reason #1839018

It's probably never come up here before, but I'd really like to be a mom. I know. Little-known fact. But it is what it is, and I have a never-ending supply of reasons why I need a kid or 4 to call my own. The recent passing of Mother's Day combined with the pervasiveness of social media reminded me of one of the main reasons I really, really need a kid, like, stat.

These things:

This was filled out by my co-worker's son. I hope she doesn't mind that I stole it from her Facebook for illustration purposes. And now I really want her recipe for chicken bones.

I don't really know what to call these things. Interviews about your mother? Biographies according to a four-year-old? Maybe. Whatever. The point is, they are hilarious. 

While I mostly just roll my eyes or make fun of most of the cheesy stuff people put on Facebook around Mother's Day (those being the highly preferred alternates to crying or being jealous, obviously)-- anyone who shares one of these that their kid filled out instantly gets 10000 bonus points from me. I don't even care if I know you. I love reading what kids think about their moms. I wish that this had been a thing when I was in preschool. I'm dying to know what I thought about my mom back then.

So you know how childless people always think they know everything about parenting and that they have it all figured out? And they have all these grand plans about how they're going to raise their kids and they just know that their kids are going to be great sleepers, easy to potty train, and love vegetables because the pre-parent is just so educated and disciplined and special and smart? Right. I mean, I'm pretty much like that, but only about unimportant things like this. I have no idea if my kids will ever sleep through the night, but I know for damn sure that my kids are going to fill out these awesome mom surveys like once a week from the time they're old enough to utter a syllable that can possibly be construed as a word. And then I'm going to put them on Facebook and make everyone laugh at them. You're welcome, humanity.

So the moral of this story is that if you have a kid and you aren't regularly encouraging (slash forcing) your kid to fill out a biography about you...please rethink your parenting. And then amend your ways and put a picture of the result on Facebook so that I can be filled with joy at how funny it is. Often. Thanks!!

(PS. You can stop once your kid is older and smart. They aren't as funny when the answers are actually true-ish. So use your judgment and only share the funny/cute/precious ones. Not the ones where they actually know how much you weigh. Awwwwkward.)