Friday, August 31, 2012


YALL. Yesterday I read an article that was so disturbing, so horrible, so creepy...and yet so perfect because it reinforced and provided fresh justification for a lifelong phobia of mine. You know, people are quick to judge and mock other peoples' legitimate fears when the opportunity arises to show that THIS FEAR IS TOTALLY VALID, one would be remiss not to share the news. And the picture.

image via

My lifelong #1 fear/most hated thing on earth: Birds.

Reasoning: Birds are disgusting, nasty, unpredictable, evil little beasts. They can and will attack, peck, gouge, and maim unsuspecting and undeserving victims (of any species, including their own). 

Summary of the Horrifying Story linked to above: Basically, the seagulls are decimating the whale population in Argentina because the nasty-ass birds are DIVEBOMBING and EATING CHUNKS out of whales when they come up to breathe/flap their tails/do cute whale things. The birds have discovered that whales make for nice sushi, so they just lurk above the water and grab a nice meaty mouthful (leaving an open wound behind, natch) whenever the whales come up. Not shockingly, the gull population has exploded and the whale population has plummeted (OH YEAH, THEY KILL THE BABY WHALES TOO). So now the Argentinians are having to figure out a way to "control" the gull population-- and by "control," we mean "kill," which should obviously be encouraged. 

So sorry, but this article made me shiver for like two hours, because a) EWWWW; b) that is SO sad, poor cute baby whales; c) I ALWAYS KNEW BIRDS WERE EVIL; and d) IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THE BIRDS TURN THIS SAME BEHAVIOR ONTO HUMANS. Think about your last trip to the beach: weren't those gulls a little close for comfort? And in light of this new information, on your next trip...yeah, have fun with that.

This is where I pat myself on the back for being ahead of my times with the bird-fear and trust that a lifetime of bird-wariness and bird-avoidance skills will come in handy during the eminent bird-apocalypse. To the brave people of Argentina on the front lines: I salute you. 


  1. That is so awful! I'm right there with you fellow bird hater. :)

  2. Oh, gosh, that is terrible! Poor whales. Despite my online alias, I am not really a huge fan of birds, myself! I have never been attacked by birds, but in the areas that I grew up and the area that I now live, some genius decided to reintroduce wild turkeys into the community (apparently they were here before humans built farms and eventually cities) about 5 years ago. So, now there are these gangs of turkeys (like groups 5-10 that travel together),wandering neighborhoods and streets. They sit on top of parked cars sometimes (thankfully they haven't done that to me!) and have even CHASED HUMANS IN THEIR OWN YARDS! That's right, my 6-foot-something brother-in-law was chased down his street, through his yard, all the way up to his front door by evil, giant, talon wielding monsters. And they are BIG! I have never gotten very close to them, but they must be at least up to my neck if they stand straight and extend their necks fully. When the Argentinians are done extinguishing their gulls, do you think they'd come here and take care of these horrible turkeys?

  3. My best friend, Buffy, HATES birds. She screams if they swoop near her. Oh man, I will send her this post!

  4. Amen. God heard my prayer. Despise birds.

  5. That is really gross. And I find this quite ironic since your mother has a PET BIRD!!!! Poor Gringo :)

  6. I am totally terrified of birds. I never comment on blogs, but this article really stuck with me. I HATE BIRDS.

  7. The birds at Disney were INSANE. They were swarming people while they were eating! And now my girls are afraid of them too.

  8. where do you find this stuff. I'm equally horrified by these whale killing gulls or as Saige would call them sea-goggles.
    I agree birds are pretty nasty, but when Trev describes his pet duck that he saved as baby from certain death it makes me think they aren't all bad. Ducky - totally original name - even preened Trevor's other pets... doesn't that image make you wanna like just one bird? Oh and ducks mate for life unlike the player pigeons and slutty crows. xo

  9. I have to say, I love birds, but I don't at all consider seagulls to be birds. They're the vermin of the bird world right up there with pigeons. I very much dislike both of them. Sad for the whales!! I hope they solve the problem.


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