costume wins

 So while my costume efforts this year were a major fail (see yesterday's post), I wanted to document the fact that not all of my Halloweens have been such disasters. Namely the ones when I was little and had very little to do with my own costumage. My parents are excellent at costuming. 

Obviously my commitment to looking fabulous and non-ugly started early.

Awww...isn't my brother precious?? (That I am precious goes without saying. Obviously.)

And in case you weren't around last year, be sure to read my photograph-filled treatise on my first Halloween: Babies Should Not Be Dressed Like Clowns. It's epic.

Happy Halloween!!

costume fail

So on Sunday we had our church's annual Costume Bowling event. This is always something that I look forward to, since I am a huge fan of dressing up in costumes and bowling hanging out with other people dressed up in costumes. Last year we even won the costume contest! So anyway, this here blog was supposed to be a picture-filled recap of our awesome costumes and such from this weekend.

But then...best laid plans and all that. Yikes.

Here are the things I was looking for in our costumes this year: CHEAP/FREE. Fun. Not gross/raunchy. A "couple" or themed idea (so that Matt and I "go" together). Not ugly-fied (always a stringent requirement of mine: I do NOT like costumes that make me look UGLIER in any way-- fat suits, ill-fitting/unflattering clothes, bizarre makeup or fake wrinkles/scars/etc...no thanks. I don't have to look like an **OMGsparkleprincess!!**, but I do not intentionally make myself unattractive). So after an intense evening of Googling/Pinterest-ing/blog-searching for eligible costumes (you know...TWO DAYS IN ADVANCE, which counts as major pre-planning on my part), I decided that we would be MIMES.

So apparently some people find mimes inherently creepy. I can get that. But if you just go do a simple Google image search of "mime," I would like to say that most of the pictures are not overly scary. There are lots of preppy, happy, cute-looking black-and-white-clad mimes. So since my wardrobe contains plenty of black and white, including white gloves left over from my drum major marching band days...it seemed like the obvious choice. It also fulfilled all of my requirements-- all I had to buy was the white face paint and black lipstick. Easy peasy.

Fast forward to Sunday. Dressed in my fabulous black and white ensemble, I started the face painting. Unfortunately, what I failed to consider is that the Party City $1.99 white grease makeup might be the most terrible thing ever. 

Oh. Em. Gee.

You wanna talk about terrifying? Grotesque? Freakish? Extreeeemely unattractive? That would be me in that God-awful white face paint. It basically looked like I'd put a crapload of sunscreen on my face and not rubbed any of it in. Only thicker. And shinier. And as the minutes passed, it sunk into every crease/blemish on my face and somehow managed to MAGNIFY each and every imperfection (and there are plenty-- I have awful skin). Not to mention, every time I opened my mouth (you know, to talk...or breathe...), raised an eyebrow, squinched my nose...ANYTHING...it slid around my face and settled into a new and even more hideous location. AWFUL. I even used my hairdryer (on cool) to try to dry it, thinking if it dried it would be...better...but that definitely did not help. OK and it wasn't even opaque white!! It was like...well, not thick enough to be opaque anything...but it was like a greenish white or something and it was completely ghoulish. I slopped on about 3 more layers, trying to get it to be thick and white, but no matter what I tried, Matt looked at me like I was a disgusting and horrifying freakshow, so with about 30 minutes to go before we needed to leave for the bowling alley, I had to call the mime plan off.

I couldn't wash that crap off my face fast enough. I would have loved to stop and take a picture for your enjoyment, except that I have waaaaay too much pride to ever show something like that. OMG. It was disgusting. The bloody zombies on Walking Dead are more attractive than I was in mime paint. TERRIBLE, I TELL YOU!!! NEVER PUT WHITE PAINT ON YOUR FACE!! I don't know how those Google image mimes got theirs to look like that...cheaters. Photoshop. Whatev.

So anyway. That gave us all of 30 minutes to come up with a new-and-improved plan. My standards got lower. Cheap. Easy. Semi-attractive.  Free. Already in my house.

So we did what we do best. Threw on some PJ pants, slippers, and Snuggies, popped some popcorn, grabbed the remotes, and went as couch potatoes. 

Years of practice have helped me perfect the look. Unfortunately, we left the remotes on the couch on our way out. So we didn't even have our prop. So we walked around the bowling alley in Snuggies and slippers. It was the weakest excuse for a costume ever...but at least it wasn't disgusting. No pictures, because it didn't even warrant a lame phone picture. Besides, this is a look we regularly sport...and I showed you a picture just recently for proof. 

So Halloween Costume 2012 can be summed up as this: big scary fail.

Better luck to us next year.

fun friday should be every week

Last night I had the weirdest dream. Matt and I were traveling in London and tons of bad things kept happening. Most notably, we drove off a bridge into a body of water. TWICE. Somehow we managed to get our Civic back each time, though...but later in the dream, I couldn't find Matt (or the Civic), so I just stole someone's car and drove aimlessly around London (on the wrong side of the road, of course) thinking that maybe I'd run into him. Tons of other bad stuff happened too, like when a very small person (maybe a child?) shot me, and when we were running into drugstores trying to find a take-at-home AIDS test (????) with no success...and all in all, I woke up very happy to be in Georgia and not looking to plan any trips to London anytime soon. My British alter-ego is just too much. 

I had the day off today, so Matt took a vacation day. This made today qualify for FUN FRIDAY status. We enjoyed the lovely weather and spent the entire day tending our neglected-since-surgery-in-August yard and flower beds. I swear there were weeds bigger than me. Plus it's time to get the flower beds in order for winter. It was a lot of hard work and manual labor, but I accomplished about 75% of what needed to get done, so I called it a successful day. And since we worked so hard and cleared out some space, I decided to treat myself to some new friends (fall/winter plants) at the nursery. 

Shopping for flowers is my favorite because they are beautiful and they never make you look fat. Unfortunately, I've been banned from flower-shopping since June, because in June I made the mistake of adding up how much money I'd spent on flowers this year. Since it added up to more than the GDP of several countries, I had to put an immediate hiatus on my flower-buying. Today I called the hiatus off because I felt like I've learned my lesson and also because it's a new season, so I actually need new flowers...since the summer ones aren't just going to keep blooming...obviously. 

Anyway, while wandering about the nursery in a dream-like state (I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE SINCE JUNE. THIS IS A LONG TIME FOR ME!! Plus it's a really fun nursery) I saw some gorgeous flowers I've never seen before. Attracted by the showy, strangely-shaped hot pink and white blooms, I sprinted meandered over for a closer look.

Sorry that you can't actually see the FLOWER in this picture. I was so distracted by the NAME of the plant...it sorta absorbed my attention. Cyclamen??!! I'm sorry, but is this a flower or a fertility drug we're talking about? Oh my gosh. I almost died laughing right there in the aisle. I'm sure no one else in the nursery saw the humor, but SERIOUSLY? That sounds like something you take on CD 5-9 or something. Now I am not only attracted to the flower, but doubly in love because of the name. I want to buy some because I think they will a) beautify my yard, and b) help me get pregnant. Unfortunately, there wasn't room in the budget for them today, but if any of you were thinking about getting me a Happy Fall present...there you go. I'm sure they'll ship beautifully via UPS.

Luckily there was room in the budget for a few beauties. And might I say-- see those giant purple mums? ONE DOLLAR EACH. Thankyouverymuch. You should applaud me for only getting two.

After returning home and spending another few hours potting and planting all the new loot, my back was basically broken (bending over all day will do that to you...plus I'm like 100 years old) and I was DONE with the hard work. We decided that the only logical way to finish the day would be on the porch at our neighborhood taqueria with a pitcher of Dos Equis and an abundance of guac/queso/bean dip.

Don't worry, we also ordered entrees, lest you think we starved to death.

And that, my friends, is a perfect Friday off. 

Also-- I've been diversifying my social networking lately. Because sometimes 200 ways of staying in touch with what people are doing isn't enough, right?? So it's good that more things keep getting invented. Anyway-- if you happen to be using Storylane or Goodreads...well, so am I. Both of those links should take you to my profile, so let's be friends!

the cat lady aisle

On our way home from work today, Matt and I made a quick stop by Target. We needed cat food and Q-Tips, which completely explains why I spent an hour scouring the clearanced workout clothes first. I think I have some kind of workout-clothes-purchasing disease or something. Or maybe it's just that apparently my Zumba class is a daggum FASHION COMPETITION that I always seem to be losing. At any rate, I have a weakness for buying cute new workout clothes. Unfortunately, today I made the major mistake of trying on the clothes first, which meant I had to see myself in the dressing room mirror. That was a total mood-killer. Where the heck does BACK FAT come from and why did it choose me? Disgusting.

Anyway.

So after I chose the least-nauseating adorable neon "body shaping" top (which is bound to encourage me to workout harder, right?), we headed over to get the things we actually needed. Since by this point I had totally wasted a ton of our time with my dilly-dallying in Active Wear, I suggested that Matt and I divide and conquer: I'd go grab the Q-Tips, he'd pick up the cat food. I divided the tasks this way because I live in fear of having to use the WRONG kind of Q-Tips, which would include anything that is not actually Q-Tip brand. Off-brand Q-Tips are definitely one of the most horrifying thing ever.  You may as well just poke yourself with a sharp stick loosely draped with one sheet of toilet paper. Anyways. There is no room for error in my Q-Tip-purchasing. So I do it myself. Cat food, though...ya know, whatever's on sale. 

So I grabbed my Q-Tips and headed over to Pets to find Matt. After scanning all 4 (or however many) aisles and not seeing him, I looped back around for a slower, more thorough search. I mean, Target wasn't particularly busy. There were roughly zero to two people on any given aisle. Why didn't I see him the first time?

Oh, right. Because apparently Thursdays at 5:30 is Crazy Cat Lady Social Hour at the Target  cat food aisle. Fo' serious. I couldn't find Matt because the cat food aisle had at least 14 enthusiastic lovers of cats mobbing the aisles, swapping kitty tales as they overloaded their baskets with all manner of Cat Nutrition and Accoutrements. Matt was the lone male in a sea of feline-lovin' ladies, and the expression on his face as he stood there, furiously calculating out the cost-per-ounce of a few different brands, was priceless. After a few seconds, the panic in his eyes (and heart, I guess) overwhelmed his ability to mentally calculate and desire to pick the best deal and he snatched up a bag and sprinted to the relative safety of the main aisle. I think I saw sweat dripping down his face as he rushed me to the register.

After settling into the car, I casually asked if he enjoyed selecting the cat food today. He gave me the hard side-eye as he declared baby, that was CA-RAZY. He related a few snippets of what he overheard, and despite the mockery and disdain in his voice, I think I detected a little something...else.

"Matt, if something ever happens to me...are you going to pick up your next wife in the cat food aisle? Because I mean, that's okay, I guess. It seemed like a fun crowd."

He laughed in my face, but probably it was because I'd hit the nail on the head. That aisle was definitely ripe for the wife-picking. Single men (my target blog demographic, obvs), you are totally missing out if you're not cruising the cat food aisle for the ladiez.

So there you have it. Thursday afternoon adventures at Target. You are so welcome.