babies don't keep

I've been a mother for almost a week now, and I am completely at a loss for words to describe how wonderful it is. The six years of waiting, of hoping, of despairing...the constant ache that is finally fulfilled has rendered me speechless. I stare at her all day and all night and I feel like my heart might shatter into a million pieces. Camilla is worth every. single. second. of the wait.

I always suspected I would love my own child like this, but now I know. I bound out of bed at ungodly hours of the day and night, anxious to scoop her up and kiss her sweet cheeks. Matt took this picture of us this morning and I scolded him because I look hideous, all glasses and morning hair. But now I look at it and I see a picture of the me I've always wanted to be: the me that has a baby to cuddle, to dress up in adorable ruffle-butt onesies, to love.

My parents left yesterday but have requested at least a billion pictures per hour. This was her first 'outfit' of the day. I love that she keeps her eyes open sometimes now. She has already changed so much in her almost-week of life. I was looking at her 'newborn' pictures and can already see so many changes. At least I can safely say I have savored every moment. 

We took a family hike today on the trails at the park near our house. It's like I have this long mental list of Things I Planned To Do When I Had a Baby and now I'm frantically checking them off as fast as I can. While simultaneously savoring, of course.

Millie slept the whole time, so I guess we'll call it a win.

This is what we look like when she's napping. I mean, when we're not just sitting in there next to her staring at her in person. And as soon as we hear her stirring and see her making her hungry face, it's a sprint to see who can get her up first. Winner gets the cuddles, ya know.

We went on a walk after dinner tonight. I drew the short straw and had to walk Lola while Matt paraded Millie around the neighborhood like she is the homecoming queen or something. Several neighbors stopped us to say congratulations. One man hollered across the street, "I couldn't believe it when I saw the balloons-- were you PREGNANT?? My wife and I have been trying to figure it out all week! You really did not look pregnant!!!" Another woman kindly said "I hope this isn't rude, but...you didn't give birth to her, did you? I see you all the time- you really weren't PREGNANT with her, were you??!" I told both of them the truth, and they offered more congratulations.

I did not offer that same truth to the strangers at Target and Lowe's who merely exclaimed "you had her TUESDAY?!?!?!?! You look GREAT!!!!!"...for those folks, I merely say thank you!! Hopefully they don't feel bad about their own lack-of-quick-bouncing-back-after-childbirths now, but...it's just funny to me. 

I try not to have my phone always stuck in Camilla's face, taking pictures. I want her to learn my face, not just see a turquoise rectangle in front of her all the time. But sometimes she makes really cute faces and I can't help myself.

I know this is all over the place, but I have no time to go edit it and make it make sense. Sweet Millie is awake and babies don't keep (this poem is constantly stuck in my head and my mantra right now). Good night!