if I were on The Bachelor

Did yall watch The Bachelor Monday night?? I found the episode to be a little boring. No drama? Who has time for that? I do continue to love Andi, Sharleen, and Renee though. They're my favorites. I would be friends with them in real life. As you can imagine, I was just devastated to see our Free Spirit sent home. What a crying shame. Fly away, Free Spirit. Go back to your nudist commune.

But enough about what's actually going on with the show. Yesterday E presented an exciting opportunity to personalize things a bit-- I'm a day late (and probably more than a few dollars short), but Polyvores like this don't get created in a flash...you gotta hold out for quality!!

E gave the task of assembling some outfits that represent what you would wear if you were on The Bachelor. I mean, even on weeks when nothing very exciting actually happens, I still enjoy seeing the fashion choices the ladies make. You know. Praising the good choices. Mocking the bad. (They're on reality TV-- it's what they signed up for!!)

Obviously if I were on the show, my wardrobe would be a never-ending string of hits. I would probably be trending on Twitter. My awesome outfits would get their own Twitters, even-- like Tierra's eyebrow last season? Ha! Or maybe that's overstating it a bit. But choosing what I'd wear was certainly fun, so here we go! First, a few 'rules' that E established:

1.) Money is no object.
2.) You are the perfect weight/height/skin tone/ etc. to wear whatever you fancy.
3.) There are no seasons. It can easily be 40 degrees for one girl and 80 for another on the exact same day.

These are excellent rules and I feel that they should be applicable in real life, always. Bummer that they aren't.

So! On with the outfit selections.

First of all-- you spend most of your time lounging around the mansion with the other girls. If you're lucky you'll see the hunky bachelor like...twice...over the course of a week. So most of the time you don't need to be dressing to impress him...but the cameras are always rolling, so it would be preferable if you didn't look like a complete bum. For this outfit I selected stuff that actually resembles clothing and outfits I already own and wear. That's how I know I'll actually like it.

 

If I Were on the Bachelor... by mattyerika

A fun striped top in my favorite color, some distressed skinny jeans, simple jewelry, and comfy sandals? Perfect for sitting around and trying to stay out of drama all day.

After all that lounging and comfort, though, when Chris Harrison shows up at the door-- I'm gonna be hoping my name is on the Date Card. A one-on-one is a bachelorette's rare chance to shine (and escape drama for a few hours) (and probably jump off a building of some sort)...you never know what kind of adventure awaits you, but it's important to dress as cutely as possible. And then pray that your outfit is semi-appropriate for whatever you'll be doing.

Since I don't know where my one-on-one will take me, I just went with something pretty, flattering, and hopefully comfy enough to get me through a variety of scenarios. And a private concert, in the event that that rarity should occur.

If I Were on The Bachelor by mattyerika

I sense a theme in my outfits. Ha. Apparently I like stripes and mustard yellow. I think this dress is darling and would work for exploring a city, walking on a beach, or riding in a car-boat (lucky Cassandra!). It will turn out to be a TERRIBLE choice if my date ends up being any sort of building jumping...but also, if that's my date...I have bigger problems than a skirt. SO. I'll wear some comfy Toms wedges with the dress, and some simple (and blue, cause I love blue with yellow!) accessories. My hair will be in a simple updo so that I don't have to worry about it getting tangled all day. Nobody likes tangled hair. Or a girl constantly FUSSING with her hair to keep it untangled.

Naturally, I'll be receiving a rose at the end of my one-on-one, so I won't have much to worry about the rest of the week. I'll still want to look smashing for the Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony, though. You know-- gotta keep the other girls on their toes. I hear that the Cocktail Party is actually really long, so I don't want to wear something skin-tight...I just feel like that would get uncomfortable. I am, however, going to wear something ridiculously short. It's going to show off my spectacularly long, toned, tanned legs juuuuuust right. I mean...if you can't show too much leg on The Bachelor, when can you, really?

If I Were on the Bachelor by mattyerika

I love everything about this blue dress...if it were about a foot longer, I'd wear it in real life. Even though I'm going to be flashing two miles of gams, I'll balance things out by having a modest neckline...after all, I am a lady. I don't want to embarrass my mother. Some super fun strappy sandals, teal jewelry, and a gloriously smoky eye will complete my look. You know they zoom in on everyone's faces during the Rose Ceremony. It's really no time to skimp on the eye makeup...you want to look good in all of your faux-shock and awe as the roses get handed out.

So basically, I'm sure we can all agree that my fashion choices alone would win our valiant bachelor's heart. Such a shame that I'm already spoken for. My deepest apologies to ABC and desperate men everywhere.

Wanna share your personal fashion choices (or see other girls' picks)? Go link up with E! Or just describe them here. I'll admit: I'm a little sad none of my picks here included sequins. You can trust that I'm incorporating them into several of my 87 evening gowns I'll need for the season...I just couldn't narrow it down to feature one here!!