what the deal is (part 2)

This is Part 2 of a multi-part story (not sure how many parts, yet!)...start here to catch up.

It didn't take my parents long to assert that YES, their daughter and her husband would probably most definitely be interested in meeting with him, as they are exceedingly anxious to have a baby and also big fans of divine intervention, which is what this appeared to be (not sure if they said that part, but you know they were thinking it). He gave them his cell number and said that we should call him soon to set up a meeting.

"She will!" my dad promised. "But it just so happens that they will both be here tomorrow night for the wedding-- would you like to talk to them then?" [Ed. note: I mean, isn't it just too perfect that we 'just so happened' to be rolling in to town the next night? I mean, for real??!]

Yes, that would be good, Dr. X agreed. But we wouldn't be able to talk much at the reception-- we would definitely need to set up a meeting for the near future.  But it would be great to get to meet us in person.

This is what my mom told me when she called. She wanted to give me a heads-up, and hadn't been able to SLEEP she was so excited to tell me. She had been counting the minutes until 9am, which was the earliest time she deemed acceptable to call people on a Saturday morning (PS I love my mom). My dad, on the other hand, had wanted to wait to tell us until we got into town to tell us. WHAT?? I am so glad my mom won that 'discussion.'

Naturally, this news thrilled Matt and I to the core. I mean, face it. Basically 5 days ago we decided (and by 'we,' I mean God) to pursue adoption. The next 4 days were overwhelming, because ADOPTION IS OVERWHELMING. We still wanted to do it. But we were buckling down for a long and harrowing journey, full of paperwork and social workers and blood tests and money. And suddenly, out of the blue, someone appears LIKE A FRIGGIN GENIE to offer a seemingly faster, easier, less stressful means to the same end? Someone who didn't even know we existed, but felt led to basically track us down via my parents? Are you KIDDING ME? If anyone out there seriously thinks all of this was coincidental...well, I don't know what to say. There's really no other explanation than God. But anyways.

Surprisingly, Matt and I are 97% excited and only about 3% nervous about the wedding-turned-adoption-meeting that night. We selected our wardrobes with care, knowing that you only get once to make a good first impression. In addition to looking drop-dead gorgeous, we also needed to convey that we would be good parents! Fun parents! Parents who aren't afraid to wear red lipstick to a wedding in December! (OK, maybe that was just me and maybe that has nothing to do with anything, but seriously, that lipstick was hot)

 My parents made the introductions at the reception. Dr. X was taller and younger than I had imagined, and he told us many of the things he'd already told my parents. He explained how he came upon these adoption situations and how things usually played out. He told us that we would need to get an attorney. He told us a few things that we would need to think about and pray about and find out about (from our companies' HR departments and such) before we set up our meeting with him. But mostly he was warm and kind and had the kind of presence that made you feel like everything is gonna be okay. It was a good introductory meeting, in my opinion. We truly enjoyed the rest of the wedding and the weekend, feeling this special "can you BELIEVE what just happened???" buzz all along.


Matt called him Wednesday or Thursday of that next week. We set up a meeting at his hospital for Thursday, December 22. 


On Tuesday night (the 20th), we had just been excitedly sharing our story and our news with Matt's family. We all prayed together, that our meeting would go well and basically that God's will would be done. We then left to head to a Mexican restaurant for dinner, as is our custom on Tuesday nights. While in the car, Matt's phone rings. It's Dr. X.


Are you KIDDING ME?? we thought. We JUST prayed about this and everyone was so excited...and here he is, calling to cancel. UGH!!! Can't ANYTHING in our lives go right??!??!

This is what we thought and said before Matt answered the phone. Like how full of faith and optimism we are?


Hi Matt, it's Dr. X...how y'all doing? Just wanted to make sure we were still on for Thursday...and also, it just so happened that I ran into a friend of mine, Mr. D, today. He goes to my church, actually. He's an attorney, and we got to talking. I was telling him about y'all and he has actually done private adoptions before. I told him about our meeting on Thursday, and he is available and would really like to come. Would that be alright with y'all? You certainly would not be obligated to hire him-- he just felt like it might be helpful if y'all had any legal questions or anything...unless you already have an attorney in mind that you'd like to work with, of course. What do you think?


Ummm...let's see, what do we think? What I think is that trying to find an attorney to hire sounds like the scariest, hardest thing ever. I don't know any attorneys in that town. I certainly don't know any who are experienced in private adoptions. And I wouldn't know how to even start looking for one. Google? So what you're saying is, you just "ran in" to someone who totally fits the bill, someone whom you know personally, someone who feels excited about our situation, who just so happens to be available to come to a meeting 3 days before Christmas for NO MONEY and NO PROMISE OF FUTURE MONEY? 


Well, I suppose it would be alright if he came along. Just for kicks, or course.


We tried to contain our excitement and act cool and mature. I'm pretty sure we failed.


Are you KIDDING ME?? I mean, SERIOUSLY?? After three years of infertility and fighting nature and money and insurance companies and ourselves tooth and NAIL every step of the way, now THIS? Seriously some dude is going to 'discover' us and offer to help us and then all these other dudes are going to just come along and do the same? With absolutely NO effort on our behalf at ALL? In the space of TWO WEEKS? For FREE?


Pretty sure you could have knocked me over with a feather.


I'm pretty sure it's my friend Stephanie that says this (if not, it sounds like something she would say), but it was starting to feel like God was really just showing off.


To be continued...

pick me, pick me!

Um, WOW. Thanks for all your kind words and encouragement from my post last night! My phone was BLOWING UP with all of your comments, emails, Facebook messages and texts...makes me really happy I decided to split "the story" into a few parts so that I can look forward to a few more days of this...ha! Don't worry, Part 2 will be posted tomorrow morning at 6 EST...just in time for your first cup of coffee!

However, before we delve back into the emotional and serious stuff, I thought I would remind you that I am about to be on my way to my FIRST EVER JURY DUTY. Despite coming down with some kind of mysterious illness yesterday (typical winter gunk: sore throat, earache, headache) and still feeling the same this morning, I am determined to get picked to serve this week. In case you can't remember WHY I want to be picked, it is very simple: free vacation from work + $25/day. Oh, and a deep, deep desire to serve justice in my county. Of course.

To help increase my odds of being picked, I selected today's outfit with care. I felt it would be important to look halfway decent and clean, like I am a person who pays attention to details and cares about life. However, I didn't want to look too stuffy, because I'm pretty sure 98% of my county is populated with rednecks, and I didn't want to look snooty or like I couldn't relate to what's up in town.

With that in mind, here is my first ever Outfit Of The Day: Jury Duty Ed.

Cardigan, ruffled tank-top, and shoes-- Old Navy; pants-- Gap; earrings-- Premier; ponytail-- Classic Erika, keepin' it real.

EDIT:
OK, so this thing apparently did not post this morning like I thought it did. Oops. That's okay, though, because now I'm home from jury duty and can give a proper update.

Apparently being selected for the jury has nothing to do with how cute your outfit is and everything to do with how far down on the list your name is. And my name was really far down, so I didn't even have a chance to get picked. :( :( :( Sadsies. I do have to call back tomorrow afternoon to see if I have to go back Wednesday, so there is still a little hope, but basically I'm assuming my jury career is over for this time. And I didn't even get $25. Ugh. There is NO justice, I tell you!!

what the deal is (part 1)

OK people. Are you ready for it? It's obvious I've left like 99% of you in the dark and judging by the comments on my last blog, you're feeling the confusion. What happened, Erika? You overshare about EVERYTHING...now you're going to go all cryptic on us about maybe you're thinking about adopting and now all of a sudden you're decorating a nursery? WHAT HAPPENED?? I know. Keeping things under wraps isn't usually my style, but I haven't really known how to go about this one while both a) maintaining privacy of parties that wish to remain private, and b) not oversharing, because I feel like the details and the context are really important. So I'm going to try to tell the story (or at least start), and I will still try to keep important details confidential, but I will not bother trying to not overshare, because...I don't want to forget. One day, maybe a soon day, I will have a screaming baby begging for my attention, and I won't have time to write down how he or she got here, and I don't want to forget because I don't think any of this is a coincidence.

First, a primer on independent adoption (also referred to as 'private adoption'). Just go read this, it will save me a lot of typing. If you are too lazy to do that, then I will summarize: you do not have to use an adoption agency to adopt a child (in 45 states, including Georgia). If you are pregnant and want to place your child with an adoptive family, and you happen to know that the Joneses down the street are looking to adopt, then the two of you can get together and make a plan for them to adopt your baby. Throw in a lawyer and some paperwork, and you're good to go. (Note: if you actually do find yourself in this situation, please let me know, as I am the "Joneses down the street" so to speak) This is the essence of independent adoption. Cutting out the 'middle man' of the agencies, and cutting out a whoooooooole lot of paperwork. There are pros and cons to both private and agency adoptions...feel free to check the above link for some of them.

So December 6 was a Tuesday morning and I was driving to work. I'm like 1 mile out of town, minding my own business, singing Christmas songs along with the radio, and BAM. Out of nowhere, this thought pops in my head: I want to adopt. I am done with infertility treatments, I want to adopt. I want a child, I want to be a family. I want a child more than I want a pregnancy. I want to adopt. I'm not kidding- it came from nowhere. And when I say it "hit me," I mean-- I am BAWLING. The emotions that rushed over me were unbelievable. This is exactly what I had been waiting for: for years now, I've been 'weighing the options.' IVF...adoption...IVF...adoption...pros and cons sheets, thinking it through, mostly wanting pregnancy more than anything. I have certainly been open to adoption. But I didn't really desire it. And I had prayed, on many occasions, that if adoption was what God had for us, I was going to have to want it. To want it more than pregnancy. I couldn't start an adoption journey halfheartedly. I needed to crave it.

So here I am, driving and crying and a hot mess because I felt like I suddenly knew what I wanted. I called Matt and he thinks I was probably in another wreck, what with the heaving and sobbing and all-- but no, I'm all "I want to adopt a baaaaabbbbyyyy..." and he's like "are you sure you're okay? Are you okay?" "Yes I'm fine I just want to adoooopppptttttt" and once he's convinced I'm not lying in a ditch somewhere, he's like "well then let's do it!" because he has been wanting this for years, unlike me.


So from that moment, we are people on a mission. We are going to adopt, so let's get this party started while the emotions are running hot! We research agencies. We start debating different things. I write a cryptic blog. We think. We plan. We don't really share it with many people-- not because we don't want to, but ya know...we're just busy. We're researching. And it didn't come up.


So Saturday morning, December 10, I wake up to a phone call from my mom. We were heading to Augusta later that afternoon for a wedding, so I wasn't terribly surprised to see her calling at 9am...probably wanted to tell us something last-minute to bring or do.


Well, not really.


As it turns out, the night before she and my dad had been at the rehearsal dinner. While there, they found themselves sitting at a table with an acquaintance they knew very casually: as in, had met a few times, but knew very little about-- and the not-knowing went both ways. They chit-chatted, and before long this gentleman (we'll call him Dr. X) was inquiring about whether they had any grandchildren or were looking forward to any on the horizon. My parents said that they did not; they would be excited when that day did come, but there were none in the immediate future. Dr. X asked again-- none? Neither Jake or Sarah? Not thinking about it?


You see, Dr. X didn't really know I existed. Like I said-- he was a casual acquaintance. He knew of my brother and sister because he'd seen them at events before. As far as he knew, those were the only kids in my parents' clan.


Well, since he was asking, my mom shared a little more. No, Jake and Sarah-- neither of them are thinking kids. But we do have an older daughter-- she and her husband have been married for over 4 years. And they would love to have children. They have been trying for a long time, but they have some problems, so they're sorting through their options. They are desperate to be parents-- and when it happens, we will be the happiest grandparents in the world. We can't wait for that day.


At this, Dr. X seems to relax. He smiles a bit. How long have they been trying? he asks. A year or two?

Well, no...it's been three, my mom tells him. They are waiting on a miracle. They are also considering whether they may like to adopt.

[IMPORTANT DETAIL: My mom didn't know about my revelation earlier that week. I was going to wait and tell her in person when we went home. So this was just a reference to our months-long back-and-forth about 'maybe adopt, maybe not' dilemma.]


Dr. X seemed to like this final sentence. Thinking about adopting, are they? I had a feeling they might. 

He goes on to tell my mom some very interesting information, and I'm going to have to leave out a lot of details, but it goes something like this:

Dr. X has a job that puts him in a position to help 'matchmake' private adoptions. This is not his "job," and he receives no compensation. It is something that the Lord has led him to do for the last 25 years, and it is something he has a great passion for: placing babies with couples who long to have families. He usually has a handful of couples that he is working with, and when a situation arises where a baby needs a family, he prays about the situation and God nudges him towards the couple that are right for the situation. 


I realize that if you do not believe in God or prayer, this probably sounds a little loco. If you're us, though, this sounds like the most amazing thing you've ever heard of.

He does this because he feels that the agency adoption system is so vast, expensive, and scary that it deters couples from wanting to even try. He has known many couples who want nothing more than to become parents, but are unable to because of infertility and then the (real or perceived) barriers in the adoption 'system.' And he comes upon birth parents that, for whatever reason, are also not interested in making an adoption plan through an agency. He puts 2 and 2 together...after a lot of prayer.


In 25 years, he has never had an adoption reversed.


He tells my mom a few more things, and also mentions that, as this is not his job, he truly cannot help very many couples: each situation is simply too involved and too time-consuming and emotionally draining. He frequently has couples approach him and seek his help, and he turns almost all of them down. He waits on the Lord to show him the couples that he is supposed to help, and that's all he can do.

 "So I was wondering," he told my parents, "if your daughter and her husband might be interested in working with me. I want to help them find their baby."


To be continued...

this & that

Yes, I'm blogging on a Friday night. Because that's the kind of person I am. And because I've sucked at blogging any OTHER days this week. And I don't even have any one cohesive thought. Tonight, it's random tidbits for you.

1. I've started using the My Fitness Pal app last week and I LOVE IT. It was totally random that I even started-- I am not on a "diet" or anything, per se. I was just Googling around one day last week, trying to find a way to figure out how many calories I burn at Zumba, and it led me to some of the message boards on MFP, which led me to poking around the site, which led to downloading the app, which led to LOVE LOVE LOVE. I have never been on a diet or done the calorie counting thing before...I basically just eat pretty healthy and work out regularly and hope for the best...but for some reason I think this is the most fun thing ever. We'll see how long the attraction lasts. The main thing that bothers me is trying to figure out how many calories are in stuff I make homemade...like my (self-invented recipe) chili I basically live off. Am I seriously supposed to figure out how many calories are in each fraction of the turkey, pumpkin, corn, beans, onions, etc. that make it into a portion? That blows my mind. Anyway. You should download the app. It's loads of fun if you're a control freak like me!


2. I have my first ever JURY DUTY on Monday!!!!! If I sound super excited, it's because I am. I've been registered to vote for over 11 years! And this is my first summons! I have great visions of how awesome it could be, even though I do realize it will most likely be really boring and lame and I'll get dismissed quickly. But hopefully I'll at least get $25, right? And a day off of work for free? I just don't see how this could be bad. (Also, I have convinced myself that even if I DO get picked to serve, it can't be for anything THAT scary/sad, because to my knowledge there has only been 1 murder in my county in the last year, and it was only a few months ago and won't be going to trial any time soon...therefore, any case I actually have to hear should be relatively non-traumatizing. Right?)


3. We have embarked upon Operation: Decorate the Nursery!!! I know!! It is very exciting. But since you just never know when we might get the call...which will mean your baby is BORN, come GET IT in our case, it won't be some 6-months-notice kinda thing...it looks like we might need to have a place for said baby to crash! So we're having fun making plans for our white-walls-white-carpet-boring-everything "nursery" and spending our afternoons at fabric stores and thrift stores, because naturally I don't want to do anything the easy way. Here are some rooms inspiring us right now (naturally, it will have to be gender-neutral):

Source: ohdeedoh.com via Erika on Pinterest

Source: stellaandhenry.com via Erika on Pinterest

Source: livethefancylife.wordpress.com via Erika on Pinterest

 

Source: google.com via Erika on Pinterest

 As you can see, I'm a big fan of the light gray walls with bright aqua (and other shades of blue) and lime (and other shades of green) accents. BIG FAN! Speaking of fans...we have to put one in that room. The ceiling kind. That should be exciting. So we spent our afternoons this week visiting all 3 fabric stores in Athens and being really indecisive about what fabric we want (I want to make curtains and the crib skirt, for starters)...then once I finally decided on The Fabric, I decided to calculate how much it would cost for the 16 yards I would need for the curtains. HAHAHAHAHA. Even though I had a 50% off coupon. HAHAHAHA. I walked away with no fabric. Whose genius idea was it to charge that much for FABRIC??!?! Of course, I will go back and get it eventually. Because the pre-made curtain selection in this world is totally lame and my baby deserves nothing but my crafty best! Even if it costs like a week's pay...

[EDIT: OK, I did not realize this until AFTER I hit "publish" and was re-reading the post, but instead of just deleting my original thinking, I thought I'd leave it up for posterity. I do not actually need 16 YARDS of fabric. I need 16 FEET! Luckily for me, that will be substantially cheaper. No wonder I was so sticker-shocked at the store! Feet, yards...math has never really been my strong suit. Maybe I will get the fabric tomorrow!]


Tomorrow we are hitting up the thrift store/church yardsale scene (since it's supposed to be pouring all day, making outdoor yard sales not sound very attractive)...I am hoping to score a dresser that we can paint and make look awesome (like in that top picture).

OK, enough blabbing about decorating the nursery. But I'm sure we can all agree it's preferable to whining about infertility, correct?? So just be thankful for that.


4. I need to join the rest of the human race and read some popular teen fiction. Should I start with the Twilight series or the Hunger Games? Follow up question: do you have copies of either that I can borrow, since the library is perpetually checked out of these (at least whenever I check, which isn't often)?


5. In addition to planning The Nursery (favorite pastime #1), I have started dreaming about the flowers I will plant as soon as it is socially acceptable to start planting. Trust me, the Yard Situation 2012 is going to be FAB. I have big dreams, people. Big ones. My vases shall runneth over. And I have the Big Girl Camera, remember? So this year you can start preparing yourself for Flower Picture Overload. Fair warning.


Alright, I think that's enough to catch you up on where my mind's been this week. Back to your regularly scheduled Friday night activities! Happy weekend!