costume fail

So on Sunday we had our church's annual Costume Bowling event. This is always something that I look forward to, since I am a huge fan of dressing up in costumes and bowling hanging out with other people dressed up in costumes. Last year we even won the costume contest! So anyway, this here blog was supposed to be a picture-filled recap of our awesome costumes and such from this weekend.

But then...best laid plans and all that. Yikes.

Here are the things I was looking for in our costumes this year: CHEAP/FREE. Fun. Not gross/raunchy. A "couple" or themed idea (so that Matt and I "go" together). Not ugly-fied (always a stringent requirement of mine: I do NOT like costumes that make me look UGLIER in any way-- fat suits, ill-fitting/unflattering clothes, bizarre makeup or fake wrinkles/scars/etc...no thanks. I don't have to look like an **OMGsparkleprincess!!**, but I do not intentionally make myself unattractive). So after an intense evening of Googling/Pinterest-ing/blog-searching for eligible costumes (you know...TWO DAYS IN ADVANCE, which counts as major pre-planning on my part), I decided that we would be MIMES.

So apparently some people find mimes inherently creepy. I can get that. But if you just go do a simple Google image search of "mime," I would like to say that most of the pictures are not overly scary. There are lots of preppy, happy, cute-looking black-and-white-clad mimes. So since my wardrobe contains plenty of black and white, including white gloves left over from my drum major marching band days...it seemed like the obvious choice. It also fulfilled all of my requirements-- all I had to buy was the white face paint and black lipstick. Easy peasy.

Fast forward to Sunday. Dressed in my fabulous black and white ensemble, I started the face painting. Unfortunately, what I failed to consider is that the Party City $1.99 white grease makeup might be the most terrible thing ever. 

Oh. Em. Gee.

You wanna talk about terrifying? Grotesque? Freakish? Extreeeemely unattractive? That would be me in that God-awful white face paint. It basically looked like I'd put a crapload of sunscreen on my face and not rubbed any of it in. Only thicker. And shinier. And as the minutes passed, it sunk into every crease/blemish on my face and somehow managed to MAGNIFY each and every imperfection (and there are plenty-- I have awful skin). Not to mention, every time I opened my mouth (you know, to talk...or breathe...), raised an eyebrow, squinched my nose...ANYTHING...it slid around my face and settled into a new and even more hideous location. AWFUL. I even used my hairdryer (on cool) to try to dry it, thinking if it dried it would be...better...but that definitely did not help. OK and it wasn't even opaque white!! It was like...well, not thick enough to be opaque anything...but it was like a greenish white or something and it was completely ghoulish. I slopped on about 3 more layers, trying to get it to be thick and white, but no matter what I tried, Matt looked at me like I was a disgusting and horrifying freakshow, so with about 30 minutes to go before we needed to leave for the bowling alley, I had to call the mime plan off.

I couldn't wash that crap off my face fast enough. I would have loved to stop and take a picture for your enjoyment, except that I have waaaaay too much pride to ever show something like that. OMG. It was disgusting. The bloody zombies on Walking Dead are more attractive than I was in mime paint. TERRIBLE, I TELL YOU!!! NEVER PUT WHITE PAINT ON YOUR FACE!! I don't know how those Google image mimes got theirs to look like that...cheaters. Photoshop. Whatev.

So anyway. That gave us all of 30 minutes to come up with a new-and-improved plan. My standards got lower. Cheap. Easy. Semi-attractive.  Free. Already in my house.

So we did what we do best. Threw on some PJ pants, slippers, and Snuggies, popped some popcorn, grabbed the remotes, and went as couch potatoes. 

Years of practice have helped me perfect the look. Unfortunately, we left the remotes on the couch on our way out. So we didn't even have our prop. So we walked around the bowling alley in Snuggies and slippers. It was the weakest excuse for a costume ever...but at least it wasn't disgusting. No pictures, because it didn't even warrant a lame phone picture. Besides, this is a look we regularly sport...and I showed you a picture just recently for proof. 

So Halloween Costume 2012 can be summed up as this: big scary fail.

Better luck to us next year.