how to survive the cold

You probably haven't heard about this, but it's really cold outside right now. Like...really cold. Legit cold. Not just "Georgia-cold," which could mean anything below 60 degrees Fahrenheit. This is a cold that even Alaskans...and Russians...Canadians...and North Pole-ians should respect.

This is what I woke up to this morning. Nothing makes you want to leap out of bed and face the day with gusto like knowing this is what awaits you. And my app doesn't show it, but the "feels like" temperature that accounts for wind chill had us at -5. NEGATIVE FIVE!!! This should not be happening here!! You see the forecast for Thursday and Friday? Yeah, that's normal. That's "winter" in Georgia. Laugh if you must, but you get used to what you're used to. Profound.

Of course all the schools are closed. It makes me mad when people (on social media or even in the comments section on the local newspaper's article about the closings) mock us for closing for cold. Um, yeah we realize that there are places all over the country and world that regularly experience temperatures like this (and worse) and manage to move on with life. But here's a news flash: they're prepared for temperatures like this! They have actual winter clothes and jackets that are more advanced than a hoodie and some Old Navy mittens. Their cars have fluids in them that make them run in freezing cold. Their water pipes are insulated and don't freeze and burst. 

You should see us when it gets cold. Rich or poor-- it makes no difference (Well, that sounds obnoxious-- yes it does make a difference. Though we're all unprepared, the poor are still immeasurably worse off-- don't get me wrong). We do not have the proper wardrobes to survive the cold. We have clothes to survive our cold-- when your low is 30 and your high is still in the 50s every day. When it snows? Oh, we go buck wild-- and we freeze to death. No one has snow suits or shoes or what have you. We wear our jeans, our sweats, our tennis shoes. We have a blast for 10 minutes and then we're soaking wet and miserable (even though it's probably 30 degrees at worst). I've seen the (expensive, extensive) winter gear that people in truly cold climates have-- trust me, they don't sell that here. And even if they did, no one would buy it. Why, to bust it out once every 30 years? You gonna buy that for your kids every single season as they grow up, on the off chance they'll ever wear it even once? Um...no. So don't laugh when we close schools because our kids aren't gonna go stand and wait for the bus in their glorified windbreakers and tights layered under jeans when it's negative five degrees outside.

Sorry. People who perceive us as weak or stupid for freaking out about the cold can be obnoxious on Facebook, though.

For kicks and giggles I took Lola on her potty walk last night. At this point it was probably still relatively 'warm', in the teens-- but I took my wardrobe really seriously. After all-- who knows what kind of shenanigans could go down during a five minute walk? And I'm still recovering from bronchitis. I dressed as warmly as I possibly could. And now all the people with 'real' winter gear can laugh.

Since this obviously qualifies as a fashion post, let's look at the details. Unfortunately, most of them are hidden...because that's how layering works, folks. Listen and learn. (Note: Hi Lola! Her winter gear consisted of...her fur. It seemed to work out fine for her.)

Starting from the top:

HEAD WARMTH: A ski mask I obtained on a ski trip in college layered underneath Matt's faux-fur Davy Crockett hat thing with ear flaps. I'll give my Head Warmth collection an A- for effectiveness-- I pulled the mask up over my nose and everything was nice and warm. Except I think the liquid in my eyeballs froze, but I can't think of what else I could have done to fight that except wear goggles? Heated goggles? 

TORSO WARMTH: Starting at the skin, we have a regular t-shirt, then a sweatshirt, then a fleece scarf, then Matt's dad's old leather bomber jacket that weighs at least 80 pounds and is so heavy and stiff that I could barely move in it. But I didn't care because NOTHING COULD EVER BE THAT WARM. My torso may as well have been laying on a beach in Mexico...A+++. 

LEG WARMTH: Plaid fleece pants on top of black regular sweatpants. This was a fail. I knew it would be, but I just didn't feel like trying to work jeans or other pants of more substantial warmth into the mix. It was late. Obviously the wind laughed at two measly layers of fleece and breezed right on through. D-.

EXTREMITIES WARMTH: On my feet, running socks underneath thick wool socks, jammed inside flimsy, trendy slouch boots. Surprisingly warm-- A. On my hands, a single pair of North Face fleece gloves. I could still feel the wind, but it could have been worse. For a 100 yard walk, it sufficed. B-.

OVERALL FASHIONABLENESS: Clearly an A, right? I've got some statement turquoise plaid and a lot of layered mixed neutrals...pretty sure that's in, right? The fur collar on the bomber jacket is totally on point fashion-wise. A.

All in all, it took me probably 15 minutes to put all of this stuff on and off (for a walk that lasted maybe 4 minutes). It turned my whole house into a huge mess, as all of this 'gear' is located in various rooms/storage bins/closets. And somewhere in the midst of it all, I knew God was doing good when he put me in Georgia, where shenanigans like this can be a once-every-couple-decades novelty and not an everyday occurrence. Don't nobody have time for that on the regular.

So other than being cold, not much new going on here. We're all trying to adjust to living in a world where an SEC team didn't just win the National Championship, but let's be honest: we didn't even watch that game at my house. We have one TV. Both The Bachelor and the game came on at 8(ish). The game didn't stand a chance, sorry. (Don't feel too bad for Matt- he did find it streaming online somewhere and watched it for a little while. We went to bed at the beginning of the 4th quarter, so we didn't even know Auburn lost til this morning! Ah, the slumber of the ignorant...) Now I'm off to find Bachelor re-caps to laugh at. I would write one myself, but I think that two blogs about that show in the last week is enough. I don't want you to think I have nothing more important to think about than ridiculous TV shows. So have a great (cold) day!