confession: TV ed.

When I was in high school, American citizenship was a very fickle thing. And by that, I mean that it could be revoked (by my friends...the very same ones I spoke so highly of over the weekend) for the slightest offense or thing deemed un-American. These offenses usually related somehow to pop culture, and your citizenship would not be reinstated until you watched/listened to/saw/did whatever it was you were not previously doing.

Personal example: "You haven't seen The American President? You aren't American. You are Pakistani until you watch it." And obviously I rented it that very weekend, because no offense to any citizens of Pakistan that may be reading this, but I really enjoy being an American and wanted to resume my normal status as quickly as possible. (Note: upon losing your citizenship, you would sometimes be given a new citizenship (such as Pakistani, in my case), or just a general political category ("you are communist"), or just...nothing. And who wants to be nothing?)

So maybe my friends (and I, by association, I suppose) were a little weird. But you have to admit that sometimes you just feel downright alienated and un-American by not participating in something extremely popular and celebrated by everyone you know.

Which brings me to today's confession. I just feel the need to get this out in public, because I can't live a lie anymore. A lie of omission, of course. I've never pretended I'm in on this particular trend...I just try to not mention that I've totally missed the whole boat. And I may or may not nod and smile like I know what people are talking about when this particular topic comes up. So maybe that's like a tiny bit of a lie. Surely you can forgive me, though. And reinstate my American citizenship.

I have never watched The Bachelor or The Bachelorette.

There it is. Whew. It feels good to get that one off my chest.

Never. Not a single rose-filled episode. Nada.

How did I manage to miss this particular phenomenon? I am possibly the only person in my demographic (which appears to be the target demographic for the show itself) I've ever met who has managed to fall through the cracks on these shows. It is particularly strange because in general, I like reality TV. So it's not like I'm opposed to the genre or anything. And it's even more awkward because people expect that I watch the show. And I can't blame them. Hey, if you enjoy passing the time with the Real Housewives of New Jersey...you probably watch any drama-filled reality vomit that makes it to your satellite, right? So last night, when my sister-in-law (whose birthday is today-HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY!!!) randomly texted me to chat about the show, I felt so ashamed to have to say "I don't watch it. I never have. I have no idea what you're talking about." And then make 15 sad faces because HELLO-- who am I and why am I living a perpetual Bachelor(ette)-free existence?

I feel like someone is going to revoke my citizenship. Which is really unfortunate, since I just paid like $130 for a new passport. Bah.

So I asked my SIL and I'm asking you: tell me when the next season starts. One would think I could find out this info on my own, but apparently that's giving me too much credit...if I've missed it all these years, I'll probably continue missing the memo. Also, give me some compelling reasons why I should watch it. What's it have that other shows lack? (Current shows I'm actually keeping up with: ummm...none. Yard Crashers, the Suze Orman Show, and Shark Tank. Exciting stuff, right? But at other times, I've been much more diligent with my shows.) And on the off chance that I have any kindred souls out there (non-watchers)...tell me that I'm not alone, and we can all be citizens of (insert exotic island nation here) together when they kick us out of America.