a really pretentious clothing sale

 Yall. Way to come through on a Saturday post and remind me that I'm not all alone in the world blogosphere-on-a-Saturday. Obviously the key, I'm telling myself, is to pose a critical moral dilemma and ask for advice. I'll try to schedule more of those in the future. For the record...to appease all of your wondering minds on "baked bean-gate"...I did not tell the lady. I know. I'm a horrible person. I said "thank you!" and went on my merry way. Several times. EEP! I've tried to convince myself I'm not that bad since I normally over-share about cooking cheats, clothing deals, etc...I just took the easy way out this once.

For the record, the beans in question-- aka the only beans you should ever bother buying again for the rest of your life, unless you shop at the same Publix that I do, in which case don't even THINK about buying out the shelf because I have dibs already-- are these:

source

Seriously, just looking at this pictures makes my mouth water. THEY ARE SO GOOD. And frequently BOGO at Publix, so that doesn't hurt!

Alright, onto what this blog is ACTUALLY about. Clothes.

You may remember that I went shopping on Saturday. When I came home, I decided to bite the bullet and go through my wardrobe, getting rid of stuff I don't wear anymore. I've realized in the past few months that my closet is PACKED...and yet I wear basically the same things all the time. So obviously I'm hanging on to a lot of stuff that wouldn't pass the haven't-worn-it-in-a-year test. Or even my personal variation on that test, the "haven't-worn-it-in-3-years-and-wouldn't-even-if-it-fit" test (copyrighted). Since this is my test standard, you can see how I end up with so much crap in my closet. "Haven't worn that in a long time...but I might if it fit...so it's a keeper!"

I'm very liberal with my closet politics.

ANYWAY. So the fact that I managed to pull out a BIG OL STACK of clothes to get rid of is really something. Matt looked very amazed. He's never seen this volume of clothes vacate the premises before! (Or maybe he overheard me musing...if I'm getting rid of 8 pairs of jeans, I can easily buy 3 new pairs to replace them, right?? Right!) ("replace," even though I haven't worn any of the aforementioned jeans in like 4 years and they've already been replaced by the millions of jeans I'm not getting rid of) (my logic is flawless). Ahem.

So have any of you ever happened upon a blogger having a "clothing sale"? It's kind of like an online yard sale. I've seen them a few times on fairly popular blogs written by fashionable, skinny, rich girls. Apparently they clean out their (extra huge) closets sometimes, too! You know, to make room for this season's must-haves. And then they happen upon tons of amazing, still-fashionable, never-or-rarely worn items that they just don't need anymore...and so they post them on their blogs, make up a price, and people (apparently) just BUY THEM via paypal or something! Awesome, right??

I thought about finding one of these and linking to it, but then I would feel really bad if the blogger linked back to me and saw me making fun. I'm not really making fun..because I certainly enjoy these posts and if I ever happened upon the right item at the right price (and the right size), I would certainly bid...after all, I shop at real live yard sales with great regularity. So I'm not mocking these things. I'm just amazed at the fact that they have clothing that's worth all this trouble.

Typically, their online clothing sales look something like this:

Right here, imagine an artful photograph, reminiscent of an upscale catalog, of whatever item is for sale. A sweater, draped on some gorgeous fabric or hung on a mannequin. Sometimes the blogger even models it.

Then there's the description/commentary.  Marc Jacobs geometric print jersey dress, size 4. Like new condition. I'm 5'4 and it hits right above the knee. Originally paid $750. Asking $225.

Then there's another picture, this time a close-up zoom on the tag/label. See, it really is a size 4!! It really is Marc Jacobs!! I'm not pulling the wool over you on this one!

If, for some reason, there is a flaw (God forbid) in the item, there will be close-up photos and descriptions. Tiny, light brown tan stain (BBQ sauce) from weekend in the Hamptons on hemline. Barely noticeable. This way you won't be sketched out or surprised when your eyes happen upon the abomination. Full disclosure.

And then...there are more items. And more items. And they're all beautiful, in great condition, and for sale. And the funny thing is that any ONE item would be greater than/more expensive than/more fashionable than EVERYTHING IN MY WARDROBE COMBINED. And yet this girl has like 30 of them that she needs to rid herself of.

Different strokes, I guess.

SO! As I was collecting my stacks of stuff to get rid of, I decided to dig through and see if there was anything worth not just donating to Goodwill or throwing in the trash (seriously, I'm sure Goodwill does not want my old, disgusting, holey, sweat-stained workout tees). You know, stuff that still had some life in it that I could pass on to friends or family. Or...you know...have a really pretentious (fake) blog clothing sale with!! Brilliant. So here we go. Get excited. Here's the Best of Erika's Closet:


First up, this perfectly fabulous manager's polo from my last job. Incredible that I've been hanging on to this puppy for 4 years, isn't it?? Obviously you can see why:

A lovely shade of turquoise, this Jerzee brand polo (size Adult Small) will nicely compliment any jeans or khakis. Slight makeup stainage on the collar, and those tiny holes on the bottom of the shirt where I guess it snagged on my belt.

A steal at $0.25!! 

Next, we have a lovely white button-down from Kohl's.

This Apt. 9 brand shirt (size small) has tiny dots all over it, which surely has a term in the fashion world that I don't know. Shirt fashionably gapes across the bustline (if you're me). Although it may be hard to tell in the picture, shirt comes complete with lovely permanent pit-stains and collar discoloration!

Yours for the low, low price of $0.50!!!

Now don't all swamp me at once with your orders. I don't even have my Paypal set up yet! But don't worry, there are plenty more worthless clothing items just WAITING to be artfully displayed on the blog! (Also, for you men-folk, Matt is getting rid of about 20 pairs of boxers. Assorted colors/designs, size Medium!)

So...yeah. I had a good laugh thinking about selling my lame, non-fashionable, more-or-less-ruined clothing. And now I just have a big pile of it sitting on the floor in my room until I get up the initiative to put it in my car and take it somewhere. Sigh. I need a personal servant for this type of thing.