Monday, May 6, 2013

full disclosure

I usually appreciate the desire for 'full disclosure' amongst bloggers. You know-- presenting ALL facets of life, or a situation, and not just the pretty side. I like moms who share not only the photos of monogram-bedecked children frolicking in fields of wildflowers, but also the same kids with snotty noses screaming about Elmo. I like women who admit that their marriages aren't always romance and fun times, but that sometimes it's really, really hard. I like people who aren't afraid to show the less-glamorous parts of life.

So here I am.

I'm an admitted plant fanatic. You know I love my flowers, my gardens, and digging in the dirt. And then I love taking pictures of the fruits of my labor and bragging on myself all over the internets. And then you guys are like OH WOW THEY LOOK SO GREAT YOU HAVE SUCH A GREEN THUMB and I lap it up, yall. I'm just being honest. And when I'm out in the yard and a random neighbor stops by and compliments my ____, I almost die of glee. It's a sickness, I tell you. Although I'm the first to admit that I don't actually know a whole lot about flowers and pretty much just wing it and hope for the best out there, the fact is, when things do turn out well (and they usually do), I'm fifty shades of happy. And I'll Instagram the crap out of it.

But here's the truth: If you were to come in to my house, you'd see a different story. Apparently there is a limit to my green-thumbedness, or to my luck, whichever is actually to credit. And that limit is the four walls of my house. Outside the house? Lookin good. Inside plants?

Different story.

May I present to you the tragedy is the fate of any plant that dares to traverse the threshold of my doorways:

Oh Erika, please, this is so embarrassing. Why can't you just put us out of our misery? Why keep us around like some kind of sick trophy?

Pretty bad, eh? I know. I try really hard, but no matter what I do, the inside plants die. I think I smother them with love? Or drown them with water? Or kill them from dehydration? Or neglect? Or I simply worry SO MUCH about them that I'm paralyzed and therefore swing from one extreme to the next and not surprisingly, this does not impress plants and they die?

So this is what I want you to know: For every photo like this that I'm bound to show off this summer-


Weeee!!! Look how beautiful we are!!!!! Everyone in the neighborhood can see us when they drive by and covet our mom's green thumb!!!!!!!!!!!!
 For every picture like that, behind the scenes (aka inside the house) there are five pictures like this:
You know, taking the picture from a different angle doesn't make us look any less dead, lady. FYI.
It's shameful, but at least I've come clean now. Feels good getting that off my chest. The proverbial skeleton(s) in my closet (or dining room, living room, bedroom, etc., as the case may be).

With that said, though, we may as well end things on a pretty note:

First time I've ever bloomed, despite being planted for four years! But I'm gorgeous and smell divine, so I guess I was worth the wait.

So now you know. Judge me if you must. Or keep heaping praise on my shoulders. Whatever floats your boat. :)

23 comments:

  1. No judgement here from me at all.... I have one plant inside my house and I'm shocked it is still alive. Any time I plant flowers outside, they die. I have two thumbs and neither of them are green!!

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  2. I'll keep heaping praise on your A-M-A-Z-I-N-G outdoor plants and pay for shipping to me of your indoor plants. Like others of your blog posts, this one makes me want to laugh and cry, albiet for very different reasons :)

    And in terms of full disclosure, I must admit that the current house we are in has not been friendly to houseplants. I've killed more plants here (four) than ever before. My previous record was none. So sad :(

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  3. I just bought a dwarf meyer lemon tree, and considering it was delivered mid week last week, and is still in its shipping container on my patio, I am guessing its never going to give me any lemons; however, I do believe in miracles!

    But in full disclosure this won't be the first plant I have stone cold killed!

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  4. What is the last picture that you posted. (The bluey-purpleish one that hasn't opened?) We have those EVERYWHERE HERE!

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  5. Ha! Oh Erika! I'd be the same way if I didn't work from home and stare at my houseplants all day long. Don't worry about it, you can always just replace them! :)

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  6. Hahaha! You crack me up! Well, at least people driving by see your PRETTY plants! Right?! Girl, i have NO green thumb! My mom & sis both do. I have NO plants inside OR out! Which sounds terribly dreary, i know. But inside is okay. Outside, well, we live in a trailer so flowers aren't as expected (though some have cute little flower pots), as at a house with flower beds! One day we'll get a house & I'll be CLUELESS! :o/

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  7. Lets just say, our neighbors mowed our front lawn FOR US yesterday... that's how bad it was. I'd love to say they mowed grass, but it's just weeds. We're that house.

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  8. So even though I have zero plant knowledge and put forth zero effort with the ones outside our house, I'm proud to report that I have kept our indoor plant alive for 2.5 years now! Granted, it is apparently a very low maintenance plant (sort of like having a betta fish), but still. I get points for that, right?

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  9. No judging here... I don't seem to have much ability to keep indoor OR outdoor plants alive, so you're leaps and bounds ahead of me ;)

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  10. When I am picking out a plant, it has to have "EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA RESILIENT" on the tag or no dice for this girl. I can kill any plant.

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  11. My husband once bought me a peace lily and proclaimed it to be virtually possible to kill. It languished for three years, and then, in a moment of hasty revenge, died when I put it in new potting soil. So it goes. On the bright side, we now have a dwarf lime tree that is as tall as I am (not saying much) and just started making flowers this week. So there is hope!

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  12. I kept our indoor plants alive for 3 years and then they all died at the same time! The only thing I have luck with are my herbs out on the balcony...parsley, rosemary, basil, mint...those I can keep alive! I still think you have a lovely and loving green thumb :)

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  13. Ha! It's ok. I have been keeping my little house plant alive for TWO YEARS now! It's the only one I haven't killed. I'm like you: better with the outside ones.

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  14. I've never had an indoor plant because I fear it's fate would be worse than your indoor plants. Plus, I've never really seen any that I think "oh what a pretty indoor plant." But I am looking forward to my outdoor flowers this year.

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  15. Only ever kept one indoor plant alive and when we moved I left it on the side walk at our old place. I nearly died! It was gone...my beautiful one and only!!! No other indoor plant has ever survived! It's been almost 12 years!

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  16. I like the full disclosure, and no judgment here, my indoor plants are plastic :)

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  17. YES!!!! This makes me feel so much less like a failure!

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  18. I just snorted when I saw your inside plants. I have killed every house plant I have ever had. Including one that my mom had for over 20 years and she swore to me there was no way I could kill it. It died when I moved into my first apartment.

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  19. Girl, I am totally with you! My outside planting beds? Gorgeous. My vegetable garden? Spotless. My inside plants? All dead. In fact, R had me throw out all of our "live" (HA!) indoor plants last year and now we have all silk inside. *sigh*

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  20. I think that plant on the right is doing just fine. It still has some green on it.

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  21. I admire you!! The only plants at our house are ones that my friend planted and bulbs that my parents bought us!!! I don't even try, so I admire those who do :)

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  22. Haha! I'm more impressed that you keep outdoor plants thriving.

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  23. i've been wondering when the truth would come out. those indoor plants made me giggle everytime i saw them, because there was something so odd about YOU having dead/dying/curled up with shame plants.

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