Friday, July 29, 2011

would you rather

As I’ve mentioned before, Matt and I live in the sticks. Luckily, our “sticks” aren’t really that far away from anything. It’s really only about 10 miles from action-packed Athens. But you know, it’s just a matter of perspective…you pass a lot of fields, a lot of cows, no stoplights or stores…it just feels like we live in the sticks. And that’s cool with me.

However, it does mean that we spend a lot of time in the car every day, since we work, shop, and (usually) play in Athens. Most of the time, we ride together, since this a) saves gas, b) means I don’t have to drive, and c) gives us extra minutes of time together every day. I love it. We talk sometimes, but oftentimes we just listen to music or enjoy the silence together. Neither of us was born with that inner need to perpetually fill silence. It’s nice. But sometimes…sometimes we talk. And we play our favorite game: Would You Rather.

If you live under a rock and/or are not familiar with this game, you basically just think of two funny/disgusting/enticing/ridiculous scenarios, propose them to your friend, and make them choose between the two. Most of the time when we play, we have more fun inventing the scenarios, and rarely get around to actually choosing between them. They’re just too outlandish to pick between. Like last night…

We were driving home from the Gurleys’ house. It was rather late, and since lateness usually breeds silliness (if I’m awake for it, that is), immediately some good Would You Rather scenarios popped into my head. I shot off a few to Matt…these were solid, normal scenarios. Things like would you rather have as your only mode of transportation a fire-breathing dragon or a small pony? You know, normal stuff. (Correct answer: dragon. Obvs.)

I think of a few, and then there’s silence for a few minutes. Matt breaks the silence with a loud cackle of laughter and an “Okay, I’ve got one. Ready?”

Ready, Mattie. Go!

“Okay, so you have to pick your transportation. This will be your ONLY MODE: you can’t even walk anywhere that’s further than a mile. So. You can pick from riding an….elephant. But not on his back. Behind his butt. You know…like under his tail.”

I break in, ever the logical one. “How could I ride there? I would fall off. This doesn’t make any sense.”

“No, no…see, you know those little poop catcher things? Like for parades and circuses? Well he has one of those, and you ride IN it. You ride in an elephant poo catcher!!! Hahahaha!!! Okay, that’s your first choice.”

We’re both cracking up as I try to figure out how he’s going to think of anything that could possibly be worse than that. And as I also silently pray that we have a son one day who will find poop humor as funny as his daddy (and apparently mommy) does.

“Okay, so the elephant was your first choice. BUT you could choose something else. Your other choice for transportation is to be carried by rats. WHARF RATS. Like…you lay down and they all pick you up and scurry around. You know? But you can’t have a blanket or anything. You just sort of…crowd surf on top of them. Yeah! Crowd surfing on wharf rats. That’s your other choice.”

I practically couldn’t breathe through my hysterical laughter. I pulled myself together enough to ask some important clarifying questions: These rats—are they going to bite me? (No) When I get where I’m going, can I park them in the parking lot, or will they follow me around all day (Park ‘em). 

Ultimately I chose the wolf rats. I mean, I’m sure they’d become like pets before long. People fall in ‘love’ with their hamsters and stuff, right? I’m sure I would grow to like the rats. But people never love elephant poo. And your co-workers don’t love you if you show up to work every day covered in it.

It was a great Would You Rather. But not as great as the boy who was telling it. I’m pretty happy I get to spend the rest of my life with him.


  1. Ha- I love it! This is also one of my favorite games... another one I often pick is "would you rather crab walk everywhere you go (commute to/from work included) OR xyz?"

    Just think about how painful crab walking would be (and how funny it would be to watch someone crabwalk down Houston's major interstate highways)... but on the flipside, think about how toned your arms would be!

  2. Looks like your Amanda friends have conflicting feelings! I love it though. One of Amanda's other favorites is, "Would you rather eat a poop popsicle or drink a diarrhea milkshake?"


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