let's give 'em something to talk about

Lest you think we've forgotten our soon-to-be-dethroned first child in all the excitement of an impending HUMAN BABY, I'm here to report that she is still currently receiving plenty of attention. For now. I understand that that will probably change once the aforementioned human is on the premises. But these days Lola is still blissfully unaware of the doom that awaits her, and she soaks up our attention and love the same as she always has. 

Well, maybe not exactly the same.

You see, Matt and I have decided that some of Lola's more endearing (haha) qualities may not actually be so quirky and adorable once there's a baby around. So we've decided to take a proactive approach to our dog-parenting and are going ahead and doing our best to prep her for the life that's in store for her next month. While we feel that the science behind our prepping and our execution of it is spot-on, I'm going to have to admit: we look like total lunatics. But at least we can laugh at ourselves.

So the first Get Lola Ready for Baby thing we did was introduce her to the idea of a small, noisy, strange-smelling thing that gets all of our attention and causes us to talk in the high-pitched voice that was previously reserved for Lola-talk. 

May I introduce you to BooBoo:

BooBoo's been an important part of my life since my own infancy, or so my parents tell me. Although we haven't been as close in recent years as we used to be, BooBoo's the kind of friend you can just stuff in a box in your guest room closet for a few years and then pull him out and catch up like nothing ever happened. He's such a great guy bear that even after all that, he's willing to help me train my fur-child. I highly recommend finding a friend like BooBoo.

So anyway. In order to get Lola used to a baby, we created something baby-like and then pretty much just used our imaginations and acting skills to close the deal. We should get an Oscar. I have some baby blankets on loan from my friend Mollyanne, and they even smell like baby-- all the better to prep with. So we wrapped BooBoo up (note: learn to swaddle for real). Unfortunately, BooBoo is a bear of few words. Fortunately, YouTube is full of crying baby videos. So we cued up a crying baby video on my phone, hit play, and tucked the phone into the blanket with BooBoo. 

Bam. INSTANT BABY.

 Lola was immediately interested in this tiny, strangely-scented bundle of screams I was giving all of my attention to. Naturally, her inclination was to jump up and claw/lick the strange thing in an attempt to figure out what it was. This is why it was great that it was just ol' BooBoo and not, say, an actual baby. Babies vs. 50 lb labs...I just don't wanna see how that one ends. So Matt and I take turns carrying our crying bear around, talking and cooing to it in high pitched voices, and ignoring Lola unless and until she politely sits down.   

 

 She's not getting an A+ just yet, but I'd say she's moved from her beginning score of F up to a solid C, so we'll call it progress. We also just randomly turn on the crying baby videos on the computer really loud and let them play for 10 minutes. She runs around the house frantically at first, but then I guess she figures out that tuning it out is her best bet, and she goes back to hide in our closet (her favorite spot). Smart girl.

So cuddling the crying bear was pretty hilarious, but at least no one except us had to witness it. Well, and now all of you. But we're all friends here. And you probably already suspected I was a little bit...off.

But people who don't really know us probably think we're normal. Like, let's say...our neighbors. For the most part, we're pretty great neighbors. We keep our grass cut. We have pretty gardens. We pick up our dog's poo. So if you only know us by sight, you probably think we're average to normal.

Not anymore. Last night we cut loose and let our crazy flag fly.

High.

 

Why yes, that would be Matt, Lola, and I (not pictured) taking a lovely evening walk. With our stroller. Our baby-less stroller.

You see, Lola happens to be a teeeeensy bit (and by teensy bit, I mean WHOLE HECKUVA LOT) scared of things with wheels. Skateboards. Bikes. Roller blades. Strollers. If we are out walking and ANY of those things dare cross our path (or within 100 yards of us), she loses her mind. She rips our arms out of joint as we attempt to keep her on-leash and not-murdering-people. It's awful and embarrassing. Of course, maybe she just wants to sniff them. Or lick. But we'll never know, because with the way she acts/sounds...it's just plain scary. So anyways. Obviously that's not gonna cut it when we have a baby we want to walk in our stroller. And this stroller is freaking amazing, so that's gonna be often. And so Lola either needs to learn to walk next to a stroller, or she'll be doing some sad singin' as she watches us walk away without her. So that led us to last night: no time like the present to start walking next to strollers, right?? RIGHT!

We did debate for a few minutes: is it weirder to walk an empty stroller, or a stroller with a bear wrapped up in a blanket? Tough call, but we opted to let BooBoo sit this one out. 

You know that scene in Gone With the Wind where Scarlett goes in to Ashley's birthday party and everyone's staring at her and judging her (she was just caught in an embrace with Ashley, for goodness sakes!) and she so bravely holds her head up high and walks through all of them? It kind of felt like that. Only people weren't judging my marital fidelity, they were judging my sanity. And I looked like I was losing. But we held our heads up high and bravely marched on, completing our no-baby-in-the-stroller, wacky-dog lap around the neighborhood. I could feel the stares through the windows. 

But you know what? Who cares. About halfway through, Lola worked out a truce with the stroller and managed to walk like a normal dog, so we're calling it a win.

I'm pretty sure this dog-training stuff is going to require a lot of diligence and commitment because she seems to forget her lessons about 10 seconds after we finish them, but it's a pretty fun way to pass the time. And even if she never learns to act right...well, at least we had fun trying.