Monday, May 16, 2011

back it up

This is probably a blog that can be easily filed away under "why the heck did she think anyone else would want to know/think about that?" but...sometimes a thought just strikes me and I'm compelled to share. 

So since we don't have a fenced-in yard (and probably never will...we have a "fence fund," but let's face it...all the money there is better spent on infertility treatments), we have to walk Lola on a leash 3 times a day to go potty. It's not that bad (unless it's rainy or really cold), and as a result, I am super super familiar with my neighbors and their homes and yards. And since there's not much else to do when I'm walking, I have time to think. And to pass judgement.

For some reason, I have spent most of my life being under the impression that if you back your car into your driveway/'re probably a criminal. You have something to hide. You don't want people to see your plates, and there must be a reason for that, right? It's because you're sketch. And because when you DO get busted, you want to make the quickest getaway possible. I get it.

So when I'm out walking, I can easily classify people. Car backed in= drug dealer. Car pulled in normally= not drug dealer. I can amend my judgements based on other evidence, of course...which I do, because since I walk so often, I learn other things about my neighbors, too. Always has the blinds pulled down, never comes out in the daytime? Definitely a drug dealer, possibly also growing pot in the basement. Only backs in once a week, otherwise usually does it the normal way? Well, maybe they just like to get their groceries as close to the door as possible. I'll give you a pass. You might not be a drug dealer.

Using my current classification system, about 50% of my immediate neighbors are drug dealers. This is a bummer, and I really hope none of them are also manufacturing meth, because having a meth-house in the neighborhood can be a real property-value-killer. However, this is also the reason I can get Matt to do all the after-dark dog-walking. There's no way I can do it with all these drug dealers running around, right? Right.

So do you pull in normally (non-drug-dealer) or do you back in? You can fess up. And if you do happen to prefer the back-up method and you're not a drug dealer (unlikely, I realize)...why?? Shed some light on this very perplexing matter.



  1. I pull in normally, so it's safe to say I'm drug-free!

    On another note, we have a registered sex offender that lives in our neighborhood (according to some of our neighbors who looked on the online database) - how's that for entertaining/concerning?

  2. You are officially weird. I can't back in, it's too tight of a squeeze. That's what she said??

  3. So in Texas you also have license plates on the front of your car, so I guess your theory only applies in states that don't make you put two license plates on your car :)

  4. Ha! Love your classification system :) And I pull in normally, just for the record.

  5. Gee you'd better get out of that drug-dealing neighborhood fast! Unless you're looking for a part time job. You could always be a runner...

  6. This is hilarious. You have forever changed the way I look around my neighborhood. If I were better at driving in Reverse, I might be a drug dealer. But I'm not.

  7. VA requires tags on the front and back of your car and has the most personalized plates too. (It's cheap!) So instead of picking out drug dealers you could read plates! Oh and we parallel park because street parking is SO much closer than our assigned parking space.


I love comments almost as much as I love Mexican food. Seriously.