to perform, or not to perform

I never made a "30 Before 30" list or a bucket list or any of those lists. And now that I have only 6 months left before reaching 30...I'm basically too late to start. But if I had been ambitious enough to make such a list, I'm pretty sure that "be in a play/musical" would have been on the list. I mean, considering that "be a Broadway actress" is still on my list of potential careers...it seems like it might be wise to at least get a little experience under my belt before taking New York by a storm, right? 

So community theater is probably a good place to start. And it just so happens that the theater group my friend Catherine performs with will be having open auditions for their fall gala later this summer. And Catherine is all "you should do it!! You'd have so much fun!"...and I'm like...why shouldn't I?

Excuse #1: I'm too busy.

Rebuttal #1: Yeah, well...it's not likely that I'll get any LESS busy until I retire. Which is a really long way away. So just figure it out, Erika.

Excuse #2: I'm not that great of a singer or dancer.

Rebuttal #2: According to Catherine, I'll be more than qualified enough. It's community theater, not...well, Broadway. Not sure if that's a pro or a con, actually. :)

Excuse #3: What if no one wants to come to my performances and throw flowers at me on the stage?

Rebuttal #3: It's like...if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound? Is there any point in performing if none of your people come to see it? People of the world, I need a pre-audition commitment that you will come see me if I do this. I can't tell you when it will be or what the show will be about, but I just need to know that you'll be there. Start watching the prices for flights to Atlanta, okay? Alternatively, I could figure out how to do a live webcast of the opening night and charge you lots of money to watch it that way...just whatever works.

Excuse #4: In direct contrast to Excuse #2, what if I'm actually so awesome at it that I get 'discovered' and whisked off to New York or London or [other place where they do awesome plays]? I've seen House Hunters. I know I can't afford real estate there. Plus there won't be anywhere to plant a garden.

Rebuttal #4: Well, obviously I will also be so rich that I will be able to afford it. And on Selling New York, sometimes penthouse apartments have rooftop gardens. Problem solved. (Thank God for HGTV, right?)

So now that I've weighed out my excuses and come up with more than enough reasonable rebuttals to each excuse, it seems like the obvious choice is to audition. Only auditioning involves standing in front of strangers and singing by myself. And that kind of makes me want to throw up. So there's that tiny obstacle. Also, what does one sing for an audition? Preliminary top choices (I was practicing in the car): I Dreamed a Dream (from Les Mis, obvs...if you don't know that, actually, I'm not sure we should be friends) or Foolish Games (Jewel). Other recommendations are encouraged and appreciated. 

Okay. Moving on...

Thanks for all of your kindness about my bummer news yesterday. Even though I still feel broken and slightly pissed off, at least I know other people are sad with/for me. :) I haven't heard back from my doctor yet, other than yesterday him letting me know that I needed to fill out a bunch of New Patient info online for the practice in Atlanta so that they would talk with him about me. I did that...so I'm hoping that they're talking and that I'll know more about surgery soon. In the meantime, I poured all of my non-existent energy into our new flower bed (prepping soil, shopping and buying flowers, planting, admiring, etc.) and just for the heck of it, we also got two big ol' blueberry bushes, too. I mean...why not, right? PLANTS MAKE ME HAPPY AND THEY DON'T MAKE ME FAT. This is how I justify spending all of my time/money in this manner. :)

With that...it's back to the yard. And practicing my jazz hands. Later!

UPDATE: I just had the most awkward conversation ever with a nurse from the specialist's clinic. Let me clarify that the clinic my doctor referred us to for surgery is (not surprisingly) a fertility clinic/IVF clinic. Makes sense that people who know about endo would be working there...but anyway. So like I mentioned earlier, I was supposed to fill out those online registration forms but then MY dr (Dr. L) was going to chat with the specialist (Dr. S) about my situation and then Dr. L was going to call ME and let me know what they were thinking (as far as consultation, surgery, etc). I haven't heard from Dr. L...so I was surprised to hear from this nurse at the other clinic. "Hi, I wanted to let you know we've received your registration forms and your records from your doctor and are ready to set up your appointment!" And then there's a long pause and I'm like..."umm...appointment for what, exactly?" And then there's another long pause and she's like "umm...don't you want to get pregnant?"

REALLY awkward pause as I consider this question.

"Ummm...that's not my primary objective. I was referred to Dr. S because I need to have an endometrioma removed..." 

"Ohhh...couldn't he do that himself?"

"Uhhh...yeah, but he wasn't comfortable doing it so he wanted a specialist..." and then I briefly tried to explain that she and I shouldn't be the ones having this conversation, that actually Dr. L and Dr. S were the ones that were supposed to be chatting and then letting me know and then...I don't know what, then.

"Ohhh...well, maybe Dr. L has tried to contact Dr. S, but he is out on vacation this week, so he hasn't been in contact yet."

Well that certainly clears things up at least a little bit.

Then she wanted to know if I wanted to schedule the New Patient consultation anyway, since I would probably have to have one of those before surgery no matter what. After another 10 minute pause from me, she was like "or maybe you'd rather wait until you talk to your doctor..." and I'm like "yeah, that's probably best."

AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD. Of COURSE the supposed only person that can do this surgery adequately works in an IVF clinic. OF COURSE HE DOES. So that I'll be pressured at every visit to do IVF. OF COURSE. 

UGGGGGHHHHHHH.