Tuesday, June 26, 2012

coming soon to a bookstore near you!

If you've been around here long, you probably already know that one of the best things to come of my 4+ years of blogging is my friendship with Amanda. That girl is my long lost twin/triplet (MY twin, but I am HER triplet, since she already has an actual twin) and about half of my days, I wouldn't make it through without her constantly by my side via our 24/7 text, email, and G-chat-a-thons. I'm serious. LOVE her. 

I HATE that the thing that brought us together (and continues to be the crappiest and most salient feature of our lives) is infertility. But I am so thankful that at least SOMETHING good has come out of infertility.

Anyways. This wasn't actually supposed to be an Ode to Amanda. It was going to be about something we're planning. Something HUGE!!!!

Our completely-inevitable-since-we're-both-such-wildly-popular-bloggers book debut!!!!!! I know, try to hold on to your hats. And not pee your pants. Did you even see this coming??!

I bet you can't guess what it's going to be about, either. Think about it-- what are we experts on? What special knowledge about life do we possess that more people need to be aware of? Okay okay, I'll just tell you. Or rather, I'll let our prospective book-titles do the talking:

-How Not to Piss Off an Infertile Woman: A How-To Guide for Supporting your Conception-Challenged Friends and Family Members

That's sort of our academic working title. That's for the edition that like...counselors...and professors...will probably be reading. But for our wide public release, we're considering a few slightly catchier titles:

-If You Tell Me to Relax One More Time, My Fist Will Relax into Your Face
 -Fifty Shades of Miserable
-Positive Pregnancy Tests Don't Exist (and Other Truths Your OBGYN Isn't Telling You)

and my personal hands-down favorite:

-If You Aren't Offering Chocolate or a Margarita, Shut the Hell Up

I'm going to have to be honest: I came up with NONE of those titles. That was all Amanda. She banged those out in like 4 seconds flat. See why I need her as my business partner and co-author?

So what, exactly, are you contributing to this partnership, Erika? you're probably wondering. Well, I'll tell you. Or actually, I'll show you.

Every book needs an author(s) photo, right? Well here's ours, masterfully edited by...moi.  

Yup. That would be us, and that filter is called "Hope." I know it's so 2008, but I'm hazarding a guess you might recognize it from Obama's campaign posters. Last summer, after Amanda and I took this photo, I doctored it up with the Hope filter because a) it was hilarious, and b) it reminds us to never stop hoping.

So even though we're going to be rich and famous authors, spending our free time now at our vacation homes in Hawaii where we'll be sipping beverages by the ocean, talking in person instead of texting, and our literary empire will be built on infertility: we will never give up on hope. Or chocolate. Or the liberal use of sarcasm and humor. But mostly hope.

PS. Be sure to vote for your favorite title and/or secure your copy of the book by prepaying now! This thing is NOT going to be free on your Kindle, so don't even think you're gonna get your grubby hands on it like that...


  1. Ha, love this post! Almost as much as I love how rich and famous we will be!

  2. Y'all are nuts :) but in the very best way!

  3. I vote for - If You Tell Me to Relax One More Time, My Fist Will Relax into Your Face

    Maybe I will get started on the man edition - "Infertility: A Husband's Guide to Staying Positive and Supplying Cookies as Needed"

  4. Matt Bates (husbie)June 26, 2012 at 7:56 AM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  5. Did Matt actually comment? Where did it go? I am highly intrigued by this mystery!

  6. Mattie (Erika's husbie)June 26, 2012 at 9:02 AM

    This would be the title if I had some say in the matter. "Coping with infertility & fertile people: Your story of doing copious amounts of cocaine and then having a healthy child is not lifting my spirits and other stories".

  7. Love it! Your dad will be so proud, Erika! A true writer!! :)

  8. Lol! I love the titles, esp. the "Positive preg. tests don't exist..." and of course, the Choc/Marg. title. I'd buy your book!

  9. I will buy so many copies of your book (no matter what the title is) and will hand them out to coworkers, sisters-in-law, overly fertile friends, rude guests at baby showers...I will need A LOT of copies.

  10. I love the 2 titles the future dads had the best!! Sorry ladies haha.

  11. I am Amanda's friend... you guys should totally do it. This is hilarious!

  12. Can I add my own infertility title? Mine will be called "Quit telling me that I will get pregnant after we adopt, since that seems like my adopted baby doesn't really count, also there is no scientific evidence supporting that theory."

    It could also be called "Why i need throw you down a manhole."

    Maybe a long title, but it will be a bestseller.

  13. This is an absolutely fabulous idea and I'm being completely serious! If you need any guest contributors, like a section on what not to say to someone as they are miscarrying, I'm happy to help :).

    A few titles/ideas to add into the mix:

    Facebook: The enemy of fertility challenged females

    You telling me not to stress stresses me more! Yet, that is not why I am not pregnant.

    Vacation Does Not = Pregnancy

    I will tell you I'd be fine being a crappier mother if you once more tell me my struggles to become a mother will make me a better one!

    Vagina Wands and Follicle Measuring: A Girl's Guide to Fertility Clinics

    Taking your marriage to a whole new level: Your husband sticking you with needles and providing sperm on demand

    Watch out Im hopped up on hormones and cry at the drop of a hat

    Why I glare at all pregnant women and women with babies: Dealing with Infertility

    Ok my titles have probably made me sound sufficiently crazy! Glad you and Amanda have each other because I reconnected with Amanda via facebook (before i unsubscribed because it was becoming babybook!) and shes been a huge help getting through all this :) Maybe another good title would be Prepare yourself, you will soon think its normal to tell people intimate details about your life and body. welcome to infertility. ok im actually done now :)

  14. Oh and I had to add seeing your love of Mexican Food....the few weeks I was pregnant I told my husband I think our baby might come out Mexican since I eat so much Mexican food...guacamole being my favorite! Thought that would make you laugh!

  15. "If You Tell Me to Relax One More Time, My Fist Will Relax into Your Face" is my favorite.

  16. Hahahaha! I LOVE this post! Such a wonderful idea, because seriously the world needs to know that there are things you just don't say to the fertility challenged, childless, or miscarrying ladies (because it is for your own safety).


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