Thursday, June 7, 2012

to perform, or not to perform

I never made a "30 Before 30" list or a bucket list or any of those lists. And now that I have only 6 months left before reaching 30...I'm basically too late to start. But if I had been ambitious enough to make such a list, I'm pretty sure that "be in a play/musical" would have been on the list. I mean, considering that "be a Broadway actress" is still on my list of potential seems like it might be wise to at least get a little experience under my belt before taking New York by a storm, right? 

So community theater is probably a good place to start. And it just so happens that the theater group my friend Catherine performs with will be having open auditions for their fall gala later this summer. And Catherine is all "you should do it!! You'd have so much fun!"...and I'm like...why shouldn't I?

Excuse #1: I'm too busy.

Rebuttal #1: Yeah,'s not likely that I'll get any LESS busy until I retire. Which is a really long way away. So just figure it out, Erika.

Excuse #2: I'm not that great of a singer or dancer.

Rebuttal #2: According to Catherine, I'll be more than qualified enough. It's community theater, not...well, Broadway. Not sure if that's a pro or a con, actually. :)

Excuse #3: What if no one wants to come to my performances and throw flowers at me on the stage?

Rebuttal #3: It's like...if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound? Is there any point in performing if none of your people come to see it? People of the world, I need a pre-audition commitment that you will come see me if I do this. I can't tell you when it will be or what the show will be about, but I just need to know that you'll be there. Start watching the prices for flights to Atlanta, okay? Alternatively, I could figure out how to do a live webcast of the opening night and charge you lots of money to watch it that way...just whatever works.

Excuse #4: In direct contrast to Excuse #2, what if I'm actually so awesome at it that I get 'discovered' and whisked off to New York or London or [other place where they do awesome plays]? I've seen House Hunters. I know I can't afford real estate there. Plus there won't be anywhere to plant a garden.

Rebuttal #4: Well, obviously I will also be so rich that I will be able to afford it. And on Selling New York, sometimes penthouse apartments have rooftop gardens. Problem solved. (Thank God for HGTV, right?)

So now that I've weighed out my excuses and come up with more than enough reasonable rebuttals to each excuse, it seems like the obvious choice is to audition. Only auditioning involves standing in front of strangers and singing by myself. And that kind of makes me want to throw up. So there's that tiny obstacle. Also, what does one sing for an audition? Preliminary top choices (I was practicing in the car): I Dreamed a Dream (from Les Mis, obvs...if you don't know that, actually, I'm not sure we should be friends) or Foolish Games (Jewel). Other recommendations are encouraged and appreciated. 

Okay. Moving on...

Thanks for all of your kindness about my bummer news yesterday. Even though I still feel broken and slightly pissed off, at least I know other people are sad with/for me. :) I haven't heard back from my doctor yet, other than yesterday him letting me know that I needed to fill out a bunch of New Patient info online for the practice in Atlanta so that they would talk with him about me. I did I'm hoping that they're talking and that I'll know more about surgery soon. In the meantime, I poured all of my non-existent energy into our new flower bed (prepping soil, shopping and buying flowers, planting, admiring, etc.) and just for the heck of it, we also got two big ol' blueberry bushes, too. I mean...why not, right? PLANTS MAKE ME HAPPY AND THEY DON'T MAKE ME FAT. This is how I justify spending all of my time/money in this manner. :)

With's back to the yard. And practicing my jazz hands. Later!

UPDATE: I just had the most awkward conversation ever with a nurse from the specialist's clinic. Let me clarify that the clinic my doctor referred us to for surgery is (not surprisingly) a fertility clinic/IVF clinic. Makes sense that people who know about endo would be working there...but anyway. So like I mentioned earlier, I was supposed to fill out those online registration forms but then MY dr (Dr. L) was going to chat with the specialist (Dr. S) about my situation and then Dr. L was going to call ME and let me know what they were thinking (as far as consultation, surgery, etc). I haven't heard from Dr. I was surprised to hear from this nurse at the other clinic. "Hi, I wanted to let you know we've received your registration forms and your records from your doctor and are ready to set up your appointment!" And then there's a long pause and I'm like..."umm...appointment for what, exactly?" And then there's another long pause and she's like "umm...don't you want to get pregnant?"

REALLY awkward pause as I consider this question.

"Ummm...that's not my primary objective. I was referred to Dr. S because I need to have an endometrioma removed..." 

"Ohhh...couldn't he do that himself?"

"Uhhh...yeah, but he wasn't comfortable doing it so he wanted a specialist..." and then I briefly tried to explain that she and I shouldn't be the ones having this conversation, that actually Dr. L and Dr. S were the ones that were supposed to be chatting and then letting me know and then...I don't know what, then.

"Ohhh...well, maybe Dr. L has tried to contact Dr. S, but he is out on vacation this week, so he hasn't been in contact yet."

Well that certainly clears things up at least a little bit.

Then she wanted to know if I wanted to schedule the New Patient consultation anyway, since I would probably have to have one of those before surgery no matter what. After another 10 minute pause from me, she was like "or maybe you'd rather wait until you talk to your doctor..." and I'm like "yeah, that's probably best."

AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD. Of COURSE the supposed only person that can do this surgery adequately works in an IVF clinic. OF COURSE HE DOES. So that I'll be pressured at every visit to do IVF. OF COURSE. 



  1. Um, you should totally do it. If for no other reason than to say you tried! And then get it on film so those of us who can't be there in person can cheer you on via the internet.

  2. We are soulmates. I am convinced of this. You are my skinny soulmate, my gemini twin on the other side of the country.

    YES. Try out! YES, it will be amazing. YES, I think sometimes about how I'll never be a Broadway star like I dreamed I would. I still get insanely mad and jealous when I see a Broadway show. I love it, but I'm also fuming inside thinking "Why should those people get to sing and dance? I wanted to sing and dance and didn't!!!"

    As for try out songs, you should look into some more obscure Broadway shows in the chance that you'll be the only one singing that song - I dreamed a dream is mega-popular, so the directors will have to probably listen to a few. If your range is like mine, (which Foolish Games falls right into), I would suggest: The Sea of Life from the Pirate Queen or Woman from the same show, Legally Blonde (the slow version) from yeah, that show, or the showstopper, Someone like you from Jekyll and Hyde or "Now that I've seen her" from Miss Saigon.

    This is SO exciting Erika!

  3. 1. You should sing the alphabet. It's a classic.
    2. I would come see you perform (maybe)!
    3. Don't you love it when doctors' offices don't have their crap together? How are we supposed to trust you with our (obviously already fragile) reproductive systems if you can't keep paperwork/phone calls straight?!


  4. Of course I would come see you! But ummm, I kind of want to do it too. Not that I would ever be brave enough to sing alone in front of people. I've also considered joining a local choir, and sometimes those are non-audition which sounds much more appealing to me.

    I understand your frustration/annoyance with the dr office. But I'm still thinking it's better to have to go to a fertility clinic than some regular ob where the office is always full of pregnant women and the people are way more likely to be oblivious and non-sympathetic about infertility. So...maybe this is still the lesser of 2 evils?

  5. Do I need to send you my Chicago piano book? Because if you played and sang (and maybe danced at the same time to) Cell Block Tango, you would definitely be headed to Broadway. :)

  6. Here's a real downer for don't get to choose, they tell you what to sing when you get there. But if I can do it, you can do it.

  7. Yuck. As you know, I have my own feelings about IVF and the many lives that I've seen destroyed - financially, by disappointment and hormones and weird medical things - but I'm sure they will sell it to you like the best miracle you've ever dreamed of. It might be right for you, it might not be, but just remember to not be swayed by the promises of a million miracle babies with no side effects. Some of the people in our adoption class wasted 10 years of their lives waiting for their IVF miracle and now they have drained their finances and their energy. Just be wary, but like I said, it might be for you, it might not be.

  8. DO IT!!! You'll never regret it...and if you do, you never have to do it again:)

    I was thinking about yesterdays bummer news today and the thought struck me, "She doesn't need lots of sperm- she just needs one:)" Praying that this surgery results in a healthy you that's ready for one perfect sperm:) Hehehehe!!

    Much love!

  9. I can't even manage to join our church choir! Yes, me... the same one that made District Honor band how many years? Bran thinks that is hilarious and doesn't make sense. I tell him that with an instrument you can always blame the instrument, when you are singing you ARE the instrument. Or something.

    I never felt a hard sell for IVF at our clinic, but I'm sure they all are different. I'd just let them know up front that you want this taken care of and you know your options. I've learned to be a bit more direct living up north. LOL! But beat them to the sell. ;)

  10. Erika,
    Not sure if you heard about da Vinci Surgical System at St. Mary's Hospital in Athens. I went ahead and attached the email address:
    Go and check out the site and see if its something that you will be able to do.


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