Tuesday, May 13, 2014

reason #1839018

It's probably never come up here before, but I'd really like to be a mom. I know. Little-known fact. But it is what it is, and I have a never-ending supply of reasons why I need a kid or 4 to call my own. The recent passing of Mother's Day combined with the pervasiveness of social media reminded me of one of the main reasons I really, really need a kid, like, stat.

These things:

This was filled out by my co-worker's son. I hope she doesn't mind that I stole it from her Facebook for illustration purposes. And now I really want her recipe for chicken bones.

I don't really know what to call these things. Interviews about your mother? Biographies according to a four-year-old? Maybe. Whatever. The point is, they are hilarious

While I mostly just roll my eyes or make fun of most of the cheesy stuff people put on Facebook around Mother's Day (those being the highly preferred alternates to crying or being jealous, obviously)-- anyone who shares one of these that their kid filled out instantly gets 10000 bonus points from me. I don't even care if I know you. I love reading what kids think about their moms. I wish that this had been a thing when I was in preschool. I'm dying to know what I thought about my mom back then.

So you know how childless people always think they know everything about parenting and that they have it all figured out? And they have all these grand plans about how they're going to raise their kids and they just know that their kids are going to be great sleepers, easy to potty train, and love vegetables because the pre-parent is just so educated and disciplined and special and smart? Right. I mean, I'm pretty much like that, but only about unimportant things like this. I have no idea if my kids will ever sleep through the night, but I know for damn sure that my kids are going to fill out these awesome mom surveys like once a week from the time they're old enough to utter a syllable that can possibly be construed as a word. And then I'm going to put them on Facebook and make everyone laugh at them. You're welcome, humanity.

So the moral of this story is that if you have a kid and you aren't regularly encouraging (slash forcing) your kid to fill out a biography about you...please rethink your parenting. And then amend your ways and put a picture of the result on Facebook so that I can be filled with joy at how funny it is. Often. Thanks!!

(PS. You can stop once your kid is older and smart. They aren't as funny when the answers are actually true-ish. So use your judgment and only share the funny/cute/precious ones. Not the ones where they actually know how much you weigh. Awwwwkward.)

24 comments:

  1. This is so cute. My favorite part is Mom always says "love you." Such a testament to a mother's love! Maybe I could just find a random 4 year old who can talk about me...

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    1. I think random four year olds are probably super insightful, so I say go for it!!

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  2. My 6-year-old filled out a poem for me using the acrostic MOTHER. He described me perfectly with the following:

    M: magikal
    O: owsum
    T: tierd
    H: helps
    E: eets
    R: reeds

    Notice how he lost the idea of adjectives half-way through?

    Bless his heart ;)

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    1. HA!! I love it!! Especially how magikal you are. That is the BEST.

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  3. My son wrote a "book" about me at school. And his answer to "All day my mom..." was SLEEPS! Ha. I wish! Definitely made me laugh:)

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  4. Ha! We did a less complicated version with my 2-3 year olds in church on Sunday. My favorite response was to "what's your favorite food mom makes for you?" Answer: "goldfish." Ha! Mom must be a goooood cook. Bless them.

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  5. HA! These are hilarious. Hope M-Day wasn't terrible.

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  6. My 9 year old filled out one this year: I loved his answers. My favorite: I know my mom is smart because: she went back to school and became a great nurse. After all the hours of sacrifice my family endured that really made me smile!

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  7. I agree with Erika Humanity - I find these hilarious and would love to read more! My boss was telling me the other day that last year her two boy twins did that in school and they BOTH wrote "My mom loves...wine!" :)

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  8. I love reading these too, they are hilarious!!

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  9. Here is Rachel's survey as I asked her just now. (Rachel is not quite three.)

    My mom and I like to "watch Franklin."
    My mom likes to "do laundry."
    My mom always says, "Don't eat Fruit Snacks."
    I love my mom because "She is so yucky. I love her so yucky!"
    My mom cooks the best "tuna noodle casserole."

    After that it devolved into "tuna noodle casserole" for every answer. Sorry I don't have a cute graphic to post with this :)

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  10. Daphne did one of those for me at her school and I laughed so hard when reading it I couldn't even read it out loud to David. I hope Daph wasn't offended by that, now that I think about it. Anyways, apparently my favorite things to do are make macaroni and cheese and do the dishes. And I love my tea cups.

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  11. I need to do this...the girls go to their grandma's for babysitting, and they didn't do one at church, and it never occurred to me to do it myself. Since Elaina's prayers often involve thanking God for unicorns and rainbows, I wonder how I would rate. Consider my parenting strategies reconsidered :)

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  12. I think you could make this work with Lola. Just ask her the questions, and then get her to nudge a Ouija board around one letter at a time to give her answers. I'm confident it will be well worth the time!

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    1. Umm, yes, do this. And take pictures so we can all enjoy! Maybe the (o)possum could be bothered for a reply as well?

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  13. My cousin's son had to fill in the blank for "My Mom is_______" and he wrote tired. OMG!! and then inside the card he drew a picture of her in bed. I felt so bad for her because the teacher probably thought she was such a bad, lazy Mom but she isn't! She is definitely tired because she has a baby who isn't sleeping through the night, but still...

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  14. This is cute!! Thanks for sharing! Believing you will be able to do this with your children one day :)

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  15. I literally just laughed out loud at a few of these in the comments, I LOVE them too! I was a little bitter because none of our babysitters/teachers/sunday school workers/etc. did one of these with Sam for me. Jerks! I took matters into my own hands and attempted to interview him myself, but his answer was "works" for basically every single question, which made me feel like a pretty awesome mom (not!) so it was not published anywhere! Maybe next year! :)

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    1. My daughter filled out a feelings journal at preschool and it made her sad and angry when "Mommy yells at me." I felt pretty awesome too.

      Relatedly she feels disgusted when "I eat peas" which made me laugh a lot!

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  16. My kids have done these in school and I laugh every time when they say that I'm anywhere from 8 to 100 years old. They clearly have no sense whatsoever of what a 'year' is. :) I'll have to dig some of them up for you to enjoy! ;)

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  17. I LOVE these! My nephew just did one on his mom and said that she weighs 729 lbs. I could not stop laughing!

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  18. Bahahaha! This made my day! Toddlers are actually pretty imaginative it's amazing. Now I'm wondering what I would write at that age.

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  19. Maybe you should start a tradition of husbands doing these for their wives? Except take out the weight question, because no one wants to have to run over their husband for answering that honestly and publicly.

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  20. I asked Sam this morning. Here are his funnier answers.

    My mom weighs "40" pounds.
    My mom cooks the best "tuna noodle casserole!" Are you surprised? Ha!
    My mom really loves "me!"
    I love my mom because "I get to bake cupcakes and cookies with her."

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