Monday, March 17, 2014

this community is great (but weird)

Saturday was the kind of day that I wanted to never end. Like I wanted time to just stand still so that I could savor it a little longer.


After an awesome workout at the gym, we enjoyed a leisurely lunch on the patio at Big City Bread. The sun was shining, the air was warm, and I really could have just sat there with my Mattie and my sandwich and salad forever. It was the kind of picturesque happy-people-eating-in-the-sun scene that you find on postcards and come visit Athens! tour books. But seriously. Come visit Athens. Sometimes it really is fabulous here.

Also, sometimes it's really, really weird.

I'm still a member of a very exclusive (haha, not really, but it is 'secret', and upon being invited to join the group by a current member, I was asked several questions before being permitted to join!) local parenting Facebook group. Most of the parent and adoption groups I joined while waiting for Ellison I've since left or hidden from my newsfeed, but this one is particularly interesting. It's made up of local folks and everyone is very chatty and active on the page. Most of the posts and questions are parenting related, but a good many of them are more general information, questions or thoughts about stuff going on around town, and other topics that interest me. Many of the most active members in the group are quite different in their philosophies and perspectives, so discussions are usually lively (but civil). Anyway. Yesterday some of the more...hippie? earthy?...something...mothers brought up a most interesting (that is to say, disturbing) topic.

They were discussing what kinds of rituals, ceremonies, and traditions they used to help their daughters celebrate the onset of 'menarch.' 

And that's what they all called it. Over and over again. Menarche.

And then there were the ways they CELEBRATE it! And the weird ceremonies they'll have with their poor ten-year-old daughters! And like...oh my gosh, is this a THING now???

Can't we just call it 'starting your period' and can't we just observe it by like...throwing a box of pads and a copy of Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret their way and call it a day? That's how we did it back in the 90s...and if my mom had suggested we have a ceremony with red tents and all the older women in the neighborhood gathering around a fire to celebrate my womanhood...

Well, I would have died. I wouldn't be here today, sharing this horrifying bit of information with you. Because the embarrassment would have killed me dead.

HOLY COW. 

Anyway. Now I'm scarred for life knowing that there are otherwise normal-looking people running around my town planning scary menarch parties for their unsuspecting pre-teens. I want to stage some sort of intervention for the poor kids. 

(If you happen to be a big fan of the menarch ceremony and/or are planning one for your own daughter, please don't hate me. I'm just uninitiated and confused. And scared.)

(But seriously, I want to send my mom a big thank you card for being chill about the whole thing twenty years ago. If I ever get the opportunity, I plan to keep that family tradition alive with my own daughters.)

Soooooooo.

Speaking of awkward and terrible situations, today I have a dentist appointment. It'll be my first one in two years, so...basically I am a gross human being. In my defense...at my dentist, they schedule your next appointment (for six months in the future) during your appointment. So the last time I went, in approximately February of 2012, I picked a random day in August for my next appointment. Well as it turned out, that random day in August ended up being the day (or day after, or something) I had surgery that kept me down and out for a few weeks. Oh and also used up all the money and paid time off I cared to spend on doctors for that month (slash lifetime). So I cancelled that appointment but didn't reschedule because I didn't feel like missing more work, spending more money, etc. And then....and then they called a time or two, but I'd decline the call...because really, I don't love going to the dentist. And then they quit calling. And then it was like two years later and I'm like HOLY CRAP I HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE DENTIST IN TWO YEARS I AM A DISGUSTING HUMAN BEING. So here we are. St. Patrick's Day and I'm gonna be kicked back in a lounge chair to receive my past-due lecture about flossing. Yippee. 

But I have a new mental strategy to help get me through the sure-to-be-terrible thirty minutes. Whenever I start getting uncomfortable or frustrated (by the lady asking questions that I CANNOT ANSWER BECAUSE YOUR HANDS ARE IN MY MOUTH), I'll think about how extremely preferable that situation is to being forced to endure a menarche ceremony. Not that 'going to the dentist' and 'having a menarche ceremony' are at all related to one another, but they're both terrible things currently on my mind...only one is WAY LESS TERRIBLE than the other. So. I'll sit there and be thankful that the worst thing happening to me is a pointy stick scraping against my molars. Amen and amen.

29 comments:

  1. How did I miss you at Big City Bread on Saturday?? We met Katherine, Mike and baby Emma for lunch on the patio! The weather was great!

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  2. The sandwich….I need it for lunch! I'm way beyond ready for sunshine, good temperatures and eating outside!

    I don't want to offend anyone either but thank goodness my mom didn't do anything like that either!

    I hope the dentist is okay! I feel like there must be a lesson in dentist school that says "always try to talk to your patient the entire time even when your fingers are in their mouth". Stop asking my questions when I can't answer or awkwardly bite your finger trying to answer!!!!

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  3. Whaaa? Menarche parties? What the heck?!? When you point out the cultural collection in Athens, I guess it sort of makes sense… if I was to assume these parties existed, I would assign it to the hippie/earthy mothers. However, I did not in fact, assume these parties existed. Thoroughly creeped out. Red tents and fire??? Thank you mom, for thoroughly ignoring my transition into womanhood. I'm forever in your debt.

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  4. Nooooop! I would have dropped through the floor!! My mom took me on a weekend trip to the beach when I was 10 and explained everything over a 300 piece jigsaw puzzle and crazy eights. Even then, I couldn't look her in the eye for a week!

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  5. Oh, gosh. I can't imagine my mom THROWING A PARTY for that! Mine was bad enough. (Got it the Friday we were leaving for our youth group fall retreat.) But red tents and fires? I'm out. And will do the same with my daughter.

    I just went to the dentist and hadn't been in a year, but everything checked out fine, so a little encouragement for one of my most hated dr's appointments.

    Also, I'll just comment about the puzzles here. I have bought a few at Goodwill. I haven't had a chance to put them together because of our lack of space, but I figure even if they're missing a few pieces, it'll be close enough. I'm not about to spend full price on a puzzle when I'm only going to do it once. Obviously, my non-perfectionist nature hugely comes into play here.

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  6. I've never heard of a menarche party but I do fully intend to take a day when my daughter gets her period to go have a girls day with her- lunch, mani/pedi, something along those lines. My mom did it with me to celebrate my becoming a young lady and I remember feeling so special so of course I want the same type of thing for my daughter.

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    1. I think a girls' day is a GREAT idea...a mama-daughter a mani-pedi sounds like a perfect way to recognize/celebrate!!

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  7. Ok I consider myself hippie/earthy... but I think a celebration is much too much. I mean, maybe I would have a special Mom-daughter day or something, where we go out for lunch and talk.. but red tents? no...

    Oh I just read the comment above, so I guess a

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  8. Menarche party is news to me and hmmmm...I'm unsure how I feel about it. I like the idea of a Mother-Daughter day though ☺

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  9. I guess it's a good thing my "menarche party for Clara" pinterest board is secret so you can't see it, huh?

    But in all actuality, that is really weird and disturbing, in my humble opinion.

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  10. Just the thought of a menarche party made me blush. And also made me want to crawl into a hole. I remember my shy, unassuming 14-year-old self (yes, I was a very late bloomer) all too well, and I would NOT have survived the embarrassment of that sort of attention and fanfare. Thank heavens for conservative parents!!!

    Also, I could almost feel the warmth of Saturday's sunshine in your picture above--thank you for snapping me out of my rainy day funk on this the cold, dreary Monday!

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  11. combine the two. definitely ask the hygienist what she thinks about menarche parties!

    lol - in all seriousness, I think it is good o talk about periods in a positive way - instead of acting like they are a curse or embarrassing. But I think there is a way to do that without a block party....

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  12. oh. my. gosh. a menar..I can't even say it party. Wow. My mind is blown.

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  13. I would DIE of embarrassment if my mom had a party to celebrate that life event. In unrelated news I only read a few blogs religiously, but today you and Allison both had shout outs to your moms. Seems like a theme I missed or something. Happy St Patty's Day and honorary Acknowledge Your Mom on the blog Day!

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  14. Got it on my 12th birthday. So technically I guess I did have a party.

    Did anyone see the 7th Heaven episode where Lucy got hers? It was like a family affair and her dad went to get her supplies. I would have died if my dad even talked about it.

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    1. Yikes, yeah. Pretty sure my dad wasn't allowed to acknowledge the fact that I had a period until I was at least 25. ;)

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    2. My first one was on a family trip WITHOUT MY MOM, who was at home writing her Master's thesis. It was awesome. My dad bought me a special sweatshirt "because you are a woman now." At the time I was embarrassed but overall, I think he handled it fairly well. Thankfully there was no party!

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  15. If the family is that earthy/hippie than the kid is probably not your normal kid. Have you watched that new show About A Boy? It reminds me of that. The mom has always acted in ways that aren't normal to most so it's all he knows.

    In other news, my parent's never gave me any sorts of talks, like ever. I thought I was dying. I planned on being dead by the end of the day I think.

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  16. I'm not sure if I should encourage you to leave this group because it sounds bizarre, or stay in it for the entertainment value? But no, no I will not be having any sort of celebration like this for Avery. I cannot think of a pre-teen out there who would want to do something that would call that much attention to that event in their lives! So weird.

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  17. The pic of your Sat looks amazing! Love dining outside when the weather is nice!

    OMG I did not know of such parties. Ummmmmm. . . I am pretty sure I started my period during a 7th grade basketball game (without ever having a talk from my parents, other than in 5th grade from my teacher) and after the game my mom took me to the store and then gave me a pad once at home and said "ok there ya go!" Done and done.

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  18. OK, I am waaay worse than you. I can't remember the last time I went to the dentist...must be at least three years ago. AND get this...I live next to a dentist office. I can see people getting their teeth worked on when I walk out to my car. And all I can think is, "I'm sooo glad that's not me in there!"

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  19. Wow, this post comes at such an awkward time as I was really just about to ask you to fly up to Chicago to attend my belated menarche party (18.5 years late). I guess that's not happening now.

    I'm a very "Our Bodies, Ourselves" "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" (my copy should have been called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility CLINIC") kinda gal but a period bash is just a little much for me. Dear lord.

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  20. Your picture of a nice outdoor restaurant day does not make up for the weirdness of the menarche parties. At this point, I don't really want to visit Athens. :)

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  21. I didn't even know there was such a word as "menarche".
    We in Ca call it by a new fanged cumbersome title: "the first time you get your period". wow I wow.

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  22. Uh yeah, some sort of ritualistic ceremony for getting your period sounds super creepy/weird. I remember calling my mom at work that day to tell her and being mortified that she said she was going to tell my dad. A party? No.

    I had to lol about the hygienist... they must learn that in school or something, to awkwardly have these one sided conversations with patients while they're working in their mouths. And then when I am able to answer, I feel like I'm holding her up if I'm not done with my sentence by the time she's ready for the next thing. So she's sitting there holding the metal stabby stick, waiting for me to finish speaking, and I'm feeling guilty for holding up the works, but SHE started it in the first place! Seriously, something needs to be done. Flashcards? Maybe she could recite a monologue? Anything but the attempt at conversation. Sorry, lady, but my mouth is occupado.

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  23. Oh my! I would have just DIED if my mom threw me menses party. The moms should throw menopause parties. That's something worth celebrating!!!

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  24. So many things to comment on!!
    1. I want to visit Athens!!
    2. I was plenty embarrassed when I got my period and definitely didn't need any sort of ceremony, that's for sure!!
    3. I LOVE 'Are you there God, it's me Margaret'!
    4. I LOVE all Judy B books!
    5. I despise the dentist and have to go tomorrow morning. Boo!!

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  25. Oh my goodness. Haha. That is INSANE. The ceremony thing. Girl. When i started my period, i didn't tell my mom for awhile b/c i KNEW she would make a big deal about it. NOT a ceremony or party or anything haha, but just... get all smiley & goofy. And embarrassing. I had an older sister, so i snuck her pads and didn't tell anyone! For a couple months, I guess! And then (if i remember right) i realized mom KNEW and so i told her... and she did exactly what i didn't want her to do! She acted all excited for me. Smiled really big & clasped her hands together! Ahhhh! I will definitely be very chill about the situation for my own daughter.

    But now i have something to be thankful for - she didn't throw me a CEREMONY! Haha!

    I am way past due for a dentist appt too. I have gone to the same one for like 15 years but they're not on my new insurance (i have dental insurance at my new-ish job) so i have to pick a new one! :( And that is not motivating me to go back for awhile!

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  26. Also I should let you know that at one point I did not go to the dentist for eight years. Yup. And then I only had one cavity so I was pretty impressed.

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