299.5

Well hello, world...how ya been?

(2 points if you caught the Lady A reference. Anyone? Anyone? No, I'm all alone in my country music world over here? Okay, fine.)

I didn't mean to disappear like that. It's just that a) I set myself up for failure by pointing out that my next blog was going to be #300 and it had to be spectacular...how am I EVER going to decide what is spectacular enough to constitute that blog? And until I do...I can't write? This is miserable. So just tonight, in the shower, I decided that I'm pretty sure Blogger is counting several unfinished/unposted drafts in their 'official count'...and since they never posted, they shouldn't really count...so I hereby deem this my 299th and a HALF blog, with the option to later this week have a 299th and three-quarters blog, and so on. Anything to prolong my indecisiveness about #300. There you have it.

b) (did you even remember I was listing reasons I've been absent? No?)...I have a limited number of hours minutes that are not consumed by 1)commuting, 2)working, 3)changing flat tires obtained while doing #s 1 and 2, 4)Taco Tuesdays that our WHOLE FAMILY has started attending, 5)working out, or 6)sleeping. And then I made the fatal error of deciding to start reading this book:  

source

...and if you've read it and you are human, then you understand how extremely hilarious and riveting the book is and you will agree that it is certainly the best way I could be spending my free time in the evenings. And you will also hopefully understand that Tina Fey is my hero pretty much the funniest person ever and writes this book like it's the funniest blog ever...which is why my blog-reading-and-writing has suffered. I'm sorry. Don't take it personally, but you're just not as funny as Tina. And neither am I. Although I hope to be, because I plan on copying her style and her voice. I'm sure I'm not the first blogger to come up with this idea, either.

And I'm not done with the book yet, so don't give away any surprise endings or anything...but if you've read it and feel like I do, you should tell me so that we can bond over that. And so I'll know that you understand what it's like to not want to do anything but lay on the couch and read this book with a scary cover.

So, other than being busy, eating tacos, getting flat tires, and stressing out over blog #300...nothing much new over this-a-way.

Oh. Tonight I kicked my dog. REALLY HARD. I felt really bad. She should have known better, though. I was talking on the phone and simultaneously practicing grand battements. Don't think I'm going to fail my parents by letting 13 years of ballet lessons go to waste. No way. Anyway, Lola had the nerve to walk behind me and catch the upswing of my battement. Right in the ribcage. I don't think anything is broken, although she acted like the world was ending. I can't blame her. Have you seen my calves*? I'd be scared to get kicked by them, too. So...sorry, Lola. Not really your night, hun.

Well...this is fun and all, but Tina's calling. I am still accepting ideas for my #300 blog. Make 'em good and maybe I won't have to wait another week before writing again. Goodnight and sorry there's no Way Back When-sday tonight. Consider those tidbits about ballet to be your flashback for the week. Goodnight!

*Don't think I'm being conceited. I (and every other female member of my family)'ve had extremely manly muscular calves my whole life. I'm sure the years of dancing helped them along, but then the next 12 years of not dancing and/or moving much at all didn't do anything to help them go away...so large and in charge they remain. I avoid calve (calf?? what the heck is the singular of calves??)-specific exercises like the plague, in fear that they will grow even LARGER and will be bigger than my thighs and my legs will look upside-down and I will not be able to wear pants or boots. THESE are the fears that plague me.