Tuesday, January 7, 2014

how to survive the cold

You probably haven't heard about this, but it's really cold outside right now. Like...really cold. Legit cold. Not just "Georgia-cold," which could mean anything below 60 degrees Fahrenheit. This is a cold that even Alaskans...and Russians...Canadians...and North Pole-ians should respect.


This is what I woke up to this morning. Nothing makes you want to leap out of bed and face the day with gusto like knowing this is what awaits you. And my app doesn't show it, but the "feels like" temperature that accounts for wind chill had us at -5. NEGATIVE FIVE!!! This should not be happening here!! You see the forecast for Thursday and Friday? Yeah, that's normal. That's "winter" in Georgia. Laugh if you must, but you get used to what you're used to. Profound.

Of course all the schools are closed. It makes me mad when people (on social media or even in the comments section on the local newspaper's article about the closings) mock us for closing for cold. Um, yeah we realize that there are places all over the country and world that regularly experience temperatures like this (and worse) and manage to move on with life. But here's a news flash: they're prepared for temperatures like this! They have actual winter clothes and jackets that are more advanced than a hoodie and some Old Navy mittens. Their cars have fluids in them that make them run in freezing cold. Their water pipes are insulated and don't freeze and burst. 

You should see us when it gets cold. Rich or poor-- it makes no difference (Well, that sounds obnoxious-- yes it does make a difference. Though we're all unprepared, the poor are still immeasurably worse off-- don't get me wrong). We do not have the proper wardrobes to survive the cold. We have clothes to survive our cold-- when your low is 30 and your high is still in the 50s every day. When it snows? Oh, we go buck wild-- and we freeze to death. No one has snow suits or shoes or what have you. We wear our jeans, our sweats, our tennis shoes. We have a blast for 10 minutes and then we're soaking wet and miserable (even though it's probably 30 degrees at worst). I've seen the (expensive, extensive) winter gear that people in truly cold climates have-- trust me, they don't sell that here. And even if they did, no one would buy it. Why, to bust it out once every 30 years? You gonna buy that for your kids every single season as they grow up, on the off chance they'll ever wear it even once? Um...no. So don't laugh when we close schools because our kids aren't gonna go stand and wait for the bus in their glorified windbreakers and tights layered under jeans when it's negative five degrees outside.

Sorry. People who perceive us as weak or stupid for freaking out about the cold can be obnoxious on Facebook, though.

For kicks and giggles I took Lola on her potty walk last night. At this point it was probably still relatively 'warm', in the teens-- but I took my wardrobe really seriously. After all-- who knows what kind of shenanigans could go down during a five minute walk? And I'm still recovering from bronchitis. I dressed as warmly as I possibly could. And now all the people with 'real' winter gear can laugh.


Since this obviously qualifies as a fashion post, let's look at the details. Unfortunately, most of them are hidden...because that's how layering works, folks. Listen and learn. (Note: Hi Lola! Her winter gear consisted of...her fur. It seemed to work out fine for her.)

Starting from the top:

HEAD WARMTH: A ski mask I obtained on a ski trip in college layered underneath Matt's faux-fur Davy Crockett hat thing with ear flaps. I'll give my Head Warmth collection an A- for effectiveness-- I pulled the mask up over my nose and everything was nice and warm. Except I think the liquid in my eyeballs froze, but I can't think of what else I could have done to fight that except wear goggles? Heated goggles? 

TORSO WARMTH: Starting at the skin, we have a regular t-shirt, then a sweatshirt, then a fleece scarf, then Matt's dad's old leather bomber jacket that weighs at least 80 pounds and is so heavy and stiff that I could barely move in it. But I didn't care because NOTHING COULD EVER BE THAT WARM. My torso may as well have been laying on a beach in Mexico...A+++. 

LEG WARMTH: Plaid fleece pants on top of black regular sweatpants. This was a fail. I knew it would be, but I just didn't feel like trying to work jeans or other pants of more substantial warmth into the mix. It was late. Obviously the wind laughed at two measly layers of fleece and breezed right on through. D-.

EXTREMITIES WARMTH: On my feet, running socks underneath thick wool socks, jammed inside flimsy, trendy slouch boots. Surprisingly warm-- A. On my hands, a single pair of North Face fleece gloves. I could still feel the wind, but it could have been worse. For a 100 yard walk, it sufficed. B-.

OVERALL FASHIONABLENESS: Clearly an A, right? I've got some statement turquoise plaid and a lot of layered mixed neutrals...pretty sure that's in, right? The fur collar on the bomber jacket is totally on point fashion-wise. A.

All in all, it took me probably 15 minutes to put all of this stuff on and off (for a walk that lasted maybe 4 minutes). It turned my whole house into a huge mess, as all of this 'gear' is located in various rooms/storage bins/closets. And somewhere in the midst of it all, I knew God was doing good when he put me in Georgia, where shenanigans like this can be a once-every-couple-decades novelty and not an everyday occurrence. Don't nobody have time for that on the regular.

So other than being cold, not much new going on here. We're all trying to adjust to living in a world where an SEC team didn't just win the National Championship, but let's be honest: we didn't even watch that game at my house. We have one TV. Both The Bachelor and the game came on at 8(ish). The game didn't stand a chance, sorry. (Don't feel too bad for Matt- he did find it streaming online somewhere and watched it for a little while. We went to bed at the beginning of the 4th quarter, so we didn't even know Auburn lost til this morning! Ah, the slumber of the ignorant...) Now I'm off to find Bachelor re-caps to laugh at. I would write one myself, but I think that two blogs about that show in the last week is enough. I don't want you to think I have nothing more important to think about than ridiculous TV shows. So have a great (cold) day!


29 comments:

  1. It really is all about regional perspective. Our schools are cancelled today due to cold but, where I grew up it, got much colder and they would never cancel school. Don't come visit today as it's -40 (C and F) with windchill :)

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    1. Also now that I'm at my regular computer I just looked up the Fahrenheit/Celsius conversion and I didn't think Georgia could get THAT cold. Brrrr. Stay warm.

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  2. Amen to the FB jerks. We were also told by our superintendent yesterday that some of our older building can't even heat up properly when it gets that cold. So even if our kids got to school, we'd still all freeze because EIGHT DEGREES IS COLD.

    I'm just glad this doesn't happen that often.

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  3. I feel like one of those bobble heads that sits on the dashboard (well, not my dashboard, but maybe yours?)...found myself nodding through the entire post. So true, so true. We are just NOT prepared to survive this sort of weather here. I've never visited the Arctic, have no desire to do so, and never plan to equip myself for such. Therefore the layering as shown above is about as good as my single-digit degree wardrobe can get, too. You make do with what you have; I applaud your efforts!

    Also, I tuned in to The Bachelor for about 15-20 minutes last night and saw Juan Pablo pick 2 out of my 3 favorites first! I also found myself a little giddy about all of the upcoming drama this season--I think I need to remember to tune in more often...I'm a sucker for reality TV drama!

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  4. Tyler has one of those floppy eared hats. He wears it all winter long. It's so ugly, but it's so warm...I can't blame him. But I let Mikey play with it in the hopes that he might destroy it one day when we are gone.

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  5. We're at -5 with a wind chill of -20 here in southwest Virginia, and our schools are closed, too. Honestly, it's a matter of safety. We do have plenty of cold weather here, but this is extreme, and kids who walk to school or just have to stand and wait for buses could end up frostbitten.

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  6. My husband's father works at UGA so we got the run down of weather there today, too! But it's not much better here in SC. Couldn't have explained the closings of schools any better! And the outfit is definitely "in" for winter in the South! ;)

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  7. Drew requires a bedtime of 10:00 p.m. so we only made it until halftime. I suspect he still doesn't know his beloved ACC won. But I'm with ya, the world feels a little different without the SEC on top, I'm not too crazy about it.

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  8. Having always lived in a place where we have cold winters, I've learned that the dog walking job solely falls on the husband's list of daily chores :)

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  9. Brrrr... I love the cold, when it SNOWS!!! Otherwise, what a waste! Ughhh! It's surprisingly chilly in florida too... 26 huh?!? I'm super impressed that you took Lola... That sounds like a husband task if ever there was one! Stay warm!

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    1. I agree! I can handle a cold if there's some snow to play in.

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  10. Schools are closed in Michigan too because it's so cold so we aren't the only wimpy ones! I'm a bad SEC fan too. I honestly cared more about Auburn beating Alabama than I did about last night's game. I had to see what all this Juan Pablo hype was about. I'm still not sold on this guy.

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  11. HaHa Erica! It was negative 12 here in Minnesota this morning! My car wouldn't start, so I had to carpool with my husband to work. We are usually prepared for the cold, but these temps make even a wait for the bus really really chilly! I like your winter gear - mine is not as snazzy.

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  12. I grew up in Missouri where it regularly got this cold every year, but no matter where you are, 8 degrees is freaking freezing! I totally understand why the southerns states are closing schools, like you said, they're not prepared for this! I'm just thankful I still have my wool coat from college to bundle up in.

    I won't lie, I'm only an SEC fan because I now live in Mississippi and my college (University of Missouri a.k.a. Mizzou) moved over to the SEC when we moved down here. We didn't watch the game either, mostly because we don't have cable.

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  13. Stay warm! Even though I am from the North East and we are in school as we speak (quality teacher over here) I completely understand and support your stance on the cold in the South.

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  14. I will give you a standing ovation. I don't mind the cold in the morning. I even came to work with wet hair. But last night... nope. I took the dog out for about 5 minutes and all she did was sit next to me. I brought her in, put down puppy pads, and said "Aim for that". I will gladly clean up puppy accidents (on our unfinished, concrete floors) over wandering the yard waiting for the dog to find THEE perfect leaf and piece of pine straw to piddle on.

    I am a horrible dog owner, clearly.

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  15. you look fab! As someone used to the cold, I laughed when I read your pants layers - that had to be FREEZING!!! Hopefully you won't have to experience this again, but if you do please consult with a midwesterner on the bottoms! ;-)

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  16. Yeah, well, there are schools in the north mid-west (is that the right description?) that are closed because of kids waiting on school buses. Although it's a wind chill of -40, soooo. Did you watch the Green Bay, SF game where it was a wind chill of -50? I told Ryan they couldn't pay me to go to that game.

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  17. You totally pulled off that outfit! I especially like the hat--reminds me of one I bought for my dad in Russia. When we left this morning, it was -8. I was wearing snow boots and a scarf tied around my head because I couldn't find a hat. I caught my reflection as I was walking into work and realized I am turning into my mother. So it goes... :)

    Your post also made me realize that, while I have been wanting a dog for some time, I am quite content to have cats for the time being. Sure, cleaning out the litter box is no pleasure cruise, but at least I don't have to stand outside with them while they do their business!

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  18. I have to admit I became a cold weather snob while living in SLC and would mock everyone back in TX while I lived in UT... but now that I'm back, I also resent those cold weather snobs! Hooray for hypocrisy! Also, WHY does my mother gives a new pair of nice gloves every Christmas when she knows I will likely wear them less than 3x per year?!

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  19. Thank God for space heaters because when I got home from work yesterday, my heat was broken! I waited fort he repair guy to arrive this morning in my ski clothes. So glad that this was an inconvenience for me and not my reality. BRRRRR, bring on the warmth!

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  20. Growing up southern I know that 1. you don't have warm coats and gear 2. your homes heating systems and water are not insulated to keep everything going properly.
    Glad that this wave of cold is passing through quickly for y'all. Unfortunately it is supposed to be freezing out here until dooms day. Yes it is supposed to get out of the subzero/single to teen digits by the end of the week, but still only a high of upper 30's on Saturday. Feel free to complain about the cold- people in cold climates may laugh, but you can laugh at them come summer time when they say it is hot and humid (they have no clue). :) Stay warm!

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  21. I'm thankful that I live in Houston right now! (I hardly ever say this) It's cold here. . . but nothing like what other parts of the country are experiencing.

    You will be so proud - I watched the ENTIRE show of the Bachelor last night. Yes, it was your encouragement that set me over the edge and gave it a try. Ha! So. . . How in the world did Free Spirit girl get a rose? (see, don't even remember her real name).

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  22. Being from the Pacific Northwest, we see cold cold up here. And, as much as I would love to say you get used to cold, you just don't :) I loved your outfit, and if I had a little pup to walk, I am assuming my attire would similarly mimic yours. I would most definitely give you an A+! Being cold, being in the cold just suck, I don't care who you are or where your from. If it's cold to you, then it's cold! Xox

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  23. Ugh...this is such a heated (no pun intended) topic in my house. Michael teaches in a district without busses. It's inner city, low income, and relies heavily on social services to survive. Our morning low was 6 degrees with a windchill of -25 to -35. His district did not delay or close today. Even with proper clothing (which many of his student simply cannot afford) it would be difficult to stay warm/covered enough on a 1+ mile walk to avoid frostbite.
    We all know the reasons schools don't close...$$$...but why at the expense of our children. If it was as simple as providing jackets, gloves, and hats then each district would do so. This extends much further into social issues that won't be solved any time soon. So, for just one day the schools could have been closed! (We rarely hit temps that low even here in this part of Upstate NY.)
    Whew...that's been on my mind all day.

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  24. Our schools close with .5 inch of snow. I know people in other parts of the country laugh at that, but like you said, we are not used to driving in that sort of weather. People just can't do it.

    I respect your winter gear. I usually am wearing long johns from October through February because I am a big cold baby.

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  25. I love everything in this post! You're spot on with the south being unprepared for this kind of weather. Something about power grids and yada yada.

    I only learned how to dress for the cold while we were in NM. Seems like it wouldn't be that cold there but it was high in elevation and had quite a bit of snow each year. This southern humidified cold? This is a whole different beast! I'll take dry cold over this anytime. I love the picture of you bundled in everything warm you could find. Bet you're extra stoked you joined that indoor gym?!

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  26. 100000% yes to this post, and this alaskan knows what's up. for real doe, we used to plug our cars in before driving anywhere. so -10 in the mornings, when it will be 60 later this week, yeah. i'm just gonna layer like a dang fool.

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  27. OMG, Erika, when are these temperatures going to hit the road?! It's miserable. :( Seriously, not okay. Ummm ... people are actually "opinionated" about this on Facebook? Wow. Stay warm, and keep those puppy's paws warm!!!

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