500 stories later

So...we made it! My 500th post on this here blog! I would say that I'm shocked or surprised I made it this long, but that would pretty much be a lie. I love blogging. So why would I ever have stopped?

I don't have anything super special or magical to commemorate the day with...just some things I've been ruminating on over the past few days. Ya know, sentimental stuff. Things like I love yall sooooo much and I couldn't have made it these last few years without you!!! Both true statements, but both super cheesy. That's why I made them italicized. To take the edge off the cheese-factor. Did it work?

So I started this blog back in February of 2008. I didn't have much of a goal or "purpose statement" in mind when I started, other than to be less of a creepy blog-stalker and maybe to keep up with friends better. So I guess that I've accomplished those goals. I was a pretty slack blogger in 2008, but in January of 2009 I turned a new leaf and vowed to blog more regularly. Ya know, so that I would be in the habit of it by the time I started popping out kids, which was bound to be any minute.

Apparently I wasn't psychic back in 2009. Or now, for that matter.

To say that blogging has more often than not been the thing holding me afloat as I've navigated the storms of infertility these last 4 years would be an understatement. (Super cheesy metaphor? CHECK!) The ability to selfishly pour out my guts here and receive nothing but support and acceptance, love and encouragement, friends old and new willing to battle in the trenches with me...those things have saved me. Because in real life, I'm just not much of a talker or a sharer. So I don't know-- maybe, if I were more open in real life, I would receive a similar response. But I just kinda doubt it. And I kinda don't care to find out. Bearing my soul in "real life" is intimidating and exhausting to me. Bearing my soul here feels like coming home.

So while I may have embarked on this bloggy journey thinking only of sharing tidbits and anecdotes about our lives and family, it's ended up being something much bigger (and more therapeutic). And while there's a piece of me that wishes my life had gone according to my plan and this blog was a full-out mommy blog by now...well, obviously that's just not what happened. But maybe it's for a reason.

I'm usually hard-pressed to find any of the proverbial "reason" well-meaning people keep insisting this infertility is happening for (did that sentence even make sense?? I ended with a dangling preposition. Oh well). Maybe someday one will become clear. But I will admit that over the past year or so, I've started to feel encouraged that at least there's some purpose emerging for this aspect of my life-- blogging. Yall. The connections I've made with other women traveling this road have been unbelievable to me. Yall started coming out of the woodwork during this last year, sending me the sweetest and most vulnerable emails. Some of you didn't know anyone in real life that you felt like you could talk to, but that for some reason you found me here and felt like you could connect. And then you didn't feel so alone anymore. Some of you asked for advice. Some of you just wanted to tell your stories. Some of you seemed relieved and validated that you weren't the only one thinking these things. And all of a sudden I started feeling like maybe good will come out of this crappy stage of life-- a "good" that's better than just babies. I mean, I don't even know what that good could be...but to think that God could use my lame little blog to connect women who are in an extremely lonely and isolating stage of life? That feels really good. Because being part of a community-- even if it isn't in a physical sense-- where you feel like you belong, where you can share openly...dude, you can't put a price tag on that.

So I guess what I wanted to say was thanks. Thanks for sticking around for all 500 of these long and rambling posts. Thanks for being my "community"-- whether you've personally experienced infertility or not, you have all been so encouraging and supportive...I really don't know what I'd have done without you. Probably be locked in a glass case of emotion (name that film!). You have no idea how many times your words of support and prayer have pulled me up and helped me to focus on hope and truth. 

I feel like you're supposed to set some sort of "blog goals" or something when you reach such an illustrious milestone as this, but I'm not really sure what mine should be. Other than to be more popular (and rich) than Pioneer Woman, of course. I guess that for my next 500 posts, I'll just be hoping that yall will continue journeying with me, sharing your own lives and hopes and trials and joys as we go. Thanks so much for giving me a place to vent and a (virtual) shoulder to cry on. Yall are seriously the best.

PS. I'd like to recognize Jenny for being my FIRST COMMENTER EVER back in 2008. There should be a serious prize for that, but in lieu of that, I'll just say that I am seriously so thankful for your friendship and support over these years. Happy 30th!!