one thousand

I had planned to blog about reaching the halfway point of Whole30 tonight, but when I logged on, I noticed that this will be post number 1,000...and that just seems way too monumental a milestone to waste on something as frivolous as a diet nutritional reset. So maybe we'll catch up on the food talk later.

So, a thousand posts. That seems like a lot. I mean, it's been a little over seven years since I posted that first scintillating post, so I guess I'm really only averaging 142 posts a year, but still. A thousand. It feels big.

Hey! Erika of 2008 looks like a younger, skinnier version of Erika of the Present!

I remember what I was thinking when I started this blog. Along with what I explained in my first post about not wanting to be a creepy anonymous commenter anymore, I had another motive as well. You see, I was really into mommy blogs back then. And although we'd only been married barely six months, I knew we would start trying to have a baby sometime soon, and I knew that once we did have a baby pregnancy, I would most definitely want to have a blog. I wanted to do the weekly bump pictures, the monthly updates, the nursery reveal, and most of all- inundate the world with the pictures and stories about our babies. All four of them- because that was the plan.

So I figured I'd better go ahead and 'establish' a blog so that I'd be ready when the time came. I wanted to be in the habit of writing, and I wanted to have a handful of blog friends that would care if I did. So I started writing, biding my time until I could break out into full-fledged mommyblog-dom.

My selfie game was strong then, even if my makeup game was not. And look at that cool date stamp!

And you know, it's a really good thing I started this blog then. God knows I needed all that time to really get in the habit of writing, right? Ha. 

If I'd known then how long my journey to parenthood was going to be, I don't know if I would have started. I had no desire to be an infertility blogger- I barely even knew that such a thing existed. And when I first learned about them, it seemed a little too depressing- and simultaneously like I'd finally found my tribe. And because I found my people, I kept writing. 

And now that I've crossed to the other side, the promised land, the greener pasture, it's easy to focus on everything that's great and awesome (and truly, most everything is), but I am so thankful for the years when it wasn't, but I wrote anyway. Maybe it seems weird, but I don't want to grow satisfied- to forget where I came from, to forget what I went through, to forget the years the locusts ravaged. And I don't want to forget that even in the midst of that, there were so many happy days. So many amazing experiences. There was so much love, and experiences to laugh at, and people to hug, and grammar to rant about. And I'm thankful that I wrote it down so that now, and tomorrow, and in twenty years- I will still remember. And I'm thankful for each of you that came down into my joy or my sadness, whatever the flavor of the day happened to be, and joined me in my laughter and tears.

C'mon now, did you really think I'd force you to go a whole post without a picture of Millie? I know my people.

 If there's anything I've learned in my old age (I'm not the whippersnapper I was back in '08, unfortunately), it's that I never remember as much as I think I do. Sometimes I reread my old posts and am shocked by how I have NO RECOLLECTION of whatever situation or event I blogged about that day- and it's weird, like finding out I have amnesia or something. And so I'm thankful for my record here, and it encourages me to keep going- to write down my stories, even the ones that are mundane or ordinary or less-than-beautiful, because one day (or in ten minutes) I will forget. And I think that would be sad.

They let me get away with ANYTHING during breathing treatment time!! Parent guilt for the win!

 I guess I've rambled for long enough...you know, for like seven years, actually. But I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for caring, for commenting, for sharing your lives, for encouraging me, for challenging me, and for making me feel like my silly stories- all one thousand of them- matter. 

you ask, I answer.

I almost thought that I wasn't going to blog today (again?! What is happening to me?!)...but then I remembered the slowly-shrinking Q&A list! Unfortunately, most of the questions that are left are there because a) they require digging up lots of pictures at home, which I never seem to get around to, or b) I don't know the answers yet (take a wild guess which ones that applies to!), or...I don't know. I just don't feel like answering them. Ha. But! I have an hour to kill, so let's see what I can accomplish.

The Travelling Trio asked:

If I were to visit where you live, what is the one thing I must see? Sometimes I don't think we play tourists in our own town often enough.

Well, it might be cliche, but if you were to come to Athens and you did not go spend some time exploring the University of Georgia campus (on foot)...you wasted your trip. I could make a few exceptions: like, if you attended another large, ancient Southern university (Auburn, Alabama, etc.), then maybe you could skip out because there are probably a lot of similarities between our campuses. But even then-- really, you should at least drive by. I spent four years as a student on campus and have lived in (or near) Athens ever since (almost 10 years!) and I still love love love walking around campus. Matt and I walk around North Campus several times a week during our lunch break. It's just gorgeous. The architecture, the landscaping, the quintessential collegeyness (surely that's a word...)...it is perfection. So if you ever make it to Athens...a foot tour of UGA most definitely needs to be on your to-do list.

********

Nikki asked:

What ONE grammatical error offends you the most (you must pick ONE)?

Obviously it's really hard to narrow it down, but when FORCED like this, I think I'll have to go with the disgusting attempt to use apostrophes to do something that THEY NEVER DO: make things plural. This is a tiny sub-issue of the much larger Apostrophe Misuse Epidemic that I'm slowly raising up an army to fight...but I think this one irks me the most because of its blatant ALWAYS WRONGNESS. Remember in November how I even made a graphic to help spread the message? Some people still haven't gotten it. Ugh.

My November rant mostly focused on misusing the apostrophe to try and pluralize last names (for Christmas cards). Obviously that is a huge pet peeve of mine. But it's merely a symptom of a worse problem: WHY ARE YOU EVER EVER EVER USING AN APOSTROPHE TO MAKE SOMETHING PLURAL?!?!?! Why are you inviting your friend's over for lunch? Why are you planting seed's this weekend? Why would you get a new bookshelf for your book's?!?!! YOU ARE BURNING MY RETINAS AND I NEED YOU TO STOP. 

It's still terrible to see apostrophes abused in other ways, but most of the 'other' ways they get misused are in good-faith attempts to show possession or contract words or something. So I can extend forgiveness because I can recognize that the person is TRYING to do the right thing...and just kind of failing. But that's much more forgivable than this. Because when you just toss an apostrophe into the middle of an innocent word thinking that it's gonna help it become plural...well, the only reason anyone would ever do that is to personally offend me. And it works. Every time.

Now I'm all worked up in a tizzy again. I need to go run laps or something, excuse me.

********

  
Liz K. asked:

How is the "best" way to break the news you are expecting to someone struggling with infertility (for going on 3 years)? A good friend of mine is having a really hard time, and I just want to be as sensitive as possible.

Good question! Luckily, I have over 5 years of experience with this very issue, so I feel like I am super qualified to answer...for myself. Ha. 

My immediate answer would be not in person. DEFINITELY NOT IN PERSON. Basically, you want to give your friend the freedom to receive the news and digest it and react however she needs to react BEFORE she responds to you. If you're standing right there, then her only option is to either a) look like a crying jealous freak in public, or b) perform an Academy Award-winning act of pretending that it doesn't bother her at all and she's nothing but brimming with enthusiasm and excitement for you.

The thing is, she probably will be happy for you. It's just buried under a couple (dozen, maybe, depending on how long she's been waiting) layers of hurt and jealousy. Give her a chance to work through the yucky stuff before she has to respond. So. NOT IN PERSON. (Plus, you probably don't even want to tell her in person, so this works out better for everyone.)

I should probably put in a few caveats before I continue.

I'm assuming here that you are GOOD friends, the type that would be expecting to know about major life events before the rest of the general population. I mean, if she's just a 'fringe' friend/coworker/church member, don't feel like you need to give her a special news delivery just because of her infertile status. That'd be awkward for you both. 

I'm also assuming that you are not ALSO an infertile. That would definitely change things. If you are ALSO experiencing long-term infertility and this has been something you've both bonded over for years and years, throw all this out the window. You might be one of the only people she could ever possibly be excited about getting a pregnancy announcement from, so do it however you want! We make bitterness exceptions for our comrades in the trenches. Also, there's a much higher likelihood that she's half-expecting the news already...like if you're doing IVF and she knows you're going for a beta that day...you're not really going to shock her if it ends up being good news. So share away!!

So, assuming 'in person' is now not even on the list of available options, here's the rest of your ways. I'll list them in backwards order, from worse options to best options.

-By phone (talking, not texting). This is better than in person, but not much.
-By private FB message. The only reason I list this separately from email is that FB will mark the message as 'read' (for the sender), which puts a little extra pressure on responding.
-By text. Texting also has the potential to mark as read, although that's more a personal setting preference...but is still a risk. Also, a text with the news will just BAM, APPEAR to your friend, and it may not be a good time/place for her to receive the news. So take that into account. Is it 9 a.m. on Tuesday? Don't ruin her whole work day. Is it Friday night at 6 and you know she's on a date with her husband? Have a heart. Don't send it just then.
-By email. At 9 p.m. on a weeknight when her favorite show comes on (so that if she reads it, at least she can pretend she didn't (because of the show!) and/or she can immediately distract herself with said show. And because I'm so nice, I'll even give you a little script that you should 100% be sure to include.

I know that this is not easy news to hear, so PLEASE don't feel like you have to respond. You absolutely don't need to reply and tell me congratulations. 

That sentence is key. And mean it, while you're at it. Don't get offended if she takes you up on it. And then if you REALLY want to be awesome...the next time you see her in person, don't act weird. AND don't act like **OMGBABYBABY!!!** either. I mean, chances are you're only a few weeks along. Surely you can think about SOMETHING else besides nurseries and strollers and morning sickness. Don't wait for your friend to have to awkwardly either broach the topic or try to avoid it-- throw her a bone and talk about SOMETHING normal/non-baby. What you heard on NPR that morning. The weather. Whatever show you both like. Make it normal, which will pave the way for much smoother conversations (that will inevitably include your pregnancy) later. 

(PS. If this all seems like too much, the obvious solution would be to not get pregnant. Then you never have to have this conversation! Everybody wins!)

In conclusion, tell her via email. :) Sorry, I write too much...

********

That's all I have time for for now!! Now...go forth and send grammatically correct and emotionally sensitive emails.

dear Erika...

I'm suffering from writer's block, people. It's excruciating. Although to be honest, I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often. I lead a pretty boring and ordinary life, so sometimes I'm kind of amazed that I can come up with crap to ramble on about five days a week. Ha. (You can just nod and smile if you're secretly thinking maybe you should stop rambling so much...)

I whined about my lack-of-things-to-blog-about plight on Facebook this morning, because obviously that's a mature thing to do. I guess on some level I was hoping someone would pipe in with a great writing prompt that I could spring off of and write up something in the time that remains before my workday starts. Like "Erika, I've really been hoping you'd weigh in on what's going on in the Ukraine...your political opinions are so on point." (Are you impressed that I even know something is going on in the Ukraine? You can thank NPR for that.) Just kidding. More like "aren't you going to talk about what happened on the Bachelor this week?", which is something that is actually plausible. 

Thankfully, my pathetic plea for help worked!! Or, maybe. I mean, I'm writing, aren't I?

Susan suggested that I open up a Q&A. Go look and see it for yourself if you don't believe me. I've seen folks do these before, but never done it myself in my six-ish year blog career. Why? Because there's a high chance of failure, to be honest. WHAT IF NOBODY ASKS ANYTHING? But today there's no chance of that failure. Before I agreed to do this, I made Susan promise that if no one asked anything, she would take the burden upon herself to make up at least 10 different names/profiles and ask questions under them. SO! I'll get at least 10 questions, which seems like a successful Q&A, don't you agree? Ha!

So here we go, my first ask-me-anything Q&A. Susan suggested that I establish some ground rules. I mean, I'm a pretty open book, so feel free to ask whatever burning questions about me/Matt/Lola/infertility/adoption/gardening/makeup/life you may have. You should probably avoid questions about politics because let's be honest...that's going to make me have to go look it up, form an opinion, and like...that's just annoying. I hate politics. So do you (according to the reader survey). So let's not go there. And also...I mean, I have no idea what questions are actually burning on your hearts (if any), but if it's something too personal or too whatever...please don't hate me if I choose not to answer it. Let's pretend I have some standards when it comes to what I share publicly.

BUT. Here's another great idea. You may not know this, but I've always had a not-so-secret life goal of being a Dear Abby-esque advice columnist. I love answering questions (especially about topics I have no experience or knowledge about!!!) and solving problems. So feel free to also throw in your big life conundrums that you need help sorting out. Feel free to make up ridiculous scenarios if you don't actually have one! And if you do that, you should probably make up a name to go with it, too, like this:

Dear Erika,
  I accidentally doused myself in a men's cologne right before I left for work this morning. I didn't have time to change. Now I smell like a man (I am actually a woman) and I'm really self-conscious. What should I do?

Sincerely,
 Eau de Hombre

Obviously this is a scenario that I have some personal experience with (so my advice would be SUPER spot-on), but you get the idea.

So...let's do it. Assuming anyone actually has questions, I'll answer them in a future post (as opposed to in the comments or in an email) (unless your question is personal and you'd prefer that...just say so).

PS. If you ask how much I weigh, I'm going to lie. So sorry!

on commas, graphics, and being correct

In response to our last grammar discussion, I had a lot of people request that I cover comma usage in a future post. That request blessed me, as proper comma usage is an issue near and dear to my heart, but also was a teeny bit scary: there are a LOT of issues to cover when discussing commas. It's not one thing that you can easily sum up in a cute graphic or funny story. It's a lot of issues. So I spent some time over the weekend trying to figure out how best to present some 'comma tips' in a way that would be fun, easily manageable, and ummm...not have everyone immediately closing the browser window and un-following me. Let's be honest. I'm sure there's a fine line between 'aw cute, she's ranting about grammar!' and 'yeah, I don't know what direction this blog is going in but I'm pretty sure I don't like it.' I'd like to stay safely on the 'oh how cute' side of that line.

SO! To our mutual good luck, I happened to discover that there is a portion of the Extreme Grammar Passion world that seems to overlap with the Graphic Design Skillz world and those two got together, had some babies, and voila (yes, that is the correct spelling. Please never, ever, ever, ever write 'wah-lah!' or anything else that looks like that. This tip comes to you for free. Thank me later.)-- a down-and-dirty infographic (or three) illustrating a Comma Issue that many people seem to struggle with: The Oxford Comma.

I love debating the Oxford comma because my position on the topic is so obviously right and it's just great arguing about something you are 100% positive you're correct about. That means that the other person is 100% wrong and needs to be shown the error in their ways and I just love being able to do that. 

I'm going to let these awesome graphics (note: I DID NOT CREATE THESE. I will do my best to cite them, but they appear to be pretty rampant on the internet and I have no idea if these are the original sources) do most of the explaining here, but I suppose I could first at least tell you what the Oxford (also known as 'serial') comma is:

Exhibit A: I am asking for makeup, boots, books, and a baby for Christmas.

Exhibit B: I am asking for makeup, boots, books and a baby for Christmas.

In Exhibit A there is a comma after the word 'books.' That comma is known as the Oxford comma. In Exhibit B there is no comma there. Exhibit B is stupid.

And now I will let these cool pictures do the talking.

I mean, if that graphic doesn't get your heart racing...there might be something wrong with you. It's crazy awesome!!! Wooooo!! 

I feel about grammar the way some people feel about football. Only my team always wins.

Now we will conclude with two touching graphics demonstrating why using the Oxford comma is critical.

Source

Source

I think I've proven my point, right?

ALWAYS USE THE OXFORD COMMA.

And now, to prove I'm a legit grammar professor, we're going to have a pop quiz about today's lesson. Please choose the correct answer below.

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world's leading questionnaire tool.

a Christmas grammar intervention

We're approaching the most wonderful time of the year, people. There are a lot of things I love about the Christmas season, and I'm not going to talk about any of them right now. Instead, I am going to focus on one extremely important, often overlooked detail of the holiday season.

Grammar.

IT'S TIME FOR AN INTERVENTION. On your Christmas cards.

It's time, people. Time for us to step up our Christmas card game. I've seen a thousand bloggers talking about Christmas cards this week-- sharing their favorite card vendors, their tips on how to get the perfect family picture, their detailed guides on coordinating wardrobes. I trust that you don't need my help with any of that. But let us not overlook one very important feature of our Christmas cards: what we actually write on them.

I saw some people discussing this on Facebook. I saw confusion. I saw people trying to reach out for help. I saw misinformation being spread. I've seen some heinous grammar offenses on cards I've received over the years. I can't let this go on. I'm here to help.

Luckily there is basically only one HUGE issue when it comes to Christmas card grammar: pluralization of names. And apostrophes.

For this important issue, one I have ranted about many time before, I will refer you to the exact same grammar rule of thumb as always. And this time I even made a graphic!

Yes, it would be entirely appropriate to print this, frame it, tattoo it on your arm, make a decal and stick it on your wall-- WHATEVER IT TAKES TO REMEMBER IT.

When it comes to Christmas cards, I know what happens. You want to say "Merry Christmas from the _____!" (pluralized version of your last name) You're going to be tempted to throw in an apostrophe in your last name. DON'T.

Just because it's Christmas-- you don't need an apostrophe. Just because it's your last name-- you don't need an apostrophe. But apostrophes are festive, Erika! I want to sprinkle them everywhere! They are cheery!

I DON'T CARE. DON'T DO IT.

Let's start with an easy example- a last name that doesn't end in any tricky, apostrophe-tempting letters. We'll say Smith. (Note: I'm just trying to pick generic, common (in America) last names-- I'm not picking on anyone in particular.)

Assuming your card is from more than one person in your Smith-last-named family, it's pretty straightforward: Merry Christmas from the Smiths!

Your last name is Smith. There's more than one of you. Stick an s on the end. YOU ARE DONE. Congrats on having a really easy last name.

Correct: Merry Christmas from the Greens! Happy Holidays from the Clintons!

WRONG: Merry Christmas from the Black's! Happy Holidays from the Garcia's!

You see what's wrong there? THE APOSTROPHE.

Apostrophes denote possession. Merry Christmas from the Black's what? Their dog? Their house? Their chair? And why does he or she call him/herself "the Black"?????!!!

If you are lucky enough to have an 'easy' last name like those in the examples above, please just don't overthink it: add an -s and be done with it. CHECK YOUR APOSTROPHES AT THE DOOR.

But there are those of us blessed with trickier last names. Like last names that already end in -s. Or -es. Or -ch, -sh, -x, or -z. Surely we need an apostrophe??

NO. WE DON'T.

I'm one of you, people. I have one of those dreaded last names. My last name ends in -es. Like Jones (only it's not). So I feel your pain. I know the struggle. It would feel great to add an apostrophe. It would look so much cleaner. 

It would be wrong, so we aren't gonna do it.

Just like any other (non-name) word that ends in -s, to pluralize it you are going to have to add an -es. 

One mess, two messes.

One church, three churches.

One Jones, five Joneses.

One Rodriguez, four Rodriguezes.

Correct: Merry Christmas from the Joneses! Happy Holidays from the Hopkinses!

WRONG (but tempting): Merry Christmas from the Jones's! Happy Holidays from the Hopkins's!

I know. I know. It looks crazy. But it is correct.

See, all you're doing in the "Happy Holidays from the ____" example is making your last name plural. So our rule applies.

If you're like me and you have a name that ends in a stupid -es and you don't want it to look even stupider by adding ANOTHER -es (Joneses)...THERE IS A SOLUTION!

It doesn't involve apostrophes. Those can't help you here.

Change your wording.

Happy Holidays from the Jones Family!

Merry Christmas from Matt & Erika!

These are happy ways to work around stuffy grammar rules that make your last name an extra mile long. Change your wording. But never, ever add an apostrophe. Because it's not creative-- it's just wrong. And then people will get your card in the mail and they will be tempted to whip out their red pens and 'fix' it before they can adorn their mantel with it...or worse yet, they'll just hide it away. Their eyes will be unable to handle your blatant disregarding of the rules and they will hide your cute card. Don't put people in that position. Just follow the rules and you'll do fine.

I had some other exciting card-related grammar issues I was going to discuss, but I'm out of time...my day job is calling! I wanted to go ahead and get this posted, though, because I know time is of the essence right now while everyone is designing their cards and if I can save even one card from a hideous grammar error...well, I'll count it as a win. If you have any other card-related (or completely unrelated-- I love ALL grammar conundrums!) grammar questions, feel free to put in a request and I will research and tackle it in a future post! I mean, it took like 5 minutes to make that 'essential Christmas card grammar' graphic, so I'd like to get at least one more use out of it. So fire away-- and just one more time for good measure:

PS. Don't believe me? Even MIT (aka a school for geniuses) feels strongly about this issue! 

prepping

Thanks for feigning enjoyment over yesterday's ambitious poetry! Did it at least take you by surprise? I don't know. I think I'd get pretty pumped to wake up and happen upon some unexpected limerick-blogging...but maybe it's just me? I must confess that back in college I was quite the prolific writer of lengthy limericks for my friends. Birthdays, special events-- most things called for a good limerick. I got really quick at writing them, too! Now I'm rusty, but maybe it's one of those things that'll come back if you work at it. We shall see. Also, at least I'm sure we all agree that limericks are the best form of poetry. I wish Chris from Bachelorette understood that. He could have saved America from a lot of uncomfortable giggling if he'd simply employed a different form of poetry with which to serenade Des. Amen? Amen. Regular poetry=awkward. Limericks=awesome. Take note, fellas.

But seriously, ain't nothing exciting (other than mowing the lawn) going on in my life right now. 100% of my mental energy is being put towards Vacation Prepping. Yes, I have been prepping for vacation and thinking about vacation and talking about vacation since I booked it IN JANUARY. I can't help it. I think it's genetic? My mom always talks about upcoming vacations for like 6 months too, so I think I just think it's ingrained in me as the right thing to do. But now that the countdown is in the single digits, I'm REALLY prepping. 

Sometimes I work on things that I can check off this list. (Or-- and I know I'm not the only one that does this-- I do something and THEN add it to my list and check it off. Cha-ching!) Sometimes I devote an entire evening to laying out all of my bikinis and cover-ups and then trying them all on, mix-and-matching the pieces and taking notes about which combinations are best and which cover-up best compliments them. Important stuff, yall. And then last night I spent at least an hour cleaning up my Kindle, downloading new books, and trying to make sure I have a wide variety of genres represented...I mean, what if I get to Mexico and just don't feel like reading chick lit? Good thing I got some more dystopian YA. But then if I'm not feeling that, there's hard-boiled detective fiction. And a World War II memoir. And even some non-fiction, as per Matt's request. Having a diverse library on your Kindle is probably tantamount to enjoying vacation, which is why I'm taking the task very seriously. And if you have any YOU MUST READ THIS!!!!! book suggestions, I will take them now. And I will be extra happy if you follow up your suggestion with 'I have it on Kindle and am happy to lend it to you!!' because I do not have endless monies to spend on electronic books, people. Seriously. Ha. (I am in particular looking to borrow the book(s) that follow Divergent...I bought Divergent last night but what if I really like it and want to read the sequels? They are more expensive, so I'm hoping to either borrow them or otherwise I'll have to wait til after vacation and get them at the library. Bah.)

I have not yet put much thought into the fate of my blog while I'm gone. I know. What kind of human am I? Apparently a terrible one. How can I just assume you will all be okay and your lives will go on if I'm not here to blab away every (weekday) morning? How selfish of me. No, but really. Some of you are so good and proactive at setting things up for your blogs while you're on vacation! A lineup of guest bloggers! Scheduled posts! It's like you never left! I haven't yet made it to that level, I guess. Last year I think I pre-scheduled one post and then I ended up posting a few (picture-heavy) times from my phone. This year the internet situation has changed-- last year the resort had free wireless in the lobby. So I could plop down a few times a day and catch up on all the internet from my phone. Otherwise I didn't use the internet at all, since I didn't enable any kind of data plan. This year they have decided to charge $15 a DAY for the (still-crappy, from what I hear) wireless in the lobby. Ummm...negative, cap'n. So I'm going to get the 'global data plan' from Verizon, which will only give me 100mb, but at least I can use it anywhere (and not just the lobby)? But I have no real concept of how much data 100mb is and fear blowing through it really quickly. (?) So I think I will probably be mostly just posting pictures and such to Instagram and FB, since I can easily keep track of how big the pictures I post are. Some IRL people have expressed amazement that I think I can't go a week without internet. I don't think it's that unbelievable. The main thing, honestly, is that I really have to be able to keep tabs on some potential adoption situations. If I can't get emails or calls for a week, what if something came up and we were unreachable? THAT CANNOT HAPPEN. I absolutely have to be able to check my email. So since there's that, then that also means that while I'm at it, having internet, I can have the fringe benefit of semi-keeping up with social media. So there, incredulous people. 

If you follow me on IG, this is the kind of exciting thing you can expect to see!! Last year I only posted 8 pictures on IG for my whole vacation! That's kind of sad; I expect to do better this year.

Umm....that was probably the least interesting paragraph I've ever written. So sorry. That said, any thoughts about vacation blogging? Pre-schedule posts? Write some more limericks? Post some of my 'best of' from the archives? Rustle up some guest posts? Do nothing? Don't make me make a survey people. Oh! Or maybe I should make one to go up in my absence. Ha. But actually that would kill me to know there was a live survey up and not be able to check its progress frequently. Probably couldn't handle that. I don't need that kind of stress on vacation. :)

Have I mentioned that we're taking walkie talkies to the resort with us this year? YEAH. Walkie talkies. Roger that. I am probably WAY too excited about this walkie talkie action. But we figured it'd be the best way to be able to keep track of our friends that we're going with, since we won't be able to just text and be like 'where are you?'...and then a co-worker lent me his freakin awesome walkie talkies, so bam. There you have it. 10-4. (I need to learn more walkie talkie code words, obviously. Roger that.)

a limerick about yard work. no, seriously.

An office worker by day am I-
With air conditioning and much coffee, the hours go by.
    Editing webpages all day,
    Proofing grammar-- oy vey.
While my heart longs for green grass and blue sky.

So when five o'clock comes and I leave,
From climate-controlled buildings I seek my reprieve.
    Discarding wedges and trendy shirt
    Donning old Asics, stained with dirt,
And to my dreams of being a farmer I cleave.

"Dibs on the tractor!" to the husband I say,
For its power and speed call to me this day.
    And as I circle 'round and 'round
    Piles of wet grass and angry ants abound,
As I gleefully race my trusty steed through the fray.

 
And the husband watches warily on
As I cluelessly surge across the lawn,
    For it happens every time
    (I'm kinda helpless, is that a crime?)
That the thing breaks, and Matt's help is called upon.

 
But such a mower-fixer as he you've never met,
A handy skill when you're married to me, I bet.
    For in all my exhilaration
    I lack the proper concentration
And paying attention to what I'm doing? I forget.

For when I'm up on my mower, you see
Going fast and turning donuts fills me with glee!
    And the more mundane things-
    Like going straight and listening for strange pings?
Well, those things from my consciousness do flee.

 
But since Matt's skills are always up to speed,
It's back to business in no time- on my steed!
     Bringing order to my land
     As I raise up my hand
And salute my farm-boy, though 'slow down!' his eyes plead.

As I circle around again
I smile and I laugh in the wind-
     I get the best of both worlds,
     Farmer life and office girl.
(And a husband with a lovely back end.)
 

 
PS. It's my seven-hundredth post! You should offer a toast!

updates, and my first screenplay

I really appreciate yall humoring me this week. Who knew I would launch Comment-Gate on you without any warning like that? Ha! Anyway. Let's be honest: commenting systems are like...extremely low on the list of Things That Matter in the World. And actually even pretty low of list of Things That Matter in My Life. But thanks for joining me in over-thinking it to death this week. And for VOTING!! So far 43 people have voted, which I think is more than turned out for the last presidential election in America, so I'm pretty happy about that! The vote is way closer than I had anticipated, so I'm going to not call this race just yet. Perhaps I'll reveal the results over the weekend. In the meantime, feel free to keep voting!

Let's see. In other, non-comment-system news...

-One of our Chinese visitors emailed us back last night! He seems very sweet (?? that is probably not okay to describe a man in his mid-20s, is it. Kind? Friendly?) and his written English is fantastic, so that's good! (Then again, not surprising. He's coming to grad school in America...where classes will be in English...so if you can handle graduate-level physics in English, I'm guessing a friendly email is fairly manageable) He is going to be arriving even earlier than we'd expected- Tuesday! Like, the one that's next week! Yikes! So now we have even less time to prepare (our other student is arriving on Friday the 26th). He did, however, comment that Lola is 'lovely' (we sent pictures) and that he looks forward to meeting her, so I think we are all gonna get along juuuuust fine.

-Guess what coffee-table book I got for free yesterday?

Oooh yes. Indeed. I found it in the little free book exchange thing in downtown Athens. I'm sure you're familiar with the blog, but apparently they turned it into a book (which then someone gave away to the free book exchange, so do with that what you will). So obviously I snatched it up and brought it back to work where we proceeded to waste a nice chunk of time laughing at people. I generously donated the book to our break room so that people have something hilarious to look at while they eat their lunch. Also, it looks like they seriously published this book on Shutterfly. It looks exactly like the photo books I've made of vacations and family weddings. Then again...well, yeah. I don't know what else I'd expect from a photos-with-captions blog trying to write a book, so whatever. Do whatcha gotta do, I guess.

-I have turned into a terrible wannabe triathlete-trainee. Seriously. You have probably noticed that I have the sports-commitment of a flea (I think that metaphor is going to start catching on...) and currently tri training is not NEARLY as fun as tennis, so it's taking a backseat. Which is dumb if I think I'm still going to compete, but there you have it. I like to do what's currently most fun to me, and as long as I can limit that tendency to the exercise arena (versus using that philosophy with, say, jobs...money...relationships...things that MATTER...), I don't really see a problem. I felt a tiny bit guilty going to the tennis court yesterday afternoon when it was finally sunny and I really SHOULD HAVE been riding my bike or running...but whatever. Tennis is my favorite sport du jour and so maybe I'll do the tri and maybe I'll punk out. At any rate, my knee is still giving me too many problems to run, so this is probably better than just doing nothing, right? (Well, unless resting would allow it to actually get better...but that's just not an option.)

-I watched the last half-hour of SharkNado last night. It was as ridiculous as I had anticipated. That kind of laughter is good for the soul.  I wish I had been in the meeting where they thought of this whole concept. "Alright, guys...what are two REALLY SCARY things that we can blend together to make THE SCARIEST THING EVER? And then we'll get a fourth grader to do our special effects using Microsoft Paint and IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME!!" If it were me thinking of the things I'm most scared of, you woulda been watching BirdHotelBeds. So just be thankful I wasn't in the meeting, because NO ONE could handle that scary of a film.

The skinny, vapid blonde girl and her meathead husband enter their luxurious hotel room, giggling and flirting as they unlock the door and stumble through the doorway, dropping their luggage. As they lay down to sleep off their jetlag (my movie is PG, guys), Blondie's hair fans out on the pristine white pillowcase. As the first snores escape Meathead's mouth (nostrils?), we glimpse the sheets starting to move strangely. As the violin music crescendos, we see the sheets transform into a giant flock of birds. Blood splatters the IKEA wall art as the birds mercilessly peck Blondie and Meathead and savagely touch them with their wings. And feet. Blondie's shrieks drown out the violins as we fade to black.

And with that, I'm gonna get back to my day job. Have a good weekend. Good luck sleeping, and may God help any of you who might find yourself in a hotel bed...

what i love about blogging

Yesterday I received a comment from a blog-reader asking for some advice. She said that her sister has been trying to get pregnant for four years (TWINSIES!) and has just gone through a failed IVF (ugh.). Her sister, the one commenting, was wondering if I had any advice for her-- how she could best support her sister and be a good friend during this tough time. She wants to 'love her well' (love those words) and was looking for any advice or perspective that could help.

And this? This is why I love blogging. And I love reading blogs. And I love other people who read blogs. And I love people that blog openly- who aren't scared to let people see inside their situations that are less than ideal. Because I think it helps everyone. It helps us love one another better.

Now personally, I'm pretty sure this particular girl is probably already being a fabulous help to her sister-- just based on the fact that she's willing to actively seek out information and advice on how to support her? I bet she's doing a fantastic job already. But don't worry, I sent her a novel few tips...not that I've experienced a failed IVF (yet), but I've got the four-years-of-infertility down pat. And I'm thankful to be friends with many of you who have experienced failed IVFs and put your experiences out there for the world to see. So I have some idea of how to support people going through that situation.

And that's what I love about reading blogs. The vast world of life experiences I can catch a glimpse of first-hand. That by 'knowing' people going through so many different things, it can help me be a better friend to the people in my 'real' world going through something similar. Sometimes I cringe thinking about things I've said or thought about people's situations in the past.  I mean, only a handful of years ago, I honestly didn't know very well anyone who had gone through a miscarriage (or at least, no one who had shared openly about what it was really like). And so when I heard about someone suffering one, I'll admit- I was really confused about why they seemed so upset. I thought they should just get over it and they could always just get pregnant again. That's so embarrassing to admit. But it's true. Because no one had let me in on what it's really like, so I had nothing to base my opinions on but my own experience, which was...none. And my perspective on the situation obviously reflected that.

But now? Oh my gosh. Through both blog-friends and brave real-life friends, I've known so many women to go through miscarriages. And I hate that I do-- but I am so thankful for the openness and vulnerability of those that have offered a glimpse into what it's truly like to be in that situation. Because now I know. I have not experienced that situation-- although I certainly may, some day. But when my friends, my sisters, my co-workers...when they go through that now, I know. I know how I can help them. I know the things not to say. I know how to pray for them, how to offer support, what small things I can do to help them bear their burden. It's not going to take all the pain away. But I can certainly try to avoid adding to the pain. And I owe that in large part to brave members of the blogging community who are willing to lay it all out there for others to learn from.

And it's not just A/L/I issues that I'm learning about. The blog-world is as big and wide as the real one. I am thankful for the women who blog about the issues they face with children with disabilities. I am thankful for those who offer a glimpse into living with a deployed spouse-- they help me understand how to support my own sister. I am thankful for those who share the trials and fear associated with having children with life-threatening allergies. They make me a more compassionate person. I hate that anyone in their 20s or 30s would ever have to experience the loss of a spouse or child-- but I am thankful that they share, because when it happens to someone in my own life, I want to know how I can help. I read the blog of a regular ol' American mom who happens to be an observant Muslim-- it helps me understand what it's like to be a member of a religion that's pretty much generally reviled in my country. It reminds me to not judge a billion people by the actions of a few. I love the blogs of families who have adopted older children from China-- the challenges and situations they face are completely unique and things I never ever would have considered, until someone blogged bravely about them. I am thankful for the women who bear their souls when their marriages are disintegrating, when their hearts are breaking- because I have many friends going through that in real life, and it isn't always easy to know what to say, or to know how they are hurting. But now I can know.

I love the 'fun' parts of blogging, too- I love when 20 people get excited enough about my 'big plans' to put a plastic pool in my backyard and make some kind of redneck water park that they want to offer a supportive comment or piece of advice. That's hilarious to me and brings endless smiles to my face. I love when I ask for advice (regarding home decor, or exercising, or makeup) and you give it. Those things are so much fun. But when I got that comment yesterday, asking for tips on encouraging a sister in a tough situation, it reminded me: blogging isn't just frivolous fun. It is frivolous fun, often. But not just. Today I am thankful for the 'serious' parts of blogging...that it's making us better people. More well-rounded. Better friends and wives and mothers and sisters and co-workers. Our hearts are more open and our words are more compassionate. And for that I am really, really thankful.

And in that light- what do you wish people knew about to support people in your situation? Alison wanted to know how to support her sister who just experienced a failed IVF-- what would you tell her? Maybe infertility isn't your thing. What is? I encourage you to share bravely-- in your own blog, or in your real life (even scarier). Or even here, in the comments-- help us all understand what it's like to be in a situation we probably haven't experienced firsthand. 

And now I shall step off of my Motivational Speaker platform and get back to my day job. Just know that I am thankful for all of you and appreciative of the ways that you've opened my eyes and my heart. High five for blogging, yo!

let's talk about my issues

Yall. I really have nothing of interest to talk about today. But as I was sitting here in my office, staring out into space juuuust in case something popped into my brain, I happened to notice my lovely bouquet of flowers on the windowsill in front of me.

Well, at least they used to be lovely. A few weeks ago. But now they're dead, and probably have been for days, but despite the fact that they are situated approximately 18 inches from where my face sits for 40 hours a week, they have not bothered me enough to move them. Perhaps my true indoor plant problem isn't just that I kill them (although these were cut flowers- totally different from the issues I discussed on Monday) but that I let their corpses linger around for so long? Is that weird? I can tell you, though-- now that I've noticed that my flowers are no longer pretty, I still have no plans to get rid of them. Putting them in the trash makes me feel sad. Really sad. Much sadder than staring at their lifeless bodies.

I should probably talk to a professional about this issue. Oh well. Obviously I won't (I refuse to spend money on doctors that can't get me pregnant), so feel free to offer your own psychoanalysis (for free)!

In other news, I'd like to thank Starbucks for the wisdom they displayed in scheduling their Frappuccino Happy Hour week to be the week before Mother's Day. Frapps are delicious anytime, but their medicinal properties are particularly excellent during times of high stress such as this. Therefore I'd like to thank Starbucks and my co-workers that highly encourage our daily 3pm walks down the street to Sbux. Saving my life, one 900-calorie drink at a time.

Lastly (I know, thank God I'm almost done, right? This is just pathetic today!), I wanted to remind you that if you wanted to vote for my 'Letter to New Moms' blog for BlogHer's Voices of the Year, you have a few more days to do that. It's been almost exactly one year (May 17, actually) since I originally guest-posted that on E's blog, and while I could focus on the depressing fact that a whole year later still nothing has changed and I'm watching another New Moms class pass me by, instead I will focus on how many new relationships I've formed as a result of that blog. I've met so many fantastic women, many with blogs, lots without, and while I hate that any of us have to struggle with infertility, I am so thankful for the ways God has used that letter to connect us and make us feel less alone. Even a year later, I get dozens (and sometimes hundreds) of new visitors every week coming from that post-- so weird that it's still 'circulating' even after all this time!!-- and it is so surreal to me that something I wrote (and admittedly stressed out over for WEEKS prior to posting it) can make that kind of an impact. It's been one of my favorite blog 'experiences' so far, and I'm so thankful to E for making it happen- and for nominating me for Voices of the Year! 

With that, I'm out. I know. Sigh of relief. Maybe someday I'll have better things to talk about than dead flowers and infertility. Is talking about tri-training better? I don't wanna beat that horse too much, but at least it's a happier topic! Anyway. Happy Wednesday-- only 5 afternoons of Sbux Happy Hour left, so enjoy it while you can!

blates, happy hours, and my new calling

Happy Friday!! Today's a particularly happy one because it begins the week-plus of daily Starbucks Frappuccino Happy Hours! Half price frapps? I think yes. Naturally my co-workers and I will be there the minute happy hour begins today. A fantastic way to finish off the work week slash begin the weekend!

Yesterday's blogger lunch date (blate!) was fantastic (as though there were any doubt)!

So far my 'are blog friends as great in real life as they seem on their blogs?' experiences are 100% positive. Matt's like what do you TALK about? Isn't it WEIRD? and it's like...no! It's NOT weird at all! I mean, it's not like a blind date or meeting with someone you barely know...it's merely a formality that this is the first time we've met face to face...but we've been friends and regularly in touch for quite a long time! We know what's going on in each other's lives! It's just a different medium, but the relationship carries on just the same! So anyway. Once again I prove that all people you meet on the internet do not turn out to be serial killers. Shockingly.

At any rate- Amanda's having surgery today (same surgeries and doctor as me!) so if you have a minute, say a prayer that a) she doesn't freak out, and b) she doesn't die. Those are her main concerns, which seem pretty reasonable to me!

So yesterday I came across the best thing ever (for me): an entertainment webpage hiring freelance writers/bloggers to write episode recaps of summer reality shows. Wanna know a few of the shows they're specifically looking for? Oh, how 'bout The Bachelorette and Real Housewives of New Jersey?? I KNOW! Have I or have I not basically spent my whole life preparing for this honor??! Here's the tricky part, though: to apply you have to send in a cover letter (not hard), link to recent writing samples (haha, not hard), and resume (possibly hard). Obviously I have my normal resume I use(d) when applying for full-time jobs. But this is different...this is for a freelance writing gig. I don't have any writing gigs on my resume, nor have I ever written professionally or in any capacity that would make sense on a resume (unless we're listing small-beans personal blogs on resumes now, which I assume we're not...)...so...what to do? Any ideas? I mean, I have a very good idea of what kind of writing they're looking for (duh, you can just go read their current stuff, current show reviews, etc) and the job description/'application' makes it clear it's just freelance, no-contracts, pay-per-episode work...so maybe the resume is just a formality and they don't really care what's on it as long as you can prove elsewhere (in your cover letter and writing samples) that you can get the job done? Who knows. But if you know, then help a girl out. Because clearly getting paid to blog about reality TV for a legit webpage is my calling.

Alright. Only six more hours til Frapp Happy Hour. We can do this. Happy Friday!

pointlessness

So in the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that my brief-but-triumphant return to the world of gymnastics on Saturday left me in a holy crap I think I might die amount of pain on Sunday through...present. Right. So, that's certainly special. It's a good thing I got it on video, because it's probably never going to happen again. Unless, of course, Cirque du Soleil catches wind of my skillz and asks me to join one of their shows. Obviously I would make an exception for them. But otherwise...no.

Other than that it's just been the same ol'. Watching 3-hour Bachelor finales. Wondering how I will fill the void in my Monday nights now that it's done. Working. Reading. Moaning about my broken body. Eating Mexican food. Life as usual.

I've been working on a guest blog the last few days. So it's weird-- I feel like I've been blogging a LOT, only I got nothin' to show for it here. :) Oh well. I'll let you know when and where it posts. Maybe. If I don't chicken out. It was a bit of a heart-wringer, that one. I had to hurry up and hit 'send' before I deleted the whole thing. So we'll see.

Remember how I planted my seeds to start indoors a few weeks ago? I'm planning on posting a super-amazing tutorial about that at some point. The only problem is...only ONE of them has started actually growing/sprouting. Out of TWENTY pots with two seeds each. Ummm...oops? I obviously cannot post a tutorial if I failed at my own project. So join me in praying that some more freakin GROW!! It's a pretty depressing sight at this point!

It's going to be in the 70s this weekend. I don't plan to go inside at all.

I read this verse today and it really encouraged me:

 
 It's in Isaiah. I could go look it up to tell you what chapter, but my Bible is like 30 feet away and obviously I am too broken for all that. Actually, rereading the verse now, out of context, it seems kind of random. But it had me really fired up earlier, so that's good I guess.

Shower and bed time. Sorry for the random pointlessness of this blog, but you know how it goes sometimes. Plus, I gotta finish reading for my cry-fest of a women's group tomorrow night. Half the time I'm the only slacker who didn't finish the reading. That's so unacceptable for someone who spends as much time reading as I do. Of course, if we were studying a book that involved a lot more murder, romance, and unreliable narrators, maybe I could stay more on top of things...so I'll just blame it on that.