my apologies

Dear Every Single Vet/Vet Tech/Vet Office Employee/Groomer in the Greater Athens Area:

I would like to apologize for Lola. I am so sorry. I totally understand if you all use her as your go-to example of "Difficult Patient" and are probably driven to alcoholism after she leaves your office.  We are so sorry. We have no idea how she turned out this way, but we do our best to make sure she never graces your doorways more than once a year. Thanks for your valiant efforts at attempting to give her shots/exams/toenail clippings. Even though none of them ever work out, we appreciate the effort. In the future, I will plan to go to veterinary school myself so that we can just take care of her at home, without maiming anyone else and causing you to re-evaluate your career.

I know it's hard to believe this, but outside of vet offices, she's actually a very pleasant dog. We've had many people compliment her sweet demeanor and comment on how well-behaved she is. I'm sorry that you have to work in the scariest places in the whole world and therefore see her at her absolute worst. 

Also, Matt and I are grateful to all of you wonderful people for giving us this excellent opportunity to work on compromise in our marriage. Obviously we cannot both go and face this level of embarrassment annually, so we take turns. I am already dreading 2013: the year it's my turn again. And all of you are probably dreading it too, as we have not yet decided which of you will have the supreme delight of seeing her. We hate to force anyone to see her twice, so we spread the joy around town.

Anyway, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Thanks for the doggie Xanax, though. We will be sure to feed her about half the bottle before we come in next time.

With great admiration and respect,
Erika & Matt