chosen

Sooo...I need to confess something.

I've sorta been keeping a secret from you. I've been debating whether to share. When to share. How to share. Whether sharing will somehow jinx me, even though Amanda reminds me that our God is not a God of jinxes-- and I'm repeating that to myself twenty times a day.

But this verse keeps popping back into my head, uninvited, out of nowhere:

"Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15)

And I feel like we've done our share of weeping around here. Way more than our share. For the last few years, this (both my blog and the community of women I've met through it) has been such a safe place- a place of support, of kindness, of love. A place where so many of you-- STRANGERS, even!!-- have promised your prayers and offered kind words and cried with me. We've done our time weeping. So it only seems fair to share the happiness, too. Even if I'm scared. Even if I fear that more weeping could come in the future. Why shouldn't we take a few minutes and be happy when...well, when there is cause for happiness?

And there is cause for great happiness, my friends.

We have been chosen.

Matched.

We're going to be bringing home a baby.

There is a pregnant mother right now and she chose us. She likes us. She told me with her own mouth-- when I saw you, I knew. You have been waiting far too long and now it's over. Your baby will be here soon.

And in five years of infertility and two years of pursuing adoption, we've never heard that. We've never had our hearts fill with love and fear as we contemplate being parents in two short months. We've never gotten to tell our parents that they're going to be grandparents, and our siblings that they're going to be aunts and uncles. We've never had to tell our bosses that we're going on maternity/paternity leave, or registered for cribs, or analyzed the virtues of various formulas. But now we have.

And we are so, so, SO happy. 

And of course, terrified-- not of impending parenthood, but that it could all fall apart. And it could. We're not naive. And so the fear of that happening was almost enough to make us want to keep it under wraps. But you know what?

"Be happy with those who are happy..."

Because (big shocker) we really, really want and hope and pray and believe that this will work out. That a baby girl will be joining our family right in time for the holidays. And when she does, we want to be able to tell her how excited we were to meet her. How many people love her already. How she has been prayed for, fist-pumped over, and delighted in even before she was born. I won't deprive her of the right to be loved and anticipated before she's born. This could be our only child, who knows? I would hate to waste her pre-birth days in fear. I want her to know beyond any shadow of a doubt that she is infinitely valuable and loved. By God, and by a million people- some people she'll one day meet in the flesh, and many she never will. But her life will be beautiful and I want to celebrate it now. 

We are so, so happy. Feel free to join us.

Turns out this was our babymoon! Who knew?

Matt y Erika...and finally, at long last...a baby. December 2013.

 Bless the Lord, O my soul.