Wednesday, January 15, 2014

How to Feel Like a Grown-Up

Despite the fact that my birthdate tells me otherwise, sometimes I forget that I'm not a college student still. Does this happen to you? Like...I'm at the gym, surrounded by sweaty blonde sorority girls and I find myself thinking that these are my people. I am one of them. And then it always comes as kind of a shock that they're probably not thinking the same about me. When it comes down to it, I probably have more in common with their moms than I do with them. That's scary. 

But there's nothing wrong with being a grown-up. In fact, there are a lot of perks. And (except for those occasional moments during gym classes when I forget) for the most part, I finally feel like a legit grown-up. For awhile there, in my mid-to-late-twenties, I felt like an imposter most of the time. Like...my age and job both declared me an adult, but I didn't really feel like one...like I imagined that 'real' grown-ups felt like grown-ups. And I just...didn't.

But I've been doing some thinking and assessing, and I think I've identified some of the key components that contribute to me feeling like a grown-up (as opposed to a very elderly teenager). Because I think we can all agree that being a grown-up is awesome-- after all, we spent the first 18 or so years of our lives pretending we were grown-ups-- I figured I'd share some of the elements that I've deemed critical to Feeling Like a Successful Grown-up. 

[Point number one should probably be that you stop using the word 'grown-up' and start saying 'adult.' Obviously I'm failing there...but I feel like there's a distinction. 'Adult' seems more objective, like it's a fact based on age and not at all up for discussion: if you're over 18, you're an adult. Period. But being a 'grown-up' seems more open for interpretation. So I'll stick with that.]

(these are in no particular order)


1. Wear lipstick.




Sorry, do I talk about makeup too much? Maybe. But here's the thing-- teenagers and college students don't tend to wear lipstick. I only started wearing it with much regularity myself in the past year, and I must say: when I'm wearing lipstick, I feel like a grown-up. I feel more pulled together, more confident...I feel like a better version of myself. It's a strange correlation, but it's distinctly different from just wearing lightly-colored glosses, which I've been doing since high school. I suggest you give it a whirl.

2. Make a budget and live on it.

I've been doing this since we got married and I must say-- it makes me feel successful. Even if you don't have much money- knowing where it's going and being the boss of it is empowering. I love being a successful budgeter-- it definitely separates the grown-ups from the college-kids-living-on-Daddy's-bottomless-money. 

3. Learn how to order drinks (both coffee and alcoholic) with confidence.

When I was a little kid, I was amazed at how complicated it seemed to order a drink in a restaurant-- and at how easily my mom answered all their tricky follow-up questions. She didn't order drinks often, but when she did, it was a margarita. And when they asked if she wanted it frozen or on the rocks, she had a quick answer. What kind of tequila? Had an answer for that, too. Salt on the rim? Yes. She didn't waver, didn't have to think about it-- she knew. I respected that. Making an order at Starbucks can be equally confusing to the uninitiated. I feel successful when I can order a drink with confidence. Bonus points if I don't get carded.

 4. Become an expert on a health condition.

It could be one you're personally afflicted with or one that a loved one suffers from. Maybe you're a caregiver for someone with it. Whatever it is-- get good at speaking the language of that condition. Meet other people who speak that language. Obviously my condition of choice (or not) is infertility. There's a certain sense of accomplishment that I get when I have a conversation with someone that the uninitiated would think was all in code. The procedures, the acronyms, the drug names-- I feel smart when I can carry on a conversation of intelligence with a friend or doctor and know what I'm talking about. I definitely couldn't have done this in college.

5. Plan and fund your own vacation.

I felt like a super legit adult the first time Matt and I did this


Our view from the cruise ship- September 2009
We budgeted. Then we planned. Then we got our documents in order. Then we made work arrangements, got a house sitter, and showed up at the right place at the right time. And although I've been quite blessed to have nice vacations all throughout my life-- the first time it was because I planned it (and footed the bill)?? It was something special. We've gone on several great vacations since then, and each time-- there's an extra bit of enjoyment knowing that I was the one making it happen....which obviously means I'm a grown-up.

6. Know what's going on.

During college I lived in a bubble. I knew what was going on with my friends in my world...but not much else. I didn't read the paper or watch the news much. Facebook wasn't around, so no one alerted me to whatever heinous political things were taking place. I was pretty insulated. Maybe that isn't the case for college kids now, what with their fancy phones and all...but I started feeling very adult when I started realizing that there was more to the world than me and the things that directly affected me. I still don't actually watch the news much, but I peruse a newspaper almost every day (online, of course) and feel like I generally have some sense of what's going on in the world. I'm much better at keeping up with current events in pop culture and entertainment, but it's a similar principle: being aware of what's going on allows you to connect with other people and not feel lost during 'water cooler talk.' 

7. Be someone's go-to 'expert' about something.

I really enjoy this one. Pick something you like and are reasonably good at and build a reputation on it. Be the one people call when they have a question about ______. It's fun! It makes you feel like you have something to contribute to the world! My current 'expert' statuses are mostly grammar, infertility, and makeup. Nothing thrills me more than a random grammar inquiry via text or someone coming to me wanting advice on how to be a friend to their sister dealing with infertility. And I similarly love knowing exactly who I'm going to call when I need someone to explain something football-related in terms I can understand (Mollyanne) or I need a book recommendation to suit a very particular mood (Colleen). 

8. Get interested in something you used to make fun of your parents for liking.

You know you've really arrived at grown-up-hood when you realized that you've turned into your (younger, much cooler) mom or dad. When I started getting excited about weeding the flower beds and actually chose to spend money on plants...I knew I was there. Who is this weird girl and why is she suddenly obsessed with her yard??? Oh, it's just Grown-Up Erika, reeking strongly of her mother. It's okay. My mom is awesome and so is her yard. Maybe your parents played bridge or bird-watched for fun. You probably spent years mocking them with your siblings. Don't worry. Your day will come, too. And when it does, embrace it. And order up a margarita-- with confidence.


39 comments:

  1. Great post! What lipstick are you wearing in the top right pic? Love it!

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    1. Come on, who do you think I am, a fashion/beauty blogger??! Uhhhh...seriously I have no idea. :) But thank you!!

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  2. I sooooo wish I could pull off lipstick but I've just never been able to do it. Maybe I need a consultant! Love #8 too..... I'll have to think on what that could be.:)

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  3. A great big giant YES to number eight! The first time I dropped over $100 on plants and was SO EXCITED about it... Taking care of the yard (flower beds, veggie garden, mulch, compost...) definitely makes me feel like a grown-up!

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  4. I love this post. I really need to work on 1, 3 (alcoholic variety), 4 and 6. Maybe then I'll start feeling more like a grown-up.

    I also think "Buy (And Maintain) A House" should be on that list because nothing makes you feel like a grown-up like trying to make decisions about blowing insulation into your attic or re-doing your roof.

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    1. That would be a good addition. Sometimes I look at our house and think how did we get all this stuff and make it look like a home.

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    2. YES. Totally should have added this. Cause then you can also budget for and get excited about really expensive, boring purchases (like new HVAC systems)!!

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    3. I completely agree with Natasha! Nothing makes you feel more like a grown up than writing that monthly mortgage every month!

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  5. We were at the movies to see The Hunger Games and there were a bunch of teens around us. I told Tim that I feel like I'm one of them. I feel like people would be shocked to find out that I'm not in high school and I actually have 2 kids....ha!

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  6. Way to be a grown-up! I mean, adult. I feel that I only do about half of these, so I must be a little behind...

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  7. This is perhaps one of my most favorite posts of yours ever. Seriously, I love everything about this list. While I don't meet all of the requirements to being a grown-up (I don't own the first tube of lipstick...oops), it's still a nice feeling to know that I've (mostly) arrived to real adulthood. It certainly didn't happen over night, and heaven knows I've been pretending to be a grown-up for over a decade now, but I can say with confidence that I am finally there. And believe me, this girl knows how to order a margarita. On the rocks. No salt, please!

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  8. Totally agree with you on the lipstick thing.

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  9. I totally agree with this list, especially ordering drinks.

    I would also add:
    1) You are really sore after group gym exercise classes or a long run
    2) You are super excited to be in bed by 9 pm on a Saturday night
    3) Sleeping late is 8am

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  10. Love this post! Of course, I only do/have done like half of the things on it; so, I'm pretty sure that means I'm not a grown up. But, still. Good list. #ivegottostartwearinglipstick

    Also, can I be a little weird for a second? I've been following your blog for four years (or so), and - seriously - you HAVE become a grown up. Not only do you really know your ish; but, girl, you have just become prettier and prettier and more and more confident in who you are! I love it!

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  11. It's so funny that you posted this today. Yesterday, I was driving to a meeting about an hour and a half away from my house. Naturally I had to stop at the oasis for Starbucks (where I can so order a drink). When I got out of the car, there were a bunch of people leaving wearing pea coats and trenches and such. Obviously work colleagues. I thought, "Wow, they're such grown ups." And then realized I was doing the same exact thing. I am 31. I have a real job and dress appropriately for it. But I still identify other people as "grown ups" which makes my status dubious at best...

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  12. It seems my lovely friend that you are way more grown up than I ☺
    I loved this post Erika.

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  13. Aww, I love being your football expert! Also, I consider you my go-to fashion adviser. We should totally shop together more often. It would be bad for my budget but great for my wardrobe/makeup. Unfortunately, I only scored about a 4.5 out of 8 on your list, so I'm not feeling all that grown up. Then again, running errands with 2 little kids in a college town is a great way to feel ancient, and I do that all the time.

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  14. It is so funny you mentioned "wear lipstick". Just this morning as I was applying my makeup I thought, "Maybe I need to start wearing lipstick and throw out this lip gloss junk?" I will be purchasing some lipstick on my lunch break today! Clearly it is time for me to *gulp* be a grown-up!

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    1. The desire to start wearing lipstick is a very important first step toward grown-up-hood!! Congrats!! :)

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  15. Elderly teenager... that pretty much sums up how I feel 99% of the time. I'm failing on 1 and 6... still got some work to do!

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  16. Wear lipstick!!! I broke the adult commandments already! I need to do that! PS I am glad I'm not the only one that still feels like I'm in college! Ugh! Where has time gone?

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  17. I was just thinking about this subject the other day. I visited my little brother who lives at the University of Arkansas and just felt so old, but I'm not, right? The whole way home I thought about how I got to 25 without growing up at all! I mean people trust me to teach their children, how can that be right? I'm not old enough to do that!

    Number one on my list should probably be move out of mommy and daddy's house. But I think I'll start with the lipstick!

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  18. i need to wear lipstick! I have tried so many times but feel funny! I like to wear Vaseline :) I'm boring. hehe!! You always entertain me with your posts. Keep it up girlie!

    waitingforbabybrid.com

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  19. Love this!

    I have been a 40 year old woman since I was 13. And that does not necessarily make you a cool cat in HS or college. However, the older I get, the more comfortable I feel with myself! :)

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  20. For what it's worth, I think you could still pass for a college student. Also, can you do a blog just about lipsticks?? Thanks so much.

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    1. As I was reading these comments I was think you need to do a post about lipstick, how to start wearing it, how to feel confident wearing it, etc, etc? Help us achieve grown-uphood through lipstick, Erika!!!

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    2. *thinking. Stupid typing too fast on a sticky keyboard.

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  21. Ugh, proof that becoming a "grown-up" is in the making. The lipstick has come out of the drawers and made their way to my purse, or make up stash. Because we work in the youth at church, I would much rather believe I'm still in my youth! Haha, instead I'm learning to cover grey hair, make my eyes look more bright and awake... When we planned and funded our vacation to Mexico I certainly felt accomplished. Being a little more like an adult and less like a kid is kinda fun! Great post girl! Xox

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  22. Phew that was a good list and hopefully one day I can cross all these things off!! But I'm taking my time :)

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  23. There some very impressive points in your blog. I must appreciate your excellent work. I find the blog post very interesting and moreover very informative. I am thinking to write a piece on related topic. Will definitely share it and waiting to read some more interesting blogs from you.

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  24. I love your blog. I seriously look forward to reading your posts. They are well written and very entertaining.
    I like that you focused on the positve side of being a "grown up" becuase it seem slike the older I get the more not fun, unpleasant, and complicated things to deal with on a regular basis (like health insurance documents and life insurance policies and filling out forms that I do not understand!).

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  25. Thank you so much!! I totally agree-- there are plenty enough negative and unpleasant things that come along with adulthood...it's fun to think about the good parts, too!! :)

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  26. SERIOUSLY about the lipstick. Immediate grown-up feeling.

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  27. Great list, but I def haven't hopped on the grown-up lipstick bandwagon… still sporting my vanilla mint chapstick and happily doing so!! I sure could go for a planned/funded vacation right now, though...

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  28. I'm feeling motivated to wear lipstick now. So makeup guru, recommendations please (brand and fave colors.) And obviously I am catching up on blog reading this Friday night. And have you noticed there are like 500 comments on this thread?! Reading and responding to comments must be like a part time job. You should officially be getting paid for blogging now.

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  29. Totally agree with the wearing lipstick tip! Sometimes if I have to rush out the door just running errands and don't have time for makeup, I still put lipstick on and somehow it makes me feel more put together. :)

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  30. This could be totally dorky, but I've decided you need to do a lipstick link up! Lipstick is finally getting the attention is deserves thanks to you. Let's showcase our favorite colors so that people could get an idea of other colors to try. You could even invite your adolescent friends to showcase their lip glosses ;)

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  31. BOO! That "not quiet a 10" comment was actually from me. sigh. shoulda double checked who's gmail account was logged in!

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I love comments almost as much as I love Mexican food. Seriously.