Wednesday, December 11, 2013

confessions: Christmas ed.

I have declared today to be a special CHRISTMAS CONFESSIONS day. And I don't have a lot, but what I do have...well, it could be bad enough that you cyber-divorce me. And my blog. But I can't keep living a lie. I won't.

Confession #1:

I hate black and white movies.

And this includes all black and white movies. Even...


Yeah. Sorry. I know it's a sweet story and all, and it's a classic, and everybody loves it, but IT IS BLACK AND WHITE!! It hurts my eyes. I can't tell what's happening. The people talk funny and the sound is weird. I fall asleep. I'm sorry!! 

I've watched It's a Wonderful Life probably three or four times anyway, despite my prejudices. And I I'm gonna say it. Guard your eyes if you hold old b&w movies as something sacred...

I wish they would re-make the movie. In color. With modern technology and sound.

God bless ol' Jimmy and Donna, they were wonderful...but I just think the movie could reach more people today if it didn't freaking hurt my eyes to look at it.

Matt hates this particular quality of mine (why can't he just find it endearing?). He always jokes that I won't watch a movie if it's more than a decade old. He's mostly right, but still-- must he rub it in my face? I can't help it. Old movies make me feel uncomfortable and nervous. And they hurt my eyes. It's a physical affliction. You can't judge a girl for that.


I believed in Santa for an inappropriately, awkwardly long time. To an embarrassingly old age (the particulars of which I'm not at liberty to disclose). The thing is, I thought no one knew. I knew none of my friends believed in Santa-- whatev. I could laugh about it with them while secretly still believing myself. I have an inordinately large capacity for hope and optimism...which has generally served me well in life, but definitely manifested itself in the ability to believe in Santa WAY TOO LONG. But like I said- I thought no one knew.

I was wrong. Apparently EVERYONE KNEW that Really Old Erika still believed in Santa. Luckily for me, they found it strangely endearing (or weird) enough that they played along. For a long time. Apparently (I find this out waaaaay later in in college) it was quite the topic of conversation behind my back! How to respond when I found new 'evidence' of Santa's existence...yeah. Because I was old enough to research things on the internet and I FOUND EVIDENCE SOMETIMES. 

I think that there was a lot of blessing my heart back then. And now. Because once Matt found out about this situation (Matt, who never ever thought there was a Santa, not even when he was like 3...poor deprived child), he made up for lost time. He likes to treat me like I still believe in Santa. He'll ask me the 'tough Santa questions' when we see Santa at the mall. He covers my ears if people are talking about 'playing Santa' with their kids. 

You know what? Whatever. If I want to believe in Santa, I will. But I definitely have a soft spot in my heart for those glorious kids who are like 15 and still believe. If there even are any. I could have been the last one.

(And no, it didn't wreck my life or make me cry or ruin me when I finally came to the conclusion that Santa wasn't real. It was something I just realized on my own one day. It made me a little sad but I didn't like hate my parents or God or whatever alarmists say it is that telling your kids about Santa will do. That's ridiculous. It was totally fine. Then again, I had the coping skills of an adult by that time, so maybe I was better equipped for the let down than a six-year-old is. Who knows.)

If you made it through all that and we can still be friends...hooray!! I'm off to enjoy my last day of being 30!


  1. Hooray! Last day of being 30! You should snuggle up with a RECENT movie and a lovely adult beverage to celebrate!

    As to "It's a Wonderful Life"... that is the WORST movie ever! My problem with it isn't that it's in black and white (which is obnoxious) but that... yawn, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the movie, sorry, I fall asleep just thinking about it. It's DEPRESSING! How/why is that a Christmas movie?!? Give me Elf of The Grinch any day!

  2. I don't like its a wonderful life, either. I also don't like A Christmas Story. Or miracle on 34th street. Give me Muppet Christmas Carol and White Christmas. Also, Scroodged.

  3. I am okay with you not liking It's A Wonderful Life but I bet my hubs wouldn't be. It is one of his favorite Christmas movies (next to the ELF, which I find are total opposites).

  4. I honestly believed in Santa later than all my friends...and I pretend believed for a LONG time because I thought the gifts would end. I was like 13 when I finally told my mom that Santa wasn't real.

  5. No black and white movies at all? Not even 'Young Frankenstein'? Surely it would keep you laughing enough to ignore the lack of color.

    I confess I am a little sad that you don't like 'It's A Wonderful Life', just because the theme of the movie so closely resembles what you wrote yesterday. Life throws George a ton of curve balls, but just when he is about to give up, he realizes his life is beautiful. And what I love is that he realizes it before he knows rescue is coming. I know it's not a movie for everyone, but I love the redemption before the redemption, if that makes sense.

    Hope your last day of 30 is great!

  6. I'm not too big on black and white movies either BUT (confession) I got hooked on the Twilight Zone a few years back when they were running a marathon on New Years Day. Maybe I can handle it because each show is only 30 minutes long plus I like to see how each episode turns out.

    Hey I think believe in Santa longer is great, it's a positive thing ya know? I'm all for being positive.

    No cyber-divorce here :)

  7. Here's my confession.....I haven't watched many classic movies. The ones that you mentioned above, Gone with the Wind, The Sound of Music, and a number of others. Luckily, my husband quotes movies all the time so I can play along like I'm a big fan! And I love that you believed in Santa for a long time. Janie has some friends that don't believe and I tell her that Santa doesn't bring presents to those that don't believe so I think she may follow in your footsteps.

  8. Sofia is 10 and is still going strong in her belief of the following: Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and her Elf (Jazzy). I love it! She races in or Facetimes me (if Ive gone to work already) with the location of the elf each morning. She's already planning cookies and milk for Santa.

    I'll encourage this as long as I can! Oh and I can take or leave b&w movies.

  9. I don't really like "It's A Wonderful Life" either. I think I've only seen it once. Maybe. And I agree with whoever asked, "WHY is is a Christmas movie???"

  10. I can agree with you on the B&W movie thing ... Wish I loved 'em, but I just can't do it ... That is the best thing I've read about you believing in Santa still at an "older" age! As long as you weren't devastated when you "found out" that is super neat!!!

  11. Maybe believing in Santa for so long is linked to believing in another old man with a white beard, sitting in the clouds, having a "plan" for all of us little people that often involves suffering and disappointment. It may be time to let go of those fantasies too!
    Although, like with Santa, it's easier to cling to belief for so long because the truth seems a little bleak.

  12. Totally agree with you on the black and white movies... No thanks!

  13. Totally with you - can't do the black and white thing. Brandon really enjoys those old movies and I cannot stand being in the same room for more than like 5 seconds. AWFUL!

  14. I totally thought I was the ONLY person that did not like It's a Wonderful Life... so I have never admitted to anyone out of fear of pitchforks and retaliation. I am so glad there are other people out there that don't like black and white movies!!! I rather read all the classic books anyway!

    My husband was a LATE believer in Santa as well, and it is totally a family joke. The story goes that my father in law had to have a sit down heart to heart with him and explained the real story of the bearded red man. #itwasbad.

    Happy Birthday Eve!

  15. I also believed in Santa for longer than most, and I also laughed along with the non-believers while secretly believing myself... so really I think this is sufficient evidence to prove that awesome people are those who believed in Santa for longer than is socially acceptable. The end.

  16. Our favorite Christmas movies are Elf and Christmas Vacation. No black and white, old time, hard to understand stuff happening here!!! Hmmm...I really want to know how old you were?! My 11 year old won't speak of his belief. I think he fears Santa won't come down our chimney on the 24th!

  17. So great! I believed for a "normal" amount of time, but I was apparently soooo mad at my mom when I found out the truth and could not believe she LIED to me. I did not talk to her for a day! lol

  18. No black and white movies for me either!!! Peter's family likes to watch It's a wonderful life on christmas eve and I always fall asleep!

    Happy birthday eve!!!!

  19. Jesse thinks I lack significant depth because I can't watch movies where everyone speaks in an accent. Except Love Actually and Bridget Jones. But the Brittish version of The Office?? Forget about it.

  20. Happy birthday, Erika! 31 has beat the hell out of 30 for me. Hoping the same for you too.
    And dude, Santa is still kinda real. My mom and I critique the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade Santa harshly and compare him to "the real Santa." (Glasses, absurdly twinkly eyes, very smiley, real beard, on the border between pleasantly plump and kind of fat.)

  21. Ha. In all reality, I believed in Santa for a long time too. Like well into double digits. No shame there. I like to think that it means we like to be positive and believe the best in people….not that parents are lying masterminds. Lol.

  22. This post... 1) Made my day. 2) Made me like you more. Well done, sir. Well done.

  23. I'm with you on the B&W movies, and same goes for silent films as well. Barf. Want to know how I figured out Santa might not be real? I found the letter I had written him in my mom's planner… in June.

  24. I'm not a big fan of B&W movies either. I like some movies from the 80s, lots from the 90s, and lots of current ones too. I just don't like the B&W... I also don't get how it's a Christmas movie. The same with Sound of Music (and I like SOM) but it's not Christmasey but for some reason people consider it a Christmas movie. I'll take Muppets Christmas Carol, The Santa Clause or Elf over those any day.

    I love that you believed in Santa for so long!! I asked my mom about him when I was 8 so I stopped believing then, and although she told me the truth I think it broke her heart so much that she just carried on pretending he was real anyway. She still pretends he's real and her daughters are 25, 27, and 29. We still get presents from Santa, and she still asks us what we got like she genuinely does not know. It's cute and it keeps the spirit of Santa alive.

  25. I also don't like black and white movies with two exceptions: It's a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th st (I actually hate the remake of that one.) My mom and I would always watch them together and when I moved away we would call each other to say when either one of those movies were on. Those are really special memories for me.

    Oh, and I totally believed in Santa for too long as well. I know I figured it out, but I had proof when I found the special Santa paper one summer when I needed to wrap a birthday present


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