dedicated

  Yesterday morning was Camilla's dedication at church. I cannot even tell you how long I've been waiting for this day. Oh wait, yes I can: almost six years. It's so surreal to finally experience the thing you've been waiting for. It's been happening over and over again for the past six weeks, and yesterday was no exception.

Our church is rather non-traditional, I suppose, so our dedication experience may be different than what you'd associate with a typical baby dedication/baptism/christening. For starters, we went with a clearance-rack white dress from Target...no fancy gowns. That's not a rule or anything, we just don't have any family heirloom gowns floating around and I didn't see any reason to spend tons of money on a fancy dress just for the heck of it. I'd rather buy more jeggings and moccasins. ;) Obviously I am a failure of a parent because I don't even have any good close-ups of Millie in the dress. Luckily, it's the same dress she wore for our photo shoot last week, so you'll get to see it eventually.

We start by going up to the front.

Contemplating the massive importance of this day...and lamenting that my former biceps have melted into a pile of fat. Wah.

Kyle, our pastor, talks for a few minutes. There are tears. 

Then he opens up the floor for anyone in the church who has anything they want to share- encouragement, blessings, prayers, etc. This may seem weird, but my church has been praying for us and for this baby for six years. Lots of people have lots of things (and tears) to share. Thankfully, our parents videoed everything- one day Millie will be able to watch and hear how many people love her and have been praying for her and for us. I hope she will love it.

I took this opportunity to weep and make faces like this. Don't you wish you'd been there?

After everyone had shared, Kyle prayed for us and for Camilla. I could be wrong, but I think there was more crying involved.

And then it was done. But not really, because I haven't told you the most exciting part.

Not only did a whole slew of folks from my family and Matt's family come out, but a lot of Camilla's biological family were there as well. Back in August, before we'd been released from the hospital, one of J's grandmothers had asked if we were going to have Camilla baptized, and if we were, would it be okay if she came to watch and support us? I was floored and honored and told her that nothing would make us happier. So when the dedication was scheduled, I let her know. She asked if it would be okay to invite some other family members; we said absolutely. Word spread quickly around the family, and yesterday there were NINE amazing folks from Millie's birth family-- including J!!!-- there at church to support her and us. 

I was blown away. I mean, I knew they were coming, but still. Blown away. 

Because this is how they have been from the beginning-- 100% supportive of J, 100% supportive of us. Overflowing and abundant in their love for all of us. They came and they loved us and they held Millie and they exclaimed over her cute nose, her red eyebrows, her adorable moccasins. They told us how thankful they are for us, how often they think of us, how excited they were to be able to support her on this important day. We hugged and we cried and when people shared words of encouragement during the service, J shared. She told us again how thankful she was for us. Can you see why I can't stop crying?? Oh, and they don't live in town, by the way. J rode overnight on a bus to be there that morning.

There very well may have never been a child so loved by so many.

I am so thankful and encouraged that this is Millie's heritage. That she will know and be known and loved by all of us? Unbelievable. I never even dared to hope that we would be in an open situation this positive. This is redemption beyond my wildest dreams.

So yes, yesterday was amazing, unbelievable, breathtaking, tearjerking- pick your adjective. I waited for this day all of these years, and I didn't even know what I was waiting for. I never could have imagined it would be what it was- my greatest hopes fell far short of the reality that we experienced. 

A year and a half ago I wrote about the locusts. I had no idea what my redemption would look like- I only prayed it would come. I felt this peace inside that one day, redemption would come. And then, over the next few months...well, it was the opposite of redemption. It was the misery of the previous four years amplified by like fifty. Thousand. But somewhere deep inside, a tiny piece of my heart clung to the hope that He would restore the years that the locusts had stolen. 

And now I'm living in that redemption, and sometimes I'm so overwhelmed I can't even breathe. He has restored the years that the locusts had stolen. 

The paradox of this new phase of my life is funny, in a way. Really, it's all about Millie. Anyone will tell you that being the parent of a newborn isn't all about you. But in a way, having my life be all about her for now...well, it restores me. When I change her diaper, my soul rejoices. When she cries for 20 minutes and I have no idea why, but I do the best I can to comfort her...a part of my broken heart is healed. When she smiles at me (completely unintentionally, probably because she has gas), the tears of months past are replaced with happier memories. When the biological family of my daughter hug me and thank me for loving and parenting the baby we all love...I can't even describe it. It's too beautiful and my heart explodes. This is redemption.

Praise the Lord, my soul;

    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

Praise the Lord, my soul,

    and forget not all his benefits—

who forgives all your sins

    and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit

    and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. 

Psalm 103:1-5 (emphasis mine)

still waiting

NO BABY YET.

In case that's the only thing you cared about, just wanted to get it out of the way first thing. :) Obviously Ellison is not as anxious to get here as we'd like her to be...and both of her mommies (and her daddy) are none too thrilled about this! Now it's true-- her due date is still 10 days away...but she should know that to me, on-time is LATE. Early is always better. So she should fall in line. 

It was a long weekend of having my phone permanently attached to my hand. I swear. I can't wait til this is all over and I can like...leave my phone in another room for 30 seconds without having a panic attack. And sleep through the night without waking up every two hours to make sure my phone is still working. THIS WHOLE ADOPTION AND MY LIFE'S FUTURE HAPPINESS IS HINGING ON MY PHONE WORKING, APPLE. No pressure or anything. Just get it together.

Speaking of sleep-- it ain't happening. I can't even blame DST, though I'd love to (who wouldn't?)...it's been like a week of sleeping like a newborn is in the house. I rest for about 2 hours...then I'm up for 2 hours...then I fall back asleep for an hour and a half...then I'm up for 2...then asleep for 3...repeat, repeat, repeat. Yesterday afternoon I found myself telling Matt "Ugh, I just need the baby to be born so I can GET SOME FRIGGIN SLEEP!!" and Matt was like "yeah, no, pretty sure that's not how it works." Oh well. At least I can lose sleep about something different? Variety is the spice of life and all that.

So despite the baby not being born, it was a pretty good weekend. We did NOT end up driving down to hang out in Random Small Town. I have started converting all money/prices into Cans of Formula...so like...one night in a hotel equals four Cans of Formula, so NO. Can't waste my poor money like that. So we stayed home, which meant we got lots of things accomplished!

I practiced using the newborn insert with the Ergo. I mean, who knew BooBoo would come in so handy all these years later? He's been a crucial part of our baby prepping and I know that Ellison will appreciate that we got all of our newbie mistakes out of the way on him and not her later. And I'm also kind of amazed that people on Instagram thought that this picture was of Ellison. Uhhhh...ha. As I said on IG-- I do anticipate her having gorgeous, creamy brown skin. I am not anticipating fur. But they say to expect the unexpected, so I'll try to keep an open mind.

We finished the bumpers!!! Wooooo!! That makes me seriously happy. No crib for them just yet, but that didn't stop me from tying them all together and standing them up, obviously.

Last night our friends had an Adoption Party for us and our other friends from church that are adopting soon! It was not a shower, since we are both trying to stick to some version of The Plan...but it was a time for everyone to get together and be excited and happy and eat and such. It was a wonderful evening!

There was chili and cornbread and yummy desserts. We were gifted some necessities like diapers, wipes, and wine...oh yeah. Obviously our church knows us well. :)

We got a Boogie kit, too. I am thankful for seasoned parents to let us in on their insider boogie-snatching knowledge from the beginning!!

They even made us diaper cakes!! Wooo!! So fun!

Matt and I made sure to take every opportunity to practice our baby holding/rocking/charming skills. I got this cutie to fall asleep immediately on my lap.

And then Matt held her for some playtime. 

We made it through like an hour of baby-holding with zero crying, so I guess you could say we are basically experts and masters at this thing. Excellent.

So in spite of Ellison's reluctance to join us this weekend, we tried to make the best of it. But seriously, baby. Now you can just come on and be born.

The Plan and my messy ball of emotions

Yesterday afternoon was very exciting: when we arrived home from work I found that the Ergo I'd ordered (this one, although I didn't order it from this site) had been delivered! This resulted in an immediate and awkward photo shoot, wherein I proved beyond all shadow of a doubt that I can neither wear properly nor pose un-strangely with the Ergo. Oh well. I've got time to figure it out.

I think it'll look a lot better with a baby in it, personally. Also- it came with a NOVEL. For real. The instruction manual is like 90 pages long!! I have a lot of learning to do, it seems.

The Ergo is a great illustration of how we're kinda failing at sticking to The Plan.

The Plan:  Don't buy (or let other people buy) baby stuff until the 10-day post-placement 'wait period' is over. The only exception to this moratorium is diapers/formula, since those can't be easily borrowed.

It's a good plan. Everyone agrees. The sucky thing about adoption is that it ain't over til it's over. We're elated that we've been chosen. We are so hopeful that we'll be bringing home a baby from the hospital. We try to have faith that we'll get to KEEP the baby. But the thing is- nothing is for certain. Right now we have none of the power and we get to make zero of the choices regarding Baby Girl. And that's fine, because you know what? She isn't our baby yet. She is her mother's baby. And right now her mother is wanting and planning for us to take and raise her baby. And we are so so so so excited about that. But the mother is free to change her mind, too. Up until 10 days after the birth...even if the baby has been with us, in our home for those 10 days...she can change her mind. And so that is a really, really scary thing to think about. Obviously we hope and pray that it won't happen. We look for signs that 'this is really gonna happen' and for the things that make us feel like our situation is 'better' or 'more certain' than the dozens of situations we know about that haven't resulted in a happily-ever-after for the adoptive family. But the truth is that we can't know. We won't know til 10 days after birth. THEN...then...THEN if Baby Girl is still with us, she's ours. Then we know for certain. The adoption won't be finalized, but having her taken from us will be much, much harder than a simple change of mind. 

So in light of the uncertainty ahead of us, we're trying not to fill our house with stuff we'd have to make hard choices about later. We've had a nearly-empty nursery for the four years we've lived in this house. It's a little depressing, but essentially it's a blank room. But if we were to purchase and be given tons of baby stuff and fill up the room with cuteness and plans for our happy family and THEN something goes wrong? It would be awful. Miserable. Would I have to look at the room forever and ever, all that stuff and no baby to use it? Would I try to return the stuff? Return gifts? Oh my gosh. I feel sick thinking about it.

Enter The Plan. We buy nothing now. We borrow everything we need to get us through the wait period. When ten days is over-- GO WILD! We plan our showers. We buy our own carseat, our own clothes...whatever we need. But not now. Now we borrow. Because if something bad happens, borrowed things can be quickly returned. I can go to the movies and when I get back it can all be gone. My heart will be no less broken, but at least I won't have to deal with constant visual reminders. With packing boxes and making decisions. 

The Plan is good. It's solid. Everyone agrees.

We're all failing at follow-through.

The Ergo was half price! That never happens!! I MUST have an Ergo! So I order it. I tell myself that if 'the bad' happens...the Ergo is small and easily packed away. It's one thing. I'll shove it in the closet. Plus, it's not like it's going to expire...(I'm looking at your, expire-able carseats...) I will definitely need and use it someday. So I can justify buying it now. Better half price now than full price later, right?

Our moms see cute baby girl clothes. They can't help it. They need to buy them.

We get a gift. We open it up and hang it in the closet.

Now I find the stroller I really want and it's temporarily $100 off!!! Holy cow!! I need it!! I want it!! But...The Plan. (Also: Even at $100 off, it's still way freakin expensive. Champagne taste, beer budget...story of my life.) This would be a major Plan infraction. Ugh.

We're going to one of the huge (twice-annual) consignment sales after work today. Why? I don't know. We're not supposed to be buying anything. But there isn't going to BE one of these sales going on once we're 'safe.' Buy full-price stuff later, once we know we get to keep it, or buy steeply discounted stuff now and risk being stuck with it (and without a baby) if things go badly? 

UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH.

Adoption is beautiful. It really is. AFTER it's finalized. From here, it's a messy ball of emotions and uncertainty. I am so excited most of the time. But underneath it all is the knowledge that it could be snatched away anytime. I kinda wouldn't wish this on anyone.

We're so thankful that we're not alone. Like, literally. (PS. That word is so over- and mis-used now, I question whether I use it correctly anymore. Annoying.)

Friends of ours from church found out that they were matched with a birthmom THE SAME WEEK WE DID. It is unbelievable. They've been waiting (using an agency) for THREE YEARS. And we get matched in the same week. It is so freaking awesome I can't even comprehend it. Their baby will be coming maybe a month or so after ours. Our babies will probably be best friends, don't you think?

Last night during our small group we had a celebration. We celebrated our God that brings redemption, who has a plan for our good, who loves His children. We cried and cheered as both of us shared our stories, our prayers, and our dreams. We prayed together for our babies, for the babies' moms, for our hearts. I am so thankful for this community. I am so thankful for friends that know exactly the strange combination of fear and excitement we're living in right now. I have no idea what lies ahead-- I hope and hope that it's a smooth road with no bumps that ends with both of us bringing our forever babies home. It's time, right? It has to be. I just wish I could know.

In the meantime, we'll be more or less sticking to The Plan. Maybe.

a weekend of firsts

We had a very busy and productive weekend-- and there were a lot of firsts, too! Our main accomplishment of the weekend was going rock climbing in the mountains with some friends-- that was an adventure!! Unfortunately, my Sunday was far too busy to even have 10 minutes to sit down and get the pictures off my dSLR (yes, I was the girl lugging a dSLR on a freakin' long hike up a mountain to get to the place where we'd climb...but it was WORTH IT!! I think. Not that I've seen the pictures, really, yet...), so a full discussion of rock climbing is going to have to wait til tomorrow. Here's a phone picture to whet your appetite, though. I should have thought it through and worn a NOT-gray shirt so it'd be a little easier to find me in pictures, but oh well. Promise I'm there, and obviously I didn't die, so we call it a success!

I'm sure this will come as a shock to everyone, but we spent most of the rest of our time thinking about and planning for the baby! Considering that we've known about her for barely over a week, I feel like we've accomplished a lot. Or at least thought about accomplishing a lot. I think that counts. And pretty much all of these things are 'firsts' for us, too, so that makes them extra-accomplishy (that's a word). 

Baby-Related Accomplishments of Late:

1. Got a prenatal (heh heh, not really, but they call it that even when you're adopting) appointment with our first-pick pediatrician for mid-October!

2. Got our bloodwork/physicals scheduled/started for our homestudy.

3. Picked up some light reading and education at the library-

4. Used some coupons my super-sweet and helpful neighbor gave me and started our formula stockpile! Using the coupons and sales, I got one of these for free and one for about a dollar- sweet!

5. Networked with other adoptive families. So far I've been invited to join (and joined) a local 'Adoptive and Transracial Family Group' (with moms' nights and playgroups), had dinner with family friends that recently adopted their son via private adoption using the same attorney as us, discovered that a coworker I don't know well has two adopted kids (also transracial; she invited me to coffee as well!), found lots of new blogs to stalk...it's been a whirlwind!! 

6. Worked on figuring out who/where I'm going to borrow all of Baby B's 'first two weeks' stuff from. (ouch, dangling preposition...sorry!!) 

7. Received our first (beautifully wrapped!) baby present!! Even better-- no birds, owls, or pastel colors!! LOVE!

Note to self: drink less coffee get some Crest Whitestrips or something...

8. Broke my 'don't buy anything until after the first 2 weeks' rule by ordering an Ergo!!! It was HALF PRICE, people!!! That never happens, so obviously I couldn't resist. 

9. Registered for ridiculous stuff I will never get and really don't need (like designer diaper bags...HAHAHAHA) just because it was fun and I can. Boom. Speaking of diaper bags...anyone who has ever had the pleasure of holding one of my 80 lb. purses in real life is probably already wondering: how on earth do I plan on adding even MORE weight to my shoulders? It's a valid question. That's why I'm going to ask the nice folks at Target if I can just register for one of their shopping carts. I think that'll be more practical for me than anything else I have to pile on my shoulders. Just a thought.

10. Freaked the freak out at church with everyone celebrating and congratulating. It was awesome. These people have been praying and fighting for us for so. many. years. This is their baby as much as ours. I have never seen so many people crying, hugging, high-fiving, and congratulating. It was awesome. Our baby is so loved already.

Well, now we're all bored stiff. Sorry 'bout that. Actually, I'm not bored. This is all pretty fun to me. :) This morning I have plans to speak with the social worker that will be doing our home study...hoping that goes well. We have physicals Wednesday. A meeting about my maternity leave on Friday. This is getting real fast!! So exciting!!

Happy Monday! I actually got some sleep last night, miracle of miracles...I feel like I can conquer the world today! Or maybe even upload my rock climbing pictures. Hopefully. Anyway. Have a great day!

o my soul.

Yesterday morning I was at church early, rehearsing with the worship team. While we were practicing, I saw my phone alert a text message. Since it was from my sister, who isn't normally in the habit of pre-10 a.m. Sunday morning texts, I grabbed my phone to see what was up. 

Many of you probably understand the type of dread that you immediately, unintentionally associate with receiving calls/texts/messages from certain people. With most people (okay, females of child-bearing age) in my life, I immediately, subconsciously brace myself for a pregnancy announcement. You get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that plants itself there for the amount of time it takes you to unlock your phone and access your message. I don't know what your particular 'insta-dread' is-- maybe it's seeing your child's school show up on CallerID. Maybe it's your sick grandmother's caretaker, the one that will definitely be making the call when tragedy strikes. And even though that person may be calling or texting to chat about the weather or chaperoning a field trip or the touchdown in last night's football game-- it's still there. The minute you see their name flash, you assume the worst. Even though 99% of the time a call from that person is innocuous, you're ready for the 1%. The time when the news will be hard to take. The time when your emotions need to be ready.

With my sister...well, her husband is serving in Afghanistan. The level of 'potential bad' that could be in a call or text from her is pretty damn legitimately bad.

This is what she texted me yesterday:

I thank you in advance for ignoring her spelling errors. My sister has a thousand incredible talents-- spelling has never been counted amongst them, so we'll just let it go. ;)

 Is it 'the news'? You know...the news you know every military wife is sitting at home praying they never hear? No. Thank God, this news was not the worst. But it still hit me like a sucker-punch. Right there, in the middle of my practice, I burst out crying.

Because this? It's too hard. And it's not even my husband...but this having your man away at war thing...it's too much. A heart can only bear so much, I think...and knowing that there's nothing but prayer and a Kevlar vest separating the brave members of our troops from...that...I just...I can't. I hate war, and I hate injustice, and I hate guns, and I hate that some people die so that others can live freely. I hate that my sister has to live with the knowledge that her husband may not come home. That one morning, it may not be an email telling her about a close call...it could be men at her doorstep, holding a flag.

It's too much.

And here I was, trying to sing-- trying to worship the God that I fully believe is in control of it all. Who is worthy of all glory, all honor, all praise-- even if the worst happens. Even when then worst happens. Even when life is unfair. And I just...I wept. My heart and my mind and everything, they just can't always put it all together in a neat package and understand how it works. How God is good and his love endures...even when we don't see it. Even when things don't look good. When they don't feel good.

And it's weird, because-- I mean, really, it was kind of a GOOD text, right? I mean...Mark's safe. Some of his men are injured, but they're alive. And so we rejoice, and we thank God for His protection, and we beg for more. But I was suddenly faced with the truth of how fickle my heart is, how easily swayed my faith-- if the news had not been so good, would I still be able to have kept singing? Because it was hard enough as it was...and the news was good.

And then we got to the last song of rehearsal, and it's a song I deeply love. But what I really love is the last part of the song, at the end...and over and over we sing 'o my soul, praise Him...o my soul, praise Him.' And I love that because it's beautiful and it's true. It's over and over in the Psalms, when David is distraught and lost and his life really sucks, and he says 'O my soul- praise Him.' And he's bossing his soul around, you know? He commands his soul...he's like 'soul, I know you're a mess right now, and you're not in a good place, and you don't even understand where God is or what's going on, and you don't know if you'll make it til tomorrow....but PRAISE HIM still.' He doesn't wait for his circumstances to shape back up, or his mind to get in a happier state. He commands his soul to praise Him. And I love that and I need that, because I am like David. If we leave my worship up to my emotions, then I'll praise Him when I feel like it. I'll praise Him when things are going well and people are healthy and money is flowing and Mark and his troops are getting bored from sitting around doing nothing in their barracks all day. And that's fine. But what about all the other days? What about the rest of the time, when things aren't great, when people are sick and relationships are strained and uteruses are broken and civilians are being slaughtered by their own government...and it's just not okay and it's too much.

Then O my soul, praise Him.

Then even still, it is well with my soul.

I'm not a theologian and I don't have a lot of things figured out, but when I am weak and when I am sad and when I want to shake my fist at God and tell him it just isn't fair...I'm learning instead to command my soul to praise Him.

And yesterday I got to do that in real time. As I stood there and wept, and the rest of the band played on and probably wondered why women get so emotional at the drop of a hat, I made the choice to praise Him. And maybe it was a liiiiiittle easier since ultimately, there wasn't any bad news in that text. So I don't know why it plowed me over the way it did. But I am thankful that it happened when and where it did, because while I cried and struggled with why God lets war happen, why innocent people have to die, and why my sister has to go to bed every night wondering whether she'll be awakened by the most horrible news of her life, I was in a safe place where people I love stopped everything to pray with me. To pray for my sister, and her husband, and our troops. Their eyes filled with tears, too, and we hugged and shook our heads and wondered at our fallen humanity and the unfairness of life. 

And then together...o my soul, praise Him. And when our eyes welled with tears again, we reminded one another: O my soul, praise Him.

I am so, so thankful for my community of faith. For a church that doesn't brush hurt and confusion under the rug, but cries along with me-- even as they cry out. For a God of abundant, reckless love. O my soul...praise Him.

PS. The song we sang that had me crying all day is O My Soul by Samuel Lane. If you use this link, the 'o my soul' part starts around 3 minutes. I can guarantee you I'll be singing it all day long...feel free to join me if your soul needs some bossing around. If you want to listen to a much less-polished version, shot with the amazing technology of an iPhone, with lots of off-tune congregational singing mixed in, Matt did record us yesterday at the end of the song. You can watch it, but only if you promise not to laugh at me.

the visitors are coming!

First, some brief updates:
1) THANK YOU for your many comments and feedback on the the commenting system debate of yesterday! It was a long day of replying, replying, fiddling, and trying to figure things out. I'm not sure how much progress I made, but I can say it was WAY MORE TIME CONSUMING than normal, so...there's that! Keep testing things out today (try hitting the 'subscribe' button if you weren't getting notified of comments posted here...although sources say that may actually mean you get notified of EVERY new comment and not just ones in a particular thread, so...beware, also!) and tomorrow we will settle this thing once and for all by means of a most American institution. Be ready!!

2) Amanda S. generously and hilariously took a picture of her Shetland Sheepdog running ensemble, complete with detailed commentary about each trendy item in the outfit...all of you who plan on running in our 7th-grade-tshirt-themed 5k (1k) seriously need to check it out and get inspired. And laugh your face off.

3) An astute blog reader (and fellow Athens-dweller) informed me that she SAW THE MASCOT for the Brazilian wax place and it is a PINK PANTHER. Seriously. I laughed my head off, while simultaneously pondering the connection. I don't get it. Anyone wanna help me? Pink panthers and Brazilian waxes? Help!

Alright. Enough updates. On with things...

We are currently both nervous and excited about some visitors that will be staying with us at the end of the month. As you probably know, Athens is home to the University of Georgia (obviously my alma mater!), which is a large research university (with a pretty awesome football team). As such, people from all over the world move here to study/teach. So late July tends to be when a whole bunch of smarty-pants foreign students arrive each year, and as it turns out, most of them take a few days or a week to get their American lives really going...and that is where we are going to come in!

The International Student Life office at UGA (not sure if that's the official name, but something like that) networks with a whole bunch of local churches and community groups in order to wrangle a bunch of volunteer 'host families' who will host the foreign students for a week or so when they first arrive in America. The students will have plenty to do on campus during the days, as they get oriented to life both on and off-campus. They'll go to meetings and orientations, as well as get help doing things like setting up bank accounts, getting phones, and finding apartments. In the meantime, though, they need a place to stay-- and two of these very lucky students are going to get the fantastic privilege of calling MY house their home.

Isn't that fun??!!

When we heard about the opportunity (the group basically goes to a ton of churches and makes a presentation and gives people a chance to sign up if they're interested), at first I was like no way. What on earth do I have to offer foreign students? We live out in the sticks...we're boring...we eat really American (and Mexican) food. But after thinking it through for about 4 seconds, I changed my mind. We have guest bedrooms and bathrooms and really that's the main thing they need. We drive to campus (campus is in downtown Athens, where both of us work) every single day, so it doesn't matter that we don't actually live there...the students will still be able to get to UGA. And I have a lifetime of Southern hospitality training and a pretty firm grip on the idea of loving your neighbor as yourself and I know that if myself was being plopped into a new and strange country, myself would be very happy for strangers willing to open their home and show me the ropes a little. And so we said we'd do it. 

And they're coming!! In a little over a week, our two students (one actually a 'visiting scholar,' so maybe he's a little older than typical 'student' age?) will be here! We have two males, both from China. We are nervous and excited. A lot of our friends and other families in our church are also hosting and so it's fun to be nervous and excited together. We're planning things as a group so that our students will get to a) meet other new foreign students, and b) get to experience a bit of the community we love so much and so that is getting us pretty excited. One of our students even specified in his information that he likes playing tennis, so...HOLLA! If all else fails, we can play tennis every night. :) 

The group that is organizing the host families and students sends us information about how to prepare, what to expect, etc. They also send similar information to the students (copying us on the emails) telling them things about what to expect in American homes, what things are culturally acceptable/not acceptable, etc. These emails are SO fun and a wealth of information to me! Here are some of the most interesting tidbits I've learned:

From the email to the visiting students:
-US Americans can seem foolish about their pets. Dogs and cats are often treated like family members, and go throughout the house. Your host(s) may even kiss or hug their pets (UGH)! These pets are tame and (usually) clean and pose no danger. Pets are not eaten in this country.   If the pets make you feel really uncomfortable,  let your host(s) know. Usually the pets can be kept elsewhere for a while.

-US Americans are open about disagreements on particular issues. If they disagree with you about something, it is not considered wrong for them to indicate so.  Again try not to be offended.

-It is not usually acceptable to ask about their ages, how much money they make, how much does the home cost or why they have no children. [HALLELUJAH!!! I think we should send these tips to ALL HUMANS...well, the last one anyway.] 

 -In order to make you more comfortable, your host(s) may joke with you. Try not to be offended by this. If it bothers you, let your hosts know you don’t understand this joking. [Oh God help me. I am the WORST at making awful jokes when I'm nervous. Bless these students that have to live with me....]

In the email to the host families, they give us helpful tips about what kinds of foods to maybe keep on hand, what household things to explain (apparently the American system of shower curtains and sheets/blankets on beds can be particularly confusing to Chinese students?), and other things like that. I love reading through the emails, but I can't decide if it makes me more or less nervous!! I feel like a have a lot of research and planning to do before they arrive...I want to make their stay as comfortable and fun as possible, but I'm not exactly sure how to go about things. 

Anyway. So...if you happen to be Chinese, or know a lot about Chinese culture...give me your tips!! Also, how do you think the Chinese men will feel when they are subject to watching the Bachelorette finale (or second-to-last show, can't figure it out right now) on their 3rd night in America? WELCOME TO AMERICA, BOYS! HERE'S HOW WE ROLL!!!

tears. and makeup.

One of the girls I work with cracks me up talking about her small group (home group, community group, whatever you prefer to call it) sometimes. She doesn't like the one she's in this semester, and her main reason is that nobody cries. According to her, the quality of a (all-female, presumably) small group is measured by how frequent and abundant the tears are. After all, tears indicate people are being vulnerable, sharing, growing...all the things that make a good small group. If no one's crying, no one's growing, my friend says. 

I couldn't help but think of this last night at my own small group. The one where pretty much every single person was crying multiple times throughout the night. This must be a DAMN good small group. LOOK HOW MUCH WE CRY!!! It was a beautiful thing and it made my heart happy. We're reading and discussing this book 

 and it's really good. And tear-inducing, apparently. So anyway. If your small group needs to kick it up a notch, may I recommend this book? Or just join my group. Guaranteed greatness.

After group ended, one of my friends managed to convince me to go to Target with her to help her shop makeup. You can imagine how much convincing this took. I really hate shopping for makeup. Ha. Anyway, I must have done a good job because within 20 minutes she was begging for me to take her on a field trip to the nearest Sephora (an hour away) to show her how to really makeup shop. What can I say? I'm like that corner drug dealer your parents warned you about, only my drug is overpriced makeup and my trench coat is a cute orange purse.

Yesterday was a good day. This morning after dressing, I looked in the mirror and knew that if my dad saw me today he would say "Gig 'em!! Hooowah!!" (or however you spell out that noise that Aggie people make) I would feel weird posting outfit pictures two days in a row, so you'll just have to guess what I'm wearing. I'll give you a clue, though. It involves this super fab maroon dress I got on SUPER MEGA ULTRA CLEARANCE at Banana Republic a few weeks ago. Then I got to work and the first song that came on my Pandora station was Michael Buble's Save the Last Dance for Me and I love that song and I'm not gonna lie- I think it's going to be a great day today.

it's not exactly a manic monday

This was not supposed to be how my glorious First (Week) Day of Thanksgiving Break was supposed to go. Let me tell you how it was supposed to go:

Sleep in til 10 or so. Spend an hour or so lounging, drinking coffee, etc. Get dressed in a cute and leisurely fashion. Go to Athens and enjoy Thanksgiving potluck at Matt's work for lunch. Walk across downtown and get a long-overdue haircut. Go to the gym. Make dinner. Depart for Atlanta (~9pm) to pick up sis- and bro-in-law from airport.

Here's how it's actually going:

Wake up at 6am unable to breathe. Discover your annoying cough from last night is now of the terrible, deep, chest-y variety. Discover you've lost your voice. And your throat hurts. Get up, take cough medicine, allergy medicine, asthma medicine, and blow nose 200 times. Curse yourself for not remembering to buy cough drops at the store yesterday. Find yourself unable to go back to sleep, so get up again and make coffee for yourself and husband and crash on the couch with the laptop. Tell husband you probably won't make it to lunch. Get mad because the haircut that was easily procrastinated a whole year now feels extremely urgent, but probably won't happen today. Write a whiney blog, inexplicably using the third person for an entire paragraph. Blame it on the aforementioned medications.

Whew. Well now that I've got THAT out of my system, let's move on to more interesting other matters.

1. Colleen posted a blog today about "Keeping the Holiday Bitter at Bay" and it really resonated with me. This is my fourth holiday season in the infertility club-- my senior year, if you will. (Only time will tell if I go on to graduate this year, or start straight in on Infertility Grad School. I wonder how long it takes to get a PhD in this crap?) I'm a seasoned pro, right? Unfortunately, that probably won't make it any easier. What does make it easier is the amount of fellow fertility-challenged friends' phone numbers I've collected over the years. I've sent many a panicked text in the midst of holiday (who am I kidding...ANY day) emotional meltdowns to other ladies who know exactly what I'm feeling...and it makes me feel SO much better and less alone. Anyway. That's my tip for today: when bitterness starts taking over, text someone who can be bitter with you!

2. I was going to get my hair cut today and it was going to look awesome. So right now, imagine that this is me showing you a picture of my new 'do. It is perfection. And then you tell me I look just like Zooey Deschanel except way cuter!! And I humbly thank you for your kind words.

3. In a complete contrast to what #1 would have you believe, last night I had an absolutely amazing time at my church's annual Thanksgiving dinner/party. In addition to lots o' food, I took my Big Girl Camera with me last night, thinking I could spend time taking (ok- attempting to take) beautiful food pictures, candid pictures of people having fun, etc. As it turned out, though, I actually took exactly ZERO pictures and never even took my phone out of my purse because I was actually-- wait for it-- having so much fun just BEING there and chatting with people, I never wanted to stop to do something else. I know I probably sound like a jerk that this even surprises me, but it is what it is. Big social gatherings like this can often be really lonely situations when everyone is focused on kids and plans and other things that just generally serve to remind me of what I don't have. So over the years I've developed various coping mechanisms, like being that girl texting in the corner (see #1!), or wandering around taking pictures. Or being stuck like glue to Matt. And last night I did NONE of those things! I was so thankful for good conversation with lots of different folks, and honestly not hardly a minute of my usual angstiness. Thank You God for that-- I really needed a wonderful night of enjoying the people I love. And I got it. Hallelujah. :)

4. I've tried TWO Pinterest tips lately that have been majorly successful-- and FREE! I'd be remiss not to share:

Source: thecraftpatch.blogspot.com.au via Erika on Pinterest

So this "miracle tub cleaner" made by mixing equal parts dish soap and vinegar? TOTALLY WORKS. And even though every single tutorial swears you must use the BLUE DAWN dish soap...well, I decided to give it a whirl with what I had on hand, which happened to be purple Palmolive. And it still worked like a boss. And trust me, I had high expectations because I HATE cleaning tubs and I LOVE buying cleaning products (don't judge me). And it blew me away that this worked better than any product I've ever bought (and I've bought them all) and required absolutely none of my brute strength. I'm a fan for life.

Secondly, I was sucked in by the amazing testimonials of people swearing by the Oil Cleansing method for skincare. I have horrible, awful skin. For a few years it was slightly better (although never good), but for the last six months or so it has become really bad again. I've tried as many different products as I've been able to afford. Nothing's helped. This method is cheap-to-free and sorta made sense the way it was described, so I decided to try. I haven't been able to locate any cold-pressed castor oil, so I've been using a mixture of jojoba oil I had on hand and EVOO. I've been doing it for 4 nights, and so far I must say-- I'm impressed. I'll give it another week or so and if I keep being impressed, maybe I'll show you some before-and-afters. Maybe. Except I forgot to take before pictures. But I took some a few months ago before starting a different (VERY EXPENSIVE AND OVERHYPED) product, which didn't do anything at all for me, so I figure that those "befores" look pretty much exactly like I did on Thursday since nothing's really changed in the months since I took them.

5. I have three unwatched episodes of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on the DVR and you better believe I'll be making good use of this sick day and spending some quality time with my favorite rich girls. 

6. My Canadian blogger pal Natasha sent me a big ol' box of Canadian junk food that I received on Friday. This was amazing because a) I freakin' got a big ol' box of junk food, and b) it's Canadian junk food, which is most definitely healthier than American junk food. So far I have basically devoured two coffee/chocolate candy bars and a bag of dill pickle-flavored chips. And I've marveled at how things are written in English and French on all of the packaging. FRENCH! I didn't even know anyone KNEW that language anymore, much less labeled packages with it (except for maybe in France, of course). My whole world revolves around English and Spanish, so I just assumed everyone else's did, too. Oh you funny neighbors to the north with your funny choices in second languages.

That's all I've got. Off to watch some Really Important TV, scrutinize my skin in the mirror, and think about how awesome my hair will look when I get it cut. Busy day!

awarded!

Hello, holiday weekend people. You may recall that for me, it's not merely a three-day weekend... it's a five-day weekend. Which is approximately one million times better than a three-day weekend. Approximately. And I have been enjoying it thoroughly. Especially if "enjoyment of weekend" can be measured in "number of pictures taken on phone and Big Girl Camera." Which it can, in my book.

But first! Last week, Brittnie from A Joy Renewed tagged me with the Kreativ Blogger award. Thanks, Brittnie! 

In accepting the award (which I do...although sometimes I really have to work to maintain any semblance of creativity...and I ALWAYS try to avoid SPELLING "creatively," aka "INCORRECTLY," as this award would imply...), I am supposed to list 10 random facts about myself and then tag five more people to get the award. But here's the thing. I really struggle with thinking of random facts that a dedicated blog-reader wouldn't already know. Because I've been doing this blog-gig for what, four years? So is there really anything worth knowing left that I haven't shared (okay, the answer is YES, but I can't just spill it all right now or then no one would ever want to come back, right? Gotta hold SOME things back...)? Possibly not. Also I just shared eleven random things a few months ago. If you're new here, you can go review those facts and feel enlightened. Ha. So I'm going to take some liberties here and combine my "10 random facts" with 10 random photos from my weekend that otherwise probably wouldn't make it onto the blog, since they're kind of...well, random. So this is Erika, going all Kreativ on the blog award! And...go!

(PS. If you follow me on Instagram...sorry for the repeats.)


1. While walking Lola on Friday morning, I happened upon this house in our neighborhood.

Sorry to offend your eyes with all that nasty grass weeds, but the house is empty (abandoned? Foreclosed? Your guess is as good as mine, but it's been looking like this for months). But lo and behold, what do we spy right up there next to that front window? A FREAKIN GREAT HYDRANGEA. Am I the only one having flashbacks to last year's question of legality?? Mind you, this is a different house, and if I were to do what I did last year, it would be MUCH more out in the open...but I guess the question is re-opened for another season. Should I do it? 


Random fact you can learn as a result of this picture: I am not above stealing borrowing flowers.


2. Speaking of hydrangeas...

 On Friday, Matt and I met my parents in a nearby small town (Madison) for lunch and to swap off doggies (we're watching theirs while they go on vacation). Matt and I got there a little early and wandered around downtown. We found a church with a veritable FIELD of hydrangeas in their front yard and spent a good 30 minutes playing photographer and lusting after the beauty. I took the above pic and was pretty proud of my focus-in-the-front/blurry-in-the-back thing I had going on (in a semi-manual Aperture-priority setting). 


Random fact you can learn as a result of this picture: I am obsessed with hydrangeas. And taking the training wheels off my camera.


3. Same place, different picture...

 This is me, figuring out if there was any way to just LIVE THERE in that little grove. That would be my happy place.


Random fact you can learn as a result of this picture: I am obsessed with hydrangeas. Probably too much.



4. We ate lunch at a really cute and yummy place called Madison Chop House Grille. We sat on the porch because it was nice outside, and also we did not want the dogs to bake alive in the car. I ordered a fruity cocktail because I felt like it, and because Dad was paying. :)

Random fact you can learn as a result of this picture: The drink was great, so I wrote down the ingredients so that I can be sure to order something like it again in the near future! Coconut rum; Dekuyper razzamatazz liqueur; pineapple, cranberry, and orange juices. And yes, the word "razzamatazz" is like 80% of the reason I ordered it. Such a fabulous word! 

 5. Then I ordered a fried green tomato sandwich (complete with bacon, ranch dressing, and buttered, toasted sourdough bread) and my life was complete and I declared "I WILL NEVER LEAVE THE SOUTH, NEVER!!!!"

 Random fact you can learn as a result of this picture: I am fickle about moving. And I need to work out at least 11 times this week. Sigh.

 6. My mom gave me a new bracelet as a thank-you for keeping the dogs.

 She also replenished my stock of bracelets to sell. There are so many great ones!!


Random fact you can learn as a result of this picture: My mom makes jewelry and I sell it for her. To people with more discretionary income than I. :) Check out her stuff...
if you live in Athens, you can see it (and buy it!) live and in person via me!

7. On Saturday, I made this really yummy recipe for lunch:

 And it's all veggies from my garden or my co-op box! Basically a grilled tortilla, grilled veggies, a pesto-mayo sauce (super easy), sprinkled in cheese and grilled again. Easy and YUMMY!


Random fact you can learn as a result of this picture: I love veggies. Especially the ones I grew.


8. On Saturday night, Matt and I went miniature golfing at Pirate's Cove Adventure Golf
in Atlanta. We are big fans of pirates.

 Random fact you can learn as a result of this picture: I WON. By 8 strokes (on a 27 hole course). Considering I'm the self-proclaimed "worst mini-golfer ever"...I don't know what that makes Matt. :)


9. This is the only picture of that adventure that I will be posting of myself.

 Random fact you can learn as a result of this picture: I thought I looked fat in all the other pictures. Sigh. Sucks to be a self-conscious girl!


10. Today was my church's last day in our current building. It was very bittersweet. I will miss a lot about that building, but am excited for what's ahead. The room looks a little crazy in this picture because we're mid-move, but whatever. I wanted to get some shots of our last day.

 Random fact you can learn as a result of this picture: I sing in the band. I bet most of you actually DIDN'T know that, so...there! A true random fact. :) Bonus fact you can learn: I wear that purple dress all the time. See picture # 3 above for proof.



And there you have it. If you survived to the end, congratulations. Hopefully you aren't judging me too badly for re-wearing clothes all weekend and contemplating another summer of flower-borrowing.

Happy Memorial Day! I'm off to finish a Memorial Day-themed craft I started on Friday! If it turns out looking non-crazy, perhaps I'll share the finished product tomorrow!