De-lurking to say that I love your Millie stories so much!!! Been reading forever. You had the most adorable baby who has grown into the most adorable and most hilarious toddler!

  4. I could so use a daily dose of this stuff to start the day! She is the best! I love the watch one the most. I mean it probably blows your mind what she remembers.

  5. I laughed out loud to all of these!! Keep being you hilarious Millie!!! :)

  6. So hilarious! Cracking up over these.

  7. I laughed so hard at Target = home that I. couldn't open my eyes for a minute. Millie just made my day. Too precious!!

  8. Cracking up about her use of the apple watch and scolding her dolls. Too funny.


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