100 years later

You know it's been a minute since you blogged when you go to your blog and then stare at the screen (and the most recent post, from 1.5 years ago) for five minutes trying to figure out what to do to start a new post. Ha. Am I 400 years old, or is it that after faithfully blogging for what felt like a lonnnnng time, I've well and truly forgotten how to do it?! I'll let you decide that one. Also, let it be noted that being out of the habit of blogging does NOT mean I've forgotten the thrill of receiving blog comments. Shout out to the filthy comment-bots that find a 9 year old post every now and then and helpfully leave garbled comments with hot tips about products that can increase my "manhood" and/or make me rich if only I click this link!! I ain't clicking, but I do appreciate y'all thinking of me and finding some ancient story about my deep thoughts on that day's lunch and gym exploits fascinating and worthy of your robot-time. 

At any rate, it's turned out to be a slow afternoon, so I was digging deep and trying to remember what I used to do during slow afternoons, and here we are. I highly doubt anyone is anxiously awaiting a Life Update from me, but just in case- why not. (The girls in my Zoom book club, affectionately known as Blog Friends Book Club, since we all met via blogging, regularly harass me about not-blogging, but even they do not need this update, since our monthly meetings + Instagram keep them in the know. But I digress.)

Well, since the last time we spoke here in August 2019, there was a pesky global pandemic that made life quite...interesting. (I'm going for positivity here.) So nothing about the last year+ has been normal for my family, as I know applies to everyone...just need to write it down though, so that the NEXT time I blog (appx 2025, if trends hold) I will remember the context of this year. Because I'm sure otherwise I would never remember what a very special, special time 2020-2021 was. Mmmhmm.

Kiddos

Yep, still plural there. Still can only show you pictures of one of 'em, though. As you may recall, we because foster parents in June 2019. We were quickly placed with twin girlies, who stayed with us for five wonderful and chaotic and lovely and tear-filled months. We said goodbye to them right before the holidays, and took a little over a month off to breathe and focus on our family of 3. In January of 2020, though, we said yes to our next placement, and welcomed the absolutely cutest, sweetest baby girl ever (or since Millie was a baby, obviously) into our home. We expected her to stay for a short time, maybe a few weeks, but you will all be utterly shocked to learn that she is still with us...and we hope this will be the case for, oh, ya know, forever. Fingers crossed and that's all I can say, but keep checking back and maybe in a few months or 5 years I will update again and be able to share pictures. :)

But Millie (or Camilla, as she prefers anyone not family to call her) is doing great! She's 6.5, almost done with first grade, and nothing but personality and opinions. She adores being a big sissy, though she is going to adore it more when little sis can PLAY ACCORDING TO HER EVER-CHANGING RULES. Yes, Millie is in the stage where she likes to micromanage every single aspect of play (thus sucking all potential fun out of it, if you're me)..."OK, now you take the baby and say '_____' and now you go over there and sit down and do ____" and OKAY BUT CAN I NOT PLEASE JUST MAKE A FEW OF MY OWN CHOICES AS WE PLAY HOUSE?!?! Sheesh. Anyway, I too am anxiously awaiting the day baby sis can be bossed around in play so that I can go water the plants or something. For the love.

One thing the whole family can agree on, though? Our favorite family TV show- Naked & Afraid. Haaa. But for real, we watch it together all the time, and this guides most of our outdoor adventures as well. We go on lottttssss of walks around town (shoutout to the #1 and only entertainment option of 2020!!!) and on some trails in the woods nearby, and we have all learned so much from watching that show, we spend our time discussing the best place to make shelters, whether water looks potable or not, and pondering what kinds of predators might be after us in any given place. And then we walk home and enjoy eating and sleeping in our nice, air conditioned home. It's really the best of all worlds, since the Bates fam has no desire to ACTUALLY camp or experience nature too much. So there's your hot parenting tip for today (slash this year and probably next year too)-- a show the whole family can enjoy and learn from!

Exhibit A: a bamboo forest near our home that had a lot of shelter-building potential, and MAYBE even some panda bear potential!

Since we pretty much spent the last year at home (we're the mask-wearing, scientific-advice-following, err on the side of caution type folks), we've had lots of time together as a family and are happy to report that we still like one another. And more importantly, Matt and I both ended up buying adult scooters, and with the baby on one of our backs in an Ergo, we take many "family scoot-scoots" around town and are well-acquainted with basically every human, dog, cat, flowering bush, and holiday decoration within a two mile radius of our house.

We ventured off our street for spring break and made our way down to a house on an empty beach on Cape San Blas and it was a delight. But the water was freezing.

Matt & Erika (or...you could say...Matt y Erika...see what I did there?)

Matt and I both worked from home beginning in March of last year. Matt is still working from home, and will be permanently, as it was apparently a big hit with his company. I started phasing back into my office in January with a hybrid WFH/work at office schedule, and have been full time back in the office since the beginning of April. I truly loved working from home, and even enjoyed the extremely chaotic double dip of working from home full-time while managing Millie's digital learning for the fall semester. We sent her back to in-person school in January, when my office's patience with me being home all the time ran out, haha. She is doing great at school, but I so miss getting to see her throughout the day. Kids, man. 

But MOST excitingly....

Matt and I are now both double vaxxed, post-two-weeks, and SO EXCITED! We celebrated by re-joining the YMCA last week, which is great, but not as great as my REAL "congrats on surviving being stuck at home for a year with your very loud children" present to myself, which is a very fancy (by Athens standards) and long-awaited mani/pedi with allll the extras. It's been a LONG TIME (since March 13, 2020, actually, as the first thing my coworker and I did when we got sent home from the office "for two weeks" was stop and get our nails done in case we wouldn't be able to do it again for *gasp* like a whole month or something. OH TO BE SO YOUNG AND INNOCENT.) and I am VERY excited. (Sure, nail salons have been re-opened for a long time here, but spending any unnecessary time indoors in public places is not a thing I have been willing to do until I was fully vaxxed, so NOW IS THE TIME!) I am...perhaps overly excited. It's fine. Just give it to me.

I am so thankful that relatively speaking, the last year has been bad only in a stress and inconvenience sort of way. Though many of our family members and friends got the virus, no one close to us passed away, and I am deeply thankful for that and aware that it certainly is not everyone's situation. As someone who during a "normal" year has a 9-5, lives half an hour out of town, has kids and millions of foster care-related appointments, and is fairly introverted, I don't generally have a busy social life or a group of friends I see regularly (beyond work friends and church friends). By far the best part the last year has been the close friendships I've developed with a group of girls that started with our Bachelor group text (remember how Pilot Pete's season ended JUST as the world shut down?!?!) and just kinda...never stopped. Those girls (a subset of my real-life book club-- ya know, the Bach-watching contingent of the club, haha) were my constant text companions and eventually real-life companions, too, as we started gathering masked-up around someone's fire pit for long conversations after our kids all went to bed. I imagine my feelings for them are something like what soldiers might feel for the people they went to war with. But those ladies were a life-saver this past year, and the joy we've shared as we've slowly all gotten ourselves (and our partners) vaccinated is just...priceless. I cannot wait to sit INSIDE THEIR ACTUAL HOUSES very soon and drink my margaritas WITHOUT A MASK IN MY WAY!!

I guess that sums up the last year-ish, pretty much. I should note that we had to say goodbye to sweet Lola, our beloved doggie, in February 2020 (thanks a lot, 2020). We missed her greatly those first few months of being home all the time, and know she would have been so happy to have her people home all of the time. Thankfully, we welcomed a new furry friend into our home in August, and Lucy is the sweetest little blond ragamuffin dog. She's definitely the girls' favorite member of the family, and our house is just a lot happier with a dog running around in it. 

As school wraps up and the hot weather rolls in, we look forward to more walks, more Naked & Afraid marathons, more time with friends, more time working out (hahahahaa...I mean, yes, but am I actually looking FORWARD to it? Debatable), and less time scrubbing makeup off the inside of masks (THE WORST, why do I even bother with makeup, honestly?). More importantly, I look forward to hopefully someday soon telling Millie she's gonna get to be a big sissy forever...that all of her dandelion wishes have paid off (it's legit what she wishes for, every time).

Until next time, friends.

xo

currently...libraries and babies ed.

It's been over a month since a Currently check-in, so...let's get to it.

Currently, I am...

Listening...to the Gabe Dixon Band station on Pandora. It's pretty solid.

Eating...nothing at the moment, but we made the Lentil Salad recipe from Skinnytaste to eat for our lunches this week (doubled the recipe, FYI, to make enough for 2 hungry people for four days) and it was awesome. It was one of those things that got better as the week went on, PLUS it was dirt cheap and healthy (also, if you happen to care, gluten-free, dairy-free, and vegan). It'll be in the regular lunch rotation for sure now!

Drinking...nothing. But yesterday during lunch, we went to the library to pick up a book that I'd put a hold on (SIDE NOTE TANGENT: sometimes, like yesterday, the amazingness of libraries just overwhelms me. I go in. I get exactly what I want. And then I leave. AND IT IS FREE. I mean, blah blah blah taxes, I know it's not really free, but it FEELS free and it is SO AWESOME, GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!! I wanted to high five a librarian, but no one looked game for that, so I'm celebrating here with you instead). After the library, I decided I needed a chocolate milkshake from the Varsity to cool my parched throat. I'm training the temp who will take over my job while I'm on leave, which means I talk nonstop for 8 hours a day. It's hard on my poor throat. So I got a milkshake for medicinal purposes. I feel like medicinal milkshakes have no calories, right? Right.

Wearing...a pair of relatively fashionable and non-holey jeans I'd forgotten that I owned. Ha. So maybe the new dress code won't be as challenging as I'd imagined.

Feeling...happy that it's Friday, it's a bring-Lola-to-work day, and I get to see my sister and family in just a few hours!!

Straight chilling on the floor of my office.

Weather...muggy and hot. The polar vortex was great while it lasted, and now it's Georgia in July again. Oh well.

Wanting...this amazing bib that my sister just sent me a picture of:

I don't normally care for 'message' tees/bibs/onesies/bags/hats/anything, but I do care for this one. Annnnd then Sarah quickly followed up the original text by informing she'd just ordered it because her niece absolutely needs this, so...looks like we can put this one in the 'wish granted' category! Yay! Ha.

Needing...like last month, I'll stick with 'patience and wisdom.' At least this month you know what I'm talking about, though! ;)

Thinking...don't judge me, but I'm still kind of thinking about how awesome libraries are. I wonder who invented them? If it was a woman and her name isn't like...Helga or something...I would like to name our child after her. LIBRARIES ARE FREAKING AWESOME.

Enjoying...training the temp this week. Sure, all of the talking hurts my throat and gives me a headache, but it makes me feel a LOT better knowing that my job will be done well in my absence. And it makes me happy to think about how I'm training someone because soon I will have a baby and have way more important things to do than sit in my office all day. :) 

Geez. Between my excitement about the baby and my renewed awareness about the awesomeness of libraries, I'm just about to bounce off the walls today. Good luck having as great of a day as I am!!!

books and crazy inventions

I've been reading like a fiend this summer. As I may have mentioned (hahahaha), I breezed through the Harry Potter series in roughly two (point five) weeks. If you take into account that I work full time and also sleep at night, your calculations will reveal that in order to do all of those things AND read the combined 4,100 pages of Harry Potter...basically 80% of my non-working waking hours were spent with my nose in a book. And that's totally fine by me.

Since finishing the series, I've pretty much maintained my same reading fervor, only the quality of the books has plummeted. Ugh. Oh well. Reading has always been and I suppose will always be my favorite form of escapism. And right about now, I need all of the mental escaping I can get, lest I start freaking out about the fact that I might be a mom in three weeks...or I might not, and that will really suck. So bring on the spy thriller romances, the historical Western romances, and the recently-widowed-gorgeous-single-mom-moves-to-New-England-and-buys-a-dilapidated-bed-and-breakfast-and-then-meets-some-quirky-handsome-local-business-owner-and-they-fall-in-love romances. No, but seriously. I think I've read three books with that exact same plot. Also, isn't that basically the plot of Gilmore Girls, too? Guess it's a surefire money maker. I'm going to jot it down in my notebook of get rich quick schemes in case I ever get around to writing a book...may as well go with a plot that works!

So far in life I've only read one parenting book more or less all the way through. I've dabbled in others, reading chapters here and there...but either I'm weirdly overconfident in my parenting instincts or I'm delusional, but I just kinda feel like 'yeah yeah yeah, I know, whatever.' Maybe it's due to the years of babysitting and nannying. Or reading mommy blogs. But I do like the Happiest Baby on the Block, which Matt and I both read last fall. I haven't had tons of opportunities to implement all of my learning from it, but I've dabbled in using the techniques from the book with the newborns I've come across the past few months, and I must admit to being pleased with the results. So I'm rereading that one.

Yesterday we went to the library to pick up a book I'd put on hold, and I decided to browse the baby book section. Earlier in the day, my sister (who will have a baby in late September) had been freaking out about how she doesn't know what 'schedule' babies are supposed to be on. How do I know when to feed her and when she's supposed to go to bed!??!?! I don't want to read a book, I just want someone to say "today, feed her at 3:00, nap at 5:00, blah blah blah. Tomorrow, feed at 3, nap at 5:15, whatever" and then I will do it. I told her I'm sure she'd figure it out without much trouble, or else she could maybe read a book...and to that she said, "right, so...how about if YOU read a book and figure that out, then write down every single thing you do with YOUR baby for the first two months and then I will just copy it when my baby is born." So it looks like the big sister is going to be the guinea pig yet again while little sister just gleans from all of my hard work, eh?? Ha. 

At any rate, that drove me to the baby book section of the library.

There were a lot of books to choose from, for the record. Apparently when people get tired of writing New England B&B romances, they must write baby parenting books...because all of THOSE appear to have the same plot, too. So I just picked a few that looked interesting (or that I've heard good things about) and hopefully I will feel inspired to actually read them in between all of my 'pleasure' reading. Or maybe I'll just read the inside flap and call it a day. It could go either way, honestly.

It looks like I'll have plenty of time to read this weekend- the 'polar vortex' or whatever seems to be sticking around and it's going to be rainy and cool(er) all weekend! I'm definitely good with that. 

Oh yeah, before I go: how about a quick baby edition of They Invented THAT??

The Baby Brezza Formula Pro One Step Food Maker

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It's basically a Keurig for formula. I discovered the existence of this contraption a few weeks ago and am still undecided about whether it is the most ridiculously pretentious invention of the century, or possibly the most amazing. I go back and forth. Insane. Amazing. Waste of money. Life changing. A great way to make formula feeding even MORE expensive! Well, at least the last one is correct.

Have a great weekend!!

family traditions

Last night my phone alerted me to an incoming text from my brother. As soon as I saw that it was a picture, I got excited. Obviously it would be my niece-- what other photo-worthy things could possibly be going on in Jake's life that would necessitate a 9:00 p.m. text? Exactly. Nothing. Clearly gonna be Carley.

The caption under the photo said 'BUSTED!'

And there in the picture was my darling little niece, two days shy of her first birthday, looking up at the camera with a guilty expression on her face. Standing next to an open bottom cabinet, she grasped a large bottle of Wild Turkey in her tiny hands. Busted indeed.

Jake could hardly believe it. His precious baby...already pilfering from the liquor cabinet? What is this world coming to? (Relatedly...probably about time to start child-proofing the kitchen, bro.)

He followed up with another picture taken probably 2 seconds after the first one. In this one, Carley appears to be cracking up with baby laughter, still holding that bottle of bourbon. If she were about 16 years older, I'd have said that the second picture was the 'after' picture. After you drink some of that...this happens. (Or, you know, you're puking your guts out in the bushes. Equally likely.)

(I would show you the pictures, but Jake's kinda particular about plastering pictures of her all over the internet. I try to respect that and I forgot to ask about sharing these, but I'll err on the side of guessing it'd be a big NO. Hopefully I painted the adorable picture well enough with my words.)

As Jake and I laughed and mourned the loss of innocence at such a young age, I remembered something. I ran over to the photo albums from my own childhood and thumbed through until I found it. Then I took pictures of pictures and texted them back to Jake.

You're not a bad parent. This is clearly a family tradition. Possibly genetic.

That's right, folks. Apparently I had the same issues back in 1983. Maker's Mark was my poison, so apparently my niece and I share a one year old appreciation for fine bourbon.

Exact same guilty look.

Jake nearly died laughing (he'd never seen these before. Shockingly, they were not prominently displayed around our house growing up...???), but I think that at the end of the day he felt a lot better. Apparently this is just a normal rite of passage. At least in our family. And look what a fine and upstanding citizen I grew up to be! See, no worries. And I don't even like bourbon as an adult. Bonus!

And yes, if you're a long-time reader 'round here, you may recall that I shared one of these pictures several years ago. I hope you forgive me. To be honest, this is the kind of picture that is so funny to me that you're lucky I don't share it once a week.

If pictures of guilty babies holding bourbon can't get your day off to a great start, I don't know what will. Have a happy Wednesday!

reason #1839018

It's probably never come up here before, but I'd really like to be a mom. I know. Little-known fact. But it is what it is, and I have a never-ending supply of reasons why I need a kid or 4 to call my own. The recent passing of Mother's Day combined with the pervasiveness of social media reminded me of one of the main reasons I really, really need a kid, like, stat.

These things:

This was filled out by my co-worker's son. I hope she doesn't mind that I stole it from her Facebook for illustration purposes. And now I really want her recipe for chicken bones.

I don't really know what to call these things. Interviews about your mother? Biographies according to a four-year-old? Maybe. Whatever. The point is, they are hilarious. 

While I mostly just roll my eyes or make fun of most of the cheesy stuff people put on Facebook around Mother's Day (those being the highly preferred alternates to crying or being jealous, obviously)-- anyone who shares one of these that their kid filled out instantly gets 10000 bonus points from me. I don't even care if I know you. I love reading what kids think about their moms. I wish that this had been a thing when I was in preschool. I'm dying to know what I thought about my mom back then.

So you know how childless people always think they know everything about parenting and that they have it all figured out? And they have all these grand plans about how they're going to raise their kids and they just know that their kids are going to be great sleepers, easy to potty train, and love vegetables because the pre-parent is just so educated and disciplined and special and smart? Right. I mean, I'm pretty much like that, but only about unimportant things like this. I have no idea if my kids will ever sleep through the night, but I know for damn sure that my kids are going to fill out these awesome mom surveys like once a week from the time they're old enough to utter a syllable that can possibly be construed as a word. And then I'm going to put them on Facebook and make everyone laugh at them. You're welcome, humanity.

So the moral of this story is that if you have a kid and you aren't regularly encouraging (slash forcing) your kid to fill out a biography about you...please rethink your parenting. And then amend your ways and put a picture of the result on Facebook so that I can be filled with joy at how funny it is. Often. Thanks!!

(PS. You can stop once your kid is older and smart. They aren't as funny when the answers are actually true-ish. So use your judgment and only share the funny/cute/precious ones. Not the ones where they actually know how much you weigh. Awwwwkward.)

weather, movies, and hilarious candy.

Matt's been married to me for almost seven years, so it's safe to say he knows me pretty well by now. And he definitely knows that one of the first things I do every morning before I get out of bed is check the weather on my phone. A few minutes later, as he's selecting his clothing for the day, he'll usually ask for the day's forecast, which I always know. This morning he called to me from the closet: Weather Wifey, what's it going to be like today?? My new name made me laugh, but it's pretty accurate. So anyways. All that to say...if you think I talk about the weather a lot here...it's because I'm the Weather Wifey and that's all there is to it. (And the answer is 73 and sunny, WOOOOO!!!!)

Another thing Matt knows about me is that I don't watch a lot of movies. Or more accurately, I don't stay awake through a lot of movies. I'm not sure what the deal is. I can (and do) watch 10 consecutive episodes of an hour-long show without a problem. But asking me to commit to a single 100 minute movie? It's just too much. I can't make it. Therefore I'm pretty sure I made a new personal record on Saturday: I watched (and stayed awake through the entirety of) THREE MOVIES! 

I started with a matinee showing of Divergent.

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I loved it!! To be honest, it's been 7 months since I read the book, so my memories of all the little book details that they may or may not have included/messed up in the movie...it's all hazy. Therefore I was free to just enjoy the movie for what it was. And it was great! Matt hasn't read the books (yet!), but he also enjoyed the movie. So...A+ from me. And whoever played Four...he gets an A++. Maybe A+++.

On Saturday night Matt left me home alone to go play poker with some guys. I'd planned to do exciting things like balance the checkbook and pay bills. Then at the last minute I decided to not be the most boring person on earth and to watch a movie on Netflix instead. After consulting more than a few online 'what should I watch on Netflix?' guides, I decided on Blue Valentine.

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 Ummm...it had Ryan Gosling and Jen Lindley Michelle Williams and I liked the font on the cover. It says "A Love Story." Why I selected this movie is pretty self-explanatory, I think. However, let me be the first to tell you: COVERS LIE. This was a horribly depressing movie with absolutely no redeeming factors. Actually, there was one redeeming factor: Ryan Gosling managed to look pretty hideous the entire movie. That's an impressive feat and provides hope for the rest of the human race that are not as naturally beautiful as Ryan. But not worth suffering through two hours of a sad movie. I stuck out the whole thing hoping that the ending would be redeeming. And (spoiler!!) it wasn't, so then I was like what have I done with my night?? I HAVE TO REDEEM THIS TERRIBLE MOVIE EXPERIENCE!!

I headed back to the 'what should I watch on Netflix?' websites and saw this movie heartily recommended several times. It seemed lighthearted, which is precisely what I needed after that train wreck of a 'love story.'

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This one I actually really enjoyed. For one thing, it had Nick from New Girl. I'm sure he had a different name in the movie, but Nick from New Girl is who he will always be to me. The weird thing is that on the movie cover above, he has no beard. But he has this big giant bushy beard throughout the entire movie. So...weird? Anyway. Besides featuring Nick from New Girls's beard, the movie was also very quirky and likeable. I feel like they REALLY should have picked a better title...'Drinking Buddies' makes it seem like it's going to be in the same genre as Bridesmaids or The Hangover, which it most definitely is not. This is more 'film fest' and less...that. Anyway. This movie made me smile (and also squirm) and was way better than Blue Valentine, so it was a much better note to end my night of slothing alone on.

Oh, I also failed miserably as a dog parent on Saturday. I always said that my kids (furry or not) would be good (healthy) eaters. Lola's out to prove me wrong.

 She acted really excited about the opportunity to eat this delicious sugar snap pea. She ran out of the kitchen all gleeful-like. And then 10 minutes later, what does my bare foot step on? THIS. Ick. Anyways, apparently she's not really into eating her veggies. I have failed. Boo.

Yesterday was a super busy and exhausting day. I co-hosted a wedding shower for some friends. It went really well and turned out beautifully, but it was a LONG day! One of my favorite things was introducing innocent young children to the glory of Pop Rocks. The couple of honor are huge rock climbers- he actually proposed to her while they were rock climbing (and they're the ones that took Matt and I rock climbing a few months ago). The hostesses and I came up with this amazingly cheesy idea for little party favors- Pop Rocks accompanied by a sign that said 'Brian POPped the question on the ROCKS and she said yes!' or something. I don't know, it was so cheesy I've tried to forget it. But anyway- POP ROCKS, right? Most amazing candy ever. People were really excited about it. But the funniest was watching the little ones, two and four year olds, experience Pop Rocks for the first time. Their faces!!! It was hilarrrrrious. Some of them loved it. Some of them clearly thought we were trying to kill them. So there's your parenting tip for the day. Get some Pop Rocks. It'll probably be the only candy ever that you'll actually find yourself begging your kid to try so that you can laugh at their reaction.

how to be the favorite

 In addition to our synchronized sneezing accomplishment, we actually had a fun weekend. Lots of Matt's extended family came into town to visit for the weekend, so we spent our days surrounded by people and food and fun.

And, most importantly, Baby Timmy. (Relatedly: he is going to be turning 2 in a few weeks...at what point will I have to stop calling him Baby Timmy? Age 12? Great.)

I'm pretty sure I'm still Timmy's favorite person on earth (besides his parents, I will reluctantly concede).

I've done a lot of soul-searching trying to figure out what it is about me that makes me so awesome in Timmy's eyes. I think I've identified a few key things. Take notes if you're hoping to win the heart of any toddlers in your life.

1. I let him wander around with my phone. I think this is key. No one else lets him do this (or at least not as often and on-demand, like I do). When he sees me, his typical reaction is "EHH-KUH!" and a big smile, followed quickly by "picture Timmy? cow? puppy Lola?" (which is why he wants the phone-- pictures of himself, various farm animals, and Lola, of course) as he reaches for my phone (if visible in my hand) or pats down my pockets/purse. Even though most people seem to think that handing a 2-year-old your expensive phone is a recipe for disaster, I try to convince myself that nothing too bad can happen. He just looks at pictures and randomly swipes things, right? Oh, but then I heard the tell-tale clicking of typing, so I hunted him down to investigate. He was just doing a little Tweeting, NBD! 140 characters of mmmbbbRRRbsohooooo or something. Which is about the most intelligent thing to come across my Twitter screen in a few days, so really...no biggie.

2. I read him lots of stories, even the really boring ones (which I make up new words for so that they're less boring/way shorter). He likes looking at the pictures and turning the pages and naming things on the pages. I like cuddling with him. Everyone wins.

3. I am really fun.

I mean, I'm a party and a half in the pool. Who knew I was capable of anything other than laying out? I know. It came as a surprise to me, too. Also my pool-related double-standards don't seem to bother Timmy and he catches on to my rules pretty quickly (such as: splashing Erika is NOT OKAY. Splashing everyone else is fine and encouraged).

4. If I'm around, Matt is usually nearby. And since Timmy's a pretty huge fan of Mat-chew...it just works out really well for him.

Much like I suspect Timmy really likes me because of my phone, I think half of Matt's appeal is in his sunglasses that he frequently wears like in the picture above. Timmy is big on sunglasses, so Matt's habit of keeping his easily accessible is rated highly by the Timmy. But hey, whatever it takes, right? 

5. I encourage his artistic pursuits.

Many people may be annoyed to find their iPad photo galleries filled with hundreds of photos like this. I am not. This is also probably helped by the fact that it isn't my iPad...but instead of being annoyed by the 15 seconds it will take to erase all of those pictures, I instead compliment the photographer on his unique sense of perspective and focus. I suggest possible new subjects for his next photo series (for example, the corner of the couch was really neglected here. I feel like there's a lot he could do with that). 

So these are just a few of the things that I think are key to becoming the Favorite Person of a toddler. See if you can start incorporating them into your own life...satisfaction guaranteed. (Unless you are actually LIVING with said toddler. In which case you may find it highly annoying to have a kid always hitting you up for a phone or sunglasses or swim. So maybe these tips are best reserved for Favorite Aunties who live 300 miles away.)

Unfortunately, sometimes Timmy has to sleep. Luckily there were other people around to entertain me during those time periods. My sister-in-law Jess and I amused ourselves by going to the local discount movie theater to watch The Great Gatsby.

Loved it!!!

I should probably give a disclaimer: I haven't read the book in like...13-ish years? It was in high school. And subsequently I remembered very little about the story, other than that I'd liked it at the time. So I'm not the person that's going to be able to say "well, I didn't like how the movie portrayed _____...the book did so much more with ______..." or whatever. I barely remember the book. So I just enjoyed the movie for what it was: a glamorous, glittering sparkle-fest of decadence and love and hope and deceit and tragedy. It was 100% Baz Luhrmann, which is a very good thing in my book. I love his style and this movie did not disappoint. 

On Sunday, Jess surprised me with a sweet gift-- a copy of the book! And she wrote on the inside, which is 100% my favorite part of receiving a book as a gift. So now I can re-read it and maybe then I can intelligently compare and contrast book v. movie. And also, you can thank me for cropping the picture. I basically looked like an Amazon in this picture and your eyes might have started bleeding, so...you're welcome.

And a mere hour or so after the picture above was taken, Matt and I found ourselves doing some synchronized sneezing in a grocery store...which means we're all up to date. Have a great day-- I'm off to hunt down Bachelorette Men Tell All recaps because I'm just dedicated like that.

weekend stories

It's Sunday and therefore the weekend isn't technically quite over, but I'm already ready to reflect. I'm just ambitious like that. Also we're watching some show on the Travel Channel about the most luxurious Mexican beaches and resorts and I need something to distract me lest I die of jealousy and impatience in waiting for our own Mexican resort vacation to come about. Please note that our resort will probably not be featured on this show. But it will also not be costing us $12,000 per night (yes, you read that right...) like the one they're featuring right now, so...there's that.

Exciting Weekend Story #1:
We've kept up our ambitious tri-training workout plan! I can now proudly say that we've worked out 12 of the last 14 days! Due to nearly constant monsoon-like rains the last few days, most of our workouts have been in the gym, but rather than phoning it in like I normally do (aka walking/jogging on the treadmill while reading on my Kindle for 35 minutes), I've been kicking (my) ass and taking names. Or, you know, riding bikes for a long time and then jumping on a treadmill and running a long time, despite the fact that MY LEGS MIGHT COLLAPSE AT ANY MOMENT from that special combination. But oh well. I'm getting stronger and pushing through the pain and that makes me proud. 

Exciting Weekend Story #2:
It took me at least half of the day on Saturday to figure out why everyone was saying "May the Fourth be with you." I know. Special. Once I figured it out, I remembered that last year I also struggled with this exact same puzzle. And I figured it out. But obviously couldn't manage to remember it for 365 days. Oh to be 30 and have your mind failing you already...so sad.

Exciting Weekend Story #3: 
Between various parking lots and the roads we rode our bikes on today (when it finally stopped raining for a few hours), I personally passed/stepped on/narrowly avoided no less than FIVE (soggy) banana peels!!! I mean, I'm serious. But for the grace of God I would have been providing slapstick comedy free of charge for anyone nearby. Seriously, though...who the heck goes around throwing gross banana peels on the paved ground??!?! 

Exciting Weekend Story #4:
Last night I commented to Matt that I needed to shave the back of his neck soon (am I the only wife who has to do this? How does that stupid hair GROW so fast??). He nodded his agreement and then calmly informed me that he was thinking he would grow his back hair out for Locks of Love and wouldn't that be so generous of him??

HAHAHAHA. I'm sorry. I was almost hysterical with disgusted glee at the thought of men trying to donate that. We tried to imagine how that phone call would go...calling up a salon and asking if they'd accept 8 inches of back hair. Okay. Sorry if you don't find that hilarious. But I do and it's my blog, soooooo.... (note: it's all a joke. He doesn't have much back hair at all and what there is of it is only like 1 cm. long, so don't start thinking Matt is secretly hiding a gorilla back under his cute plaid shirts. He's not.)

And that was pretty much the weekend. Actually not- our sis- and bro-in-law and nephew Baby Timmy were in town, so we spent lots of fun time hanging out with them. Somehow I managed to get no pictures of him or us, though. Sad.

Matt and I had nursery duty at church today and he did his normal routine of being the Most Loved Person in the nursery slash baby (or one-year-old) whisperer. My presence is basically unneeded there- none of the kids want anything to do with me when Matt's around, anyway. It's sad. (I feel better because Baby Timmy loves me the most, so I just remind myself of that)

Oh Mattie, I love how you find every single giraffe in the whole nursery for me and line them up like a parade.Truly you know the way to my baby heart!

And now dinner's almost ready and it's time to prepare for another week. And is it just me, or are Sunday nights rather...empty...with no Walking Dead? Tragic, for sure.

so...this happened.

This afternoon at school, I was sitting on the floor next to the Smartboard with a small group of kids. My legs were sticking out semi-straight in front of me, towards the kids, who were facing the Smartboard. Stick with me here, I'm painting a picture. Details matter. 

As I'm busy imparting loads of wisdom and helping the kids take turns completing a task on the Smartboard, one of my students, D, suddenly wrinkles her nose as a horrified look crosses her face.

"Someone smells like FISH!!!"

I glance over at her and give her the "what are you talking about, you crazy kid?" face as I continue teaching. The other kids were completely focused on doing backflips across the rug whatever I was teaching and didn't seem to hear her, so I just let the moment pass. A minute later, she says it again.

"But someone smells like FISH!!!", with her cute little nose all wrinkled.

And that's when I glance down and notice that my feet, with their knockoff Toms halfway falling off, are situated approximately 18 inches from D's face. Now sure, I'm wearing my shoes sock-less...and now that you mention it, they're a little sweaty in there, too, but...fish?

As I'm pondering this situation, sweet L walks away from the Smartboard and back to her spot, passing between D and I on her way.

"L SMELLS LIKE FISH!!!" D proclaims.

I jerk my legs up under me, sitting on my feet. L takes her seat, looking confused. I tell D that it isn't kind to say that people smell like fish, and that L doesn't smell like fish anyway. D apologizes.

A minute later, as I'm still sitting with my feet safely tucked under my booty, D takes another sniff of the air.

"Nobody smells like fish anymore," declares D. "Now it just smells regular."

So...how was your day?

PS. Just bought my winning lottery tickets. You better believe that when I get my $550 million, tops on my list will be new Toms. The kind that don't smell like sea life.

paintin' the barn

So in preparation for this evening's bachelorette festivities in Atlanta, I spent the better part of the day getting ready. Ya know, primping. Hair and makeup. Or as June (Honey Boo Boo's mom, duh) puts it-- puttin' a li'l paint on the ol' barn.

Obviously my barn doesn't get painted too often, as evidenced by Zoe's (my five-year-old roommate) reaction to seeing me looking like this. 

"MISS ERIKA!! You look so DIFFERENT! You look...so PRETTY!! Miss Erika, I never SEE you look like this! Look at your face! Miss Erika, where is your ponytail? I didn't know your hair could be curly. Miss Erika you look like a BARBIE! Why do you look like that? Miss Erika, are you going to look like this always now?"

Well, despite her overwhelming enthusiasm for my new look (and for saying my name), I'm afraid I will not be looking like this all the time now. It takes more than 3 minutes to look like this, so obviously I can't make that kind of commitment on a regular basis. But thanks for the voice of support.

She walks by me occasionally with a look of awe on her face. "Miss Erika, do you always have those shoes? Why don't you wear them? Where did you get your necklace? Why did you want to look so pretty?"

Apparently I should paint the barn more often.

invisible bearsharks and what-not

So have I mentioned that there's a five-year-old living in my house these days? No? Well, perhaps that would help explain my lack of blog-time lately. You probably already know that four-year-olds are my absolute favorite group of people on earth. Picture a graph depicting a normal-distribution curve (come on- you know you took stats in college, you can do it!). Four-year-olds are right at the peak of that curve. Therefore, you can correctly deduce that three and five year olds are also pretty high on my love-list. So living with a five-year-old is pretty freakin fantastic, if you're me. (Note: on my normal curve graph, there are also peaks at age birth, 1, and 2. I love all babies/kids...until about age 7. Then it plummets. Sorry, 7 year olds. PS I also realize it is not a normal curve anymore. Just deal with it.)

So anyway. Yeah. We have some friends living with us right now, and their daughter Zoe has quickly become one of the highlights of my days. Mainly because she is hilarious, smart, and creative...and because she reminds me of myself at her age. It's like living with a five-year-old, picky-eater version of myself. Very enlightening. And entertaining.

This afternoon, after I had let her download new games to play on my phone, let her walk the dog with me, AND given her the bag of all of my dance shoes and ballet skirts and let her play ballerina, she declared me to be the "most fun friend EVER!!!!!" So basically I'm winning at life.

After dinner, she begged me to play with her in the hammock, an activity I introduced her to last week. Our backyard is actually pretty dangerous, since it is overrun with bears, sharks, snakes, and their most dastardly bastard offspring-- the invisible bearshark. But Zoe felt like it was worth the risk of being eaten by all of those things just to play in the hammock for awhile. Upon hearing that the bears were once again coming to eat her up, she sat straight up, made the meanest, most fear-inducing face you've ever seen, and scared ALL those bearsharks back into the woods when she screamed "Don't MESS with me, I am SCARY!!! I am an EIGHT. YEAR. OLD. BIKER!!!!!!!!!"

Her mom and I died laughing, picturing the wrath of an eight-year-old biker gang. Realizing that maybe she hadn't picked the scariest thing ever, Zoe amended her claim: "ACTUALLY, bearsharks, I am NINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

So between fighting off bearsharks and doing complicated dog-human year math conversions in my head (seriously, this is how these conversations go: "So, how old is Lola in people years?" "Four." "And how old is that in dog years?" "28." "Okay, so...well, if I were a poodle, how old would I be?" ".......umm..." "I mean, if I were 7 in people years, but I was a white poodle, and I walked and barked like this [demonstrates walking and barking] how old would I be in dog years?" "Uhh...about 49?" "OK, but if I was a poodle and I was 38 in dog years, how many people years would that be?"....and so on and so forth), you can see how I barely have time for anything else. And that's pretty fantastic.

PS. Remember the neighbors' roses I was so jealous of? Well, we went on a walk the other night and Zoe had a chance to smell them. She declared them to smell "nasty like garbage," so I guess I'm over my rose jealousy, now.

bear...bear...BEAR!!!!!!

Yesterday my class took a little field trip to a local park. Inside the park there is a small zoo, containing an assortment of animals that are mostly native to the area. I believe most of the animals were injured/abandoned/unable to survive in the wild, so they are here at the zoo to be cared for...and to entertain the people of Athens for free. I used to live walking distance from this park and visited the animals several times a week. I liked to think that the animals actually "knew" me, since I visited them so frequently...which was probably not true, but whatever. It made me feel happy.

ANYWAY. So yesterday we took the kids there, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, you would have thought we were at the World's Most Amazing Zoo, or at least Zoo Atlanta or some other "real" zoo, and not a tiny neighborhood zoo-park that counts vultures, possums, owls, and deer among its most celebrated exhibits. Seriously. Deer. Like we don't see 283928 of them dead on the side of the road every single day. Whatever. Luckily, my kids don't get out much, so they are totally wowed and amazed by any and all wildlife (true quote, from a child sitting on the sidewalk: "LOOK!!! ANIMALS!!" as they excitedly pointed at an ANT CRAWLING BY).

There are actually a few cool animals, though, and as a teacher you spend the whole day praying that those animals will actually be out and playing (as opposed to hiding in their shelters and wasting your whole field trip). The (teeny tiny) alligators did okay, the bobcats hid away and were a huge letdown, but the BEARS...oh man, did those bears deliver today. They were actually RIGHT UNDERNEATH the little viewing platform, on one of their man-made play structures, PLAYING AND WRESTLING with each other!! It was awesome. Normally they are sleeping. Or hidden. Or being completely lame in some other way. Today they were amazing and I wanted to throw them a treat as payment for their amazing performance. My kids basically lost their minds, but as a testament to the amazingness of the scene, they managed to be REALLY QUIET for about 2 minutes at first. We told them the bears would leave if they were loud. And I have never heard 20 kids be so quiet. But then they started talking and the bears didn't leave, so they called me on my bluff and quit those shenanigans.

I managed to get two videos of the bears. The first video has way better "bear playing," but the kids were still being really quiet (except for one kid who whistles the SAME NOTE ALL DAY LONG, which is not extremely annoying at all) and so it's just kind of boring. So I'm not showing you (unless you beg). But the second video, while rather boring footage of the bears, at least captures the (voices) personality of my kids (and me). I've watched it like 30 times and it cracks me up every time.

It's only 38 seconds long, so I think you should watch it. And then appreciate the fact that when I cut the video off, it was because my 20 darling children were all screaming "BEAR!!! BEAR!!! BEAR!! Hey, BEAR!!!!" at the tops of their lungs, and someone had to get that scene under control.

church and vampires: the true stories

Today at lunch, two of my female students (5 year olds) told me that they see each other at misa. Unfamiliar with the word, I asked them what misa meant. "Church," they replied. "Oh!" I replied, "I go to church, too! But I don't see you there. What do you do at your church?"


One of them proudly proclaims: "We get lollipops!"


"Lollipops, eh? Is that all you do at church? Tell me what else you do," I asked.


She rolls her eyes upward.


"Well, first, when we go there...we sing the song of the Father." (Note: most of my students, since Spanish is their first language, tend to mix up the order of their words, especially adjectives and descriptors: the car of my mom, the shirt red, etc. I find it completely precious and find myself doing it myself, even though I'm fairly fluent in English...)


"...and then we sit down, and then the Father talks." Long pause. "And...then he keeps talking." Big exhale. "And then the Father, he talks some more." More dramatic pausing. "And then we sing the song. And then the Father...he talk some more."


HUGE EXHALE.


"And then we get a lollipop."


After I pulled myself back up off the floor and got my laughter under control, I asked, "So...do you like going to misa?"


She looks at me like I'm the dumbest person on Earth. "Ummm...nooo?" and laughs. In my face.


"Well...why??"


"Because...the Father, he just talks too much. And then we sing. And only get one lollipop."


Thus ended our deep spiritual conversation. Upon further investigation (with a co-worker from Spain), I discovered that misa specifically refers to Mass. And as a child, I remember my experiences with Mass (with my Catholic grandparents) feeling about the same way. Poor kid. I'm thankful for Mollyanne and everyone volunteering with the kids' ministry at my church...hopefully giving our kids a slightly better impression of church!


And a completely unrelated but also funny story from earlier in the day:


We've read the book The Magic Hat by Mem Fox this week. The kids enjoy talking about what animal THEY would like to turn into if a magic hat landed on their heads. One girl informs me that she hopes to turn into a werewolf. And a vampire.


"Well, a vampire isn't really an animal," I inform her, "but I guess you could turn into one anyway."


"Yeah, I just really want to be a vampire," she said.


"Why?"


"Because...vampires get to bite people a lot."


"Oh, yeah. And do you like to bite people?"


"Oh, yes!! I've been biting people since I was four."


The end. 

a three picture day

Yesterday wasn't super special. But then I noticed that I took like THREE PICTURES on my phone, which actually means it must have been somewhat of an extraordinary day! Allow me to share:

My students made a restaurant during center time. This was one of the many courses of my "lunch." At last count, I'd "eaten" spaghetti and meatballs (chicken meatballs, to be specific), pizza, caesar salad, cherry pie, chocolate cake with sprinkles, sweet tea, coffee, and a hot dog. It was quite the feast, but luckily they were also running a mint and printing money, so it didn't do too much damage on the real currency in my wallet. They also gave me a "coupon" so that I could come back and get more food today! Those kids obviously know the way to my heart-- food and coupons? Count me in.

 Oh yes, my car was reporting a toasty 92 degrees outside. And last weekend I had to finally give in and turn the AC on. Ready or not, here comes summer!

 I got my new passport picture taken and then mailed off all of my paperwork for my new passport! Here's a side-by-side shot of my old passport pic (2000, age 17) with the new one.

Wanna know a great way to get rich? TAKE AND PRINT PASSPORT PICTURES. Good grief. I went in to CVS, told them I needed a passport pic. They whip out a really old, cheap digital camera, pull down a white 'backdrop' (piece of posterboard or something), barely wait for me to fix my hair and pose, don't let me see the pic to approve of it, then go over to the little print-your-own-pictures kiosk thing (where I believe you can print 4x6s for about a quarter) and print it off. Then hand it to me and charge me $10. Are you freakin kidding me?? That's got to be like a 9000% markup on the materials and labor. Ridiculous. Actually, this passport thing is all about nickel-and-diming. Aside from the $10 tiny picture, there was the $10 'certified copy' of our marriage certificate, $6 to mail it all certified or whatever, and the teeny tiny ol' $110 for the actual processing/passport fee. For real? Just so I can LEAVE the dang country? Sheesh. I'm going to be sure to drop by the American Embassy while I'm in Mexico and chat them up and ask questions for awhile, just so I'll feel like I got my money's worth.

Anyways. Thoughts on the age 17 versus age 29 picture comparison? Do we like bangs or no bangs? Tan or no tan (haha, like that's even a real question...the 17 year old picture was taken in the winter, so don't judge me)? Why were my eyes so tiny at age 17? So many questions. So little time.

Happy Tuesday! 

PS. This is my 400th post! Woohoo! High five for 400!

that one time i was really really old

Yesterday at work I had a funny conversation with a kid (surprising, I know). We were on the playground, and he'd fashioned himself a 'birthday cake' out of a pile of woodchips and some sticks. After he sang Happy Birthday to himself, I asked how old he was. One hundred years old!, he replied.

"One HUNDRED??" I responded. "100 is REALLY old. You would be a very old man. You would have a cane!"

Oh. Well...how about if I am NINETY?

"Ninety is still really old. You would not be able to hear and you would talk like this [here's where I talked in an 'old man voice' for a minute]"

Oh...well, what about being TEN? Is TEN really old?

"Ten? Nah, if you were ten, you could still go to our school! You might be in fifth grade!"

We went on like this for awhile...he suggested that he might be ONE BILLION YEARS OLD, and I had to tell him that no one can ever be that old, because they would be dead. Why? Because your body would break. And I can't explain it any better than that. (But what about ten thousand, Mrs. B? Could I be ten thousand? Nope, you'll still be dead.) When he asked about being 30, I had to make it sound really fantastic.

"THIRTY???!?! Wow, thirty is like SO AWESOME. If you were THIRTY you could maybe be a teacher...or a fireman...or a doctor...or a mom...you could be anything!!! Thirty is just like being a regular grown-up."

He was dead onto me. Mrs. B...are you thirty????

Well...almost. I hope it's as great as I've made it out to be.

Then he was all "what about 31?? What about 33??" and it was tough to explain that there aren't very many differences between about 25 and 50. Sorry bud.

Anyway!! All that to say that my little conversation inspired my Way Back When-sday! Halloween is right around the corner, and every year our church does a little Costume Bowling gig at a local bowling alley. It's lots of fun. Back in 2007, Matt and I were a) recently married, b) recently started attending our church, and c) babysat every Sunday night. We babysat for a family whom I worked for for years as a nanny/babysitter. These kids were the love of my life, and once Matt met them, he loved them pretty awesomely too. 

It happened that our Costume Bowling fell on a Sunday night, the night we were supposed to babysit them. Which may have provided part of the inspiration for our costumes that night:

Granny and Gramps take the grandkids bowling!!! Woohoo!!

Yes, we dressed up like old people. I have no idea why we thought that might be a good idea. I do remember having a lot of fun picking out Matt's clothes, though. Mine weren't so fun. I was fresh out of Mom Jeans, so what else could I possibly wear? (Answer: some VELVETEEN pajama pants of Matts, pulled up to my chest, with a tucked-in t-shirt. Obviously.)

Don't our grandkids look happy to be with us? (Yes, the blondes are twins.)

HOW TOTALLY CUTE is ol' grampy Matt??? Pretty sure that's MY cardigan he's wearing. Apparently we're some kind of cross-dressing grandparents...the life of the retirement home, for sure!!

Poor Gramps. All that bowling plum wore him out.

PS. Don't worry. In order to make up for my unattractive costume of 2007, in 2008 I wore my wedding dress to the bowling alley. Yep! True story! I was a bride!!! (And many people actually asked: Is that your REAL wedding dress?? And I was like...no...I bought a NEW one just to wear to the bowling alley! Um...duh...???)