Saturday, October 15, 2011

so maybe babies should SOMETIMES wear clown costumes

Thanks for all of your moral support and kind words about my clown costume. It really warmed my heart to hear that you think that I look like "a Hispanic boy" and "creepy." (Note: I do not think that Hispanic boys look creepy. I think they are cute as all get out. Those were just a few of the things YALL thought I looked like in my baby clown costume.)

I decided to confront my mom about the whole issue. She and my dad came last night for a 24-hour visit...and there's no time like the present for an Intervention. I came at her, armed with the Polaroids I showed yall on Wednesday. Before I even had a chance to start talking/ranting, she was overflowing with "awwwwww!!!!! Look how cuuuuuuuuuuute you were!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My widdle baaaaaaaabbbbbyyyyyyy!!!!!!" and it's really hard to stage an Intervention with a woman who is making googly eyes at a Polaroid picture.

"Mom. Stop. Listen to me. I need to know--"

"you were so tiiiiiiinnnnyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! Look how cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute you were!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Mom!!! That is not cute!!! You painted a mustache on me!!!"

"it's not a mustache, it's your clooowwwwn cuuuuuuuteeeeee"

"Mom, it's not cute, it's creepy. I look like a Hispanic boy!! Why did you do that to me?!!!"

She stopped cooing long enough to look at me like I was out of my mind. She then explained that she MADE that costume--with her own two hands!!!! Out of love for her baby daughter!!!! And it was SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUTE.

My dad chimed in. As HE recalled, I pitched a FIT that day. I wanted NOTHING to do with having that costume on. Me and him about HAD IT OUT and he was determined that a 10-and-a-half month old was not going to beat him in a battle of will. He'd never seen me so ornery!!

Here's where I explained that I ACTED like that because I was wearing a clown costume and I looked scary!!!!!!! Lacking the ability to converse like a grown-up, write them a letter, or send them a text, pitching a holy fit was my only method of communicating that I DID NOT WANT TO WEAR THAT CLOWN SUIT. Or have a mustache.
This conversation could have gone on all night. Until my mom said this:

"I still have that costume! And the doll! I saw it in the attic today!"

Game changer, friends.

Sure, that costume is creepy as hell. But SHE STILL HAS IT!!! It's IN THE ATTIC!!!

Obviously, one day when I am blessed with a child of my own, it will be that child's legacy to wear the creepy clown suit. Not because I think it's cute, or because I made it with my own two hands (although the kid's grandma did, which has to count for something), but because then it can be a CREEPY FAMILY TRADITION!!!!! Not just a one-time creepy event I had to suffer through. A creepy event FOR THE GENERATIONS TO COME!! To be followed by side-by-side photo comparisons of creepiness!! It's going to be amazing.

So I guess I am amending my thesis statement from my last post (did you know my blogs have theses? I'm just THAT good of a writer.): If you have children, you will not dress them in creepy clown costumes unless they are the same costume you yourself wore as a baby. Then by all means, dress 'em up and have a good laugh.

 I do not, however, plan on giving them mustaches. That's just going a little TOO far.

Happy Saturday, friends!!

PS. The reason my mom was in the attic and saw the CCC (can we just start abbreviating the Creepy Clown Costume?) was because she was fetching the costume that Matt and I are going to wear this year. Yes, I am planning a costume more than 15 minutes in advance. This is another Costume by Jacky-- a costume my mom made for she and my dad to wear to a Halloween party back in the 70s!!!!! I have loved this costume my whole life and am super excited to rock it out this year! Matt and I tried it on last night and let's just say...we're going to have to practice before we can step out in public in this one. Suspense!!!!!!!!!!!! 


  1. The suspense is killing me!

    In other news, I have a costume for Davis, but had completely forgotten about myself (and Wade)... thanks for the reminder!

  2. We should compare creepy clown costume pictures. I have one from 5years old. No mustache though (where on earth did that idea come from)

  3. Ha poor mom- I hope you didn't tell her that your BFF threw out the Hispanic boy comment... I don't want her to hate me before she even meets me!

    One day your little ones will look very cute (ok, creepy) in that costume and you'll be glad she kept it :)

  4. the Bates family never did shrink back from opportunities to embrace creepiness. and that is why you are loved.


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