last everything

We've reached the point where everything we do is potentially the 'last ____ before Baby.' It's fun and scary at the same time.

We did this in November, ya know? We had our last date night, our last neighborhood walk sans stroller. Our last this, our last that. And then...it wasn't. After a brief three-day stint as parents, it was back to life as usual- only with more tears and less hope. More childless grocery store runs, trips to church that didn't involve a stop by the nursery, and walks with only the dog for company. And it was like each (normally mundane and un-noteworthy in itself) thing hurt a little bit more just for remembering that the previous time was supposed to be the 'last.' So I swore that next time...which is now...I wouldn't celebrate the lasts. I wouldn't commemorate them at all, just in case. In an attempt to help my potential future self, the one that has suffered another failed or disrupted adoption...I don't know, it seemed like it could help. But now here I am, and here I am celebrating each last. It's like I don't learn.

Sometimes my heart's capacity for hope freaks me out. You should know better, heart. More hope=more hurt!! Calm down! But it doesn't listen, so I sit here full of hope and praying I don't regret it later.

It could happen anytime. Her 'official' due date is Monday, the 4th, but it's not a scheduled induction or c-section, so when she actually appears is anyone's guess. I find myself kind of thinking she might come on the 7th. That would be exactly 9 months after Ellison's birthday. Wouldn't that be awfully weird and poetic? Or something. Then again, I'm putting in a hard vote for earlier. Like now. We're ready, I'm up to my ears in nerves, and like...let's just get this show on the road. For better or for worse, I'm ready to know how this chapter of the story ends.

Last night was our (maybe) last tennis match. We've crossed several things off of my 'not done yet' list from Tuesday- like packing our own suitcases, reading some baby/parenting books (Baby Whisperer FTW!!!), sterilizing the bottles, and getting a shade/mirror for the car. 

Oh, I don't think I've shared this yet, but my current favorite interaction with strangers is happening with great frequency. It goes like this:

Store clerk/random visitor at work/stranger in store notices us buying baby things and/or talking about babies/maternity leave.

Stranger: Oh, do you have a baby??

Me: Not yet, but we're expecting one soon!

Stranger: Oh, how exciting! When?

Me: She is due August 4!

Stranger's jaw drops as they look at my not-exactly-flat, but definitely not nine-months-pregnant stomach. I beam as I feel skinnier than ever under their scrutiny. 

Stranger: ...ohhhhh...umm...congr...

Me: We're adopting.

Stranger, visibly relieved: OH! Well, that is awesome, congratulations!! That explains a lot!!

(we have a good laugh and I still feel really skinny)

People say a lot of uneducated and unintentionally hurtful things about adoption, too, but this one is hilarious to me and really never gets old. I will miss it. Although if things go well and I'm toting around a newborn in a week or two, I suspect I will still get to have some I-feel-skinny moments when people (who don't know that she is adopted) comment that I look GREAT for having a two week old baby! I think I will not bother to inform them that I didn't give birth to her and just take the compliment. ;)