Monday, August 22, 2011

and also, i might be dying.

Blah. It's Monday. Even though the work part of it is over, I'm still blah-ing it.

I had a really great weekend. Unfortunately, it's over now... and I think I'm dying.

The internet is great for a lot of things, but it sure does make it easy to be a hypochondriac.

 It started with this little bump thing on my face (on my cheekbone, where my blush goes). I noticed it Saturday morning. I thought maybe it was a weird zit or something. Possibly a bug bite. Not a big deal, I put my makeup on and went on with my day (which was a really good one and involved spending the day in Atlanta with our friends Andrew and Lori. A great day!).

But that bump got bigger. When I touched it, it hurt. But it wasn't big like a big zit. It was like...getting wider and flatter. Like when a bug bite swells up? Wider and taller. And hurty. Not itchy. Hurty.

Sunday morning, it was bigger. Maybe dime-sized. No time to worry about it-- we had to get on the road to spend the day in Augusta with my family! It was a great day. But that stupid thing kept growing. Or at least not shrinking, which pretty much equates with growing in my mind. I mean, it's on my FACE. Of course I'm paranoid about it. It looks like this huge...thing. This not-pretty thing.

My throat was hurting, too. I didn't really worry about it because I calculated that I spent about 20 hours of the last two days talking nonstop. A little throat hurtage is not unexpected.

Tired from a weekend of traveling and worrying about the friggin mountain on my cheek, I took a shower. While I was washing my face and neck, I noticed my lymph nodes underneath my jawbone were swollen. Like, really swollen.

Naturally, I consulted my good friend WebMD. WebMD and I are tight, but I'm not sure why. He always makes me assume the worst. Of course I probably just might have a viral infection, or maybe that bump is a bug bite that my immune system is trying to fight off. I'm sure that is the case. But why oh why, dear WebMD, must you also mention that it could be AIDS or lymphoma or a lot of other deadly diseases, too? Really? Do you REALLY need to put that on the list of possible problems I might have? Because for some reason, those just jump out at me and cling to my brain and cause me to think that I am probably most likely dying. It could be a bug bite. But I'm probably dying.

I managed to make it through the day at work today, but not without adding a lot more symptoms to my list: Face Tumor is like MASSIVE CODE RED STATUS, lymph node is super huge (visible to the naked eye), very tired, headache, ears popping, had weird stomach issues for a few hours.

I am definitely probably dying. I only hope I make it until Wednesday, because I'm supposed to go to the movies with Mollyanne tomorrow night and I have really been looking forward to it and I know if I die it will totally bum her out.

So, all fellow armchair physicians, feel free to give me any alternative diagnoses you may have. The internet has all but eliminated the need for med school, in my opinion. 

Here's a picture of me in my better days, the days back when I didn't have a Flesh-Eating Face Tumor and rare and exotic bug-carried diseases riddling my body.

 I finally got a hold of the pictures from my brother's rehearsal dinner and wedding. This was at the r-dinner. If you're wondering why I appear to be wearing the same dress in every single picture taken of me since's because I wear this dress approximately 28 times a week. You should be super pumped to know, though, that I bought a duplicate dress this weekend (in a different color) so that you can see a little variety in the future. I know, I was really excited too!

Well, I'm off to do important things like stare at my cheek in the mirror and Google stuff like "how do you know if you are dying of a bug bite?" Peace! 


I decided to take pictures and post them here so that after I'm gone, doctors will know what I was dealing with.

Please excuse the dark circles under my eyes. Or add them to my list of symptoms. Whatever.


  1. ha...this post is why I love you.Man, we both had close calls this weekend, what with manta rays and killer face bug bites.

  2. Yep, you are dying...what are you going to leave me in your will? ;)

  3. Rat Bastard MattieAugust 22, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    she is dying. I am glad we(she) put those last plants in the ground.

  4. Ok yeah that bump doesn't look good... if it is still bothering you tomorrow, then I think you should get it checked out!

    I also wanted to share this old post with you as further proof of why we are friends:

  5. Um yeah, that thing is scary. And I would totally be bummed if you died before tomorrow night and we didn't get to go to the movies. Also because you're my friend and I want you to stick around. But mostly because of the movies.

  6. Geez, that sucker's huge. Go to the doctor already.

  7. Guy just asked if someone punched you...

  8. erika, christopher made me promise a long time ago that i would never look stuff up on wed md. sometimes he will look it up for me and then make a "clinical" decision, haha. i do think the mayo clinic website is a little less fear-inducing. hope it gets better and you (or a qualified physician) figure(s) out what it is!


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