Operation BGB: more emotional than I'd planned

Well, Operation Big Girl Bed is a wrap, folks. The crib is gone, the bed is in, and Millie stays in her bed and sleeps perfectly like a little angel champ, so go ahead and give me my gold star for parenting. BAHAHA. Or not. But seriously, it wasn't too painful.

We got both the upholstered bed and the mattress on Amazon- I'll keep ya posted, but so far we are very pleased with both items! They both had great reviews and were freaky cheap, so that's how we made those difficult shopping decisions, haha. (FYI- those are affiliate links!)

So the bed was delivered on Friday, but we knew the mattress wasn't going to come until Monday. We knew we would have to a) deconstruct the crib, b) construct the bed, and c) when the mattress came, it would need 24-48 hours to grow to its full mattress size once we released it from the box, so we didn't go into the weekend with a real plan of when and how we were going to do all of these things. However, once Millie and I were up bright and early Saturday morning, I made the executive decision that we should go ahead and take down the crib and build the bed that day. I'll be honest- the main reason I wanted to go ahead and do it was because I knew that losing the crib was going to be the hardest part (emotionally) for me. I didn't want to have a "last night" putting her to bed in it because I would probably have just sobbed for hours and made a big messy deal out of the whole thing. As it was, we'd had a relatively routine "last night" the night before and that was just it. I didn't want to put it off. 

But guys- it was hard. 

June 17, 2017- our last morning with our crib

I know you know what I mean. The pain of infertility and loss and waiting and heartbreak is not nearly as salient as it once was, but it's not nearly forgotten. That crib is a lot more than a piece of furniture to me. It is a tangible symbol of hope fulfilled, of answered prayers, of beauty and life. It represents what I longed and prayed for for years and years. And I couldn't be any more thankful for the baby that came to sleep in it, who has grown and thrived and now needs to move on from it...but if I had a lot more rooms in my house, I would leave that crib standing forever. A testament to answered prayer. Something to lay my hands on when I need to remember that He heard my cries. And it doesn't make sense to me, logically, because I have Millie for that, right? I can hold her and remember the same things. And I do. But that crib.

I knew it was gonna be tough.

As I started untying the bumpers, I just lost it. Those are the bumpers I sewed. For our other baby, our first maybe-baby...the baby we didn't get to keep. I wept and prayed for another baby as I sewed these bumpers nearly four years ago. And that baby never got to see them, but in the wake of that loss, Millie came. And Millie did see them, and slept with them, and stepped on them, and smooshed them, and they don't look so hot anymore, but that didn't matter a whole lot to me on Saturday as I sat there untying their impossibly tight knots with tears leaking out as I worked. Like nearly everything in her nursery, those bumpers are more than just (hazardous) pieces of foam-filled fabric. They remind me of our wait. Of the months and years of planning and hoping and making ridiculous, unnecessary hand-made mementos for the baby we hoped would come.

She came. We don't need the bumpers anymore.

I knew I wouldn't be able to watch Matt dismantle the crib itself, so Millie and I left to take a trip to Target. She was watching me as I cried, and when she asked why, I tried to explain. "I'm just sad because this really means you're not a baby anymore, Mills. I can't really explain it any better than that."

"I a big girl, Mommy! But dat otay. We get a baby for da cwib."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's not really that easy. I don't think there'll be another baby for that crib. But just in case- we're only putting it in the attic. We can always get it back down.

When we came home from Target, I shed a few more tears as I spied the dismantled crib in pieces in the laundry room. But that was it. Then we went into Millie's room and found her bed all assembled and ready- with a suddenly tiny-looking crib mattress plopped down where the big mattress would go someday soon.

Someone was pretty jazzed about the whole situation!

It took us a little while, but we eventually managed to rearrange all of the furniture in her room to fit without having to move out the glider, which was my main hope. No need to mess up our lovely pre-bedtime rocking routine! This is what the room looked like until last night, when the mattress finally got put in place.

Millie went ahead and started sleeping in the bed on Saturday for naptime. And she did great! She's fallen off a few times (I move that truck out of the way before she sleeps, so if she falls, it's only onto the carpet), and it doesn't seem to bother her at all, haha. She just climbs back up and doesn't seem to even fully wake up. Weird, but I won't complain. I have a pool noodle that I may put under the fitted sheet now that she has the real mattress if she keeps falling- I hear that works well.

The mattress ended up getting delayed a day and didn't arrive until Tuesday. It's one of those foam numbers that comes in a small (well, smallish) box and then magically inflates to full size once you take it out of the vacuum-sealed pack. I must say- that was really fun to watch. And as an added bonus, the box it came in makes a mighty fine bear cave.

We let the mattress do its thing for 24 hours and finally, FINALLY last night got to put the whole thing together for a final BGB product!!

Ta daaaaaaa!!! (Please note Millie also taking a picture with her wooden phone.) 

We got the 12" mattress and between that and the pillows, you basically can't even see the upholstered headboard anymore, haha. But I love it!! And more importantly, so does Millie.

So far going to bed hasn't been a problem at all- we already tend to rock her until she's nearly asleep, and that hasn't changed, so once I put her in her bed she just rolls over and goes to sleep. She has been getting up and coming to our room whenever she wakes up, which is usually between 6:15-6:45...not so bad on the weekdays, torture on the weekend. Ha. But not really different than when she was in the crib, except that we don't have to get out of bed to go fetch her. But last night (the first night on the new mattress) she did wake up and wander on in at about 1:15 a.m. Not quite sure why, and Matt was able to take her back and put her in her bed and she fell asleep pretty quickly...but hopefully that doesn't become a trend. I'll keep ya posted!

And in somewhat related and EXTREMELY important news, I just figured out how to do Instagram Stories last weekend. If you follow me on IG...you probably noticed. Hahaha. I'm having way too much fun, and Millie is obsessed with the fun filters, so...my apologies if you're tired of seeing it, but then again...how could you ever get tired of Millie??!

And with that, we're done. Even thinking about the crib enough to type this post out has me emotionally drained, so I need to go put bunny ears or princess crowns on myself to recover a little. ;) Until next time, friends!

PS. If you need one last glance of Millie's baby nursery, you could reminisce with my old nursery tour post and cry your eyes out a little. Or maybe that's just me. Ha.

much ado about nothing important

Warning: This probably isn't going to be the most exciting post ever. It might actually be the least exciting. If you aren't interested in my deep inner turmoil regarding baby gear, you probably wanna move on. If you choose to stick around...I will reward you at the end with a picture of Camilla. Win-win!

So as you've probably gathered, I didn't do a whole lot of research, pro-con lists, and comparison shopping for 90% of Camilla's stuff. A whole bunch of her stuff is hand-me-downs. The great thing about hand-me-downs is that a) they are free, b) sometimes they are on LOAN- which means you can give them back and don't have to figure out how and where to store them when you're done with them, and c) they eliminate the need to make a decision about that particular product. Could I have researched car seats to death and driven myself insane wondering whether I was picking the absolutely most perfect one on earth? Sure. But when my friend offered to give me hers (in great condition, not expired, blah blah blah) for free...well, that was a much easier decision. Yes, thank you. And thank you for saving me from hours of frantic debate and inner turmoil.

(As a side note, I think that I'm a much different mother now than I would have been if we'd gotten pregnant when we first started trying. I used to be WAY more controlling and Type A about everything. Probably because I thought I was the Master and Commander of my own destiny! The Boss of (my) Life!! I COULD CONTROL EVERYTHING!! And so I used to be a serious over-researcher. I would have spent at least two months debating car seats, guarantee it. And equally long on every single other little thing, too, down to the pacifiers. How exhausting.)

(Instead, I spent a few years researching, debating, and trying various methods of family building. I guess that wasn't really any less exhausting. I suppose I've just maxed out my personal ability to care Google extensively anymore. Ha.)

So my laissez-faire approach to baby gear meant that if I could find it as a hand-me-down, I'd take it. If I had to purchase (or register) for it, I'd pretty much just ask a trusted friend or two what they recommended, search my heart to see if it had any strong opinions about color or style, and make a decision. It took me about five minutes, on average. If I ever needed a tie-breaking vote, I'd consult the Amazon reviews and pick the item that got better ratings. Such an easy-breezy democracy I had going on!! (Then again, most people are picking out baby gear while they're sitting around marinating a fetus. I had a precious baby already in my arms, and I'd much rather spend my time squeezing her cheeks than scouring message boards for the inside scoop on crib sheets.)

This was all well and good and worked fabulously. I've nearly broken my arm giving myself pats on the back for my relaxed attitude about the whole thing. Way to not work yourself up into a tizzy over bottles, Erika! You go, girl! The only time I regret my gear-choosing-method is when other new moms or moms-to-be ask "so why did you pick the _____?" and I have to be like...ummmm....because it was blue?/because I found it at a yard sale?/because my friend said it was good and so I believed her? Then I feel lame. But otherwise it's great.

ANYWAY. All that is to say that now it's time to decide what high chair to get. My mom is going to get it for Millie for Christmas, but we need to pick out what we want. And all of a sudden, my don't-care attitude has LEFT THE PREMISES. The one I picked out a few months ago and registered for? Ehhhhh...I just don't know if that's really the right one now. So I've been researching. Comparing. Debating. And it's kind of annoying me how much I suddenly care. I mean, it's a high chair. She'll sit in it, get food all over it, and hopefully not plummet to the floor. In other words, it's nothing so important that I need to be devoting hours of my free time to researching the situation (well, besides the not-plummeting-to-the-floor-ness of it. That part is important.). AND YET I AM.

So now I'm bringing you into this incredibly important and fascinating debate. Please tell me you have a strong opinion about high chairs and you know exactly which one I should get. Bonus points if your high chair recommendation can also prevent food allergies, pickiness, and self-clean.

Here we go.

For the longest time, I thought I wanted a high chair like this:

Source

I like this kind because it looks like furniture and not plastic baby junk. I'm sorry. I'm superficial like that. It's going to sit in my dining room, and incidentally, my dining room is not decorated in neon pink plastic, sooo...I felt that something like this would look better. And like...it's a high chair. There are straps and a tray and so surely it would get the high chair job done...and not offend my eyes too badly. So this is what I always thought I wanted.

But now I'm not so sure. I started reading reviews, and it seems like maybe this isn't the easiest kind to clean. And it's not as adjustable as (hideous) plastic ones. And a lot of people complained about it. Oh, and it doesn't have straps to go over the shoulder, so smaller/younger kids weren't nearly as secure in it. And so despite its good looks, now I'm just not sure it's the right thing. Easy on the eyes? Yes. But is it as practical as other kinds?

So then I decided on this one*:

source*

It's definitely more in the plastic-kid-crap genre, but at least it's not bright colors. It's kinda simple and streamlined, and I thought that maybe the ease of cleaning and five-point harness would make up for the diminished visual appeal. But then I read some of the one- and two-star reviews (I know, I know...probably a mistake, but I always have to check and see what people are complaining about!) and (shockingly) now I'm just not sure about this one. The tray may not be as easily cleanable as other brands, and it has a huge footprint. Oh, and someone said it looked like an elevated toilet seat, and now that's all I can see. I can't put my baby on an elevated toilet seat!!!!

Ugh. Moving on. Then I debated whether I even need a standalone high chair. Could I just use something like this one*?

source*

Ha, it looks really funny and squatty now that I've been staring at the other two long-legged ones. This is the kind that sits on top of one of your regular dining room chairs. I can see the huge advantages there- mainly, NO HUGE CONTRAPTION HOGGING YOUR FLOOR SPACE. We have 6 chairs at our table, and since it's just Matt and me sitting there, we could certainly spare one for Millie. You can also remove the tray and just pull the child up to the table- I like that idea. What I don't like is the thought of having gross food stuck all over my nice chairs. They aren't hard to clean (fake leather seats, no fabric or anything), but still. Ew. And our seats don't roll, unlike most high chairs, so I couldn't easily move her around once she was sitting there. And obviously, if ever the situation arose where we DID have lots of guests over and needed that chair...then we'd be out of luck. Either Millie or a guest would have to sit on the counter to eat, and that's just not classy. OH- and also, this option is like 50 times cheaper than the standalone high chairs. So that's a bonus.

Okay and now I'm really running the risk of putting everyone to sleep, including myself. So I won't go on and on, but know that these are merely three of about a ZILLION high chairs I have debated and considered over the last few days. So please- if you have any experience or opinions about these, help a sister out. I feel lame asking for help, but then again...at least we're already set on her car seat, crib, swing, stroller, baby carriers, glider, and...practically everything else. So rest easy knowing there aren't that many things left that I can beg for help choosing. (Except convertible car seat. That's next and it'll probably be a doozy. Sorry!) 

And remember who you're helping here:

Only the world's cutest baby in Santa jammies!!!! Don't worry, I've had no problem choosing festive holiday jammies for her. My sister and I went to a consignment store on Saturday and pretty much wiped them out. But seriously- these red ones have a button-up BUTT FLAP on the back and it is the most adorable thing ever. Also, totally useless. BUT ADORABLE.

*Amazon Affiliate links- if you purchase something by clicking these links, I may receive a small commission (from Amazon, not you!).

millie's nursery tour

It's weird- although I'd been dreaming about and planning Millie's nursery for years (since long before we knew it would be Millie), and then got it started last fall, and then ignored it for 6 months before cautiously opening the door again, and then working on it some more, and then bringing her home to it, and then finally having showers and getting it all REALLY together...it took a long time for it to occur to me that it was really done. I guess it was a work in progress for so long (years!!) that it only just recently hit me that it really is pretty much complete. Sure, I'm still waiting to get 'real' pictures printed for the frames...and there are a few things still in progress for the gallery wall...but for the most part, it's really done. And I realized I'd better hurry and take pictures of it before she's grown. Or at least before she learns how to make a mess.

So here we go. It's as done as it's been, and it is by far my favorite place in the whole house. Now don't go getting any crazy ideas about her actually sleeping in there. She has yet to spend a night in her own room, and I will probably put that off for as long as possible...maybe until we need to convert the crib to a toddler bed? Ha. But we enjoy rocking and reading in the glider, changing diapers and clothes on the changing table, swinging in the swing, and lounging on the floor to play (and not do tummy time, because homegirl will have NONE OF THAT).

I've included links to as many items as I could find, but a lot of it is older/out of stock, thrifted/gifted/handed down, or DIYed. 

So...welcome to the happiest room in my house!

Glider* | Crib* | Lamp | Ottoman

This is the view as you walk in. It's not a terribly large room, so I was happy to find a crib and glider with a smaller footprint. The art above the crib was something I crafted over the summer, and the picture of the framed vase was something I found at an antique store a few years ago. The curtains were the very first thing I ever made for the nursery, waaaay back in January of 2012! They were the fabric that inspired the color scheme for the whole room. A lot of the smaller furniture items (ottoman, side table, pillow) are from Target's college dorm 'back to school' line from late summer/early fall. It really worked out that they made EVERYTHING in that turquoise/teal color that perfectly matched my colors...and it was all dirt cheap!

Frame

 The pumpkins were part of the decor at my work shower in early November! My friend/co-worker Diana made the most thoughtful, fabulous, and nursery-colored decor...I was thrilled to bring it home and decorate with it (until it rots, ha)!

Swing*

The blankets on the swing and the glider were both handmade by some amazingly talented friends!! Brooke made the orange and turquoise striped one and Jennie made the turquoise and gray chevron one. 

The crib skirt and bumper (THE HORRORS!!!! Please recall- she doesn't actually sleep there.) fabric and the changing table were both adventures from last fall. The white trash can is our cloth diaper pail; the silver one is for actual trash. The white 'corner' shelf was a thrift store find and I change what's on the shelves at least twice a week, ha. The basket thingy (that is probably supposed to be a fruit holder?) holds her hairbows and pacifiers. Always important to keep those things handy!

Currently this shelf holds her blankets and a basket of socks!

I got the idea for the baskets on the wall from Pinterest (shocking!) and found the turquoise baskets in the college dorm section at Target (also shocking!). We keep her cloth diaper covers in the one on the right (the inserts are in a drawer). The left basket has some disposables (she wears them at night) and burp cloths (90% of them were in the wash when I took this picture, ha). I absolutely love the convenience and storage that those hanging baskets give me! And the wreath on top was a random two-second project with some leftover fabric from the crib bedding. That wreath moves around frequently, too.

If you ask Camilla, the most important feature of the changing table area (and probably the entire room) is what hangs over it.

This is Monkey, a random toy borrowed from her activity mat and hung from some linking chain toy that I rigged up. It was a desperate attempt to distract her when she was in an "I hate being changed" phase and ended up being QUITE effective. Now she loves to laugh at and talk to her monkey- it's SO cute, and actually doesn't look too tacky, so I let him stay. What a giver, right?? ;)

This is the wall opposite the crib. The shelf is one that was in my bedroom growing up; I stole it from my parents' house, painted it gray, and now it's Millie's! This is where (most of) her toys and books reside. The books in the basket in the corner are library books- important to not get them mixed in!

Wreath

The wreath on the closet door was made by a friend of my mom's! I absolutely LOVE it!

Great is Thy Faithfulness print

The child in the "Camilla Ann" frame is not actually Camilla Ann. Stock photography for the win?? Mama needs to order a 5x7 print? Something like that. The Jesus Loves Me was something Matt's mom cross-stitched for him when he was little! I found a frame and spray painted it and love that we have it in Millie's room! The 'believe' one is actually a greeting card that a sweet friend gave us last fall when we were expecting Ellison. I love the colors and am thankful for the reminder to continue believing, even when things aren't easy.

 Booooooooks!!! Obviously we are fans. I hope Millie is too!

And that's pretty much it. I'm going to come clean and admit that I did put some of the less beautiful things away in the closet before I took pictures (activity mat, Bumbo seat)...but this is pretty much how it looks! Last night we actually received an exersaucer/bouncy thing on loan from a friend...but it's still parked in the living room, so I didn't technically have to hide it away. And I have no idea where it's going to go because WHY ARE BABY TOYS SO HUGE AND PLASTIC??

My goal in my pre-pre-pre-baby nursery-planning days was that the room would be gender neutral and happy. I feel like I accomplished 'happy' pretty easily, and gender neutral became slightly less important once it was established that Millie is a girl. I have no idea if we'll ever have another baby to use this nursery, but I feel like I could pretty easily adapt it to be more 'boyish' (which really, I hate the whole girly/boyish thing anyway...so arbitrary and socially-constructed, but still. Whatever. At least it isn't pink??) if the opportunity arose. In the meantime, Matt and I love the room, Millie will hopefully love it one day (and not want to redecorate it in obnoxious cartoon characters or something ahhhhhhh!!!), and Lola seems quite appreciative that 'her' room is finally something besides four blank walls.
 

Photo credit Kristina Boothe Photography

 And really, at the end of the day, the room doesn't matter. It could be pink or black or non-existent and we would be fine. All I care about is the girl that (sorta) lives in it.

Photo credit Kristina Boothe Photography

Thanks for visiting! If you're ever in the neighborhood, feel free to drop by and rock for a few minutes and soak in the happy. It's pretty fantastic.

*These Amazon links are affiliate links. In theory (this is the first time I've ever done this, so I have no idea if it really works, ha), if you were to click on a link and then purchase the item, I would receive compensation.

currently...maternity leave ed.

I have basically all the time in the world these days...and no motivation to do anything productive with it. Except cuddle my baby. And spend four hours a day at Target. ????

Anyway, how about a fresh currently? Yeah? Great!

Listening...to Millie make her dolphin noises, of course. And the getting-old-quickly tune (well, one of five...I guess that's something?) that her swing plays. She's not in the swing, we just forgot to turn the music off, and don't nobody have the energy to walk 11 feet into the nursery and take care of that...

Eating...nothing at this exact moment, BUT I actually cooked dinner tonight!!! Amazing!! After a month, our meals-provided-by-other-people train has nearly run out (I think we have one freezer meal left we're saving for an emergency situation or something, ha)...and we actually felt ambitious enough to shop for and prepare A MEAL!!! In the crock pot. It felt like an inordinately huge achievement (two capable adults...ALL DAY WITH NOTHING TO DO...and look, we managed to throw some stuff in a pot and call it dinner!!! GOLD STARS ALL AROUND!). Anyway, we made these Slow Cooker Taco Chicken Bowls and they were delicious! And as a bonus, there are enough leftovers for like 4 more meals, so...I won't be obligated to do a cooking encore performance for at least a few more days. Whew.

Drinking...again, nothing at the moment. But I might get a glass of water soon. Exciting stuff.

Wearing...gray running shorts and a purple tank top. My maternity leave uniform. Don't worry, sometimes I wear different running shorts and a different tank top! I'm all about mixing and matching this fabulous wardrobe!!

Feeling...happy. I'm watching Bach in Paradise, watching my husband snuggle with my baby...life is good. And as soon as I'm done typing this blog, it'll be MY turn to snuggle. Like this:

Weather...really nice! It was rainy and cloudy and much cooler (low 80s) today...we went on two walks!

Wanting...ya know, I really wouldn't turn down a hot fudge and caramel sundae from Sonic right now. Anyone? No? Boo.

Needing...not a whole lot. I seriously have everything I've ever wanted (minus the aforementioned sundae, of course) and thinking about wanting or needing anything else feels petty. Sure, I wouldn't turn down a raise or a bigger car, but in light of what I have? I don't need a thing. I am incredibly blissfully content.

Thinking...about how happy I am I didn't have to meet my husband on a reality dating show. Ha. Not that it isn't great entertainment, but dang. Save the drama for yo mama.

Enjoying...we just started watching Sherlock the other night!! I seriously didn't think I'd really like it (I'm ashamed to admit I don't usually like British/BBC shows. Or actually, maybe it's just that I don't really try them in the first place.) but I am very glad to have been wrong about that! We love it, and one of my favorite things about it is that I feel like it's one of the few non-"guilty pleasure" shows I watch. Ha. I feel like I should be ashamed of most of the shows I watch (*ahem*reality dating shows...), but Sherlock is like legitimately GOOD! Great plot!! Not gory! Not full of bad language or anything else objectionable! Witty! You could watch it with your grandma, your preacher, or your kid (well...young kids would be bored, probably)! Yaaay Sherlock!

Well, time to turn my full attention back to my less-quality TV program...sorry for the lack of baby pictures, I'll try to do better soon.

OH! One last thing (also, a commercial break...)! So our crib finally came in last week!! Yaaaaaayyyyyy!! It's set up, it's fabulous (you may have caught a glimpse of it on Instagram last week), and you know I'm chomping at the bit to do a 'nursery reveal' post. BUT. Although all the major pieces are accounted for now, the room probably won't be really 'done' for another month...I still have showers and will most likely/hopefully get more of the finishing touches I want for the room (lamps, wall art, etc.). I'm dying to share it now, but I also really want it to be 'done' when I show it. So this is my huge and life-altering conundrum of the moment. To share now or to wait? You can weigh in if you care. :) Have a great night!

artsy craftsy

As I predicted, it was cool and rainy all weekend. I loved every minute of it. I didn't even mourn a weekend away from the pool. I feel like this illustrates that I've grown as a person or something.

Matt and I got up bright and early Saturday morning, because apparently now that we are old we are incapable of sleeping past 7:30 a.m. even when there is no reason on earth to be up that early. Ugh. But I'm awake, so I get up...even though then I'm grumpy and tired all day. Isn't this how it is with babies? Should someone try to sleep train me? Maybe I should cry it out? Something's gotta give. Anyway, getting up so early means that we were able to accomplish a lot on our rainy day. We headed to town and did some serious shopping, mostly for lovely touches to add to the nursery. We also hit up Michael's and got all the supplies we needed to finish (Matt) and start (me) some art projects we've been procrastinating. After we got home, we covered the dining room in newspaper and spent the rest of the day channeling our inner artistes. 

I found these prints on Pinterest several months ago and knew I wanted to recreate them for the nursery. The colors and style were totally perfect for the room- and completely 'me.' So 'me,' in fact, that I already have a canvas in the living room that I made several years ago that is basically the exact same style! That's why I figured I'd just make these myself instead of ordering them. Plus, I just like to do things the hard way.

Before I show you the finished art (which is not hung on the walls yet because it is going to go over the crib, which has not yet been purchased), first please admire my Corner of Happy: the glider, ottoman, and super fabulous blanket (crocheted by Jennie) and pillow (Target, several seasons ago). Matt and I basically fight over who gets to be sitting here at all times. Whoever doesn't win a spot in the chair just lays on the floor next to it in order to be close to the happy. 

Now you can see the colors for the nursery, so you will appreciate the artwork more fully. Since the crib stuff is all shoved in the closet, you can't get your color cues from it...so anyway, hope that helped. (Also, for a small fee, you are welcome to come sit in the Corner of Happy yourself. It's worth it.)

Aren't they lovely??! I am so happy with how it all turned out! And the melon-y colored one is much more melon-y than the red it appears here. It was at night, iPhone, blah blah blah colors didn't turn out right. It matches the other orange/melon colors in the pillow, promise. Each canvas is 16" x 20", so I think it will nicely fill up the space above the crib! I originally did the flowers in white, like the Etsy shop, but then I decided it was a little plainer than I liked. I went back to Michael's Sunday and found these coordinating papers that matched my colors and had a fun honeycomb print and went with that. I'm happy with how it turned out!! Unfortunately, my back was not pleased about being hunched over a table all weekend. Have I mentioned that growing elderly really sucks? Yes. It does. I can't craft because my back hurts. I am too lame for life.

Matt was finishing up a project he started for me for Mother's Day- a painting of a hydrangea! He's had it all sketched out for months, but finally got the painting part done. I am SO impressed with how it turned out!! It's weird-- I've always known Matt is artistic, but I've rarely seen him do more than a quick doodle in the margins of a notebook or something...so now I have a huge painting to remind me of his skill! And my favorite flower! This picture isn't going to do it justice- again, at night, my shadow is obscuring the bottom, etc. It looks way better in real life, so you'll just have to look at it while you're over at the house sitting in the glider. But this isn't going in the nursery. Maybe in the bedroom. Or somewhere. 

I feel like we accomplished enough art to cover us for the next couple of years. And to top things off, I even got all of the supplies cleaned and put away before we went to bed last night!! Painting like that makes a gigantic mess out of your studio dining-room-turned-work-space, so I'm glad it was only an Art Store Explosion for 24 hours and now it is all gone.

In other Rainy Weekend accomplishments, I must admit that 'reading parenting/baby books' did not make the list. Despite all of yall's amazing recommendations and advice on Friday's post...I pretty much just kept reading fiction. I bought The Time Traveler's Wife at a yard sale a couple of weekends ago. I've heard tons of people recommend it over the years but have never read it (although I do think I've seen the movie...but don't remember what happens), so now I'm knocking it off the list. So I may not know why my baby is crying, but if she ends up being a time traveler, I'll know how to deal...we'll call it a win.

an unexpected twist

Here's a story I didn't think I'd be telling. (PS. Don't get your hopes up too high (slash go on and let out a sigh of relief if you're a fellow infertile always anticipating/dreading a baby announcement...).)

Remember way back in October when I ordered a glider for our impending bundle of joy's nursery? Also, for the record...as I glanced over the list of blog posts from October, looking for the one where I mentioned ordering the glider...I can't help but notice that damn, life was different in October. That was probably the most exciting and giddy and emotional and exhausting month of my life. The one month out of the last five years where we had a legitimate shot at becoming parents. Five years of hopes and dreams lived out in one stupid month of excitement and dreaming. October was something else. But anyway. Back to the real world...

So when we placed the order for the glider (and paid cash in full, up front, like the good Dave Ramsey disciples we are) we knew it wouldn't arrive for 8-10 weeks. Fine, whatever. And then, before the end of our 8-10 week Glider Waiting Period, we lost our baby. And caring about when her chair would come in was really the last thing in the world on my mind. We didn't need it anymore anyway. But the knowledge of its coming stuck in my head...and in an effort to make that day less painful, we even created a spot for the chair in our living room when we did our post-adoption-failure living room redo. We saved a place. I even looked forward to the chair coming because I mean...more seating! Fun furniture! Whatever.

At some point in November (still well within our quoted 8-10 week time frame) we heard rumors that the store we'd ordered it from had closed. What? We investigated ourselves and the rumors appeared to be true-- the storefront was empty and dark, but there was a sign on the door saying that they'd 'temporarily closed' and there was contact information for the owners. I immediately emailed them, and they quickly responded with kind assurance that they would be re-opening the first week of December. Okay...fine.

Suffice it to say, they didn't re-open the first week of December. Or at all in December. Or January or February. They are definitely gone for good, and with them went our cash. The management stopped responding to emails and the phone number was disconnected. In conclusion, we were SOL. 

Here's where I should rant on and on about how stupid this whole thing is and how sometimes the commitment to shopping locally and supporting small businesses can REALLY BITE YOU IN THE BUTT. This boutique had been around for probably close to a decade, so it's not like I just went and threw my cash at some fly-by-the-night establishment. It was the baby store in Athens. So I don't know what happened, but I can guarantee you that if I'd ordered the glider at Target or Babies R Us, I wouldn't have shown up one morning to discover they'd packed up shop and disappeared overnight (WITH MY CASH). Gah. Weeping and gnashing of teeth and all that.

But to be honest, I just haven't been able to muster up the emotional energy to care all that much about the whole situation. Sure, I hate that we threw away our money. I think it's crappy. But I just chalk it up with a whole lot of other expenses and purchases that were essentially a huge waste of money with the failed adoption. I mean, we threw away a lot MORE money on lawyer and social worker fees...we have nothing to show for them, either. So what's a couple hundred more bucks? I'd probably be way madder about this situation if the adoption hadn't failed. In that case I would currently have a 3.5-month-old daughter and STILL NO WAY TO ROCK HER...you would definitely have heard about this situation before now. But as it is...not having a chair is the least of my losses.

I bought a new shelf and put it in the glider's reserved spot in the living room. That filled the empty hole in the room. I wish it were so easy to fill the empty hole in my heart.

Last week, though, in a bout of snowstorm-homebound-induced mania, Matt decided to get re-angered about the chair situation. He got his panties all good and twisted and decided to research and see if there were any recourse we could have with the store owner. I believe his ultimate conclusion was that there really wasn't, but that didn't stop him from shooting off an angry email laced with thinly-veiled threats of legal action. The email immediately bounced back-- the account was closed. Figures.

So I was greatly surprised yesterday afternoon to receive a response from the store's owner. A very kind and gracious response, actually. He confirmed that the store was, indeed, closed for good. He would be unable to complete our order. Ya think? BUT he did offer us our choice of the chairs he still had in stock. He went to great lengths to describe each one, attach photos, and explain how each one compared to the chair we'd originally ordered. If we didn't want any of those chairs, he also offered to write us a check for the full amount of the money we paid (and he knew the exact amount, so he's obviously saved his receipts...that's somewhat comforting, I guess) and mail it to us immediately. Since none of the chairs in stock remotely match either our nursery or living room (plus they're the floor models, which means they're relatively used and have had thousands of butts sitting on them already...), we opted to request our money back.

So like...yay?! Now, Matt is of the mindset that this money should be his to spend as he wishes, since it was his email that prompted this turn of events. I'd given up the fight and forfeited the money mentally. So he should get to choose where the money goes...that's his thinking. Hahahaha. Silly Mattie. Good luck with that. Maybe out of the kindness of my heart I'll give him a $50 finder's fee or something before I go blow the rest at Ulta. Let's be honest. Oh, or actually, maybe we'll use the money towards future fertility treatments. Wouldn't that be ironic? Or something.

So anyway. Try to contain your shock that I haven't been whining and complaining about this unjust situation for months. I can hardly believe it myself, but I'm glad that by the time I got around to it, there was a happier ending. I wish more things worked out like that.

still waiting

NO BABY YET.

In case that's the only thing you cared about, just wanted to get it out of the way first thing. :) Obviously Ellison is not as anxious to get here as we'd like her to be...and both of her mommies (and her daddy) are none too thrilled about this! Now it's true-- her due date is still 10 days away...but she should know that to me, on-time is LATE. Early is always better. So she should fall in line. 

It was a long weekend of having my phone permanently attached to my hand. I swear. I can't wait til this is all over and I can like...leave my phone in another room for 30 seconds without having a panic attack. And sleep through the night without waking up every two hours to make sure my phone is still working. THIS WHOLE ADOPTION AND MY LIFE'S FUTURE HAPPINESS IS HINGING ON MY PHONE WORKING, APPLE. No pressure or anything. Just get it together.

Speaking of sleep-- it ain't happening. I can't even blame DST, though I'd love to (who wouldn't?)...it's been like a week of sleeping like a newborn is in the house. I rest for about 2 hours...then I'm up for 2 hours...then I fall back asleep for an hour and a half...then I'm up for 2...then asleep for 3...repeat, repeat, repeat. Yesterday afternoon I found myself telling Matt "Ugh, I just need the baby to be born so I can GET SOME FRIGGIN SLEEP!!" and Matt was like "yeah, no, pretty sure that's not how it works." Oh well. At least I can lose sleep about something different? Variety is the spice of life and all that.

So despite the baby not being born, it was a pretty good weekend. We did NOT end up driving down to hang out in Random Small Town. I have started converting all money/prices into Cans of Formula...so like...one night in a hotel equals four Cans of Formula, so NO. Can't waste my poor money like that. So we stayed home, which meant we got lots of things accomplished!

I practiced using the newborn insert with the Ergo. I mean, who knew BooBoo would come in so handy all these years later? He's been a crucial part of our baby prepping and I know that Ellison will appreciate that we got all of our newbie mistakes out of the way on him and not her later. And I'm also kind of amazed that people on Instagram thought that this picture was of Ellison. Uhhhh...ha. As I said on IG-- I do anticipate her having gorgeous, creamy brown skin. I am not anticipating fur. But they say to expect the unexpected, so I'll try to keep an open mind.

We finished the bumpers!!! Wooooo!! That makes me seriously happy. No crib for them just yet, but that didn't stop me from tying them all together and standing them up, obviously.

Last night our friends had an Adoption Party for us and our other friends from church that are adopting soon! It was not a shower, since we are both trying to stick to some version of The Plan...but it was a time for everyone to get together and be excited and happy and eat and such. It was a wonderful evening!

There was chili and cornbread and yummy desserts. We were gifted some necessities like diapers, wipes, and wine...oh yeah. Obviously our church knows us well. :)

We got a Boogie kit, too. I am thankful for seasoned parents to let us in on their insider boogie-snatching knowledge from the beginning!!

They even made us diaper cakes!! Wooo!! So fun!

Matt and I made sure to take every opportunity to practice our baby holding/rocking/charming skills. I got this cutie to fall asleep immediately on my lap.

And then Matt held her for some playtime. 

We made it through like an hour of baby-holding with zero crying, so I guess you could say we are basically experts and masters at this thing. Excellent.

So in spite of Ellison's reluctance to join us this weekend, we tried to make the best of it. But seriously, baby. Now you can just come on and be born.

Fabricgate

Fabricgate: The True Story of How the Blogosphere Saved My Nursery

(subtitle: #projectgetbabyellisonherbumpers)

You may recall that on Friday, when re-telling the story about how my friend and I started sewing the bumpers for the nursery, that I mentioned that I'd need to run back to the store for more fabric to complete the project. You probably actually DON'T recall that, since it was a minor detail so inconsequential that it was just a side note inside of parenthesis. That is indicative of how unimportant the fact was: we ran short on fabric. After work Friday, I would run back by the fabric store and pick up the last yard-and-a-half that I needed. Then we would be able to finish the job. No big deal.

As planned, we went to Joann's after work. I quickly located several of the fabrics I bought three weeks ago (coordinating fabrics in the same 'line' as the bumper fabric), but couldn't locate the actual fabric I needed. That's weird, I thought. They were all together last time. They weren't on clearance or anything. Just regular fabrics in the regular fabric section...and it's only been a few weeks. Probably they just ran out at this store. I'll go to another fabric store and look there. Obviously I am uneducated in the art of fabric-buying...I assumed they had pretty much the same fabrics at every store. Ha. After texting Catherine about the no-luck at Joann's and my plans to drive to Hobby Lobby and Hancock, she informed me that different stores carry different brands and that I probably would NOT find it at either of those stores. She suggested I look online and order there (or drive to another town with a Joann's and look). 

After arriving home, I set out on what would turn out to be several hours of internet sleuthing. Luckily I had some scraps/edge pieces of the fabric so that I could see what brand it was-- that definitely helped. What didn't help was that no matter what I did, I could NOT find the fabric on Joann's webpage. Other fabrics by that brand? Yes. The other fabrics that were in the nursery? Yes. The fabric I really needed to finish my last two bumpers? NO. Hmmmm...

Finally, some advanced Googling/Pinteresting took me back to the Joann's webpage via some weird 'back door' or something, and there was my fabric:

YAY MY FABRIC!!

Oh wait. NOT YAY. Please see the small print (follow the arrows).

MAJOR NOT YAY. What?! 

Like any normal person, I screen-shotted the page and posted it to my Instagram with a #craftfail hashtag. This seriously bummed me out. I mean, let's keep it in perspective-- it's not the end of the world. I could piece together my scraps and have some seriously seam-y final 2 bumper pads, but I could have those seam-y sides be the ones that face the wall and no one would be any the wiser. Really not the end of the world. A bummer, but one I can probably live through. I continued on my internet hunt, hoping I could find some other retailer that would have the fabric in stock...while simultaneously convincing myself it would be totally fine if I couldn't. Worse things have happened. Ellison won't be scarred for life if two of her six bumpers have *gasp* extra seams where I piece the fabric together. Hopefully.

But the internet had other plans for me.

When I looked back at my Instagram, I discovered that some friends of mine were equally horrified at this tragic turn of events. People were suggesting webpages to hunt on for fabric (no dice). Even more, people were offering to go to their local Joanns to scour the clearance racks for the fabric! Ummm...wow. Really??! My awesome IG friends even birthed (heh heh) a hashtag for the event: #projectgetbabyellisonherbumpers !! I mean, you know it's serious when there's a dedicated hashtag involved. Fo' real. So in no time flat, I had several offers from people to go look at their Joanns the next day (it was late Friday by this time). My heart was so happy-- look, baby Ellison...people are either totally cray-cray or they REALLY LOVE YOU A LOT ALREADY because they are willing to wake up on Saturday mornings and go hunt for fabric for a girl and a baby they don't even really know. Ridiculous. And awesome.

In the meantime, I (and a few other resourceful friends) found a lady on Etsy selling 'my' fabric. For a freaking ridiculously marked-up price, but still. So I rested easy Friday night knowing that if the 'nation-wide scavenger hunt' didn't pan out with any fabric, I could still get it from Etsy.

No need. By 10 a.m. Saturday morning, I had this text from Amanda (side note: do you have as much trouble differentiating between my twelve thousand blog friends named Amanda as my husband does? It's really ridiculous.):

VICTORY IS MINE!!! Or...hers, actually. But still mine too. Upon visiting her local Joann's and talking to the folks working there (what a concept, I could have tried that too and saved everyone some trouble...hindsight and all that), she discovered that the fabric had been discontinued and was available at only two stores in the state: Conyers (metro Atlanta) and Augusta (where my parents live and where I'd originally bought the fabric in the first place). Since Amanda was already planning to go to Zoo Atlanta that morning and Conyers was 'on the way' (so she says...I haven't looked at a map yet to see if this is actually true), she just went to the Conyers store and bought the rest of the bolt. 

We met up later that afternoon at a Target about halfway between our houses. This is what it looks like when you meet up with the person that just saved your nursery:

Amanda seemed surprised that I'd want to take a picture. HAHAHAHAHA. Are you kidding me? One day when I bore Ellison with the story of how it took a village to make her nursery, I'll need this photographic evidence. So we had a fun little 20-minute hangout in Target and the Target parking lot and it was a picture-perfect ending to our (not-actually-really-a-crisis) 22 hour 'Fabricgate' situation. Amanda-- THANK YOU! And thanks to all the rest of you who volunteered to go hunt, too!! You have no idea how happy this whole thing made me. Also, you have no idea how hard it was to explain to the people who don't really 'get' blogging/blog friends how it was that people I don't actually 'know' from all over the country were hunting through dusty piles of fabric just for some silly bumpers. I can't really explain it either. But it's pretty freaking awesome.

So #projectgetbabyellisonherbumpers was a raging success. Not that I've actually finished making them or anything. But at least now we can. The weekend was fun and productive in other ways, too, but I think that the fabric scavenger hunt put the biggest smile on my face. You guys are awesome.

I found this fun pillow (to go in the glider) on clearance at Target-- isn't it a perfect match??! Also got the fun little box to the side to hold wipes/random things. All in all, a good weekend for the nursery.