Thursday, June 22, 2017

Operation BGB: more emotional than I'd planned

Well, Operation Big Girl Bed is a wrap, folks. The crib is gone, the bed is in, and Millie stays in her bed and sleeps perfectly like a little angel champ, so go ahead and give me my gold star for parenting. BAHAHA. Or not. But seriously, it wasn't too painful.

We got both the upholstered bed and the mattress on Amazon- I'll keep ya posted, but so far we are very pleased with both items! They both had great reviews and were freaky cheap, so that's how we made those difficult shopping decisions, haha. (FYI- those are affiliate links!)

So the bed was delivered on Friday, but we knew the mattress wasn't going to come until Monday. We knew we would have to a) deconstruct the crib, b) construct the bed, and c) when the mattress came, it would need 24-48 hours to grow to its full mattress size once we released it from the box, so we didn't go into the weekend with a real plan of when and how we were going to do all of these things. However, once Millie and I were up bright and early Saturday morning, I made the executive decision that we should go ahead and take down the crib and build the bed that day. I'll be honest- the main reason I wanted to go ahead and do it was because I knew that losing the crib was going to be the hardest part (emotionally) for me. I didn't want to have a "last night" putting her to bed in it because I would probably have just sobbed for hours and made a big messy deal out of the whole thing. As it was, we'd had a relatively routine "last night" the night before and that was just it. I didn't want to put it off. 

But guys- it was hard

June 17, 2017- our last morning with our crib
I know you know what I mean. The pain of infertility and loss and waiting and heartbreak is not nearly as salient as it once was, but it's not nearly forgotten. That crib is a lot more than a piece of furniture to me. It is a tangible symbol of hope fulfilled, of answered prayers, of beauty and life. It represents what I longed and prayed for for years and years. And I couldn't be any more thankful for the baby that came to sleep in it, who has grown and thrived and now needs to move on from it...but if I had a lot more rooms in my house, I would leave that crib standing forever. A testament to answered prayer. Something to lay my hands on when I need to remember that He heard my cries. And it doesn't make sense to me, logically, because I have Millie for that, right? I can hold her and remember the same things. And I do. But that crib.

I knew it was gonna be tough.

As I started untying the bumpers, I just lost it. Those are the bumpers I sewed. For our other baby, our first maybe-baby...the baby we didn't get to keep. I wept and prayed for another baby as I sewed these bumpers nearly four years ago. And that baby never got to see them, but in the wake of that loss, Millie came. And Millie did see them, and slept with them, and stepped on them, and smooshed them, and they don't look so hot anymore, but that didn't matter a whole lot to me on Saturday as I sat there untying their impossibly tight knots with tears leaking out as I worked. Like nearly everything in her nursery, those bumpers are more than just (hazardous) pieces of foam-filled fabric. They remind me of our wait. Of the months and years of planning and hoping and making ridiculous, unnecessary hand-made mementos for the baby we hoped would come.

She came. We don't need the bumpers anymore.

I knew I wouldn't be able to watch Matt dismantle the crib itself, so Millie and I left to take a trip to Target. She was watching me as I cried, and when she asked why, I tried to explain. "I'm just sad because this really means you're not a baby anymore, Mills. I can't really explain it any better than that."

"I a big girl, Mommy! But dat otay. We get a baby for da cwib."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's not really that easy. I don't think there'll be another baby for that crib. But just in case- we're only putting it in the attic. We can always get it back down.

When we came home from Target, I shed a few more tears as I spied the dismantled crib in pieces in the laundry room. But that was it. Then we went into Millie's room and found her bed all assembled and ready- with a suddenly tiny-looking crib mattress plopped down where the big mattress would go someday soon.


Someone was pretty jazzed about the whole situation!


It took us a little while, but we eventually managed to rearrange all of the furniture in her room to fit without having to move out the glider, which was my main hope. No need to mess up our lovely pre-bedtime rocking routine! This is what the room looked like until last night, when the mattress finally got put in place.

Millie went ahead and started sleeping in the bed on Saturday for naptime. And she did great! She's fallen off a few times (I move that truck out of the way before she sleeps, so if she falls, it's only onto the carpet), and it doesn't seem to bother her at all, haha. She just climbs back up and doesn't seem to even fully wake up. Weird, but I won't complain. I have a pool noodle that I may put under the fitted sheet now that she has the real mattress if she keeps falling- I hear that works well.

The mattress ended up getting delayed a day and didn't arrive until Tuesday. It's one of those foam numbers that comes in a small (well, smallish) box and then magically inflates to full size once you take it out of the vacuum-sealed pack. I must say- that was really fun to watch. And as an added bonus, the box it came in makes a mighty fine bear cave.


We let the mattress do its thing for 24 hours and finally, FINALLY last night got to put the whole thing together for a final BGB product!!


Ta daaaaaaa!!! (Please note Millie also taking a picture with her wooden phone.) 

We got the 12" mattress and between that and the pillows, you basically can't even see the upholstered headboard anymore, haha. But I love it!! And more importantly, so does Millie.


So far going to bed hasn't been a problem at all- we already tend to rock her until she's nearly asleep, and that hasn't changed, so once I put her in her bed she just rolls over and goes to sleep. She has been getting up and coming to our room whenever she wakes up, which is usually between 6:15-6:45...not so bad on the weekdays, torture on the weekend. Ha. But not really different than when she was in the crib, except that we don't have to get out of bed to go fetch her. But last night (the first night on the new mattress) she did wake up and wander on in at about 1:15 a.m. Not quite sure why, and Matt was able to take her back and put her in her bed and she fell asleep pretty quickly...but hopefully that doesn't become a trend. I'll keep ya posted!

And in somewhat related and EXTREMELY important news, I just figured out how to do Instagram Stories last weekend. If you follow me on IG...you probably noticed. Hahaha. I'm having way too much fun, and Millie is obsessed with the fun filters, so...my apologies if you're tired of seeing it, but then again...how could you ever get tired of Millie??!



And with that, we're done. Even thinking about the crib enough to type this post out has me emotionally drained, so I need to go put bunny ears or princess crowns on myself to recover a little. ;) Until next time, friends!

PS. If you need one last glance of Millie's baby nursery, you could reminisce with my old nursery tour post and cry your eyes out a little. Or maybe that's just me. Ha.

15 comments:

  1. Ahhhh I can see why that would be emotional... but I'm glad you saved the crib for now. She looks so grown up in her new bed and so proud! Also.. you already know this, but... she'll always be your baby girl <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She definitely will- even if she disagrees when I tell her that! But at least she makes me feel better by saying "I always be your Mill-Mill." :)

      Delete
  2. I have been reading your blog for a long time but I don't think I have commented before. This was the sweetest, most poignant post! We have three sons, 2 years apart, and had two cribs for many years. I remember very clearly how I felt the day we took the last crib down. My prayer for you is that someday soon, you need that crib in your attic. But if you don't, you will still treasure the crib days. We all do, no matter how many children we have.
    Millie is a doll-baby and you guys are so lucky to have each other. Enjoy these sweet days!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your comment and for reading! :) That must have been so hard after so many years with cribs to love! At least with the BGB we can crawl in bed and cuddle with them...something not so possible in the crib! :)

      Delete
  3. I had a tough time when we got rid of the twins' cribs, too! And believe it or not, Clara sometimes STILL (though rarely) gets a sad look on her face and says, "I miss my crib." She's a sensitive soul, that Clara. Glad to hear you all survived in the initial transition and hope it continues to go smoothly!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ok, so 1) I'm crying. 2) How adorable is that bed? And 3) I love this post. Oh the feels. It's too much. I'm going to be a puddle like you when the time comes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. What a beautiful room, and now with a great bed! We've had the cot in our room for nearly ten years and my youngest is weeks away from totally outgrowing it. I will get hubby to get rid of it when the time comes... I will not be able to watch. So many memories.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Aw I remember you talking about making those bumpers too :( But watching them grow up is fun and exciting also! Of course this was a million years ago but so they still make those rails you can put on the side of the bed so the little ones don't fall out of the bed? Her bed is adorable and she looks so happy!

    ReplyDelete
  7. "I know you know what I mean. The pain of infertility and loss and waiting and heartbreak is not nearly as salient as it once was, but it's not nearly forgotten. That crib is a lot more than a piece of furniture to me. It is a tangible symbol of hope fulfilled, of answered prayers, of beauty and life. It represents what I longed and prayed for for years and years. And I couldn't be any more thankful for the baby that came to sleep in it, who has grown and thrived and now needs to move on from it...but if I had a lot more rooms in my house, I would leave that crib standing forever. A testament to answered prayer. Something to lay my hands on when I need to remember that He heard my cries." - crying!!! Beautiful!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I cried a mix of tears over here - beautiful post and perspective. And testimony. Big hug!! And love that BGR, so cute and bright!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. You just tore at my heart! I remember the first baby and those dark days, but now look at your beautiful Millie!!! She plops down on her BGB and all is right in the world. Enjoy your new BGB, Mills! It's so so adorable.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ah! This made ME tear up. I feel you. We are in the process of making our basement more usable and have an entire corner filled with baby gear that we're selling on Craigslist next month...goodbye baby swing, bouncy seats, rock&play, playmat, bumbo, carseat base...it is hard. I don't think there will be another baby in our house and I'm having a hard time with that. Trying to look on the bright side with the selling...more space and a little cash.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh wow, milestones happening so fast! Must confess i teared up a little bit

    ReplyDelete
  12. Just wanted to let you know that your blog header is not a picture. It says "please update your account to enable third party hosting". I'm seeing that in a couple of places on the right side bar as well. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ACK!!! What on earth!? Thanks for the heads up!! :)

      Delete

I love comments almost as much as I love Mexican food. Seriously.