Monday, August 1, 2011

Dear Girl

Dear Girl,
  I know I don't know you, but I just wanted to take a minute to thank you for dropping by my office on your lunch hour and chatting it up with some of my co-workers today. I really enjoyed getting to hear all about your pregnancy and the exciting circumstances surrounding it and all other kinds of personal information about you. I think it's really awesome how you just shared it with everyone in the room, even though you didn't know half of us. 

  Based on what you shared, though, I regret to inform you that I don't think we're going to be BFF anytime soon. It seems like your life is just a little too perfect for my taste. For one, I like how you and your husband of two months decided you were "ready" to get pregnant and then-- in your words-- were pregnant LESS THAN A MONTH LATER!! Like you said, you'd expected it might take as long as "a few" months...and then BAM! You done got yerself knocked up. I'm sure it was really nice to have God rubber-stamp your plans like that. 

  I also really enjoyed how, when my co-worker, who knows my personal struggles and is a very compassionate person, interjected something about how thankful you must feel since some people have to wait a very, very long time to get just totally blew that off, overwhelmed, I assume, by the awesomeness of your own non-existent wait-time.
 Also, thanks so much for sharing about your exponential boob-growth with the whole office. I can only imagine the horror you must experience every morning when you wake up and see that they've grown again. Since we're total strangers, that was a completely appropriate thing for you to share. I think I can relate to that, since every morning I wake up and find that my thighs have grown. Only it's not because they're preparing to nourish a baby, it's because I am an emotional eater and this is how I deal with infertility. Healthy, I know. I'm just glad we can relate on that point.

  I'm pretty sure you didn't notice, since you couldn't see my computer screen from where you were standing, but what I was doing before and during your visit to my office was comparing the success rates at various IVF clinics in Atlanta. If you'd noticed this, I'm sure the irony of the whole situation would have struck you as very funny, too. Also, if you were a mind reader, you would have observed that while you were going on, I was dying on the inside. Lately I've been feeling pretty good about this whole infertility thing. I've even been feeling optimistic that we may begin the IVF process in the near future. It just takes a few minutes of stuff like this to bring reality crashing back into my thoughts and reminding me that my life is never going to be awesome like yours. I'm never going to just GET pregnant the minute I think I might like to. I'm never going to GET to surprise husbands and family and friends with announcements, since any pregnancy I experience will likely be the result of intensive medical intervention. 

   I'm actually NOT going to mail you this letter, because a) I am really not this bitchy and I would feel horrible if I made YOU feel horrible, and b) You really did NOT have any evil or snarky or braggy intentions by coming down to my office and talking with your friends. I'm sure you're a very sweet girl, and no doubt I've hyperbolized a little while writing this letter. It's just that...this is just how I feel, sometimes. And I have this blog, and sometimes I feel like it's my public duty to let people in on how it feels to be in this situation. I'm sorry it's you that I'm making an example out of. And I hope your baby is really cute and everything. And I hope you find good maternity clothes to wear to work, since you seemed a little concerned about that. They actually make some really cute ones these days. I should know: ever the eternal optimist, I've bought a lot of them. You know, just in case.

Good luck, although you probably don't need it, since to me you seem like the luckiest person ever,

Me. And all other fertility-challenged women everywhere.

PS. This made me think about this video, which Amanda posted yesterday:


  1. Oh my. Not a good day in the office.

    P.S. I'm super-pumped to hear that you're closer to investing in IVF!!!!!!!!!

  2. You know how they say God only gives you what you can handle? Take it as a compliment - He doesn't think she can handle much, but he knows you can because you are awesome :)

  3. Sorry about the run-in :( Glad you had enough self-restraint to not punch her or otherwise inflict pain upon her and her unborn child... not that I would ever think about doing that or anything!

    Also, my thighs are growing too. As is my stomach. And as is the case with you, it is not because of a human parasite growing inside of me.

    Hang in there- one day you'll be the cute pregnant girl with the ever-growing boobs and some poor infertile person will be jealous of you. And when that day comes, you will be all the more gracious and thoughtful because of the road you've taken to get there!

  4. Errr just lost a message.

    I'm so sorry that this happened today. :( Know that you are a step ahead of her... because YOU will never take a moment of pregnancy for granted. You will treasure every second, even when you are uncomfortable or throwing up! And then when you look into your little person's eyes for the first time, you will remember the battle to get him or her here.. and you'll never forget. I'm super stoked to hear that you are getting closer to IVF.. we went to Charlotte, btw. It was very time/travel intensive, but there just weren't many options in Augusta at the time (not sure about now.) Continuing to lift you and Matt in our prayers, Steph

    PS: This makes your facebook message to me, even MORE special in my eyes. <3

  5. I'm so sorry Erika. I hope I have never done this to anyone. Know that many are praying for you including us. Sending Much Love Your Way.

  6. erika, thanks for the reminder to be sensitive and compassionate because you never know what someone is going through (infertility or otherwise). i will keep you in my prayers. your persistence and faith amaze me!

  7. Ugh, I'm so sorry you had to endure that even if she was oblivious. She sounds very young and idealistic and hasn't gone through anything tough ever, so she has no clue what life can be like at times. Honestly, I don't envy the wake up call she'll have at being married less than a year and having a newborn thrown into the mix. I'll be praying for you guys and the next steps.

  8. I'm really excited ya'll are getting closer to IVF! one of my Charlotte friends will be doing her first treatment(and hopefully last) soon so I'm all filled in on the process. and you know what? I will celebrate with you like I will nobody else (even though it wouldn't be a "surprise.") I will cry and laugh, and scream, and run around, and scream it out to the world, and tell Adoration that her cousin is finally on it's way, and send you presents. I will be that happy.

  9. I agree with will get more celebrating and excitement from me than anyone else has ever received when announcing a pregnancy. And sometimes surprising families and friends with a pregnancy gets less-than-stellar reactions ("Oh wow, was this planned?" and such). Everyone you tell will just be THRILLED for you!


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