Wednesday, April 18, 2012

six kinds of crazy.

Some people are crazy.

I read that article the other day-- maybe you've seen it, too. If not, you should take a minute and read it. Maybe you haven't had enough crazy in your day yet.



I'm sorry. I want to be understanding and compassionate for the residents of crazytown people who are going on this 'diet,' but I really can't be. There is a limit to my understandingness and compassion. And the limit was somewhere right around the part where you forfeited eating like a normal human and instead volunteered to pay a crapload of money to tote around a FEEDING TUBE for two weeks. Just so you could lose a couple pounds of water weight??!?!

You are completely, totally, 100% off-your-rocker cray-cray.

The article that I originally read was on Yahoo and for some reason I can't find it right now, but it was better than this CBS article because it had a) a photo of a girl sporting her feeding tube and b) some quotes from girls DOING this diet. 

First of all, want to know what people on this diet look like? Because I did find the picture.

 Um, they look like PEOPLE WALKING AROUND WITH FEEDING TUBES STUCK UP THEIR NOSES AT ALL TIMES. Is that normal? No. Where do you normally find people with feeding tubes? In hospitals. Because they're very sick. Not in your office, or at the grocery store (although I suppose these folks have no reason to be at the grocery store), or at church. And the girl who they were interviewing about this diet-- she was all yeah, I get some funny looks, and people ask if I'm sick...and I'm like GIRL! THINK ABOUT THIS! OK, so you want to lose 10 pounds for your wedding in 2 weeks. I get it. But THINK ABOUT IT. Do you think you're tricking anyone here? I'm sure your friends, family, and fiance all suspected you were a little off...but now, prancing around with this tube up your nose for 2 weeks...they're for sure. And so on your wedding day, no one is going to talking about how your dress fits so perfectly. They're going to be whispering about how you ARE A TOTAL NUTCASE and are somehow vain enough to care THAT MUCH about losing weight so that you look good for a couple hours at a party...but you're perfectly fine looking like you escaped from the hospital for the two weeks prior?? You're trading two weeks of weird looks for two hours of people talking behind your back photos? YOU MAKE NO SENSE.

There are so many reasons that I want to judge the girls doing this diet. SO MANY!!! It's incredibly hard to even know where to start. I practically feel angry about the whole thing, so riled up do my emotions get about this. A FEEDING TUBE? Are you effing insane?!

Here's a good story. It's about me. Once upon a time, in January, I decided I wanted to lose some weight. Maybe 10 pounds. Maybe more-- figured I'd play it by ear and see how I looked/felt and go from there. So you know what I did? I used a little LOGIC...a little SCIENCE...and I consumed fewer calories than I burned. Yep, it took a few minutes each day to track my calories, but I used an app that made it fairly painless. And told me exactly how many I needed to eat/burn. And guess what happened? I LOST THE WEIGHT. And then some. What do you know, science and logic work again! I didn't have to do anything weird. I didn't have to cut out any food groups. I didn't buy a single expensive strange supplement. And I certainly didn't have to go be monitored by a doctor every single day. Now I'm not saying that this will always work for everyone-- I certainly can understand medical conditions or extenuating circumstances, but I'm gonna hazard a guess that it's worth a try if you'd like to lose a small amount of weight. So unless you got engaged yesterday and you're walking down the aisle next weekend...WHY WOULD A FEEDING TUBE BE YOUR FIRST OPTION??!

This one girl they interviewed, she was like "I just don't have time to work out for 2 hours every day..." Ummm....really?? You are trying to lose TEN POUNDS, not two hundred. You don't have to work out for 2 hours a day if you start your endeavor more than two weeks before your wedding. And also, I bet you do have the time. Because if you have the time to go to the doctor every single day, I bet you coulda spent that time in the gym and saved yourself a whole lotta money and strange looks. And not incurred the Wrath of Erika to boot.

BLARGH! Sorry for working myself into such a tizzy over this whole thing, but really? SERIOUSLY??! The very fact that this "diet" exists and is a fad just reflects very poorly not only on women but on the entire human race. I feel like the world is a little bit worse now. So thanks a lot, crazy doctors and your even crazier "patients." I hope that your wedding day is as skinny and glamorous as you'd always dreamed of...and that your constipation "resolves itself" on your honeymoon. Because if there's anything good about this diet, it's the side effects. Well-deserved, I'd say!

PS. If you happen to be on or considering this apologies. Feel free to offer a rebuttal and convince me that this is a good idea! 
PPS. I was recently contacted by a girl that has designed a new app and webpage called SlimKicker. It's a diet and fitness app that uses calorie-counting, exercise, and games to help you reach diet and weight-loss goals. I haven't personally used the app, but I checked out the web page and thought it looked neat-- feel free to check it out if you're looking for a non-crazy way to lose weight!


  1. I cannot imagine how any doctor can stay this makes ethical sense! When I insert a feeding tube my patients are desperately sick and need that said tube to perform a function that returns them to health. This is insanity in my mind and a super risky, lazy way out of taking care of yourself! Sad, so sad!!!

  2. So... you're saying that I should go off of this diet? Because I JUST got all of my feeding tubes in the mail... ugh.

  3. I was going to say something along the lines of what Amanda said, but she beat me to it a few minutes ago. BOO.

  4. I know pure crazy! I need to check out the app you talked about to get rid of some weight. Is it an app just for certain phones or can I use it on our computer? How often did you work out and such to lose 10 pounds? I'm shooting for 3-5 pounds but I wouldn't mind getting rid of 10!

  5. Do the doctors rationalize this "method" by reasoning it's better than women going anorexic to reach their short-term goals? So sad. Not to mention, I love the act of eating food...tastes, smells, appearance...savoring. Yum. I couldn't do this unless I were dying in a hospital and even then, I'd be sad I couldn't eat.

  6. Crazy... I fought tooth and nail to keep Xander off of a feeding tube, and now we have people doing it voluntarily for NON medical reasons..


  7. I could not agree more. I'm a clinical dietitian and manage tube feeding regimens every day for patients who legitimately can't swallow and rely on artificial nutrition to stay alive. I would like for these crazies to come spend time with these patients and their families who would love nothing more than to be able to eat like a normal person!!

    Erika - I'm a first time commenter, but not a new reader... Via Amanda :) thanks for entertaining me!

  8. First of all, what the what?? That girl already looks like a skeleton. And I know that girls want to lose weight for their weddings, but I've been to several weddings where the bride was dangerously thin and all that people were talking about was "Yikes, she looks REALLY thin" and it wasn't in a complimentary way. People are crazy. CRAZY!!!

  9. I can't believe a doctor would do that! WHAT?! It sounds terrible and looks terrible, too! Yuck.


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