Monday, November 18, 2013

back to real life

After a week and a half of bizarre and emotionally-volatile time off, I'm back to work. I think it'll be good, although I'd be lying if I said I didn't spend some serious time last night trying to figure out how to turn watching Parks & Rec 18 hours a day into full-time employment. Oh well. It was a good run while it lasted. Relatedly, I'm a little bit mad at everyone on earth for not working harder to convince me to start watching Parks & Rec prior to last week. I mean, that show is freaking hilarious. And awesome. I feel like SOMEONE should have let me in on this at some point. But oh well- what's done is done, and now we're a few episodes into Season 3 and it gives me something to look forward to, so that's good.

 In addition to watching ridiculous amounts of Netflix, I spent the rest of last week and the weekend pretty much doing more of the same: shopping, redecorating, sleeping, shopping, eating food I didn't cook, sleeping, shopping. Oh, and going to Starbucks. Couldn't let the BOGO week go to waste!
Thursday: Gingerbread latte
Saturday: Caramel brulee frapp


I don't really know what else to say. People keep asking how we're doing...I don't know how to answer that. Fine? Okay? Surviving? I haven't cried in x number of hours? We haven't yet started thinking or talking about our 'next steps.' Right now the thought of trying to adopt again makes me want to throw up repeatedly and punch my fist through a wall. It's been awhile since we've done any serious infertility treatment (other than our surgeries last year), but I already feel myself being drawn back to the siren song of my RE clinic...mainly because at least when infertility treatment fails, you only lose the hope of a chance at a potential baby...and not an actual living and breathing and crying and cuddling baby. I really just cannot do that again. NO. Ugh.

 Of course, all thoughts and plans are subject to change on a whim. As usual. 

Now it's time to start thinking about work. And by that I mean going upstairs and catching up with all my awesome co-workers. And also working on my birthday wish list. And figuring out what we're doing for Thanksgiving. Oh yeah, and working. Busy day, I guess.

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33 comments:

  1. dspenceNovember 18, 2013 at 8:59 AM

    Praying for you today! (and always, obvs.) Hope that work provides an even better distraction than Netflix.

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  2. SarahNovember 18, 2013 at 8:59 AM

    Thought of you all weekend friend. Glad to see the good 'ole bucks helped you enjoy the weekend. PS - I sported my magenta puffy vest this weekend too! :)

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  3. Sarah MarrhNovember 18, 2013 at 8:59 AM

    Birthday wishlist-- Sounds like a good plan to me. Apparently my family thought 25 meant I didn't need gifts anymore. Wrong.

    And Parks & Rec is amazing. To be fair, I assumed a person of your caliber of awesome would have already known about it. :)

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  4. Caroline @ In Due TimeNovember 18, 2013 at 9:01 AM

    Glad you are back at work - Hope that the transition back goes smoothly and you are filled with supernatural peace this week! hugs friend xoxo

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  5. EmilyNovember 18, 2013 at 9:10 AM

    Hope you have a great day at work today. Thinking about and praying for you, friend!

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  6. AmandaNovember 18, 2013 at 9:10 AM

    I assumed you were headed back today... thinking of you all morning! And hey, not crying in X number of hours is a real accomplishment... some days are just better than others! Hope today is a great one for you!

    Let me know if you want to grab lunch this week (or next). Love you, friend!

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  7. JessicaNovember 18, 2013 at 9:13 AM

    i hope that you have a good first day back! a birthday wish list sounds like a lovely use of your time. :]

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  8. lo @ crazy ever afterNovember 18, 2013 at 9:20 AM

    You haven't lost your quick wit. I know the past several days have been gut wrenching...but you still have your spunk. And let me apologize on the behalf of your blogging community regarding the Parks and Rec situation. There's no excuse for that. And we're sorry. We had an election in Minneapolis this year and it took everything within me not to take a big fat sharpie to the Park and Rec yard signs, and put KNOPE for Parks and Rec in place of whoever it was running.

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  9. Gypsy MamaNovember 18, 2013 at 9:39 AM

    I hope your first day back to work goes well. As Amanda says, some days are better than others and I hope you have more and more good ones :) xo

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  10. the blogiversNovember 18, 2013 at 9:48 AM

    Here's to a distracting Monday full of work and productivity! And even though the Starbucks BOGO days are over, you still have my permission to go again today...

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  11. AmieNovember 18, 2013 at 9:52 AM

    I hope your first day back goes well :) Those starbucks drinks look yummy!! I may have to check out this Parks and Rec show, sounds pretty good. Continued prayers your way :)

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  12. Val @ It's Always Sunny in SomervilleNovember 18, 2013 at 10:18 AM

    Thinking of you today! It's nice to hear your normal "voice" in your blogs. Hope the day is fast and easy.

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  13. AmandaNovember 18, 2013 at 10:34 AM

    So happy to have you back; even more happy to see you smiling. Thinking of you today and sending lots of warm wishes to help get you through the day. So proud of you and your strength! You are a rock star!

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  14. ~StephanieNovember 18, 2013 at 11:22 AM

    I've obsessively watched the blog for your writing! ((HUGS))

    Praying for your first day back! I'm SUPER happy with my new(!!) OBGYN/RE. They are in a different network that doesn't do IVF (Catholic affiliated) so it's nice that that isn't always a default when discussing options- especially when we want to take more of a fertility preservation stance than intervention/"trying" at this point. Anyway.... turns out my thyroid IS an issue despite everyone else telling me it was "fine." And surprise, surprise my Vitamin D is incredibly low again. She wrote me a new Rx and I have 998 refills left. Should last 10 years or so. LOL!

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  15. SusanNovember 18, 2013 at 11:22 AM

    Still in my thoughts...Mondays are never my favorite, but I'm happy it provides you a distraction today. Enjoy your awesome coworkers... They do make the work place so much more manageable!!!

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  16. LaurenNovember 18, 2013 at 11:24 AM

    I just wanted to say how much I love the top picture (red vest)! You should make that a new profile picture. So cute!

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  17. Aubrey November 18, 2013 at 11:49 AM

    Sending you my love sweet friend. Best of luck for your first week back. xoxo

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  18. JaclynNovember 18, 2013 at 11:53 AM

    Spend all day with Leslie Nope and Ron Swanson?! Pleeease let me know when you figure out how to do that! Continuing to pray for your hearts to be healed and find peace.

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  19. NatashaNovember 18, 2013 at 11:57 AM

    I'm thinking of you today and praying for you as you process your 'next steps.'

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  20. MelissaNovember 18, 2013 at 11:57 AM

    I have never seen Parks & Rec??? So maybe you have helped others??? I shall watch this very soon!! Haha!

    I am so sad about what happened with the adoption & am continuing to pray pray pray for you & Matt. Daily!

    HUGS!

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  21. Nikki MillerNovember 18, 2013 at 12:49 PM

    Still sending hugs and prayers and Starbucks BOGO should be everyday during the holiday season!

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  22. UnknownNovember 18, 2013 at 12:58 PM

    I have never watched that show either but you have be convinced I need too :) I am sending lots of prayers your way this week and for you to have peace and clarity on what steps to take next.

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  23. The JoinersNovember 18, 2013 at 12:58 PM

    Parks & Rec is one of our favorites!! I'm a big Amy Poehler fan. And yes, I can definitely see how starting a period after a failed treatment would be a totally different kind of traumatizing than having an actual baby taken from your arms... both so hard :(

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  24. ENovember 18, 2013 at 1:06 PM

    I just love you and your heart so much!!! :) I love that you are smiling and being funny and doing SO much better than surviving.

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  25. Colleen OakesNovember 18, 2013 at 1:52 PM

    Ron Swanson is my hero. And also, you. I got a free Starbucks yesterday and have a huge rant about it, OMG blog inspiration happening RIGHT THIS SECOND. Don't open the package I sent you. Take that book to Barnes and Noble and exchange it for YA thriller (not the Program. It stinks.) I hear Marie Lu's Prodigy series is the new Divergent, which was the new Hunger Games.

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  26. BrittnieNovember 18, 2013 at 1:55 PM

    I am thankful you are back at work today. And also thankful for Starbucks and takeout. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and there is no shame in that. Praying for continued healing and that God would give you peace moment by moment by moment. hugs!

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  27. SaraNovember 18, 2013 at 3:44 PM

    I'm just so sorry, Erika. There are no words to adequately comfort. I know this full well. We lost our daughter this past April at 30 weeks and 1 day in my belly and though God was near, the pain was (is) also very near. Will pray for comfort, sweet girl.

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  28. Mariah ENovember 18, 2013 at 4:10 PM

    "i've never done drugs. i had a brownie once. it was kind of indescribable actually. i felt like i was floating. turns out there was no pot in the brownie. it was just an insanly good brownie." probably my favorite line in the series so far. my favorite episode is the practice date episode. i've watched it like 3 times and i still laugh hysterically every time she starts talking about her bad dates.

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  29. EliseNovember 18, 2013 at 5:29 PM

    You know, I've heard that Parks and Rec is super hilarious, but I have not yet checked it out. Maybe I'll have to?

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  30. AnonymousNovember 18, 2013 at 6:20 PM

    thinking of you. Your readers will be here no matter what path to family building you guys decide to pursue (or if you pursue none at all). Sending you hugs!

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  31. MegsNovember 18, 2013 at 7:37 PM

    I love Parks & Rec and I'm so sorry no one sat you down and made you watch it till now. The good news is you're only on season 3 and it only gets better! Ron Swanson pretty much makes my life better just by being. Love. Also, you look a little like April in that top picture with your gingerbread latte! Hope your first day back to work went smoothly.

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  32. UnknownNovember 18, 2013 at 9:43 PM

    I am so sorry about not telling you about Parks and Rec. Its my favorite. But, I also assumed you were too awesome to not be watching it. (at least now you can binge out on it!)

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  33. ElizabethNovember 18, 2013 at 11:03 PM

    I'm so sorry for all you've been through recently and I'll be thinking about you. And yeah, Parks & Rec is the best show ever! All the characters are amazing. :)

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