Monday, March 2, 2015

a year of clubbing

This weekend marked the one-year anniversary of my book club! It's hard to believe that almost exactly a year ago I was hosting our formational meeting and trying to figure out how to even be a book club...and now here we are with twelve-ish meetings (and a lot of awesome food) under our belts. It might seem silly, but in all seriousness- book club has been one of my favorite things to happen this past year. And some pretty great things happened last year, so that's really saying something. 

I always thought I'd like to be part of a book club because- big shocker!- I love to read. And I like talking about books with other people who've read the same books. And I really love hor d'oeuvres. So the idea of a book club held a lot of appeal to me. But in the last few years, as year after year of infertility and angst slowly passed me by, I started really craving a book club because I'd started noticing that any time I got together with a group of women, all anyone ever talked about was their kids. Well, and childbirth. And breastfeeding. And since I couldn't relate to any of those things (while simultaneously desperately wanting to experience all of them), I basically avoided hanging out with most of the people I knew (and liked!!!...just...not in large, un-focused groups, I guess). I mean, I understood how this happened- obviously they all had kids, were all SAHMs, and like...that's what was going on. It just wasn't a lot of fun for me to be a part of. But I still wanted to hang out with people and have friends- I just needed it to be in a setting where there was something besides epidurals to chat about. Something like...a book! So after a few months of sitting around and wishing someone I knew would start a book random night, two (also childless, ha) friends and I decided to just do it ourselves, dangit.

And guess what? It totally worked. My book club was born and for the first time in my adult life, I regularly hang out with my friends (both old and new, from all sorts of walks of life- single, married with no kids, married with kids, working moms, SAHMs- we're all there!!)! And we talk about books and current events and faith and movies and politics and the logistics of quadriplegics having sex (well okay, maybe that was only this month...) and sometimes our relationships and families and careers, but the topics are all mixed in together and it is just wonderful. Refreshing, challenging, and pretty much one of my favorite parts of the month. Every month.

Yeah. So consider this a PSA for book clubs. You should join one!! 

Before we started ours, I polled as many current book club members as I could to get their advice for starting one. That helped a lot as we tried to establish ours and figure out how to make it run successfully. I thought I'd throw out a few ideas that we used/use that I think have been helpful. 

-When we first decided to try and start a club, my friend and I made a list of about 14ish girls we knew in the area that all loosely knew one another. It wasn't an already close-knit group of friends, but everyone knew at least two other people on the list. We made a private group on Facebook and invited everyone to join it, then shared our idea of making a book club. We had our first meeting at my house and invited anyone who was interested to come so that we could plan. We also told people to invite anyone else they knew that might be interested. This seemed to be a good way to get going- we didn't start our first month with a book discussion, but with discussing how we would want to run our club.

-We meet on the fourth Saturday of each month. This consistency seems to really help. Not everyone can make every meeting, but because they're so just works, I guess. We have enough girls that actively participate most of the time that there are usually 6-10 of us at any given meeting...sometimes as many as 15, sometimes as few as 5...but it's not a big deal if you can't make it. And since the book changes every month, it's no big deal if you miss five months in a row- you can just join back in whenever your schedule clears up!

-We rotate hosting each month. We usually spend the last 15-20 minutes of each meeting choosing where we'll meet the next month and deciding what to read. Sometimes some folks will come with a list of book ideas- this is always helpful!! Sometimes we just pull up Amazon and browse the best sellers list for a few minutes. Several of the girls in our group actually work at the library, so they're in the know about what's popular at the moment (and how hard it will be for us all to get a copy). The host normally tries to lead the discussion and think of (or look up) questions to guide us. Some books inspire so much discussion that we never get to the questions!! But sometimes it's really nice to have them.

-No kids are allowed. We (okay, maybe it was just me...) established this rule hard and fast at the beginning. Obviously if you are hosting and you have kids, they don't have to be banished from their house, but otherwise- no kids allowed. Not even nursing babies. I know, I know- harsh, but otherwise a book discussion would quickly dissolve into a oh my goooosh she is so cuuuuute!!!!!! discussion, which defeats the whole point of book club. (And yes, this was a hard rule to abide by once my darling and angelic baby came along, but abide I did.)

-We discussed upfront what types of books we would all be comfortable reading/discussing. We were all open to reading outside of our normal 'comfort zones' (hello, chick lit and dystopian fiction!), but it was good to chat about the things we would not want to read. This could vary from group to group, but I'm glad my group talked about it.

(This seems like a great time to share a semi-related book club story. One of the girls in my club, B, told us this a few months ago. She is becoming friends with a neighbor of hers and they hang out while their kids play. They were chatting one day and the neighbor mentioned something about wanting to meet more friends and hang out, so B told her about our book club and invited her to join us that month. The neighbor was like well...thanks, but I only really like one kind of book. I don't branch out much. B told her that we've read all different genres and named a few of our recent picks. The neighbor looks straight at her and says in ALL SERIOUSNESS oh, well...see, I really only like vampire porn. And then B really had nothing to say about that, because that's probably not really a genre we're going to delve into. Sorry, neighbor!!)

-Pick books that lend themselves to discussion. That might seem kind of duh, but not all books do. Some books are perfectly enjoyable, but then you go to talk about them and it's like "I liked it!" "I liked it too!"...and...we're pretty much done. That is not the kind of book that is great for book club. That's great for you to read by yourself on a rainy day. So do a little research (I've even had good luck doing lame things like Googling "great book club books" haha) before choosing a book! We have found that if reviewers (even the ones on the back of the book/official Amazon review) describe a book as morally ambiguous or ethically's going to lead to great discussion, ha. 

-We try to choose books that are readily available at the library and/or cheap on Kindle. We realize that buying a new book every month would be cost-prohibitive to some people, so we don't usually pick the super hot book that just came out last week and everyone is talking about...because that book will definitely not have 10 available copies at the library. We typically pull up the online library system on our phones during the meeting as we discuss books so that we can see at a glance how many available copies of something there are before we choose. We also do a good job of passing around books once someone gets one. :) Shhh...don't tell the library.

So here are the books that my book club read throughout the past year. I didn't make it to every meeting, but I'll grade each book that I did read/attend the meeting for its Book Club Worthiness.

 The Giver (Lois Lowry)- A
     -We picked this as our first book because nearly all of us had read it before, PLUS it was coming out as a movie soon. It's super short but led to excellent discussion. It was really easy to find question guides online. Because this book was one of the very first dystopian novels that most of us had ever read, it was fun to link the themes in it with all of the more modern dystopian trilogies.

This is Where I Leave You (Jonathon Tropper)- B+
     -Another one chosen because it was about to come out as a movie. This book was a harsh departure from the youthful innocence of The Giver! This wasn't one of my favorite books to read, but I remember us having a lot of laughs as we discussed it!

The Rosie Project (Graeme Simsion)- A+++++
     -We all LOVED this book. Loved reading it, loved talking about it...just LOVED it. This was one of my favorite books we've done- it is an easy, lighthearted, hilarious read...and yet there were still enough deeper themes and topics to make it compelling to discuss. I would definitely recommend this book to any book club (or person) who isn't sure where to start. There were discussion questions in the back of the book (most convenient feature ever) and just can't go wrong here.

The Program (Suzanne Young)- C
     -And again with a 180 degree turn from the month before- from a universally-loved, happy story to a dystopian world where teenage suicide is an international epidemic...??? Not sure how this happened, really. Ha. Pretty much none of us loved this book (it was compelling enough to keep reading, but just. so. depressing. and. angsty.) and our discussion consisted of mostly just making fun of it the whole time. Eh. Probably wouldn't recommend it to your book club, unless you are a bunch of angsty teenagers.

The Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels- A Love Story (Ree Drummond)- NR
     -I didn't make it that month and didn't read the book, so I can't say how it went. I do know, though, that the girls all brought Pioneer Woman recipes as snacks, and I still regret missing that night. But probably my thighs don't.

Bridge to Haven (Francine Rivers)- NR
     -I also didn't make it this month (obviously having Millie turned me into a huge slacker!) and didn't read the book, so no opinion on how great it was or wasn't.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry (Gabrielle Zevin)- A+
     -This one was also universally loved. A really well-written, lovely story that was easy to read and awesome to discuss. I'd never heard of this book, so now I make it a point to recommend this one to anyone who happens to ask if I have any book recommendations...I just can't imagine anyone not liking it!

The Husband's Secret (Liane Moriarty)- A+ 
     -We picked this one because EVERY BOOK CLUB IN AMERICA was picking this one. And for good reason!! This book was chock full of oh my gosh, what would YOU do??? ethical situations that may have more easily-offended groups clutching their pearls pretty tightly...but we loved it! This also set off everyone in the group on personal journeys to read ALL of Liane Moriarty's books, ha.

The Light Between Oceans (M.L. Stedman)- NR
     -We chose this book particularly because of the reviews spoke of "entering the waters of treacherous morality," which was obvious code for "will lead to awesome discussion!!!" Ummm...well, I can't actually report on the discussion because I ended up missing this month, but I read the book anyway. Well, part of it. And then I entered the waters of treacherous morality and absolutely could not keep reading because my heart was so torn out of my chest that I couldn't breathe and I am not even being overly dramatic. I couldn't even handle the plot anymore. The girls in my group seemed pretty polarized on this one, though- some of them really enjoyed it, some agreed that it was just too heart-wrenching. I guess you could read it yourself and see, but just be aware that it deals with issues that could be particularly difficult to those sensitive to adoption and child loss.

The Rent Collector (Camron Wright)- A
     -I blabbed on about this book last month, but we all loved both the book AND the awesome discussion it sparked. I felt like this one was a little more off the beaten path for me personally (just isn't something I would probably ever choose on my own), but I'm so glad we went for it!

Me Before You (Jojo Moyes)- A
     -This book definitely didn't go the direction we all thought it would!! We had semi-intentionally picked a book we thought would be pleasant and light-hearted, since the previous few months had been so heavy...and yeah. Wrong! We all enjoyed reading this and had some fabulous (and hilarious) (well, and also serious) conversation. 

Coming up next month: What Alice Forgot (Liane Moriarty)
     -Roughly a third of us (including me) have already read this, but we all want to discuss it, so we decided to return to ol' Liane for round two. Since I read it a few months ago, I already know it's going to be a great one to discuss...I'm just trying to decide if I need to reread it before we meet!

Also, we tend to discuss Gone Girl and/or the Harry Potter books at pretty much every meeting (while comparing and contrasting know, in the context of our discussion!), so those should be considered unofficial books that we've read.

I'm sure that only the nerdiest of nerds have actually made it this far...but since I so appreciate other bloggers talking about what worked and didn't work for their book clubs, I thought it was time I repaid the favor. 

In conclusion, book club gives me all sorts of warm and fuzzy feelings. If you're not in one, you should think about joining one. If you are in one, you should tell me what your best/worst book picks have been. Annnnd...yay for excuses to hang out with ladies, eat tons of amazing snacks, and enter those waters of treacherous morality for a few hours!

(because I'm not a jerk, here's an unrelated picture from the weekend)

We found some daffodils blooming at the park! Yay!

*Book links are Amazon affiliate links.


  1. Wow, you make me want to start a book club! I've thought about it before but now I really want to do it. Liane Moriarty books are great! There is so much that you can discuss with them. You may want to give an Emily Giffin book a try. They are pretty easy reads but I think there is enough material for a good discussion.

  2. I would totally want to join a book club just for the food :( haha I will definitely have to check out the Liane Moriarty books!

  3. I actually just started a book club last month and invited about 12 girls who I knew through various ways--only 3 showed up and I was kind of bummed, but I'm still happy because it's making me read! Our first book was Wild, and I was meh about it (like seriously why is it so popular?), and our current book is "Where'd you go Bernadette?" and I am on and off about it. We naturally implemented some of these rules you've discussed but I do think it's a good idea to have a set date (last Sunday of the month for example).

  4. Your title threw me. I definitely thought for a second that you had secretly been going to night clubs.

    Because I am a fellow nerd, this post made me jealous. I too was part of a book club, but members started moving away. and then after one meeting got cancelled a couple times and never rescheduled, it's safe to say that now that I think it's officially dead. I've been meaning to try and start up another, but it's tough thinking of people to invite. If I do get around to doing it, I will definitely be coming back to this list and choosing a book I haven't read yet! Thank you for the thorough summaries.

    The Light Between Oceans had me crying straight through. It should have some kind of warning label.

  5. So I'll admit that I didn't read this entire post... I basically read the first few paragraphs and then scrolled down to tell you that I don't really read actual books very often but I still like the idea of a book club, so maybe I'll start a Buzzfeed Article Club, or Facebook Newsfeed Club- thoughts??

  6. Thank you for sharing all of this! We just moved cross country (MN-NC) and I don't really know many people here. I've been wanting to start a book club to try and meet people and this was perfect timing! I love all your book suggestions, too!

    1. I bet it would be a great way to meet people- and skip past all the small talk and get straight to the good stuff, like perspectives on assisted suicide!! (haha just kidding, but that seriously was what our discussion was about this month!! It got REAL!)

  7. I was tracking right along, had all these great thoughts and then "Vampire Porn" and all my thoughts died. I am now SO interested to know what google will bring your way. Oooo and the advertisements. This could be gold.

    Okay, back to book club. I joined one about 6 months ago, but it's all the way in loganville every month and I fail to go a lot. Like a lot a lot. But I do like the concept of friends, food, and good conversation.

  8. I don't know if you have read "Life as we Knew It," but it is a pretty easy read and I have found it leads to a lot of good what would you do discussions with people.

    1. I haven't heard of that book- I will have to check it out!! Thanks! :)

  9. 1. Vampire porn?! I never knew such a thing even existed. Wow! 2. I am jealous of the daffodils in the picture at the end-ours are still covered by inches of snow. I CAN'T WAIT FOR SPRING!!!!

  10. Your book club sounds amazing! After grad school, the last thing I wanted to do was sit around discussing novels, but enough time has passed that it sounds like so much fun again.Plus it comes with food and no requirement for 20+ page term papers! Also, I can't believe you have daffodils blooming already. They're my favorite!

  11. I love this post! I've always wanted to be part of a book club!

  12. I love this idea...not so much because I love reading (I do), but because I can't handle being in large groups of women without a focus (thanks infertility!), yet I crave time with my friends. I would LOVE to find a book club near me with women from all walks of life...perhaps I should just start one! Thanks for the idea! :)

  13. I moved out of state and I missed my book club (similar circumstances, bring food, share cheap book ideas) back in ATL. I found 2 in Colorado via, but they didn't really work out. I'll keep looking!!

  14. Going to look into some of those books. Sounds like your bookclub turned out to be a hit! Love the ending picture.

  15. First . . . would need to take a major speed reading course before attempting to read one book a month!! How in the world do you do it?? I am so impressed. I guess I could listen via audio book, which has been my default as of late. :) Again, I might need to find a book club that reads more like 4 books per year. :)

    Second. . . vampire porn!! OMG!

  16. My friends and I have had a book club for about 3 1/2 years, and we're still going strong. There's 9 of us, and our rules are a little different - we rotate who hosts (and have an official list that I keep up with for the order, ha #nerd...I am the unofficial president) and the person who hosts picks the book. We vote on dates until we find one that works for everyone - sometimes things come up at the last minute but probably 90% of the time we're all there. Babies are allowed who are newborns or whose mothers are seeing a psychiatrist for post-partum anxiety and can't stand being away yet ( but mostly it's just the adults which is AMAZING. Food, wine, fun, discussion follow! I have 2 favorites - #1 Outlander (it was written in 1991 and is now on book 8 and counting and the books are LONG and sometimes go overboard on history but they are amazing) #2 Before I Go to Sleep (which was released in the fall as a movie but must have sucked b/c it was barely in the theaters. We've had like 5 books be made into movies (Did you know Me Before You is being made into a movie AND has a sequel coming out...I might have already commented that) - supposedly The Light Between Oceans is going to be one (our BC read this as well) but we're on the fence about going to see it. It was really hard for all of us to read it.

  17. This makes me really want to start a book club! I would love the idea of being able to hang out with a group of people regularly and then I would also have to read a book each month. I am going to have to remember this list for summer time when I actually have time to read. These sound like some good ones!

  18. My first roommate in college ready lesbian vampire porn, but she was straight. She wouldn't get out of bed for a whole day and would sit in the dark and read. We got along really well, but some days I was like please can we open the shades, we aren't the vampires!!! Also I read Bridge to Haven (actually listened on my drive to and from the boyfriend) and it was okay, but no Redeeming Love. It was super predictable. In my drives I have also listened to The Book Thief (A-), The Help (A+++), and I started All the Light We Cannot See. That one intrigued me, but it was kind of too deep to listen to when you really have to pay attention (aka driving in crazy city traffic). I would like to get a copy of it this summer to read in real life. I started This is Where I Leave You, but it had too much cussing for my liking.

  19. Happy 1 year bookaversary!!!!!!! I love that you graded each one - I haven't read any of these and y'all sure covered a lot for just a year!!!

  20. Did you right this post only because a couple weeks ago I searched your blog for books you've read before I went to the library? Well, I checked out The Program, and I'd have to agree. I'm glad you have these rated. That'll make my next trip more successful!

  21. I clearly meant "write", not "right"....typing with a baby in the other arm isn't easy. :)

  22. i need information on who what and where the next one is. notice i'm not capitalizing or using commas? just for you.

  23. Now I have a bunch more books to read. Yay! And I LOVE my book club. I've been a part of it for almost ten years but I did move away for five years in between there. I used to be a part of two book clubs but my other one kind of died which made me sad.


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