Monday, March 27, 2017

millie-isms: part V

WHOA. Huge realization. I believe Millie is approaching the age/stage/conversational ability that she will be able to answer one of those "parent questionnaire" things that everyone loves to do around Mother's Day or know, "how old is your mom? What is her favorite thing to do?," etc. Also known as something I've been waiting for for seven billion years. I'll hold out hope that her teachers and/or father make this dream come true for me in the next few months. In the meantime, she says plenty of other funny stuff to keep me rolling.

(Pictures that accompany these stories are entirely unrelated, but cute, right?)


We are sitting at the table, calmly eating breakfast. Millie looks up and her eyes light up.

"Mama! Let's go play upstairs, otay?"

Me, extremely confused: "Ummm...Millie, we don't have an upstairs."

Millie, extremely confused: "Why?"

Me: "Because we've never had an upstairs? Because we live in a one-story house?"

Millie: "Why?"

Good question. Let me time travel back and ask 2009 Erika what she was thinking.


Matt is holding Millie and we (Matt & I) are laughing about something. All of a sudden, Millie exclaims "DAT NO FUNNY!"

We stop laughing, only we kinda can't, because her outburst is so random and so funny in itself.

"What's not funny, Millie?"

"No laugh. No 'ha ha ha ha ha!!'" (She says her 'ha ha ha's in the most sarcastic voice a two-year-old can muster.)

You try not laughing after a scolding like that.


On multiple occasions (like, maybe 5), when we pull our car into the Target parking lot, Millie immediately screams "HOOOOME!!! We home!!!"

Please note that she does not say this when we actually arrive to our actual (disappointingly one-storied) home. She has done it twice when we pull into our church parking lot. So, home=Target and sometimes church. There's something just beautiful and strange about that.


I have an Apple Watch, and one of the fun features is that you can activate Siri by just turning your wrist and saying "Hey Siri," followed by whatever you want her to do. One thing I find myself doing semi-regularly is requesting that Siri set a timer for two minutes, because a certain member of our household sometimes needs to spend two minutes thinking about her life and choices occasionally. 

So when Millie is playing with her dolls and animals, you may find her sternly reprimanding the doll for some terrible transgression, and the conversation goes something like this:

"NO! You NO BITE. Dat NOT NICE. You go time out."

(she puts her wrist up to her mouth and yells at her wrist) " TWO MINUTES! Hey do two minutes!"

(talking to her doll again) "You sit two minutes! You wait for my watch make sound, otay! NO BITE! Two minutes!"

Then she stares at her doll, intermittently glancing at her wrist. If her doll gets wiggly (in her imagination, I suppose, since our dolls are all inanimate as far as I know...), she doesn't give in.

"Hey!! No two minutes yet! My watch NO MAKE SOUND. You sit. TWO MINUTES!"

I promise I am not as mean as she makes it sound. Because now I'm so paranoid about the whole thing, I can barely even bring myself to sit her in time out. Ha!


Millie has gotten where she loves for us to scratch her back. She likes us to pull up her shirt and scratch away. So the other evening, I was scratching as requested. Apparently my hand went a little further than she cared for, and she exclaims "No! No scratch my booty! Poop-poop in my booty!!"

You can't argue with logic like that.


At breakfast, Matt and I were discussing who would pick Millie up from school that afternoon. She is listening carefully and pipes in with some clarifying questions:

"Mommy pick me up today?"

"Yes, Mommy is going to pick you up."

"Pick me up and go to doc-tuh?"

"No, baby...pick you up to go home. Do you need to go to the doctor?"

[wide eyes] "Go to doc-tuh to cut open my nose and get food?"

So apparently last week's lesson did sink in and is weighing heavy on her mind, just as I'd hoped. Ha!

Thursday, March 23, 2017


Life with a 2.5-year-old is never boring, I can tell you that much. Here are some recent highlights.

Please note her tattoo and earrings.
Millie loves dinosaurs right now. This makes me inexplicably happy because, a) it's just really cute, and b) I myself was obsessed with dinosaurs as a child (although not when I was quite this young), so I can relate. So we read a lot of books about dinosaurs, we roar and chase each other around, and for the last few days, Millie starts each morning by telling us what kind of dinosaur we are. She decides this based on what color shirt each person is wearing. So as I carry her into the kitchen, as she's still bleary and rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she's inspecting all of our outfits so that she can declare "Daddy green di-saur, Mommy purple di-saur, Millie red di-saur, Lola black di-saur!" If you change clothes later, she will tell you that "you no purple di-saur now, you blue di-saur!" or whatever. It's precious. Also, she's good at colors.


She started taking ballet lessons this month!

Obviously this picture is in our yard and not during a class, but the cuteness is the same no matter where you are.

There's a studio that goes into local daycares/preschools and offers classes during the day, so that's what we're doing. It's nice because we don't have to give up a Thursday evening or Saturday morning or whatever to do an "extracurricular," but the sad part is that I don't actually get to watch the lessons. They send pictures, though, and Millie is usually happy to demonstrate what she learned that day, and I can definitely tell she's on track to be a professional ballerina. Hahaha. In related news, toddler ballet clothing is unbearably cute and I will be accepting donations to help with my new ballet shopping addiction.


Not to boast, but the time change has been awesome for us. She sleeps harder and longer than ever before, and now we have actual DAYLIGHT in the evenings so that we can play outside or go on a walk after dinner. Life is infinitely better with that little luxury! This girl loves being outside, so we have had a lot of fun with this mild "winter" and spring!

We dusted off our bikes for a family ride a few weekends ago. We found some goats that were SO adorable. Now I have dreams of being a goat farmer. 

My ancient (seriously, 13 years old) cat Aidan is still hanging around, and he and Millie are the best of frenemies. Warm days mean they have time to antagonize each other. How lovely.

Millie has also had time to devise ways to swing with her baby dolls, which resulted in this heartwarming scene:

Precious, yes?


This face may look cute and innocent to you, but shortly before I snapped this photo, we'd spent some harrowing and nasty moments digging a PEA out of Millie's nose. Yep. Shoved it (on purpose) right up the ol' nostril! Way to be a toddler, Millie!

It took us several attempts and combinations of tools to find success, but what ended up working was using the Nose Frida (hello, old friend!) to get the pea towards the opening, and then reaching in with tweezers to close the deal. And this only worked while she was sitting/standing up, so that gravity was working WITH us- we initially had her laying down, but the stupid thing kept rolling back as soon as we touched it. I hope you never need to know this strategy, but just in case...there ya go. I don't think that WE will ever need to use it again, because a) we're never having peas again, and b) we put the fear of God blood in Millie by telling her that it is NOT SAFE to have a pea in her nose, and if Mommy and Daddy couldn't get it out, we would have to take her to the hospital and they would cut her nose open with a knife and there would be LOTS OF BLOOD. So maybe we had to exaggerate a little, but I think it worked, because if there's anything she doesn't like, it's blood. And things that are "not safe." Deeming things "not safe" is one of her current methods of (trying) to get out of things she's not interested in doing.

"Time to brush your teeth, Millie!"

"No! Dat not safe!!"


"Can you get in your car seat, Mills?"

"No please, Mommy. Dat not safe!"

It is literally the safest thing on the market. Buckle up, cowgirl.


Speaking of things on the market...

Here's something you need to be buying ASAP.

Reasons You Should Not Buy This Ice Cream:

1. You hate things that are delicious.
2. You don't want to weep with happiness.
3. You are satisfied with a mediocre life.
4. You have a life-threatening pecan, truffle, or fudge allergy. (However, if you just have a normal-level allergy that could be helped with just an epi-pen or a few days in the hospital, it's probably worth the risk.)

That's really all I can think of. Now, some of you may say "hey, that's a Publix-brand ice cream, and I don't live anywhere near a Publix," and to you I say "Delta is ready when you are." Seriously. I'm sure wherever you live is great, but so is the southeast, and WE have Publix and nine months of humidity and heat strokes  summer, so like...get moving.

And in case you were wondering, YES, Millie does approve of this ice cream and also has declared it to be safe, so...the end.