Friday, January 24, 2014

broken. for real this time.

"I'm broooooken."

These words are commonly heard around our house. Matt and I are nothing if not dramatic about pain.

"Broken" can refer to the pain from any number of physical ailments, from paper cuts to sunburns to car wreck injuries to surgery recovery. But no matter how bad our current physical state is, you can bet we're whining to one another about how broooooken we are (and implicit in that statement is the fact that due to our brokenness, the other person needs to make dinner/walk the dog/get up and turn the lights off/fetch a glass of water/whatever is really hard to accomplish in a broken state).

But today? Today I am really broken. I even made a map of my brokenness to prove my point.


Yeah I know- I did that all by myself! Please appreciate how I mostly stayed in the lines.

If it's purple, it hurts. The darker purple, the more it hurts.

BROKEN.

Thankfully, today's current state of ultra-brokenness isn't due to any recent tragedies. Only a tragedy of judgment.

A few weeks ago I took a new class at the gym that was billed as a "high intensity interval training" class. Sounds good. Whatever, right? The class was pretty brutal. I remember being in excruciating pain for like 97% of it (in other words, 3% of the warm-up was bearable). I almost cried on my friend Tiffany's shoulder at the conclusion (and also faintly recall scolding her for dragging me there in the first place). 

But as the days passed and I regained my ability to walk again, I started liking the class. In retrospect. I was telling Matt all about it, incorporating some of the exercises we did into future workouts, and somewhere in my brain, I started thinking of the class in a rosy light. So last night I thought I'd do it again.

I'm guessing this is similar to surviving childbirth or something. You know it's the worst thing in the whole universe, but eventually the pain fades and at some point you start thinking you should do it again? Something like that.

But then you do it again and OH MY GOSH ARE YOU INSANE ARE YOU KIDDING ME WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THIS ON PURPOSE?!??!

Before class started, as we were gathering our materials, the instructor commented for the newbies (not me, I'm a veteran now, right?!) that this was a "tabata-style" workout. Hmmm. Tabata, you say? I've heard that word before. I seem to recall some really fit preppy bloggers preaching about Tabata. But I didn't really know what it was. I thought it was the brand name of some workout class or something. So I tucked the word away in my brain as class started, reminding myself to Google it later. If I could ever move again, that is, of course.

We'll fast-forward through 60 minutes of excruciating pain and tears, hating life and the instructor, and thinking that never ever exercising again and having to be featured on that TLC show about people who weigh 800 pounds and can't leave their hospital beds would PROBABLY BE PREFERABLE TO FINISHING THIS CLASS.

I did, though. Finish. I may never walk again, BUT I FINISHED.

After getting home, "I'm brooooken"-ing myself through dinner prep and dish duties, and collapsing onto the couch, I decided to Google Tabata

And for once in my life, Googling something actually made me feel a lot, LOT better about life.

Feel free to look it up yourself (or click the link above, it goes to the results page). According to...like, all the Google results, which we can summarize as EVERYONE ON EARTH, Tabata is basically the hardest workout method known to mankind. Like, look at those headlines! One of them says "Tabata- the four-minute workout that can replace your hour-long run." For SERIOUS?!?! Because let's be honest, I can only run for about....9 minutes. So do your fancy math and you'll see that I should only be able to Tabata for about 13 seconds.

BUT I SURVIVED AN HOUR-LONG TABATA CLASS!!!

Twice.

So you know what? I earned my 'broken' status this time. This is no stubbed toe. This is legit pain. I'm just clueless and dumb enough to have survived a workout WAY above my fitness-level and lived to tell...I'm proud of that.

So if you see me in a wheelchair, now you know why. If you want to experience a taste of the pain yourself, it looks like there are tons of Tabata videos available on YouTube for you to work out with. And if you're super ultra sadistic and want to suffer with me live and in person...I'll see you next Thursday at 5:30. If I can walk. 

27 comments:

  1. So what I gather is that the only things that don't hurt right now are your boobs and your brain. Nicely done! :-)

    I've never heard of this Tabata nonsense, but I think it's safe to say that I will not be participating in any such thing any time soon (or ever). You sound about like me the first time I tried P90X plyometrics -- holy moly, I truly could not walk or sit down on the toilet for A WEEK!!!

    Way to go, though! Just keep your eye on the prize--you'll have the best bod on the beach if you guys have any awesome getaways planned for this summer! Beauty is pain, or something like that, right?

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  2. good for you for sticking it out and going back! those are my favorite workout classes because you feel so accomplished at the end. we have one like that at our gym and it's called 'ripped' and i usually have to choose between zumba (which is easier) and ripped and when i chose ripped I always feel so good about myself afterwards. i hope you can walk soon. happy friday!

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  3. Whoa - that is awesome! Good for you (although I'm taking this as a PSA to STAY AWAY from a Tabata class). :)

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  4. Umm, at least your boobs don't hurt?!? Looking for the silver lining.... that sounds incredibly horrendous and I'm not sure I would have survived 13 seconds. I would have either faked injury or pretended I was suppose to be in a different class.. you know, like yoga, one where no one dies of oxygen depravation. Glad you're still alive!

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  5. I've never even heard of Tabata? Guess I know what to avoid now!

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  6. I was going to say at least your boobs are pain free:)

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  7. I LOVE tabata workouts... but you know how everyone says it will get "easier"... they DON'T... they are always hard, well at least for me.

    I am curious about your fingers? I am pretty sure my fingers have never been really sore...

    Happy Friday

    and that workout totally earns you extra queso and margaritas this weekend!

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    1. HAHA totally forgot to explain my fingers. Those are unrelated to tabata. Just have horribly chapped and cracking fingers due to the cold/handwashing. :) But they still hurt, so it counts, right?? ;)

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  8. I love your blog. I'm sitting here trying not to laugh aloud so I don't wake the little boy that I watch. Too funny!

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    1. Thank you!! :) But if he DID wake up, I'm sure he would understand the seriousness of the pain of working out...

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  9. You go girl! You are a powerhouse...you're a force to be reckoned with if only you could lift your arms above your waist!
    Oh and I'm thrilled you're not experiencing brokenness in your chest. Haha!

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  10. Erika, you ARE scary!!!! I wouldn't want to meet you in a dark ally. Unless my arms were full of freshly made cotton candy... and then I'd take the chance.

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  11. I've never heard of it and now I know to run fast in the other direction if anyone asks if I want to do it!!!!!! You are awesome!!!!!!

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  12. I know that pain from the one time I tried CrossFit.....ouch!!!! The fingers cracked me up. Use that stretch machine thing, if you can. And a warm bath...I think that may be my new go to remedy!

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  13. I've never heard of this Tabata workout, but now I know what to avoid if/when I ever go a gym again. You're a total bad ass, that's all I have to say.

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  14. That's the best kinda pain!!! Good job!!

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  15. If you keep this up, you're going to be really ripped (or really broken) and then your co-workers really WILL have a reason to fear you.

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  16. First let me say that your drawing is far superior than my artistic abilities, so kudos for that. Second, I have a love/hate relationship with being sore after a workout. I love knowing that I did indeed have a fantastic workout that will help get me the results I want. I hate having to do things like stairs, or sitting down, because I think my legs are going to give out and I'll end up on the floor. Mad props to getting through that workout (twice)!

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  17. I too have never heard of the Tabata workout & second all with the "mad props Erika" for getting out there. Wow!

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  18. Sadly I cannot relate to this post because oh let's see. . . I haven't worked out hard enough to actually be SORE in oh let's see . . . aproximately 5 years. Super impressed with your skills though!

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  19. haha! This is my favorite class! :) Ours is called "bootcamp" but it's lots of Tabata style workouts, or incorporating "workout of the day" style stuff (30 burpees, 40 situps, 50 squats, 60 box jumps, REPEAT ONE THOUSAND TIMESSSS). But, girl, no doubt this kind of workout changes your body :) good work!

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  20. What I love about this is you're going again this next week! That cracks me up! My hubby and I just ordered a high intensity training something or other. HAHA, the only reason I'm doing it because my sister is a coach and said it would make me feel better about life. I'm sure it will, but there is something nice about putting pj's on after work instead of working out for an hour. :) We'll see how it goes! Good luck girl, way to go! Hopefully you will be able to walk a little better after the next time. :) XOX

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  21. I love your blog posts! They always make me laugh! Therefore, you won the sun shiny award!! No trophy, no money, no flowers...just a big ol' CONGRATS! Check it out here ;) I can't wait to read your random facts. hehe

    http://waitingforbabybird.com/2014/01/26/its-a-sunny-day/

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  22. Noooooooooooop. There is no way I would go back for seconds. OUCH.

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  23. This sounds insane! You are either crazy or really awesome.

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