Really heavy stuff on my heart tonight, yall. Except that by "really heavy" I mean "not actually heavy at all," so don't go grabbing your tissues just yet. I just want to start with a disclaimer: I am so insanely tired that possibly nothing in this post will make sense. Only I'm not like...sleepy-tired. Just the regular amount of that. It's physical. Like my whole body is so exhausted it hurts to move my fingers to type. So if letters and words make no sense, it's because my body is broken and I can't even be bothered to fix what's on the screen. I'm not sure what to attribute my exhaustion to, but I'm leaning towards the bird food diet and three Zumba classes in 5 days. Or probably I have some really rare disease? I'll probably Google my symptoms later. That always goes well.
ANYWAYS. I'm powering through cause I have such pressing issues to discuss.
Remember last summer when I confessed that I'd never seen a single episode of The Bachelor or Bachelorette? It's been a source of much shame for most of my adult life (or not), and several of you committed to helping me remedy the situation by reminding me when the next season was coming so that I could jump on board and watch. Well here's a news flash: most of you failed me on that. Thanks for nothing, ladies-- what, you want me to just be clueless about pop culture FOREVER??? Sheeeeesh. ;) But anyways, LUCKILY for us all, my friend Mollyanne did NOT fail me. Like a good neighbor (OMG I'm talking in commercial jingles. HELP!), she reminded me several times that a new season was starting and even offered to watch the premiere with me to fill me in on backstories, how things work, how we judge the girls, how to know if people are there for "the right reasons," and other important things.
So guess what.
I've watched an episode of The Bachelor. My American citizenship can be reinstated.
We watched it on Tuesday night, because let's face it-- Mollyanne and I aren't insane. Obviously we were watching the National Championship on Monday night. So I was still slightly behind the times-- but now I'm all caught up. For this season, anyway. And I must say-- it feels great being able to read and follow all the Twitter/blog commentary on such an important topic! I feel like I'm in the club now! And I think I caught on to how things go pretty quickly-- I will attribute my proficiency at judging/mocking all the girls and picking favorites to my years of watching other important reality shows.
Anyways. So now you know-- I'm in for this season. And I definitely think I'll enjoy it. Especially since that totally creepy 50 Shades (of CRAY CRAY) girl got booted.
Now, while we're on the topic of men, let's talk about the one I know best: Matt. Let's talk about how awesomely supportive he is of my slight shopping problem. This is us in the car on the way home from the gym tonight:
Me, after expressing that I needed to start laundry when we get home because all of my preferred workout clothes are dirty: "Oh, I happened to be looking at Old Navy.com today and noticed that they're having a big sale on workout clothes..."
Matt: "YOU SHOULD GET SOME!!!!"
Me: "Oh! Ummm..yeah! Maybe we can go look sometime. I do love cute workout clothes..."
Matt: "Yeah, you want to work out way more when you have cute workout clothes, so you should definitely get some more. Do you think they have any shirts like the one you wore Monday?" [Please note that he apparently remembers what I wore to the gym Monday. WINNING, Matt, WINNING.]
Me: "Yeah, they have the ones like that for $7!"
Matt: "WHOA! Do you want to go now?"
Me: "Um...no, I'm hungry and I can't even stand up. I want to go home."
Matt: "Well, what time is your Zumba class tomorrow? Do you want to go beforehand?"
Husbands of the world who might be reading this: THIS is the proper reaction to wives who express a desire to go shopping. Please take note and act accordingly.
Ladies: He's all mine. BACK UP.
[One last semi-related story. Tuesday morning as we were waking up, still laying in bed, Matt groggily informs me that he had a weird dream that night. "What about?" I asked. "I dreamed that we were hanging out with the Gurleys. [Not weird.] And the Kardashians."]