It's almost that time of year-- the time when people GET THINGS OTHER THAN BILLS AND JUNK IN THE MAIL!!! WOOHOO!!!
I know I'm excited. I LOVE Christmas cards. I love getting them. I love making my own. I love editing my little Excel spreadsheet with addresses. I love writing addresses on cards and writing notes on each little card (completely defeating the purpose of having my 'custom message' printed on the back? Yes, but a much-needed personal touch, I think). I like sticking the return address labels on just so and driving out to the Bethlehem, Ga post office where they will get a special postmark declaring them to be from BETHLEHEM...which is very Christmas-y, if you ask me. I love Christmas cards!! (Did I mention I also love getting them? It's true. And if you've had the pleasure of visiting my house anytime in the past year, you will notice that all of my last year's cards are STILL OUT (not like, on the wall or anything, but in a decorative bowl) and I still like to look at them and see pictures of friends. So if you send me a card, know that I enjoy them year-round, not just for a few weeks!)
I usually try to have mine made and ordered by November 1. This year I was about 2 days late, but they are well on their way to being printed and shipped now. That means I need to tackle updating the mailing list. And then check the status of my beautiful Sharpie thin-lines to make sure they're ready for another session of addressing.
I've used Vistaprint for my cards (and address labels) for the past three years. I have always been extremely happy with the selection, degree of personalization, and PRICE. This year I designed four cards (because I really just think it's fun) and then let Matt decide which one was the winner. Now I feel sad because I miss the other 3 finalists. I wish I could order all of them. :) Oh well. Last year, Mollyanne and I unknowingly ordered the SAME CARD.
Horrors!!! What are the odds, right? I mean, we knew we were using the same company...but they have THOUSANDS of options. What're the odds we picked the SAME ONE?!?! It was so funny when we found out. I'm pretty sure we found out because I (in typical Erika-fashion) had my cards mailed out December 1 and Mollyanne received it and realized it was the same one that she had ordered (and either not yet received or not yet gotten around to mailing). So she was the one that made the realization. I'm sure our mutual friends that received both were happy, since it truly was an excellent card. Better to have two, I think.
Actually, two years ago...I bet these people don't even KNOW this...but the Boothes and the Goldens had the same card as well!! It was a great card, so I definitely appreciated having two. It's nice having friends with such great taste in cards, I think.
Also, in case you are about to be in the market to make your own cards, let me send you a referral:
I hope that works...I signed up for a referral program on Vistaprint (don't worry, they didn't ask me to advertise for them or anything...anyone can sign up for the referral program)...if you use that link above and order something, I'll get $5! So that would be pretty sweet if you don't have your cards done yet and you love me.
OK sorry for this long and rambling blog. I actually had an extremely long and traumatic day, dubbed by myself as Erika and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. It's a miracle I actually survived, but now as I approach the sweet end of it all (the day, that is) and my wonderful husband has spent the evening proving his wonderfulness, and also I had an hour-long bubble bath (in a tub freshly cleaned by the aforementioned husband)...I decided to focus on something positive instead of making myself cry again, and Christmas cards were about the only happy thing I could come up with. :) So you're welcome. Now go use that referral link and make me rich, okay?? Thanks!
Oh wait, I'm sorry, did you just pee your pants too?? Let me slow down and emphasize a few key words. GIVING AWAY. As in, for free. For zero monies.
a FREE (right, zero monies) IVF cycle (as in...that thing that is the only shot Matt and I have at getting pregnant, save a miracle, of course) (that thing we've been saving money for for forty thousand years or something) (that thing that we are dying to do but is SO FRIGGIN EXPENSIVE) (that thing that could get us a baby)
They are giving away a free IVF cycle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To whom?? How?? Well, let me just tell you. Anyone who wants to (like me, for instance) can enter. All you (I) have to do is "tell your story." It can be as long or short as you like. Submit your story by December 1. A panel of folks will review all of the entries and pick a handful of finalists. The finalists' stories will be posted on the Sher Institute's Facebook page. Fans of their page will be able to vote from December 5-11. Whoever gets the most votes wins. Winner will be announced December 12, 2011.
ALSO KNOWN AS: my 29th birthday.
Like, for realz. They're announcing the winner of the FREE IVF CYCLE on my BIRTHDAY. Obviously I need to be winning this.
Obviously I am about to write for my life.
But I need help/encouragement!! For one...I can only imagine how many people are going to enter this thing (PS. If you know any sadsies IF girls dying for free IVF, do me a favor and don't tell them about this. Especially if they're good writers or have lots of FB friends. Sorry to be a hater, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.). Although my "story" is really sad to ME...in the grand scheme of the world of infertility, I seriously doubt my story/situation is the saddest. So....HELP!! How should I tell my story? Should I TRY to make it sound as sad and tragic as possible? Should I try to make it somehow humorous? What is gonna help me stand out from the others for the judges? HELP!!!
And also, not to jump ahead or anything...but will you vote for me??! OMG if I made it to the finalists...I would have to become a friggin POLITICIAN...begging for votes. Bargaining for votes. Creating new Facebook accounts just to get more votes...can I count on you to VOTE FOR ME for the free IVF?? How many FB friends do YOU have? Will THEY vote for me??
I've never been big on popularity contests. I didn't run for class office. I don't want to know how many people like me.
But I'd really like to win this contest.
Which means I have about 26 days to write the story that will give me a legit shot at a baby. No pressure or anything. Just a little writing assignment THAT COULD CHANGE MY LIFE FOREVER. That's all!!
Seriously yall, I have NOTHING uplifting to talk about...only in the last 30 seconds has something remotely humorous occurred, which is why I will now write an entire whiny blog and consider it 'redeemed' by one moderately humorous (to women) episode at the end.
That is part one of your requisite forewarning. Part two is right now: The following blog will contain way too much personal information of the female body/infertility variety. Boys (if there are any boys reading...)...you may not want to proceed.
Let's list all the crappy stuff that's happened to me in the recent past.
2. Fertility Friend being a total tease and getting my hopes ALL UP that this month might be "the month." Saturday morning they had me at "triphasic chart detected!" which caused me (and Amanda, let's be honest) to subsequently spend the next 72 hours carefully hyperanalyzing every single temperature, sign, twinge, symptom, and thought. Caution was thrown to the wind as I peed on sticks and practiced writing our childrens' monograms. I dared to hope! I scoped out maternity clothes! This was going to be the month! I thought of cute plays on the phrase 'trick or treat' to use to announce our pregnancy! I planned a trip to Augusta for next weekend so that we could tell my family!
3. Oh, and then I started my period. So instead of Nov. 1 being the best day of my life, it was just another Tuesday morning spent bawling my eyes out in bed, hating life.
4. Tuesday evening when we got home and fetched the mail, there was a water bill for over $450. Nice, right?? OK, this is pretty liberal putting it on my "list of really crappy things" because really it's more funny than anything else. We received a similar bill last summer and as soon as we called the water office, they came and re-read the meter and knocked off, ya know, the extra $425. Matt called them about it this morning and I just received a voicemail letting me know that OOPS, we actually only owe $28.23. Since I don't have a pen handy, I'm writing it here so that I don't forget. (Take-home lesson here? Don't let them auto-draft your water bill!!! So glad we don't, or that could kind of be a nightmare...)
OK, back to things that actually REALLY DO SUCK in my life:
5. Today, while at work, I had an ovarian cyst rupture. Does this seem like a recurring theme in my life? Maybe. This is my 6th one in about 5 years...you may want to review last year's blogs about the November episode (what's WITH you, November?) and the one that happened the day my sister got married. Today's was just garden-variety excruciating pain, made worse by the fact that Matt and I had carpooled to work and HE HAD THE CAR, so I was stuck there until he could get over to pick me up and drive me (20 long, painful miles) home. I'll spare you from further whining about how much pain I'm in. I will let my friend Aunt Lulu do the talking, in the form of an excerpt from a comment she left on my cyst-blog last November: "I can say with honor that I have been there too sister. I had my appendix rupture and go gangrenous and never had as much pain as a cyst bursting. "
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Now how, you are wondering, am I going to make lemonade out of all these rotten lemons I've been thrown this week?
Here's how. Since I'm at home on the couch, writing in pain, I'm gonna ask my beloved husband to do my dirty work for me. And by "dirty work," I obviously mean "go to the store and pick up some tampons."
TMI ahead!!!! Warning! Warning!
He calls me when he gets there to get the specifics. "Umm...ok, so I'm in the...ya know... aisle."
me: "ok, are there any on sale?"
him: "yeah, I think they're all on sale."
me: "um...like...which ones? Which brand?"
him: "uhhh...Playtex...Kotex...Tampax..."
me: (thinking) why are they never all on sale when I go look?..."um, well...just get the kind with the plastic...and super. They're usually green."
him: "ummm...okaaay...well...this kind says [and here he commences with reading all the descriptions on the boxes]"
me: laughing because I bet people can hear him reading all the tampon boxes on the phone. "uhhh...maybe not that one...read me another one!"
him: very dutifully, "such and such features Powerful Barrier against Leaks!"
me: "ohhh, that sounds good...how much are they?"
him: "$6.99 for 36"
me: "ohh, that's a little steep...keep looking!"
him: continues reading me boxes, figuring out price-per-tampon values, and generally being an adorable husband in the tampon aisle at Target
me: smiling and laughing, this is the best thing that's happened to me all day. "Pick whichever ones you like, baby, I don't really care...just keep enjoying yourself there!!"
Shortly thereafter he arrives home, bearing not only the requested item, but a generous amount of discounted Halloween candy. My knight in shining armor.
He just now looks over and sees me laughing as I blog. "What are you writing about?? Me going to get you tampons????!!!!"
"yes!"
"but whhyyyyy??"
Because it's the best part of my day so far, that's why. I'm making lemonade when I can.
I'm a pretty big fan of fall and Halloween. And food, and hayrides, and hanging out with people, and costumes. Therefore the latter 2/3rds of my weekend was a lot better than the first third. Whew. I'm as relieved about that as you are.
Saturday afternoon and evening were spent in a nearby-ish town (Washington, Ga, anyone?) at a Fall Party/Chili Cookoff. Several families that go to our church live in Washington (meaning they drive over an hour to get to church...THAT is dedication), and one of the families happens to live on this really old, really ridiculously awesome farm. Their farmhouse is (guessing here) maybe 100 years old?? And SERIOUSLY...their house is like the Pinterest Dream Home. Like all that crap you're pinning on Pinterest and will never, ever do...and if you did, it would probably look weird and out of place in your otherwise-not-crafty house? This is the place all those ideas came from. I think it's the original crafty-and-repurposed-decor house. It's ridiculously envy-inducing. (One of my friends confessed how she deals with her jealousy of this home: "Well...sometimes they have mice. And so just when I'm about to die with jealousy of their house and hatred of mine, I just have to focus on that. THEY HAVE MICE! And I think about the mice, REALLY think about that...and then I feel a tiny bit better about my own house." Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. I use variations on this same technique when I think about people who are pregnant or have babies.)
Right, so, Fall Party. You have probably figured out that I get excited about the annual Fall Party out there halfway because I like fall and chili and stuff, and halfway because I can snoop around the awesome house and think of stuff I could do if I ever owned a 100 year old farm.
The house I speak of. There's Matt walking up the front steps...he looks natural there, right? So we should probably start thinking about buying a really old farm somewhere so that we won't have to creep around other people's.
The outdoor dining area. Naturally, they have 28271 different kinds of tables and chairs. Who doesn't, right?
Then, just for the fun of it, they decided to make a REAL LIFE "Angry Birds" game! Because who doesn't just have a humongous slingshot laying around? So they set up the slingshot on this hill, and down in the pasture below set up various things to knock over (buckets on top of posts) and huge pieces of plywood with the pigs painted on them. We used water balloons and launched them at the obstacles. It was pretty awesome. Oh, and they had the music from the game playing over the sound system! It was so funny to watch when new people arrived at the party...after a few minutes, they were like "is that the music from Angry Birds? Why do I hear that?" (because you couldn't see the slingshot, etc., unless you went looking for it). So in the picture above, there I am giving it my best shot (literally). Unfortunately, I'm not really any better at Angry Birds in real life than I am on an iPad. Oh well. It was still fun.
Matt got picked to be a chili judge this year. Here, he and the other judges are hard at work.
After the sun went down, we enjoyed sipping coffee and listening to live music in the perfectly chilly night. We also enjoyed listening to the score updates from the Georgia-Florida game, and had fun celebrating with the whole crowd when we won. Go Dawgs!
So Saturday night was pretty perfect. Then next came Sunday. (Surprising, right?) On Sunday night our church had our annual Costume Bowling party at a local bowling alley. It's always a fun event (like the time we dressed up as old people, remember?) people usually go pretty all-out with their costumes. Bowling isn't really my best sport (come to think of it, what is?? Not Slingshotting. Not Bowling. Not anything that requires running. Ummm...is blogging a sport?), but costumes are one of my passions, so it all evens out pretty well. This year's costume didn't require much planning...a simple phone call to my mom (previously known as the Woman Who Created the Clown-Baby Costume) and it was done. Then I acted all mysterious for the next few weeks and wouldn't tell anyone what we were going to be. Gotta get people hyped up, ya know?? And then it was last night. And here is what we were:
I know, right?? What the heck ARE you??!!! Well...this. Back in the 70s, my mom sewed together two of my dad's Army fatigues (note my maiden name on the breast pockets) and made this...this 2-headed-Army-monster-sorta thing. And she and my dad wore it to a costume party. And then she saved it in the attic, because after you've done that much work...you never get rid of that thing!
Words wouldn't have done it justice if I'd tried to explain what we were going to be beforehand. This one you just have to see to believe.
So we enjoyed marching around and bear-hugging people and just generally basking in people's awe and compliments. Oh, and we won first prize in the costume contest which garnered us a Jason's Deli gift card-- not bad for a costume that required literally NO work on my own behalf (other than getting my hair to stay in a side pony, which was a challenge).
We even perfected our three-legged-bowling! Or not. When it came time to actually bowl, we stripped the costume off and bowled like normal people. Boring but safe.
We had a great time in that costume! I think that all people should be forced to share a costume like that with their significant other before marriage...there's just NO GETTING AWAY from the other person!! Which I apparently forgot, since on one occasion I actually (while we were still 'attached') turned to Matt and exclaimed "oh! Did you know that...[repeated something I'd heard a few minutes before]...?" and he looked at me with the biggest DUH on his face and was like "yeah...I am RIGHT HERE, I've heard EVERYTHING you've heard tonight..." Right. Of course.
So that was our festive weekend. Today my classes went on a field trip to the pumpkin patch, which is also festive, and now we're sitting here waiting for trick-or-treaters to take this candy away from us before we eat it all. Come on, kiddies, come on!!
