here she goes about her flowers again

 It's been a rather somber week, but I've been making an effort to focus on the good. It's easy to stare at the news websites and TV news all day long and get obsessed with the details of the evil. It's harder to remember that there is still beauty, still worth, still goodness in the world and in people. 

It's easier for me to remember when I'm in my yard, examining every inch of new life that bursts forth every day. I swear, spring is the best best best in that every single day there is something new to delight in out there. Every single day I find something that yesterday was dormant and dead-looking has sprouted green leaves, or bloomed a flower. It's so ridiculously gratifying and encouraging to see beauty and life sprout up where you least expect it. I probably walk around my yard a hundred times every evening, and I swear I notice something new on at least 98 of the trips.

If you don't think these are the most beautiful little things on earth, I'm pretty sure you have no soul. I'm not entirely sure what they are...last year I convinced myself they were phlox, but I could be wrong**. I don't really care. They're beautiful is what they are.
 
 Last year, after the doctor's appointment where they unofficially diagnosed my endometriosis, I was madder than fire and drove immediately to the nearest Lowe's and drowned my sorrows in buying a crapload of plants and a little apricot tree. I know, I have strange ways of dealing with sadness, but it's probably better than binge drinking or something, right? So in order to accommodate all of the new plants, we had to dig up a new huge long flowerbed across the back of our house. It was a lot of work. But I had a lot of angry energy. 

Anyway. That flowerbed ended up turning out quite nicely, and I've made a few more additions this year that I think are going to pay off nicely and it just may turn into my favorite spot in the yard. In my head I refer to it as the 'endo garden,' because that's what it reminds me of...it's only there because I was so pissed off at the new diagnosis that I freakin dug up my yard. But it's a nice reminder that good things (like flowers!!!) and beauty can come out of something not-so-good.

And after all that, I don't even have any pictures of that bed presently. :) But I do have one of our little apricot tree, which sprouted leaves and a little baby apricot just recently!

I don't even know if I like apricots. It was such a random choice. I blame the anger. And the endo. But hey, at least something's being fruitful around this house. Even if it's just a tree.

More 'phlox.' Even though it grows in little clumps/patches, there are all different flowers within the patch. That makes it even prettier to me. I like the randomness and varying shades of pink, white, and purple. SO PRETTY!! This particular patch of it is growing right next to one of my hydrangeas, which is currently sporting some gorgeous new leaves. It would be awesome if the hydrangeas would bloom while these things are still blooming, but I don't know if it'll work out like that. We'll see.

Hydrangeas are funny because they get their new growth out of the dead. So you don't cut them back, because the new stuff will grow out of the (seemingly useless, brittle, gray) previous year's deadness. They look so funny when they start growing in the spring...all of that beautiful bright green springing out of the nasty old sticks. I need to take a picture of it. Gardening is so full of symbolism to me that it's ridiculous. If I spent any more time out there getting my zen on with my plants, I might actually lose my mind. It's so awesome.

We've planted three new roses this year. I never thought I'd be much into roses, but Matt really likes them. We have three knockout rose bushes already established, but all the roses we've planted this year are of the climbing, long-stemmed variety. I'm excited (well, I will be, if they grow) because we will actually be able to cut them and enjoy them inside. Knockouts are awesome, but no good for clipping. I've just been scared of climbing roses because I hear how finicky and prone to disease they are. I did absolutely zero research before buying and planting these, nor do I have any idea what to do to care for them, so clearly I'm off to a great start.

It's silly how much happier I feel even just after uploading these pictures and writing all this out. I think that in my next life I am going to be a yard gnome and just hang out in someone's flower bed all day. If that's not a solid Life Goal, I don't know what is.

**As per Natasha's comment below, I looked up the flowers she mentioned and have now concluded that my 'phlox' are DEFINITELY Sweet William (dianthus barbatus). MYSTERY SOLVED!! Thanks, Natasha!! PS. I love blogging. How else would I have ever figured this out?**